“The L Word” Recaps: Episode 5.2 “Look Out, Here They Come!”

The Planet of colliding characters — Kit and Max — who have exchanged, what, four words before this? — notice that Tina appears to be on a date.

Tina is chatting with someone who looks sorta like Cobie Smulders. (It would be great if it actually were Cobie Smulders — aka Leigh Ostin, the artist who made Angelica’s first and most lethal mobile — just to prove how small our heroines’ dating pool really is.)

Tina’s date

Bette’s former flirtation

Tina is gushing about Angelica and Bette and how much the latter hopes the former will become an artist. And I do mean gushing — I think the pride she’s taking in her kid and ex is causing extra chimples. It’s cute, but that kind of cute is a four-letter word if you’re on a first date.

Tina lists Bette’s many accomplishments.

The date: She sounds neurotic.
Tina: Oh. I mean … not in a bad way.

Depends on the day, doesn’t it? Anyway, Tina, this just ain’t no way to treat a lady.

Bridezilla Manor — Madison the bride and Abigail the maid of honor are discussing the merits of marriage. Madison claims to be getting married in order to please her father.

Madison: [innocently] Are you married, Shane?
Shane: No.
Abigail: Do you have a boyfriend?
Shane: No.
Madison: [after a nudge from Gina] Do you have a girlfriend?
Shane: Not anymore.

Asked and answered, sir! They probe further:

Gina: Does that mean you’ll never get married?
Abigail: Gay people aren’t allowed to get married, idiot.
Gina: Yeah, I know, but they can still pretend.

Aw. Not a nice way to put it, even if sometimes it feels that way.

Shane: Well, I don’t think it’s for me, but I admire people who do it. [looking pointedly at Madison] Despite why they’re doing it.

My. The Ziegfeld girls just ponder that for a moment. Judging by the looks on their faces, in about two seconds they’re going to start competing for Shane’s affections.

A bad date gets worse — Tina is still talking about Bette and Angelica when Bette walks in. Bette sees Tina and strolls over, nervously squaring her shoulders and fussing with her hair. I like it when the control freak gets her feathers ruffled, but will I ever like her hair again?

Bette says hello, and when Tina introduces her to her date (barely remembering her date’s name), it sounds like a needle scratching across a record.

Denise the date: Tina’s just told me a lot about you.

Bette invites them to join her for lunch, but Tina at least has the sense to decline. Denise, however, doesn’t want to prolong this charade any longer than necessary. And Tina’s not sad about that.

Tina: [eagerly, to Bette] I’ll be right over.

Tina suggests that she and Denise get together another time. Denise thinks maybe Tina has some things to figure out. This makes Tina arch her brow and shake her head. Does she really not know that her face is like a flashing “I love Bette” sign?