TV

Best. Lesbian. Week. Ever. (May 16, 2008)

ELLEN AND PORTIA ANNOUNCE PLANS TO TIE THE LESBIAN KNOT; SALLY KERN PRESUMABLY NOT INVITED TO TO THE WEDDING On the heels of the ruling by the California Supreme Court yesterday that overturned the state ban on gay marriage, Ellen DeGeneres reportedly surprised the audience at the taping of her show yesterday with the announcement that she and Portia de Rossi are getting married. The audience responded with enthusiastic applause, according to sources at the taping of the episode (which airs today).

Chief Justice Ronald George wrote for the majority in a 121-page opinion, “In contrast to earlier times, our state now recognizes that an individual’s capacity to establish a loving and long-term committed relationship with another person and responsibly to care for and raise children does not depend upon the individual’s sexual orientation.”

The ruling means that as of next month, California may become the only other U.S. state besides Massachusetts in which it is legal for gay couples to get married.

I say “may” because opponents are asking the court to stay its judgment pending proposed legislation in November that would amend the state constitution to ban gay marriage.

Also on the ballot in the November election? Legislation that would ban marriage for anyone named Britney Spears or Star Jones, or anyone who meets on a reality TV dating show.

Friday morning update: watch a clip of Ellen’s announcement on her website now! (thanks to Angie5x5 for the tip!)

THIS IS ONE SWEEPS KISS I CAN GET BEHIND The Callie Torres-Erica Hahn romance we speculated about recently got kicked up a notch on last night’s episode of Grey’s Anatomy when Erica (Brooke Smith) kissed Callie (Sara Ramirez) in an elevator.

True, she supposedly kissed Torres to taunt Sloane (Eric Dane), and all the threesome talk is clearly playing to the straight audience. But it also provided good cover for the characters to flirt with each other.

Most importantly, we haven’t seen a kiss that steamy on network television since, well, I can’t remember – and Callie’s expression afterwards says she knows it, too.

Watch it for yourself: Next week is Grey‘s two-hour season finale, which will presumably answer some of our questions. Is Callie gay/bi? Is Erica? Will one of them finally cross the line and take their relationship to the next level?

Will Kate Walsh please leave her stupid, annoying spin-off and come back to Grey’s? (Alright, so I know that’s not going to happen, but Kate needs to come back to this show.)

WITH ENEMIES LIKE THESE … Out actress Saffron Burrows has been cast opposite Christian Slater in NBC’s upcoming drama series My Own Worst Enemy, which will air Mondays at 10 p.m. this fall.

Slater plays Henry, a suburban dad whose alter ego, Edward, is a spy. Burrows will play Norah, Edward’s girlfriend and Henry’s shrink. (Confused yet? Me too.)

I’m trying to think of an odder romantic pairing than Saffron Burrows and Christian Slater, but I’m not coming up with one … oh, wait! How about Saffron Burrows and James Spader on Boston Legal? That was a crime against humanity. And elevators.

SHARK ATTACKED BY BISEXUAL KILLER AE reader LostSoul tipped me off that this week’s episode of CBS’ just-canceled legal drama Shark (“One Hit Wonder”) featured a bisexual killer, just in time for sweeps! And it’s a good thing, too, because it’s been at least a month since the last bisexual killer was on TV, and I was starting to go through withdrawal.

The short version of the episode plot is this: An up-and-coming singer is murdered when she reacts negatively to the declaration of love made by her manager/mentor (played by Mรคdchen Amick), and the enraged manager kills her with her golf club. Said manager then proceeds to seduce one of the (male) prosecutors in an attempt to throw him off the track. It doesn’t work, and she’s eventually hauled off to jail. All I can say is, with all these bisexual killers running around, I feel lucky to have gotten out of my relationships with my bisexual ex-girlfriends alive!

Now, thanks to television, I know better than to turn my back on a bisexual woman, lest I get a golf club upside the head.

by Sarah Warn

ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT NO MORE Portia de Rossi is set to co-star in a new ABC comedy pilot. The as-yet untitled show is from creator Victor Fresco, the consulting producer of My Name Is Earl.

According to the Hollywood Reporter, the single-camera office comedy “centers on a moral guy trying to do right in an amoral world.” Is it just me, or does that sound a little like Earl?

No word yet on who is playing the “moral guy” or what Portia’s role will be. The “amoral world” in the show description is actually a large, faceless mega-corporation. So, fine, it’s like Earl meets The Office.

The show is slated for the fall season as a midseason replacement, so expect it sometime in 2009, but if you just can’t wait that long to see Portia back on your TV, tune into the Ellen DeGeneres Show today to see exclusive footage from Ellen’s 50th birthday bash last weekend. While Ellen’s birthday was back on Jan. 26, she postponed the party because of the writers strike.

And what a party it was. The event had more than 600 guests, a casino and carnival complete with Ferris wheel. Guests included newlyweds Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon, Ryan Seacrest, Gwen Stefani, Janet Jackson and many more. It also featured a performance by Pink and deejaying by Samantha Ronson. Damn, Ellen, way to make everyone else’s birthday parties look sad and pathetic by comparison.

HOW COME NONE OF MY TEACHERS EVER LOOKED LIKE HER? Lesbians? Boarding schools? Misguided love? Wait, wait – don’t tell me. I know this one. The combination comes together in the plot for the new period drama Cracks, which will star French beauty Eva Green as a charismatic teacher named Miss G. While the lesbian content is not confirmed in mainstream industry press, the Q Movie Blog reports that out producer Christine Vachon has signed on to help produce the project. The film is the feature debut of Jordan Scott, daughter of acclaimed filmmaker Ridley Scott (Alien, Thelma & Louise, Gladiator). Jordan describes her film, set in an elite all-girls British boarding school in the 1930s, to British newspaper the Times as:

[A tale of] misguided love and obsession. … It reminded me a lot of Lord of the Flies. It was interesting as you always see that kind of story played out among boys. You never see it presented with a group of girls.”
Well, confirmed lesbian content or not, the “misguided love and obsession” part sure pings my gaydar. Not that this territory – cough, Lost and Delirious, cough, Loving Annabelle, cough – has been covered before or anything.

Geez, what is it with the boarding school girls? As a product of the public schools system, I’m not sure if I feel lucky or cheated to have missed out on all the misguided lesbian obsession. Wait, now that I think about it, that doesn’t sound all that different.

TWO CHICKS KISSING, COURTESY OF A GUY NAMED WOODY The trailer for Woody Allen’s new film Vicky Cristina Barcelona was released this week, and it features a kiss between two its female stars, Scarlett Johansson and Penelope Cruz. In fact, it’s the red-tinted darkroom scene we told you about back in February that is supposed to “leave the audience gasping.” See for yourself:

I didn’t gasp. The kiss was too short to elicit more than a hiccup. But the quirky, wordless trailer set to a little ditty about Barcelona did make me chuckle. Woody should rename the film A Whole Lotta Kissing Going On instead. It would be more accurate.

The title refers to two American tourists, Cristina (Scarlett) and Vicky (Rebecca Hall), who meet and become involved with a Spanish painter (Javier Bardem) and his ex-girlfriend (Penelope). The film reportedly includes a threesome between Javier, Scarlett and Penelope. Um, two out of three ain’t bad?

The film premieres today at the Cannes Film Festival, so expect to hear a chorus of gasps coming from across the Atlantic.

by Dorothy Snarker

IF THEY NEVER CAME OUT, CAN THEY BREAK UP? As has been widely reported all over the internet, the National Enquirer has determined that Jodie Foster and her partner of 14 years, Cydney Bernard, are ending their relationship.

According to the Enquirer‘s source, identified as “a Hollywood insider close to the star,” their breakup has been kept a secret:

Right now it’s the best kept secret in Hollywood, and it’s not just because Jodie is a legend and an intensely private person, either. Because she and Cydney have been together for so many years and have two children together, the potential fallout and legal wrangling from this split could be monumental.
I can see the divorce lawyers salivating. Did anybody call Joyce Wischnia? As Defamer.com points out in their crassly titled post, “Is It Splitsville For Jodie Foster And Her 14-Year Roommate?,” reporting on the breakup presents a conundrum, since Foster and Bernard have never officially acknowledged that they were in a relationship to begin with. The closest Foster came to coming out was her speech at the 16th annual Women in Entertainment Power 100 breakfast last December, when she thanked “my beautiful Cydney who sticks with me through all the rotten and the bliss” when accepting

the Sherry Lansing Leadership Award.

Foster has not issued any statements regarding the status of her relationship with Bernard, so for all we know, this could be a hoax. But the Enquirer is rarely wrong. If it is true, Jodie better watch out. Remember that L Word episode in which Bette got “meat-tagged” (ugh) after breaking up with Tina? I’m pretty sure the line for those who wish to comfort Jodie stretches around the block … a few thousand times.

TWO CHICKS KISSING, COURTESY OF MEDICATION FOR WOMEN WITH OVERACTIVE BLADDERS So, did you know that there’s an internet reality show on CBS.com called InTurn (now in its third season!) that casts aspiring soap stars for a role on As the World Turns? Yeah, neither did I. Well, a recent episode featured ATWT stars Van Hansis and Jake Silbermann, who play gay couple Luke and Noah, aka “Nuke.” (Yes, there’s a gay male couple on a daytime soap! For the full scoop on Nuke, visit AfterElton.com, or read the New York Times‘ assessment of their relationship.)

Anyway, the actors behind Nuke visited InTurn and were guest judges for a challenge in which the aspiring soap stars had to perform a first-kiss scene with a fellow contestant. Only one of the three couples was an opposite-sex couple; the other two were gay. Michael Derek and Peyton Lee fumbled their way through a gay male kiss involving some bizarre frat-boy fist-bumping, while Nell Mooney and Audra Wahhab smooched with enough sincerity to win the challenge. Watch the episode here: Surprisingly, the episode was actually interesting, although I thought the kiss between the two women was pretty tame. It was cool, though, to see two straight guys talk about their on-screen relationship with such matter-of-factness, and none of the actors made any homophobic remarks. In fact, the two actors in the straight couple even said they wished they had been in a same-sex pairing because it would have evoked a sense of newness they were lacking.

Now, if only there could be a lesbian relationship on an actual daytime soap that didn’t devolve into a convoluted and messed-up story line sidetracked by rape and Zarf instead of just an online reality show.

– by Malinda Lo

GLAAD’S SAN FRANCISCO KUDOS The queerest city on earth, my hometown of San Francisco, hosted the fourth in a dazzling series of award shows for the 19th Annual GLAAD Media Awards last Saturday. Sharon Stone, being honored with the Vanguard Award for media professionals who have, in their work, increased positive visibility for the LGBT community, talked with AfterEllen.com about her decision to “play gay” back when few actors were willing to take that risk. I asked Stone what motivated her to take the role in If These Walls Could Talk 2 (2000), where she played Ellen DeGeneres‘ partner.

“I thought that it was a fantastic part and a wonderful opportunity,” said Stone. “It was very well-written and extraordinarily funny. Ellen is a great actress, and I thought that it was intelligent. Politically interesting, and a wonderful opportunity as an actor.”

The experience was eye-opening. “I didn’t know what it was like to portray a lesbian woman, and I had to learn a lot about it,” she said. “A lot of people don’t know what a gay person is. And even I, who had a lot of gay friends, certainly didn’t know what it really was to be gay. And it softened me, and it taught me a lot about what I didn’t know before.” There was a lot of buzz at the event about the wedding of Kevin and Scotty on ABC’s Brothers and Sisters, which aired the next night. I asked Stone if she felt that dramatic depictions of lesbian and gay relationships on television increased public support for LGBT equality.

“I do, and it’s in a way that is relevant and appropriate,” she said firmly. “The concept ‘to fight for your rights’ is maybe not the appropriate phrase. To stand for your rights, to be exemplary for your rights, to be intelligent for your rights, to lead a movement for your rights, to be loving for your rights – If These Walls Could Talk was a gorgeous opportunity to do all of those things. It was right after that that Vermont voted to have gay marriages, and we felt really great about that. I just feel if you can use any of these opportunities to be a living example, to have your rights reflect your own desires, this is the way to go.”

Jennifer Beals was there to present the Davidson/Valentini Award, which is given to “an openly lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender media professional who has made a significant difference in promoting equal rights for our community.” This year’s winner was L Word creator Ilene Chaiken, who was also hands down the best dressed star on the red carpet, with Beals a close second. Beals said that playing a lesbian has been a powerfully enlightening experience for her. “I wasn’t aware of gay issues before at all,” she told me. “I had no idea the LGBT community was not included in hate crime legislation, and when I found that out, it was very, very, very upsetting. I feel connected to the LGBT community by virtue of having always felt ‘other,’ so it was a natural connection. But certainly there are so many political issues that I wasn’t aware of.”

She continued: “Even when we first started the pilot, I remember sitting in a restaurant with my husband, and we were canoodling. And I realized if I had been with my girlfriend, that would have been a very big and very bold gesture. And that to me is just incredibly bizarre. I’m much more aware now.” Beals told me she believes lesbian and gay story lines on television can only help increase queer visibility and equality in the real world. “Through storytelling, everyone is linked, because everybody recognizes one another’s humanity,” she said. “One community is connected to another, and then you see the ways in which we’re similar are much more numerous than the ways in which we’re different.”

Which isn’t to say it’s all about politics. Chaiken said the next season of The L Word was going to be “good and fun, and we’re going to honor these characters.” Asked if there’d be any surprises in the next season, she said, “I hope we keep you all on your toes, and it’s fun and exciting, and we give you some fun and satisfaction, and keep you screaming in the aisles.”

Other winners and nominees of the night included filmmakers Luane Beck and Kim Clark (God and Gays): Anne Stockwell, editor of the Advocate, who accepted the award for Outstanding Magazine — Overall Coverage: I asked Stockwell what she thought about the impact of increased LGBT presence in the media. “I think it couldn’t be better,” she said. “The fact that we’re going to see tomorrow night this high profile wedding, and everybody’s talking about it. Wow. I’m sure that some people feel very threatened when they see our stories ‘normalized.’ They’re losing their effectiveness, and I’m sure they’re very sad about that.” She smiled. “But I’m not.”

by Christie Keith

IS THIS WHAT THEY MEAN BY “MAKING A BOOK DEAL WITH THE DEVIL”? According to aceshowbiz.com, reality star and internet sensation Tila Tequila is writing a memoir for publisher Scribner.

Yes, in the grand tradition of autobiographical works such as Running With Scissors, A Million Little Pieces and Call Me Crazy, Tequila will pen Hooking Up With Tila Tequila. It has a tentative release date of December 2008.

I smell a fishnet stocking—stuffer!

Perhaps best known for her adventures in dating on the MTV reality shows A Shot at Love With Tila Tequila and A Shot at Love 2 With Tila Tequila (because the first “shot” didn’t stop the itching), the bisexual actress/singer will undoubtedly face some skepticism from those who don’t fancy her a writer. In fact, when I shared the news of her memoir with our own recap master bad machine, she snorted, “Memoir? Is that tome written on a dirty cocktail napkin?”

Photo Credit: Bryan Bedder

But really, might this sort of harsh criticism be unwarranted? Tequila obviously has a serious side, as evidenced by her heartfelt support of the U.S. Campaign for Burma on her official website. And it’s not as if she’s never done any writing. Check out this excerpt from her recap of Episode 4 of Shot at Love 2:

So on Episode 4, I really started to notice Bo a lot more now. He’s really pushing hard to show me that he is there for one reason only and that reason is ME! He’s really sweet and not always causing drama like Chad or Jay. Speaking of which, as I am watching Chad’s interviews….I realize to myself “MY GOD CHAD…..YOU REALLY ARE A DOUCHE!” haha!

At this point I am pretty much getting a long much better with all of the girls, granted I am still keeping my guards up because I really don’t want to get hurt again so im really just watching everyones behavior. I think Kyle is still hot but he’s apparently become too creepy for me to handle and George is also really sweet but I wonder if he can handle me? It was a tough decision and my heart was on the line as well as others…..apparently because everyone couldn’t stop crying after elimination, including myself. I had a lot on my mind so I wanted to be alone to go over my thoughts and feelings.

Next thing you know, Jay starts s— with Bo, and then Chad gets involved. Things start to get crazy and after a while of arguing, Bo comes back out to step up to Chad and then……..KABAAAAAAAM! Bo gets knocked the f— out and that is the end of episode 4!!!!!!!!! Things are getting too crazy and emotional for me right now….each episode gets even more and more intense so don’t forget to tune in and share my experience while I try to find my shot at love!

With only a few people left…..let me know your thoughts and who you think will stay and who will go? Why do you feel this way?? Help ya girl out here! I can’t wait til next week because it’s high drama time between Lisa and myself………ah….things you must endure in the name of love! Stay tuned!

Well, I hope that Hooking Up has more mentions of female love interests (with whom she does more than “get along”) than the excerpt above. Still, I have to admit that the woman knows how to build dramatic tension and already has a definite “voice.” I think once she masters the willing suspension of disbelief (she hasn’t yet, because I’m still not buying any of it), even Oprah might be eyeing her for a spot in her book club.

WHO WANTS OUR GAY DOLLARS? According to the 2008 Prime Access/PlanetOut Gay and Lesbian Consumer Study released this week, some of the most gay-friendly brands are Bravo (home to lesbian-populated shows like Work Out and Top Chef), Apple, Showtime (The L Word), HBO, Absolut and Levi’s. The study showed that over two-thirds of gays and lesbians polled claim to be more likely to purchase from gay-friendly companies. Not surprisingly, the study also reveals that 71 percent of gay and lesbian consumers said they more impressed by companies or products that feature gay images in their advertising.

Kevyn Aiken, Vice President of Marketing, Media Sales at PlanetOut said, “Gays and lesbians have many similarities to straight people, with one pronounced difference: they’re more powerful consumers.” By this, Aiken meant that the LGBT community is among the first to discover new products and trends, and as a result our “peers” seek our “advice, opinions, and ideas.”

Of course we’ve always known that we queers set the trends for the straight world, but it’s still nice to be acknowledged.

Rounding out the bottom of the list as the least gay-friendly businesses were WalMart, Dunkin Donuts, Cracker Barrel, Exxon Mobil and Samsung. It’s truly an American tragedy when some of the best makers of both doughnuts and biscuits are pegged as unfriendly to the likes of the LGBT community (and, by default, me).

Like other gays, I’ve been known to hold a retail grudge (am I the only one still habitually rejecting Coors and Domino’s?), but I am every bit as loyal as I am bitter. So if and when AbsolutGravy hits the market, I promise they’ll have in me have a valued customer for life!

by Karman Kregloe

SALINE SOLUTION AND FITNESS WATER DON’T MIX Gatorade, the makers of Propel fitness water, announced this week they are severing sponsorship ties with Bravo’s reality show Work Out, starring lesbian fitness entrepreneur Jackie Warner, in response to audience outrage over callous quips made on the show about a client’s breasts. I guess Gatorade was OK with all the other questionable behavior on the show up until this point. In the episode, Sky Sport manager Lisa said she thought Sky Sport client Jamie Eason, a fitness model, had breasts that “looked manufactured.” Eason’s boyfriend, who had been standing just outside their door, informed them that Eason has implants because she is a breast cancer survivor. How many calories are in a foot and do they count if you put it in your mouth but don’t swallow?

Warner denies making any comments of her own, and the ensuing confrontation with Eason’s boyfriend was edited out of the show.

The now-infamous episode also showed Warner firing trainer Brian Peeler after a heated confrontation – Eason was his client – in which Brian insisted that Jackie apologize, but was shown the door instead. For all the gory details, read my recap of the episode here.

When I asked Eason for a comment, she said: “I have actually visited your site and read people’s posts and reactions to the show. Unfortunately, I can’t really comment on the situation … however, I do want to thank you for the fair and impartial coverage you’ve given so far.”

Fair and impartial snark is what we’re all about.

Both Jackie and Lisa wrote about the incident in their blogs on Bravo’s website. Lisa apologized and has since made amends with Eason and Peeler, but Warner used the forum to reiterate her innocence and talk about herself. It starts:

To clear up a couple of things: I did not make a derogatory remark about Brian Peeler’s client on camera or off-camera. The only reason he tried to bring it up to me on camera is to villanize [sic] me and set me up for something I didn’t do.
The show has, at times, come close to careening off the rails, but most of the shenanigans have been standard reality show histrionics. Mocking cancer survivors was over the line for many viewers – and also for Propel, who enjoyed prominent product placement until now. They’re not only pulling their ads; don’t expect to see those ubiquitous plastic bottles in the background at Warner’s gym in the future. Since Season 3 has already been shot, producers will have to take the remaining episodes back into post-production to remove the Propel name from all the labels. Perhaps they can replace them with “Jackie Warner’s Kool-Aid.”

IN OTHER JACKIE WARNER NEWS Despite the recent PR challenges posed by the uproar surrounding Boob-gate, parent company NBC Universal announced that Jackie will soon be available on DVD. Clear a section on your shelf next to your Tae Bo tapes – Workout: One-on-One Training With Jackie hits stores nationwide on May 20.

For those who simply can’t wait, the program, which also includes telegenic Sky Sport trainers Rebecca Cardon, Erika Jacobson and Agostina Laneri, is currently available online on Bravo’s website, and as a video-on-demand on ExerciseTV. The NBC press release describes Jackie’s “signature” fitness program as a “20-minute upper-body, lower-body and core workout routine [which] combines body toning and fat burning. Each workout consists of circuit strength & toning, which is followed by short bursts of cardiovascular exercise to pump up the heart rate.” Jackie’s legion of straight housewife fans won’t need to get off the couch to get their heart rates pumping.

Not to be outdone, AfterEllen.com is working on a fitness DVD as well, designed by our writers. The AfterEllen.com signature program will feature heart-racing exercises such as procrastinating until the eleventh hour of a deadline, and gluteal isometrics that can be done while sitting at your computer for hours at a time.

Our philosophy is that you can write 7,000-word articles and still have a butt like a bowling ball.

by Dara Nai

SHOULDN’T SHE WIN SOME TYPE OF AWARD FOR THIS? There’s really no point in asking any straight women whom they’d go gay for because the answer is always Angelina Jolie. Sure, she’s many lesbians’ first-choice celebrity crush, too, but that’s because we have good taste and have all seen Gia. But really – everyone has different types and tastes, so Angelina is becoming a boring standby for straight actresses who name her as the one female they’d french for a film.

The latest lady to name Angie as her gay-for-pay female of choice is HeroesHayden Panettiere. “If I’m going to be linked with someone, I could do an affair with Angelina Jolie, Jessica Alba or Charlize Theron,” she told The Sun. “And Kate Beckinsale is gorgeous. There are so many beautiful girls.” The original interview has been picked up by several outlets touting headlines such as, “Hayden has lesbian fantasies.” Uh, sorry folks, the more accurate headline would be “Hayden has bicurious fantasies.”

It’s also unlikely that Jolie, who is now pregnant with Brad Pitt‘s twins, would be into any kind of pseudo-lesbian action again in the near future. Panettiere, Lindsay Lohan, Eve and all the others who have cited Angelina as their so-called “lesbian fantasy” will probably have better luck elsewhere – like a new Woody Allen movie.

PATRICIA FIELD DOES COKE (BOTTLES) Whoever started the rumor that lesbians don’t know fashion doesn’t watch Sex and the City. Out fashion designer and stylist Patricia Field is the brilliant redhead behind the wardrobe of the TV show as well as for the film version, which premiered in London this week. Field isn’t limiting her design skills to clothing, though; she recently designed Coca Cola bottles for a limited-edition line available only at Selfridges, the London department store.

Field and artist Martine co-designed four bottles of Diet Coke for the City Collection, each with its own distinct color and representation: gold for career, red for passion, pink for love and turquoise for fashion. In the press release, Field said: “I love to push fashion boundaries and giving one of the most famous brands in the world a stylish new look has been fantastic. I immediately imagined glamorous glittery dresses following the feminine contours of the diet Coke bottles.”

This news has me thinking about other superficial tie-ins that lesbians could do. Maybe Suze Orman could design new dollar bills, or Sheryl Swoopes could come out with her own line of sports bras.

Better yet, how about some other lesbians get hired by corporate companies to represent things that are totally unrelated to their careers – like k.d. lang hawking lingerie. I can see a Victoria Secret product line in her future.

by Trish Bendix

BIG AND SKETCHY IN YOUR LIVING ROOM The Big Gay Sketch Show‘s second season is out on DVD with extras that include bloopers, The Big Straight Sketch Show and 10 new bonus sketches.

There are also all the funny sketches from the second season, like that hilarious fake promo for The L Word, and this sketch about a rapper named Lil’ Dyke who insists she’s not gay: There are a bunch of Celesbian Interviews on the DVD, too. Sadly, Julie Goldman and Kate McKinnon action figures are not included.

AYDANOS POR FAVOR, ESCRITORAS LESBIANAS! Frequent readers of BLWE will recall that neither Malinda nor I speak Spanish, since we both stupidly took French in high school (no offense to our French readers, it’s just not a super useful language to know in the U.S.). But now that HBO’s Spanish language series Capadocia is delivering lesbian scenes that are so hot we can’t post them here on AfterEllen.com, we are in desperate need of someone who is bilingual in Spanish and English who can watch the series and write about it for us. If you think you’re the right one for the job, please email malindalo at afterellen.com with your resume and two published clips of your writing (in English!). If you don’t have professional experience as a writer but you still think you’d do it better than anyone else, send Malinda a persuasive email telling her why you should get the gig.

BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE! Angela Robinson‘s web series Girltrash will be released in graphic novel form in May 2009, and Angela’s working on a feature film version.

ABC cancelled Cashmere Mafia. We’re shocked.

British comedians James Corden and Mathew Horne are teaming up to write Lesbian Vampire Killers, “a mix of horror and comedy [that] finds the two male leads stuck in a village where all the women have been enslaved by a vampire curse.” Just what the world needs – another lesbian vampire movie written by men.

AfterEllen.con contributing writer Rebecca Beirne‘s book Televising Queer Women: A Reader has been published by Palgrave Macmillan. Rebecca edited the volume, which includes scholarly articles about subjects ranging from Buffy the Vampire Slayer to ER, Sex and the City and The O.C.

Book packager LifeTime Media (not to be confused with the Lifetime cable channel) will be publishing a series of books by lesbian tennis legend Billie Jean King, beginning with

Pressure is a Privilege: Lessons I’ve Learned from Life and the Battle of the Sexes. It will be published in August, just in time

to mark the 35th anniversary of King’s “battle of the sexes” match against Bobby Riggs.

In case you missed it: we announced the winners of our Web Series Contest this week: B.J. Fletcher, Private Eye and Ghostella’s Haunted Tomb. Look for new episodes weekly!

The 2008 Hot 100 voting is now closed, but look for teaser blog posts each weekday between now and June 2nd when we publish the results. Thanks to all of you who voted!

No new SMMWT! on Monday (too busy counting Hot 100 resuls this weekend!), but you’ll get a new episode of What’s YOUR Problem? later today.

Save the date: The San Francisco AfterEllen.com Meet-Up will take place on the afternoon of Sunday, June 22, at a location TBD (in San Francisco, obviously!). We’ll let you know where we’ll be as soon as we can.

Attention readers in Paris and Lyon! We need suggestions on a restaurant/bar to hold the AfterEllen.com Meet-Up on June 29 (Paris) and July 4 (Lyon). Please private message Sarah with any recommendations. (Offers to help arrange the location would be much appreciated, too, since Sarah’s French is a little rusty!)

Finally, I’m looking forward to meeting some of you at the NYC AfterEllen.com Meet-Up this weekend. For those who can’t attend, don’t worry, we promise to take lots of photos and tell you all about it next week!

by Sarah Warn

That’s it for this week! Got the inside scoop on a hot new lesbian/bi actor/musician/TV show/film? Tell us at [email protected]. Check back next Friday for another edition of Best. Lesbian. Week. Ever.

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