“Top Chef” Recaps: Episode 4.9 “Wedding Wars”

Quickfire: Pass
the baton knife.
Love is blind
Padmaism: “The pasta is a
little too sweet.”

Cry me a river — It’s
the morning after the night before, and Andrew and Spike are inconsolable about
the loss of Mark.

Andrew: I liked
Mark a lot. It’s going to be a little less entertaining, shall we say.

They turn to each other and, if the nightstand is any
indication, booze for comfort. Then Spike asks Andrew if he is ready to move in
together, replacing his dearly departed former roomie. Gosh, fellas, all those
late nights consoling each other while the booze flows? Hey, no judgment. What
happens in Top Chef stays in Top Chef.

Xena Warrior Chefbian
While the boys blubber over Mark, the women gird themselves for the fight
ahead. Sole remaining chefbian Lisa dons standard-issue lesbian battle attire:
Bandanna. Wrist cuff. Badass attitude. Seriously, the only thing missing is a chakram.

Antonia: This is
the first time four women have made it this far all at once. … It’s an even
playing field going into eight people.

That’s right, four women and four men remain. Lord, that’s
still a lot of chefs. Is it just me or has this season already been going for
like three years? No, just me? Fine.

G.I. Padma — Greeting
the cheftestants as they enter the Top
Kitchen are Padma and head judge Tom Colicchio. Quelle surprise. Tom’s
presence signals that something strange is afoot. Perhaps it’s that Padma has
enlisted in the Army. Be all that you can be, girl.

Padma tells them they are upping the ante. From this point
on the winner of the Quickfire will no longer receive immunity. But they will
get a “useful advantage,” whatever that means. Today, Padma and Tom
are bringing back two of the show’s all-time favorite challenges. For the first
one, the chefs divide into two teams by drawing knives marked “fork”
or “spoon.”

The teams shake out as such: Fork — Richard, Stephanie,
Antonia, Andrew; Spoon — Lisa, Dale, Nikki, Spike. Gee, talk about your luck of
the draw. Well, for the Forks anyway.

Dale: We don’t
have the strongest cooks, but capable cooks.

Capable cooks? Now that’s what I call team spirit!

The culinary Olympics
The Quickfire will have the two teams squaring off in Tom’s favorite
challenge, the mis en place relay race. The chefs will go head-to-head to
finish four consecutive tasks. First, they must peel and supreme five oranges.
Second, they must clean and turn two artichokes, leaving the stems on. Third,
they must clean and make two filets from an ugly-ass monkfish. Fourth and
finally, they must make one quart of mayonnaise.