Richard: Losing at the last second, it sucks. That is why it’s tough, too. Because you put your whole heart into it and then it doesn’t work out. The one thing that is good about this is to kind of refocus … So, the future is bright, for sure … Cut.
No matter who I was rooting for, I always feel a little bad for the losers.
But then Stephanie dances a little jig of joy and I recalibrate my cuteness scales once again.
Talking about her win, Stephanie chokes up talking about how she doubted it at some points, but now it’s a reaffirmation. Who has the Kleenex?
See, nice girls can finish first.Stephanie: This is what I’m meant to do in life.
Lisa: This whole journey has been awesome. I’m proud of the dishes I’ve done. This is what I want to do and this is what I’m always going to do.
Richard is even more disappointed; his eyes even look a little misty.
Richard: Losing at the last second, it sucks. That is why it’s tough, too. Because you put your whole heart into it and then it doesn’t work out. The one thing that is good about this is to kind of refocus … So, the future is bright, for sure … Cut.
No matter who I was rooting for, I always feel a little bad for the losers.
But then Stephanie dances a little jig of joy and I recalibrate my cuteness scales once again.
Talking about her win, Stephanie chokes up talking about how she doubted it at some points, but now it’s a reaffirmation. Who has the Kleenex?
See, nice girls can finish first.Stephanie: This is what I’m meant to do in life.
Padma: Stephanie. [six more agonizing seconds] You are Top Chef! Stephanie: What?! Really?!
God, how cute is that? Though, to be honest, she had me at the Yoda backpack. Congratulations on a well-deserved win. Finally, the person I picked to win it from the beginning wins it all. Plus having the first female Top Chef is simply awesome and about damn time.
The recently eliminated chefs – Antonia, Spike, Dale, Andrew and Nikki – all stream in to congratulate her. Lisa and Richard get congratulated by the judges as well for a battle well fought.
Lisa says she thought she had a shot to take it, but then she heard Stephanie’s name.
Lisa: This whole journey has been awesome. I’m proud of the dishes I’ve done. This is what I want to do and this is what I’m always going to do.
Richard is even more disappointed; his eyes even look a little misty.
Richard: Losing at the last second, it sucks. That is why it’s tough, too. Because you put your whole heart into it and then it doesn’t work out. The one thing that is good about this is to kind of refocus … So, the future is bright, for sure … Cut.
No matter who I was rooting for, I always feel a little bad for the losers.
But then Stephanie dances a little jig of joy and I recalibrate my cuteness scales once again.
Talking about her win, Stephanie chokes up talking about how she doubted it at some points, but now it’s a reaffirmation. Who has the Kleenex?
See, nice girls can finish first.Stephanie: This is what I’m meant to do in life.
Tom: In end, we based the decision on which meal we would go back and like to have again.
And then a seemingly agonizing 20 seconds pass as Padma pauses for dramatic effect before saying:
Padma: Stephanie. [six more agonizing seconds] You are Top Chef! Stephanie: What?! Really?!
God, how cute is that? Though, to be honest, she had me at the Yoda backpack. Congratulations on a well-deserved win. Finally, the person I picked to win it from the beginning wins it all. Plus having the first female Top Chef is simply awesome and about damn time.
The recently eliminated chefs – Antonia, Spike, Dale, Andrew and Nikki – all stream in to congratulate her. Lisa and Richard get congratulated by the judges as well for a battle well fought.
Lisa says she thought she had a shot to take it, but then she heard Stephanie’s name.
Lisa: This whole journey has been awesome. I’m proud of the dishes I’ve done. This is what I want to do and this is what I’m always going to do.
Richard is even more disappointed; his eyes even look a little misty.
Richard: Losing at the last second, it sucks. That is why it’s tough, too. Because you put your whole heart into it and then it doesn’t work out. The one thing that is good about this is to kind of refocus … So, the future is bright, for sure … Cut.
No matter who I was rooting for, I always feel a little bad for the losers.
But then Stephanie dances a little jig of joy and I recalibrate my cuteness scales once again.
Talking about her win, Stephanie chokes up talking about how she doubted it at some points, but now it’s a reaffirmation. Who has the Kleenex?
See, nice girls can finish first.Stephanie: This is what I’m meant to do in life.
Lisa: You definitely killed the first and third. And I kind of feel like I nailed the second and fourth. But I don’t know.
Just like a lesbian, always wanting to process. While she’s right on target, perhaps this is yet another thing we shouldn’t say out loud. Especially with the guy who admittedly choked sitting right next to you. Poor Richard, even his faux-hawk looks deflated.
Oh, and one more thing: “You won the f—ing bronze medal, congratulations. There you go.”
The judges’ decisions have come down to each of their preferences for the night. As the birds chirp their morning hellos, they all finally reach theirs.
You’re the top – The three finalists are called back before the judges. Tom gives them all a last bit of praise. Richard’s food is “whimsical, playful and sometimes just plain outrageous.” Lisa’s flavors are “big, bold, all about you.” Stephanie’s cooking can bring in surprises that “just wow us.”
Tom: In end, we based the decision on which meal we would go back and like to have again.
And then a seemingly agonizing 20 seconds pass as Padma pauses for dramatic effect before saying:
Padma: Stephanie. [six more agonizing seconds] You are Top Chef! Stephanie: What?! Really?!
God, how cute is that? Though, to be honest, she had me at the Yoda backpack. Congratulations on a well-deserved win. Finally, the person I picked to win it from the beginning wins it all. Plus having the first female Top Chef is simply awesome and about damn time.
The recently eliminated chefs – Antonia, Spike, Dale, Andrew and Nikki – all stream in to congratulate her. Lisa and Richard get congratulated by the judges as well for a battle well fought.
Lisa says she thought she had a shot to take it, but then she heard Stephanie’s name.
Lisa: This whole journey has been awesome. I’m proud of the dishes I’ve done. This is what I want to do and this is what I’m always going to do.
Richard is even more disappointed; his eyes even look a little misty.
Richard: Losing at the last second, it sucks. That is why it’s tough, too. Because you put your whole heart into it and then it doesn’t work out. The one thing that is good about this is to kind of refocus … So, the future is bright, for sure … Cut.
No matter who I was rooting for, I always feel a little bad for the losers.
But then Stephanie dances a little jig of joy and I recalibrate my cuteness scales once again.
Talking about her win, Stephanie chokes up talking about how she doubted it at some points, but now it’s a reaffirmation. Who has the Kleenex?
See, nice girls can finish first.Stephanie: This is what I’m meant to do in life.
Tom says, overall, they had three very good meals. To get the discussion going, he asks for a poll of who they think won each course.
First course: Ted likes Lisa’s. Gail and Tom like Stephanie’s. Second course: Tom and Gail like Lisa’s dumpling soup. Third course: They seem to all agree on Stephanie’s lamb. Fourth course: Tom and Ted like Richard’s. Gail and Padma like Lisa’s.
The one thing they seemingly all agree on is that Stephanie’s dessert sucked. And thus begins the long process of agreeing on the rest.
Back in the Stew Room, Lisa is breaking down their performances to Stephanie.
Lisa: You definitely killed the first and third. And I kind of feel like I nailed the second and fourth. But I don’t know.
Just like a lesbian, always wanting to process. While she’s right on target, perhaps this is yet another thing we shouldn’t say out loud. Especially with the guy who admittedly choked sitting right next to you. Poor Richard, even his faux-hawk looks deflated.
Oh, and one more thing: “You won the f—ing bronze medal, congratulations. There you go.”
The judges’ decisions have come down to each of their preferences for the night. As the birds chirp their morning hellos, they all finally reach theirs.
You’re the top – The three finalists are called back before the judges. Tom gives them all a last bit of praise. Richard’s food is “whimsical, playful and sometimes just plain outrageous.” Lisa’s flavors are “big, bold, all about you.” Stephanie’s cooking can bring in surprises that “just wow us.”
Tom: In end, we based the decision on which meal we would go back and like to have again.
And then a seemingly agonizing 20 seconds pass as Padma pauses for dramatic effect before saying:
Padma: Stephanie. [six more agonizing seconds] You are Top Chef! Stephanie: What?! Really?!
God, how cute is that? Though, to be honest, she had me at the Yoda backpack. Congratulations on a well-deserved win. Finally, the person I picked to win it from the beginning wins it all. Plus having the first female Top Chef is simply awesome and about damn time.
The recently eliminated chefs – Antonia, Spike, Dale, Andrew and Nikki – all stream in to congratulate her. Lisa and Richard get congratulated by the judges as well for a battle well fought.
Lisa says she thought she had a shot to take it, but then she heard Stephanie’s name.
Lisa: This whole journey has been awesome. I’m proud of the dishes I’ve done. This is what I want to do and this is what I’m always going to do.
Richard is even more disappointed; his eyes even look a little misty.
Richard: Losing at the last second, it sucks. That is why it’s tough, too. Because you put your whole heart into it and then it doesn’t work out. The one thing that is good about this is to kind of refocus … So, the future is bright, for sure … Cut.
No matter who I was rooting for, I always feel a little bad for the losers.
But then Stephanie dances a little jig of joy and I recalibrate my cuteness scales once again.
Talking about her win, Stephanie chokes up talking about how she doubted it at some points, but now it’s a reaffirmation. Who has the Kleenex?
See, nice girls can finish first.Stephanie: This is what I’m meant to do in life.
Stephanie: It’s just funny, when I was working with Dale, the number one thing he said to me was “Don’t second-guess yourself.” And the dish that I fell short on tonight, the dessert, was me second-guessing myself. But I think that I’ll be able to take this and learn, and I think that I just am what a Top Chef should be. Lisa: I feel very strongly about the menu that I provided you guys with tonight. I am very confident that you’ll be like, “She deserves this win, she deserves to be Top Chef. She’s got the qualities.” Richard: Yeah, sure, I’ll say it. I mean, I feel like I choked a little bit.
Oh, Richard. I can’t tell if you are being incredibly honest or incredibly stupid. I suspect it’s a bit of both.
He says he thinks he overthought the meal and is at his best when he doesn’t think. That’s putting a whole lot of thought into levels of thought. Then he calls the meal not his top performance on the show.
So, how about that two-woman race between Stephanie and Lisa, eh?
The decision of a lifetime – After the chefs are sent back to the Stew Room, the four judges are left to ponder what just happened. Gail says she was shocked by Richard’s admission.
But then she also says he wanted to make sure that the judges know that he is capable of better.
Tom says, overall, they had three very good meals. To get the discussion going, he asks for a poll of who they think won each course.
First course: Ted likes Lisa’s. Gail and Tom like Stephanie’s. Second course: Tom and Gail like Lisa’s dumpling soup. Third course: They seem to all agree on Stephanie’s lamb. Fourth course: Tom and Ted like Richard’s. Gail and Padma like Lisa’s.
The one thing they seemingly all agree on is that Stephanie’s dessert sucked. And thus begins the long process of agreeing on the rest.
Back in the Stew Room, Lisa is breaking down their performances to Stephanie.
Lisa: You definitely killed the first and third. And I kind of feel like I nailed the second and fourth. But I don’t know.
Just like a lesbian, always wanting to process. While she’s right on target, perhaps this is yet another thing we shouldn’t say out loud. Especially with the guy who admittedly choked sitting right next to you. Poor Richard, even his faux-hawk looks deflated.
Oh, and one more thing: “You won the f—ing bronze medal, congratulations. There you go.”
The judges’ decisions have come down to each of their preferences for the night. As the birds chirp their morning hellos, they all finally reach theirs.
You’re the top – The three finalists are called back before the judges. Tom gives them all a last bit of praise. Richard’s food is “whimsical, playful and sometimes just plain outrageous.” Lisa’s flavors are “big, bold, all about you.” Stephanie’s cooking can bring in surprises that “just wow us.”
Tom: In end, we based the decision on which meal we would go back and like to have again.
And then a seemingly agonizing 20 seconds pass as Padma pauses for dramatic effect before saying:
Padma: Stephanie. [six more agonizing seconds] You are Top Chef! Stephanie: What?! Really?!
God, how cute is that? Though, to be honest, she had me at the Yoda backpack. Congratulations on a well-deserved win. Finally, the person I picked to win it from the beginning wins it all. Plus having the first female Top Chef is simply awesome and about damn time.
The recently eliminated chefs – Antonia, Spike, Dale, Andrew and Nikki – all stream in to congratulate her. Lisa and Richard get congratulated by the judges as well for a battle well fought.
Lisa says she thought she had a shot to take it, but then she heard Stephanie’s name.
Lisa: This whole journey has been awesome. I’m proud of the dishes I’ve done. This is what I want to do and this is what I’m always going to do.
Richard is even more disappointed; his eyes even look a little misty.
Richard: Losing at the last second, it sucks. That is why it’s tough, too. Because you put your whole heart into it and then it doesn’t work out. The one thing that is good about this is to kind of refocus … So, the future is bright, for sure … Cut.
No matter who I was rooting for, I always feel a little bad for the losers.
But then Stephanie dances a little jig of joy and I recalibrate my cuteness scales once again.
Talking about her win, Stephanie chokes up talking about how she doubted it at some points, but now it’s a reaffirmation. Who has the Kleenex?
See, nice girls can finish first.Stephanie: This is what I’m meant to do in life.
Tom then calls Lisa’s Wagyu beef third course undercooked. He says Kobe beef is different than American beef. If it’s not cooked enough, the fats don’t melt and instead make it chewy. Wow, I just learned something useful. Well, that is, if I could ever afford to buy Kobe beef.
Stephanie’s lamb third course turns her frown upside down. In fact, she does a little “Woo hoo!” about how well the lamb came out. Could she get any cuter? Answer: no.
Ted calls the dish “one of the more creative things that happened all night.” Tom calls it “full of surprises” and thanks her.
Just desserts – And then there’s nothing left but the sweet stuff to talk about. Richard says he made the dish because he eats a banana every day for breakfast. Tom says it worked, but Padma reminds Richard that he also won the dessert challenge with the banana scallops. He says yes, but a “different variation.” Three times is three times, bro.
Padma is all anxious to talk about Lisa’s dessert. After she explains the flavors, Padma is quick to call it “delicious.” That after Padma called Lisa’s mango sticky rice dessert back in “Restaurant Wars” “appalling.” Rice vindication accomplished.
Padma asks Stephanie if she was happy with her dessert. She says she was happy with the flavors, but the banana cream was something she was trying out for saltiness. Tom says he had problems with it, specifically the banana cream, which was “a miss.”
The defense rests – Before she lets them go to deliberate, Padma asks the chefs if they have any last words. The camera pans dramatically back and forth. Who will break the silence? Who will plead his/her case first? Stephanie. Wow, she is full of surprises, isn’t she?
Stephanie: It’s just funny, when I was working with Dale, the number one thing he said to me was “Don’t second-guess yourself.” And the dish that I fell short on tonight, the dessert, was me second-guessing myself. But I think that I’ll be able to take this and learn, and I think that I just am what a Top Chef should be. Lisa: I feel very strongly about the menu that I provided you guys with tonight. I am very confident that you’ll be like, “She deserves this win, she deserves to be Top Chef. She’s got the qualities.” Richard: Yeah, sure, I’ll say it. I mean, I feel like I choked a little bit.
Oh, Richard. I can’t tell if you are being incredibly honest or incredibly stupid. I suspect it’s a bit of both.
He says he thinks he overthought the meal and is at his best when he doesn’t think. That’s putting a whole lot of thought into levels of thought. Then he calls the meal not his top performance on the show.
So, how about that two-woman race between Stephanie and Lisa, eh?
The decision of a lifetime – After the chefs are sent back to the Stew Room, the four judges are left to ponder what just happened. Gail says she was shocked by Richard’s admission.
But then she also says he wanted to make sure that the judges know that he is capable of better.
Tom says, overall, they had three very good meals. To get the discussion going, he asks for a poll of who they think won each course.
First course: Ted likes Lisa’s. Gail and Tom like Stephanie’s. Second course: Tom and Gail like Lisa’s dumpling soup. Third course: They seem to all agree on Stephanie’s lamb. Fourth course: Tom and Ted like Richard’s. Gail and Padma like Lisa’s.
The one thing they seemingly all agree on is that Stephanie’s dessert sucked. And thus begins the long process of agreeing on the rest.
Back in the Stew Room, Lisa is breaking down their performances to Stephanie.
Lisa: You definitely killed the first and third. And I kind of feel like I nailed the second and fourth. But I don’t know.
Just like a lesbian, always wanting to process. While she’s right on target, perhaps this is yet another thing we shouldn’t say out loud. Especially with the guy who admittedly choked sitting right next to you. Poor Richard, even his faux-hawk looks deflated.
Oh, and one more thing: “You won the f—ing bronze medal, congratulations. There you go.”
The judges’ decisions have come down to each of their preferences for the night. As the birds chirp their morning hellos, they all finally reach theirs.
You’re the top – The three finalists are called back before the judges. Tom gives them all a last bit of praise. Richard’s food is “whimsical, playful and sometimes just plain outrageous.” Lisa’s flavors are “big, bold, all about you.” Stephanie’s cooking can bring in surprises that “just wow us.”
Tom: In end, we based the decision on which meal we would go back and like to have again.
And then a seemingly agonizing 20 seconds pass as Padma pauses for dramatic effect before saying:
Padma: Stephanie. [six more agonizing seconds] You are Top Chef! Stephanie: What?! Really?!
God, how cute is that? Though, to be honest, she had me at the Yoda backpack. Congratulations on a well-deserved win. Finally, the person I picked to win it from the beginning wins it all. Plus having the first female Top Chef is simply awesome and about damn time.
The recently eliminated chefs – Antonia, Spike, Dale, Andrew and Nikki – all stream in to congratulate her. Lisa and Richard get congratulated by the judges as well for a battle well fought.
Lisa says she thought she had a shot to take it, but then she heard Stephanie’s name.
Lisa: This whole journey has been awesome. I’m proud of the dishes I’ve done. This is what I want to do and this is what I’m always going to do.
Richard is even more disappointed; his eyes even look a little misty.
Richard: Losing at the last second, it sucks. That is why it’s tough, too. Because you put your whole heart into it and then it doesn’t work out. The one thing that is good about this is to kind of refocus … So, the future is bright, for sure … Cut.
No matter who I was rooting for, I always feel a little bad for the losers.
But then Stephanie dances a little jig of joy and I recalibrate my cuteness scales once again.
Talking about her win, Stephanie chokes up talking about how she doubted it at some points, but now it’s a reaffirmation. Who has the Kleenex?
See, nice girls can finish first.Stephanie: This is what I’m meant to do in life.
Tom then calls Lisa’s Wagyu beef third course undercooked. He says Kobe beef is different than American beef. If it’s not cooked enough, the fats don’t melt and instead make it chewy. Wow, I just learned something useful. Well, that is, if I could ever afford to buy Kobe beef.
Stephanie’s lamb third course turns her frown upside down. In fact, she does a little “Woo hoo!” about how well the lamb came out. Could she get any cuter? Answer: no.
Ted calls the dish “one of the more creative things that happened all night.” Tom calls it “full of surprises” and thanks her.
Just desserts – And then there’s nothing left but the sweet stuff to talk about. Richard says he made the dish because he eats a banana every day for breakfast. Tom says it worked, but Padma reminds Richard that he also won the dessert challenge with the banana scallops. He says yes, but a “different variation.” Three times is three times, bro.
Padma is all anxious to talk about Lisa’s dessert. After she explains the flavors, Padma is quick to call it “delicious.” That after Padma called Lisa’s mango sticky rice dessert back in “Restaurant Wars” “appalling.” Rice vindication accomplished.
Padma asks Stephanie if she was happy with her dessert. She says she was happy with the flavors, but the banana cream was something she was trying out for saltiness. Tom says he had problems with it, specifically the banana cream, which was “a miss.”
The defense rests – Before she lets them go to deliberate, Padma asks the chefs if they have any last words. The camera pans dramatically back and forth. Who will break the silence? Who will plead his/her case first? Stephanie. Wow, she is full of surprises, isn’t she?
Stephanie: It’s just funny, when I was working with Dale, the number one thing he said to me was “Don’t second-guess yourself.” And the dish that I fell short on tonight, the dessert, was me second-guessing myself. But I think that I’ll be able to take this and learn, and I think that I just am what a Top Chef should be. Lisa: I feel very strongly about the menu that I provided you guys with tonight. I am very confident that you’ll be like, “She deserves this win, she deserves to be Top Chef. She’s got the qualities.” Richard: Yeah, sure, I’ll say it. I mean, I feel like I choked a little bit.
Oh, Richard. I can’t tell if you are being incredibly honest or incredibly stupid. I suspect it’s a bit of both.
He says he thinks he overthought the meal and is at his best when he doesn’t think. That’s putting a whole lot of thought into levels of thought. Then he calls the meal not his top performance on the show.
So, how about that two-woman race between Stephanie and Lisa, eh?
The decision of a lifetime – After the chefs are sent back to the Stew Room, the four judges are left to ponder what just happened. Gail says she was shocked by Richard’s admission.
But then she also says he wanted to make sure that the judges know that he is capable of better.
Tom says, overall, they had three very good meals. To get the discussion going, he asks for a poll of who they think won each course.
First course: Ted likes Lisa’s. Gail and Tom like Stephanie’s. Second course: Tom and Gail like Lisa’s dumpling soup. Third course: They seem to all agree on Stephanie’s lamb. Fourth course: Tom and Ted like Richard’s. Gail and Padma like Lisa’s.
The one thing they seemingly all agree on is that Stephanie’s dessert sucked. And thus begins the long process of agreeing on the rest.
Back in the Stew Room, Lisa is breaking down their performances to Stephanie.
Lisa: You definitely killed the first and third. And I kind of feel like I nailed the second and fourth. But I don’t know.
Just like a lesbian, always wanting to process. While she’s right on target, perhaps this is yet another thing we shouldn’t say out loud. Especially with the guy who admittedly choked sitting right next to you. Poor Richard, even his faux-hawk looks deflated.
Oh, and one more thing: “You won the f—ing bronze medal, congratulations. There you go.”
The judges’ decisions have come down to each of their preferences for the night. As the birds chirp their morning hellos, they all finally reach theirs.
You’re the top – The three finalists are called back before the judges. Tom gives them all a last bit of praise. Richard’s food is “whimsical, playful and sometimes just plain outrageous.” Lisa’s flavors are “big, bold, all about you.” Stephanie’s cooking can bring in surprises that “just wow us.”
Tom: In end, we based the decision on which meal we would go back and like to have again.
And then a seemingly agonizing 20 seconds pass as Padma pauses for dramatic effect before saying:
Padma: Stephanie. [six more agonizing seconds] You are Top Chef! Stephanie: What?! Really?!
God, how cute is that? Though, to be honest, she had me at the Yoda backpack. Congratulations on a well-deserved win. Finally, the person I picked to win it from the beginning wins it all. Plus having the first female Top Chef is simply awesome and about damn time.
The recently eliminated chefs – Antonia, Spike, Dale, Andrew and Nikki – all stream in to congratulate her. Lisa and Richard get congratulated by the judges as well for a battle well fought.
Lisa says she thought she had a shot to take it, but then she heard Stephanie’s name.
Lisa: This whole journey has been awesome. I’m proud of the dishes I’ve done. This is what I want to do and this is what I’m always going to do.
Richard is even more disappointed; his eyes even look a little misty.
Richard: Losing at the last second, it sucks. That is why it’s tough, too. Because you put your whole heart into it and then it doesn’t work out. The one thing that is good about this is to kind of refocus … So, the future is bright, for sure … Cut.
No matter who I was rooting for, I always feel a little bad for the losers.
But then Stephanie dances a little jig of joy and I recalibrate my cuteness scales once again.
Talking about her win, Stephanie chokes up talking about how she doubted it at some points, but now it’s a reaffirmation. Who has the Kleenex?
See, nice girls can finish first.Stephanie: This is what I’m meant to do in life.
Tom: [Richard is] more intellectual, out there. Lisa is sort of sticking true to herself and what she likes to eat and what she likes to cook. And Stephanie tends to have more of a homey spin on things. And I think we have a very strong contrast of styles and of flavors, and I think it is going to be a very interesting Judges’ Table.
The cheftestants come back out to applause.
I like that. I think more people should clap at the end of a good meal. Of course that would mean conversely that people would boo at the end of a bad meal. I guess that would make for a pretty noisy dining area.
Despite the applause, Richard and his non-poker face tell a different story.
First things first – Padma, Tom, Gail and Ted arrive for Judges’ Table. Padma is all aglow about the meal. No, seriously, she is glowing.
Who else is glowing? Lisa. On the walk up to Judge’s Table she is all smiles – smiling, relaxed, friendly. Who is this and what have Bravo editors done with this season’s supposed villain?
The chefs are asked to explain their choices course by course. They start with Richard. He says a first course should be an explosion of flavor that wakes up the palate. Padma says some of them thought it lacked seasoning.
Tom then wants to know if Lisa meant her first course to be so “hot” and “assertive.”
Lisa: You guys have been telling me, you know, “We want to see you in the cooking.” And clearly I’m a “spicy” kind of person.
Who says lesbians don’t have a sense of humor?
Stephanie says her first course was meant to be springy, and the judges spring to praise it. Gail calls it “beautifully presented” and Padma calls it “lovely.”
Anyone for seconds? – For the second course, Richard says if he could change anything, he might leave off the foie gras. Gail says the dish was muddled and the flavors lost their integrity.
Better not tell the conservatives about his integrity-less flavors. They’ll argue that once flavors lose their integrity, it’s a slippery slope. After that it’s only a matter of time before you see same-flavor marriages, and that will destroy the very fabric of our nation itself, namely opposite-flavor marriages.
Why, yes, I do like to stretch my metaphors. Why do you ask?
Lisa’s second course soup is called slurp-worthy. Ted says the flavors “blew everyone away.”
Again with the big smiles. Geez, why won’t you subscribe to your ascribed role as this season’s Big Bad Lesbian? This smiling is confusing millions of viewers at home.
Stephanie’s second course is praised all around, but – and it’s a big but – then there were those leeks. Tom says he doesn’t know what they were doing there, and they weren’t cooked. As Stephanie learned her leeks were crunchy, the look on her face can only be described as abject horror.
Third time is the charm – Onto the third course, and Ted asks Richard if he had considered making his pork belly crispier. Richard says he would have lost the integrity of the meat by crisping the fat. Again with integrity-less flavors. Do no flavors have strong moral values anymore? Tom blinks and stares. This is the most blinking and staring Richard has encountered all season.
Tom then calls Lisa’s Wagyu beef third course undercooked. He says Kobe beef is different than American beef. If it’s not cooked enough, the fats don’t melt and instead make it chewy. Wow, I just learned something useful. Well, that is, if I could ever afford to buy Kobe beef.
Stephanie’s lamb third course turns her frown upside down. In fact, she does a little “Woo hoo!” about how well the lamb came out. Could she get any cuter? Answer: no.
Ted calls the dish “one of the more creative things that happened all night.” Tom calls it “full of surprises” and thanks her.
Just desserts – And then there’s nothing left but the sweet stuff to talk about. Richard says he made the dish because he eats a banana every day for breakfast. Tom says it worked, but Padma reminds Richard that he also won the dessert challenge with the banana scallops. He says yes, but a “different variation.” Three times is three times, bro.
Padma is all anxious to talk about Lisa’s dessert. After she explains the flavors, Padma is quick to call it “delicious.” That after Padma called Lisa’s mango sticky rice dessert back in “Restaurant Wars” “appalling.” Rice vindication accomplished.
Padma asks Stephanie if she was happy with her dessert. She says she was happy with the flavors, but the banana cream was something she was trying out for saltiness. Tom says he had problems with it, specifically the banana cream, which was “a miss.”
The defense rests – Before she lets them go to deliberate, Padma asks the chefs if they have any last words. The camera pans dramatically back and forth. Who will break the silence? Who will plead his/her case first? Stephanie. Wow, she is full of surprises, isn’t she?
Stephanie: It’s just funny, when I was working with Dale, the number one thing he said to me was “Don’t second-guess yourself.” And the dish that I fell short on tonight, the dessert, was me second-guessing myself. But I think that I’ll be able to take this and learn, and I think that I just am what a Top Chef should be. Lisa: I feel very strongly about the menu that I provided you guys with tonight. I am very confident that you’ll be like, “She deserves this win, she deserves to be Top Chef. She’s got the qualities.” Richard: Yeah, sure, I’ll say it. I mean, I feel like I choked a little bit.
Oh, Richard. I can’t tell if you are being incredibly honest or incredibly stupid. I suspect it’s a bit of both.
He says he thinks he overthought the meal and is at his best when he doesn’t think. That’s putting a whole lot of thought into levels of thought. Then he calls the meal not his top performance on the show.
So, how about that two-woman race between Stephanie and Lisa, eh?
The decision of a lifetime – After the chefs are sent back to the Stew Room, the four judges are left to ponder what just happened. Gail says she was shocked by Richard’s admission.
But then she also says he wanted to make sure that the judges know that he is capable of better.
Tom says, overall, they had three very good meals. To get the discussion going, he asks for a poll of who they think won each course.
First course: Ted likes Lisa’s. Gail and Tom like Stephanie’s. Second course: Tom and Gail like Lisa’s dumpling soup. Third course: They seem to all agree on Stephanie’s lamb. Fourth course: Tom and Ted like Richard’s. Gail and Padma like Lisa’s.
The one thing they seemingly all agree on is that Stephanie’s dessert sucked. And thus begins the long process of agreeing on the rest.
Back in the Stew Room, Lisa is breaking down their performances to Stephanie.
Lisa: You definitely killed the first and third. And I kind of feel like I nailed the second and fourth. But I don’t know.
Just like a lesbian, always wanting to process. While she’s right on target, perhaps this is yet another thing we shouldn’t say out loud. Especially with the guy who admittedly choked sitting right next to you. Poor Richard, even his faux-hawk looks deflated.
Oh, and one more thing: “You won the f—ing bronze medal, congratulations. There you go.”
The judges’ decisions have come down to each of their preferences for the night. As the birds chirp their morning hellos, they all finally reach theirs.
You’re the top – The three finalists are called back before the judges. Tom gives them all a last bit of praise. Richard’s food is “whimsical, playful and sometimes just plain outrageous.” Lisa’s flavors are “big, bold, all about you.” Stephanie’s cooking can bring in surprises that “just wow us.”
Tom: In end, we based the decision on which meal we would go back and like to have again.
And then a seemingly agonizing 20 seconds pass as Padma pauses for dramatic effect before saying:
Padma: Stephanie. [six more agonizing seconds] You are Top Chef! Stephanie: What?! Really?!
God, how cute is that? Though, to be honest, she had me at the Yoda backpack. Congratulations on a well-deserved win. Finally, the person I picked to win it from the beginning wins it all. Plus having the first female Top Chef is simply awesome and about damn time.
The recently eliminated chefs – Antonia, Spike, Dale, Andrew and Nikki – all stream in to congratulate her. Lisa and Richard get congratulated by the judges as well for a battle well fought.
Lisa says she thought she had a shot to take it, but then she heard Stephanie’s name.
Lisa: This whole journey has been awesome. I’m proud of the dishes I’ve done. This is what I want to do and this is what I’m always going to do.
Richard is even more disappointed; his eyes even look a little misty.
Richard: Losing at the last second, it sucks. That is why it’s tough, too. Because you put your whole heart into it and then it doesn’t work out. The one thing that is good about this is to kind of refocus … So, the future is bright, for sure … Cut.
No matter who I was rooting for, I always feel a little bad for the losers.
But then Stephanie dances a little jig of joy and I recalibrate my cuteness scales once again.
Talking about her win, Stephanie chokes up talking about how she doubted it at some points, but now it’s a reaffirmation. Who has the Kleenex?
See, nice girls can finish first.Stephanie: This is what I’m meant to do in life.
Tom: Richard’s dish just needs work. Lisa’s dish is just pedestrian. Stephanie’s is full of surprises and it works.
And, finally, dessert. Lisa’s black Thai rice pudding, Stephanie’s ricotta pound cake with tropical fruit, and Richard’s banana scallop with bacon ice cream all try to satisfy the judges’ sweet teeth.
Now, normally, I am in favor of anything and everything with bacon. But I may just have to draw the line at ice cream. On looks alone, I give it to Lisa. It’s just pretty.
And, what do you know, maybe you can judge a dessert by its cover. Lisa’s rice pudding is called “exciting” and “wonderful.” Richard’s banana/bacon-dish is called “playful,” but Eric says one needs to focus on flavors before contemplating playtime. Stephanie’s cake is deemed “nothing special” and “unrefined.”
Thanks for the grub – The chefs compare notes after the meal is over. Gail thinks they’ve all won. Aww, what a softie. But leave it to Tom to bring the perspective.
Tom: [Richard is] more intellectual, out there. Lisa is sort of sticking true to herself and what she likes to eat and what she likes to cook. And Stephanie tends to have more of a homey spin on things. And I think we have a very strong contrast of styles and of flavors, and I think it is going to be a very interesting Judges’ Table.
The cheftestants come back out to applause.
I like that. I think more people should clap at the end of a good meal. Of course that would mean conversely that people would boo at the end of a bad meal. I guess that would make for a pretty noisy dining area.
Despite the applause, Richard and his non-poker face tell a different story.
First things first – Padma, Tom, Gail and Ted arrive for Judges’ Table. Padma is all aglow about the meal. No, seriously, she is glowing.
Who else is glowing? Lisa. On the walk up to Judge’s Table she is all smiles – smiling, relaxed, friendly. Who is this and what have Bravo editors done with this season’s supposed villain?
The chefs are asked to explain their choices course by course. They start with Richard. He says a first course should be an explosion of flavor that wakes up the palate. Padma says some of them thought it lacked seasoning.
Tom then wants to know if Lisa meant her first course to be so “hot” and “assertive.”
Lisa: You guys have been telling me, you know, “We want to see you in the cooking.” And clearly I’m a “spicy” kind of person.
Who says lesbians don’t have a sense of humor?
Stephanie says her first course was meant to be springy, and the judges spring to praise it. Gail calls it “beautifully presented” and Padma calls it “lovely.”
Anyone for seconds? – For the second course, Richard says if he could change anything, he might leave off the foie gras. Gail says the dish was muddled and the flavors lost their integrity.
Better not tell the conservatives about his integrity-less flavors. They’ll argue that once flavors lose their integrity, it’s a slippery slope. After that it’s only a matter of time before you see same-flavor marriages, and that will destroy the very fabric of our nation itself, namely opposite-flavor marriages.
Why, yes, I do like to stretch my metaphors. Why do you ask?
Lisa’s second course soup is called slurp-worthy. Ted says the flavors “blew everyone away.”
Again with the big smiles. Geez, why won’t you subscribe to your ascribed role as this season’s Big Bad Lesbian? This smiling is confusing millions of viewers at home.
Stephanie’s second course is praised all around, but – and it’s a big but – then there were those leeks. Tom says he doesn’t know what they were doing there, and they weren’t cooked. As Stephanie learned her leeks were crunchy, the look on her face can only be described as abject horror.
Third time is the charm – Onto the third course, and Ted asks Richard if he had considered making his pork belly crispier. Richard says he would have lost the integrity of the meat by crisping the fat. Again with integrity-less flavors. Do no flavors have strong moral values anymore? Tom blinks and stares. This is the most blinking and staring Richard has encountered all season.
Tom then calls Lisa’s Wagyu beef third course undercooked. He says Kobe beef is different than American beef. If it’s not cooked enough, the fats don’t melt and instead make it chewy. Wow, I just learned something useful. Well, that is, if I could ever afford to buy Kobe beef.
Stephanie’s lamb third course turns her frown upside down. In fact, she does a little “Woo hoo!” about how well the lamb came out. Could she get any cuter? Answer: no.
Ted calls the dish “one of the more creative things that happened all night.” Tom calls it “full of surprises” and thanks her.
Just desserts – And then there’s nothing left but the sweet stuff to talk about. Richard says he made the dish because he eats a banana every day for breakfast. Tom says it worked, but Padma reminds Richard that he also won the dessert challenge with the banana scallops. He says yes, but a “different variation.” Three times is three times, bro.
Padma is all anxious to talk about Lisa’s dessert. After she explains the flavors, Padma is quick to call it “delicious.” That after Padma called Lisa’s mango sticky rice dessert back in “Restaurant Wars” “appalling.” Rice vindication accomplished.
Padma asks Stephanie if she was happy with her dessert. She says she was happy with the flavors, but the banana cream was something she was trying out for saltiness. Tom says he had problems with it, specifically the banana cream, which was “a miss.”
The defense rests – Before she lets them go to deliberate, Padma asks the chefs if they have any last words. The camera pans dramatically back and forth. Who will break the silence? Who will plead his/her case first? Stephanie. Wow, she is full of surprises, isn’t she?
Stephanie: It’s just funny, when I was working with Dale, the number one thing he said to me was “Don’t second-guess yourself.” And the dish that I fell short on tonight, the dessert, was me second-guessing myself. But I think that I’ll be able to take this and learn, and I think that I just am what a Top Chef should be. Lisa: I feel very strongly about the menu that I provided you guys with tonight. I am very confident that you’ll be like, “She deserves this win, she deserves to be Top Chef. She’s got the qualities.” Richard: Yeah, sure, I’ll say it. I mean, I feel like I choked a little bit.
Oh, Richard. I can’t tell if you are being incredibly honest or incredibly stupid. I suspect it’s a bit of both.
He says he thinks he overthought the meal and is at his best when he doesn’t think. That’s putting a whole lot of thought into levels of thought. Then he calls the meal not his top performance on the show.
So, how about that two-woman race between Stephanie and Lisa, eh?
The decision of a lifetime – After the chefs are sent back to the Stew Room, the four judges are left to ponder what just happened. Gail says she was shocked by Richard’s admission.
But then she also says he wanted to make sure that the judges know that he is capable of better.
Tom says, overall, they had three very good meals. To get the discussion going, he asks for a poll of who they think won each course.
First course: Ted likes Lisa’s. Gail and Tom like Stephanie’s. Second course: Tom and Gail like Lisa’s dumpling soup. Third course: They seem to all agree on Stephanie’s lamb. Fourth course: Tom and Ted like Richard’s. Gail and Padma like Lisa’s.
The one thing they seemingly all agree on is that Stephanie’s dessert sucked. And thus begins the long process of agreeing on the rest.
Back in the Stew Room, Lisa is breaking down their performances to Stephanie.
Lisa: You definitely killed the first and third. And I kind of feel like I nailed the second and fourth. But I don’t know.
Just like a lesbian, always wanting to process. While she’s right on target, perhaps this is yet another thing we shouldn’t say out loud. Especially with the guy who admittedly choked sitting right next to you. Poor Richard, even his faux-hawk looks deflated.
Oh, and one more thing: “You won the f—ing bronze medal, congratulations. There you go.”
The judges’ decisions have come down to each of their preferences for the night. As the birds chirp their morning hellos, they all finally reach theirs.
You’re the top – The three finalists are called back before the judges. Tom gives them all a last bit of praise. Richard’s food is “whimsical, playful and sometimes just plain outrageous.” Lisa’s flavors are “big, bold, all about you.” Stephanie’s cooking can bring in surprises that “just wow us.”
Tom: In end, we based the decision on which meal we would go back and like to have again.
And then a seemingly agonizing 20 seconds pass as Padma pauses for dramatic effect before saying:
Padma: Stephanie. [six more agonizing seconds] You are Top Chef! Stephanie: What?! Really?!
God, how cute is that? Though, to be honest, she had me at the Yoda backpack. Congratulations on a well-deserved win. Finally, the person I picked to win it from the beginning wins it all. Plus having the first female Top Chef is simply awesome and about damn time.
The recently eliminated chefs – Antonia, Spike, Dale, Andrew and Nikki – all stream in to congratulate her. Lisa and Richard get congratulated by the judges as well for a battle well fought.
Lisa says she thought she had a shot to take it, but then she heard Stephanie’s name.
Lisa: This whole journey has been awesome. I’m proud of the dishes I’ve done. This is what I want to do and this is what I’m always going to do.
Richard is even more disappointed; his eyes even look a little misty.
Richard: Losing at the last second, it sucks. That is why it’s tough, too. Because you put your whole heart into it and then it doesn’t work out. The one thing that is good about this is to kind of refocus … So, the future is bright, for sure … Cut.
No matter who I was rooting for, I always feel a little bad for the losers.
But then Stephanie dances a little jig of joy and I recalibrate my cuteness scales once again.
Talking about her win, Stephanie chokes up talking about how she doubted it at some points, but now it’s a reaffirmation. Who has the Kleenex?
See, nice girls can finish first.Stephanie: This is what I’m meant to do in life.
Padma: Did you do that, April? Because the knife skills are pretty good in that. April: I didn’t do that at all.
Wait, Padma, was that a mini slam on Lisa’s knife skills?
But it’s Stephanie’s dish that gets the big love. And it’s surprised them all, in a very good way.
Tom: Richard’s dish just needs work. Lisa’s dish is just pedestrian. Stephanie’s is full of surprises and it works.
And, finally, dessert. Lisa’s black Thai rice pudding, Stephanie’s ricotta pound cake with tropical fruit, and Richard’s banana scallop with bacon ice cream all try to satisfy the judges’ sweet teeth.
Now, normally, I am in favor of anything and everything with bacon. But I may just have to draw the line at ice cream. On looks alone, I give it to Lisa. It’s just pretty.
And, what do you know, maybe you can judge a dessert by its cover. Lisa’s rice pudding is called “exciting” and “wonderful.” Richard’s banana/bacon-dish is called “playful,” but Eric says one needs to focus on flavors before contemplating playtime. Stephanie’s cake is deemed “nothing special” and “unrefined.”
Thanks for the grub – The chefs compare notes after the meal is over. Gail thinks they’ve all won. Aww, what a softie. But leave it to Tom to bring the perspective.
Tom: [Richard is] more intellectual, out there. Lisa is sort of sticking true to herself and what she likes to eat and what she likes to cook. And Stephanie tends to have more of a homey spin on things. And I think we have a very strong contrast of styles and of flavors, and I think it is going to be a very interesting Judges’ Table.
The cheftestants come back out to applause.
I like that. I think more people should clap at the end of a good meal. Of course that would mean conversely that people would boo at the end of a bad meal. I guess that would make for a pretty noisy dining area.
Despite the applause, Richard and his non-poker face tell a different story.
First things first – Padma, Tom, Gail and Ted arrive for Judges’ Table. Padma is all aglow about the meal. No, seriously, she is glowing.
Who else is glowing? Lisa. On the walk up to Judge’s Table she is all smiles – smiling, relaxed, friendly. Who is this and what have Bravo editors done with this season’s supposed villain?
The chefs are asked to explain their choices course by course. They start with Richard. He says a first course should be an explosion of flavor that wakes up the palate. Padma says some of them thought it lacked seasoning.
Tom then wants to know if Lisa meant her first course to be so “hot” and “assertive.”
Lisa: You guys have been telling me, you know, “We want to see you in the cooking.” And clearly I’m a “spicy” kind of person.
Who says lesbians don’t have a sense of humor?
Stephanie says her first course was meant to be springy, and the judges spring to praise it. Gail calls it “beautifully presented” and Padma calls it “lovely.”
Anyone for seconds? – For the second course, Richard says if he could change anything, he might leave off the foie gras. Gail says the dish was muddled and the flavors lost their integrity.
Better not tell the conservatives about his integrity-less flavors. They’ll argue that once flavors lose their integrity, it’s a slippery slope. After that it’s only a matter of time before you see same-flavor marriages, and that will destroy the very fabric of our nation itself, namely opposite-flavor marriages.
Why, yes, I do like to stretch my metaphors. Why do you ask?
Lisa’s second course soup is called slurp-worthy. Ted says the flavors “blew everyone away.”
Again with the big smiles. Geez, why won’t you subscribe to your ascribed role as this season’s Big Bad Lesbian? This smiling is confusing millions of viewers at home.
Stephanie’s second course is praised all around, but – and it’s a big but – then there were those leeks. Tom says he doesn’t know what they were doing there, and they weren’t cooked. As Stephanie learned her leeks were crunchy, the look on her face can only be described as abject horror.
Third time is the charm – Onto the third course, and Ted asks Richard if he had considered making his pork belly crispier. Richard says he would have lost the integrity of the meat by crisping the fat. Again with integrity-less flavors. Do no flavors have strong moral values anymore? Tom blinks and stares. This is the most blinking and staring Richard has encountered all season.
Tom then calls Lisa’s Wagyu beef third course undercooked. He says Kobe beef is different than American beef. If it’s not cooked enough, the fats don’t melt and instead make it chewy. Wow, I just learned something useful. Well, that is, if I could ever afford to buy Kobe beef.
Stephanie’s lamb third course turns her frown upside down. In fact, she does a little “Woo hoo!” about how well the lamb came out. Could she get any cuter? Answer: no.
Ted calls the dish “one of the more creative things that happened all night.” Tom calls it “full of surprises” and thanks her.
Just desserts – And then there’s nothing left but the sweet stuff to talk about. Richard says he made the dish because he eats a banana every day for breakfast. Tom says it worked, but Padma reminds Richard that he also won the dessert challenge with the banana scallops. He says yes, but a “different variation.” Three times is three times, bro.
Padma is all anxious to talk about Lisa’s dessert. After she explains the flavors, Padma is quick to call it “delicious.” That after Padma called Lisa’s mango sticky rice dessert back in “Restaurant Wars” “appalling.” Rice vindication accomplished.
Padma asks Stephanie if she was happy with her dessert. She says she was happy with the flavors, but the banana cream was something she was trying out for saltiness. Tom says he had problems with it, specifically the banana cream, which was “a miss.”
The defense rests – Before she lets them go to deliberate, Padma asks the chefs if they have any last words. The camera pans dramatically back and forth. Who will break the silence? Who will plead his/her case first? Stephanie. Wow, she is full of surprises, isn’t she?
Stephanie: It’s just funny, when I was working with Dale, the number one thing he said to me was “Don’t second-guess yourself.” And the dish that I fell short on tonight, the dessert, was me second-guessing myself. But I think that I’ll be able to take this and learn, and I think that I just am what a Top Chef should be. Lisa: I feel very strongly about the menu that I provided you guys with tonight. I am very confident that you’ll be like, “She deserves this win, she deserves to be Top Chef. She’s got the qualities.” Richard: Yeah, sure, I’ll say it. I mean, I feel like I choked a little bit.
Oh, Richard. I can’t tell if you are being incredibly honest or incredibly stupid. I suspect it’s a bit of both.
He says he thinks he overthought the meal and is at his best when he doesn’t think. That’s putting a whole lot of thought into levels of thought. Then he calls the meal not his top performance on the show.
So, how about that two-woman race between Stephanie and Lisa, eh?
The decision of a lifetime – After the chefs are sent back to the Stew Room, the four judges are left to ponder what just happened. Gail says she was shocked by Richard’s admission.
But then she also says he wanted to make sure that the judges know that he is capable of better.
Tom says, overall, they had three very good meals. To get the discussion going, he asks for a poll of who they think won each course.
First course: Ted likes Lisa’s. Gail and Tom like Stephanie’s. Second course: Tom and Gail like Lisa’s dumpling soup. Third course: They seem to all agree on Stephanie’s lamb. Fourth course: Tom and Ted like Richard’s. Gail and Padma like Lisa’s.
The one thing they seemingly all agree on is that Stephanie’s dessert sucked. And thus begins the long process of agreeing on the rest.
Back in the Stew Room, Lisa is breaking down their performances to Stephanie.
Lisa: You definitely killed the first and third. And I kind of feel like I nailed the second and fourth. But I don’t know.
Just like a lesbian, always wanting to process. While she’s right on target, perhaps this is yet another thing we shouldn’t say out loud. Especially with the guy who admittedly choked sitting right next to you. Poor Richard, even his faux-hawk looks deflated.
Oh, and one more thing: “You won the f—ing bronze medal, congratulations. There you go.”
The judges’ decisions have come down to each of their preferences for the night. As the birds chirp their morning hellos, they all finally reach theirs.
You’re the top – The three finalists are called back before the judges. Tom gives them all a last bit of praise. Richard’s food is “whimsical, playful and sometimes just plain outrageous.” Lisa’s flavors are “big, bold, all about you.” Stephanie’s cooking can bring in surprises that “just wow us.”
Tom: In end, we based the decision on which meal we would go back and like to have again.
And then a seemingly agonizing 20 seconds pass as Padma pauses for dramatic effect before saying:
Padma: Stephanie. [six more agonizing seconds] You are Top Chef! Stephanie: What?! Really?!
God, how cute is that? Though, to be honest, she had me at the Yoda backpack. Congratulations on a well-deserved win. Finally, the person I picked to win it from the beginning wins it all. Plus having the first female Top Chef is simply awesome and about damn time.
The recently eliminated chefs – Antonia, Spike, Dale, Andrew and Nikki – all stream in to congratulate her. Lisa and Richard get congratulated by the judges as well for a battle well fought.
Lisa says she thought she had a shot to take it, but then she heard Stephanie’s name.
Lisa: This whole journey has been awesome. I’m proud of the dishes I’ve done. This is what I want to do and this is what I’m always going to do.
Richard is even more disappointed; his eyes even look a little misty.
Richard: Losing at the last second, it sucks. That is why it’s tough, too. Because you put your whole heart into it and then it doesn’t work out. The one thing that is good about this is to kind of refocus … So, the future is bright, for sure … Cut.
No matter who I was rooting for, I always feel a little bad for the losers.
But then Stephanie dances a little jig of joy and I recalibrate my cuteness scales once again.
Talking about her win, Stephanie chokes up talking about how she doubted it at some points, but now it’s a reaffirmation. Who has the Kleenex?
See, nice girls can finish first.Stephanie: This is what I’m meant to do in life.
Tom: No one had an issue with these leeks?
They’re apparently undercooked and have no relevance on the plate.
The third “carnivore” course pits Lisa’s Wagyu beef with chayote and cucumber salad, hot sauce and garlic chips against Stephanie’s lamb with maitake mushrooms, braised pistachios and olive tapenade, and Richard’s pork belly with pickled radishes and mirin broth.
Hands down, my eyeballing-it critique gives it to Stephanie. My stomach began growling involuntarily.
The judges, for once, agree with my superficial prognosticating. Richard’s pork belly is underseasoned. Lisa’s beef isn’t tender, but they do like her salad.
Padma: Did you do that, April? Because the knife skills are pretty good in that. April: I didn’t do that at all.
Wait, Padma, was that a mini slam on Lisa’s knife skills?
But it’s Stephanie’s dish that gets the big love. And it’s surprised them all, in a very good way.
Tom: Richard’s dish just needs work. Lisa’s dish is just pedestrian. Stephanie’s is full of surprises and it works.
And, finally, dessert. Lisa’s black Thai rice pudding, Stephanie’s ricotta pound cake with tropical fruit, and Richard’s banana scallop with bacon ice cream all try to satisfy the judges’ sweet teeth.
Now, normally, I am in favor of anything and everything with bacon. But I may just have to draw the line at ice cream. On looks alone, I give it to Lisa. It’s just pretty.
And, what do you know, maybe you can judge a dessert by its cover. Lisa’s rice pudding is called “exciting” and “wonderful.” Richard’s banana/bacon-dish is called “playful,” but Eric says one needs to focus on flavors before contemplating playtime. Stephanie’s cake is deemed “nothing special” and “unrefined.”
Thanks for the grub – The chefs compare notes after the meal is over. Gail thinks they’ve all won. Aww, what a softie. But leave it to Tom to bring the perspective.
Tom: [Richard is] more intellectual, out there. Lisa is sort of sticking true to herself and what she likes to eat and what she likes to cook. And Stephanie tends to have more of a homey spin on things. And I think we have a very strong contrast of styles and of flavors, and I think it is going to be a very interesting Judges’ Table.
The cheftestants come back out to applause.
I like that. I think more people should clap at the end of a good meal. Of course that would mean conversely that people would boo at the end of a bad meal. I guess that would make for a pretty noisy dining area.
Despite the applause, Richard and his non-poker face tell a different story.
First things first – Padma, Tom, Gail and Ted arrive for Judges’ Table. Padma is all aglow about the meal. No, seriously, she is glowing.
Who else is glowing? Lisa. On the walk up to Judge’s Table she is all smiles – smiling, relaxed, friendly. Who is this and what have Bravo editors done with this season’s supposed villain?
The chefs are asked to explain their choices course by course. They start with Richard. He says a first course should be an explosion of flavor that wakes up the palate. Padma says some of them thought it lacked seasoning.
Tom then wants to know if Lisa meant her first course to be so “hot” and “assertive.”
Lisa: You guys have been telling me, you know, “We want to see you in the cooking.” And clearly I’m a “spicy” kind of person.
Who says lesbians don’t have a sense of humor?
Stephanie says her first course was meant to be springy, and the judges spring to praise it. Gail calls it “beautifully presented” and Padma calls it “lovely.”
Anyone for seconds? – For the second course, Richard says if he could change anything, he might leave off the foie gras. Gail says the dish was muddled and the flavors lost their integrity.
Better not tell the conservatives about his integrity-less flavors. They’ll argue that once flavors lose their integrity, it’s a slippery slope. After that it’s only a matter of time before you see same-flavor marriages, and that will destroy the very fabric of our nation itself, namely opposite-flavor marriages.
Why, yes, I do like to stretch my metaphors. Why do you ask?
Lisa’s second course soup is called slurp-worthy. Ted says the flavors “blew everyone away.”
Again with the big smiles. Geez, why won’t you subscribe to your ascribed role as this season’s Big Bad Lesbian? This smiling is confusing millions of viewers at home.
Stephanie’s second course is praised all around, but – and it’s a big but – then there were those leeks. Tom says he doesn’t know what they were doing there, and they weren’t cooked. As Stephanie learned her leeks were crunchy, the look on her face can only be described as abject horror.
Third time is the charm – Onto the third course, and Ted asks Richard if he had considered making his pork belly crispier. Richard says he would have lost the integrity of the meat by crisping the fat. Again with integrity-less flavors. Do no flavors have strong moral values anymore? Tom blinks and stares. This is the most blinking and staring Richard has encountered all season.
Tom then calls Lisa’s Wagyu beef third course undercooked. He says Kobe beef is different than American beef. If it’s not cooked enough, the fats don’t melt and instead make it chewy. Wow, I just learned something useful. Well, that is, if I could ever afford to buy Kobe beef.
Stephanie’s lamb third course turns her frown upside down. In fact, she does a little “Woo hoo!” about how well the lamb came out. Could she get any cuter? Answer: no.
Ted calls the dish “one of the more creative things that happened all night.” Tom calls it “full of surprises” and thanks her.
Just desserts – And then there’s nothing left but the sweet stuff to talk about. Richard says he made the dish because he eats a banana every day for breakfast. Tom says it worked, but Padma reminds Richard that he also won the dessert challenge with the banana scallops. He says yes, but a “different variation.” Three times is three times, bro.
Padma is all anxious to talk about Lisa’s dessert. After she explains the flavors, Padma is quick to call it “delicious.” That after Padma called Lisa’s mango sticky rice dessert back in “Restaurant Wars” “appalling.” Rice vindication accomplished.
Padma asks Stephanie if she was happy with her dessert. She says she was happy with the flavors, but the banana cream was something she was trying out for saltiness. Tom says he had problems with it, specifically the banana cream, which was “a miss.”
The defense rests – Before she lets them go to deliberate, Padma asks the chefs if they have any last words. The camera pans dramatically back and forth. Who will break the silence? Who will plead his/her case first? Stephanie. Wow, she is full of surprises, isn’t she?
Stephanie: It’s just funny, when I was working with Dale, the number one thing he said to me was “Don’t second-guess yourself.” And the dish that I fell short on tonight, the dessert, was me second-guessing myself. But I think that I’ll be able to take this and learn, and I think that I just am what a Top Chef should be. Lisa: I feel very strongly about the menu that I provided you guys with tonight. I am very confident that you’ll be like, “She deserves this win, she deserves to be Top Chef. She’s got the qualities.” Richard: Yeah, sure, I’ll say it. I mean, I feel like I choked a little bit.
Oh, Richard. I can’t tell if you are being incredibly honest or incredibly stupid. I suspect it’s a bit of both.
He says he thinks he overthought the meal and is at his best when he doesn’t think. That’s putting a whole lot of thought into levels of thought. Then he calls the meal not his top performance on the show.
So, how about that two-woman race between Stephanie and Lisa, eh?
The decision of a lifetime – After the chefs are sent back to the Stew Room, the four judges are left to ponder what just happened. Gail says she was shocked by Richard’s admission.
But then she also says he wanted to make sure that the judges know that he is capable of better.
Tom says, overall, they had three very good meals. To get the discussion going, he asks for a poll of who they think won each course.
First course: Ted likes Lisa’s. Gail and Tom like Stephanie’s. Second course: Tom and Gail like Lisa’s dumpling soup. Third course: They seem to all agree on Stephanie’s lamb. Fourth course: Tom and Ted like Richard’s. Gail and Padma like Lisa’s.
The one thing they seemingly all agree on is that Stephanie’s dessert sucked. And thus begins the long process of agreeing on the rest.
Back in the Stew Room, Lisa is breaking down their performances to Stephanie.
Lisa: You definitely killed the first and third. And I kind of feel like I nailed the second and fourth. But I don’t know.
Just like a lesbian, always wanting to process. While she’s right on target, perhaps this is yet another thing we shouldn’t say out loud. Especially with the guy who admittedly choked sitting right next to you. Poor Richard, even his faux-hawk looks deflated.
Oh, and one more thing: “You won the f—ing bronze medal, congratulations. There you go.”
The judges’ decisions have come down to each of their preferences for the night. As the birds chirp their morning hellos, they all finally reach theirs.
You’re the top – The three finalists are called back before the judges. Tom gives them all a last bit of praise. Richard’s food is “whimsical, playful and sometimes just plain outrageous.” Lisa’s flavors are “big, bold, all about you.” Stephanie’s cooking can bring in surprises that “just wow us.”
Tom: In end, we based the decision on which meal we would go back and like to have again.
And then a seemingly agonizing 20 seconds pass as Padma pauses for dramatic effect before saying:
Padma: Stephanie. [six more agonizing seconds] You are Top Chef! Stephanie: What?! Really?!
God, how cute is that? Though, to be honest, she had me at the Yoda backpack. Congratulations on a well-deserved win. Finally, the person I picked to win it from the beginning wins it all. Plus having the first female Top Chef is simply awesome and about damn time.
The recently eliminated chefs – Antonia, Spike, Dale, Andrew and Nikki – all stream in to congratulate her. Lisa and Richard get congratulated by the judges as well for a battle well fought.
Lisa says she thought she had a shot to take it, but then she heard Stephanie’s name.
Lisa: This whole journey has been awesome. I’m proud of the dishes I’ve done. This is what I want to do and this is what I’m always going to do.
Richard is even more disappointed; his eyes even look a little misty.
Richard: Losing at the last second, it sucks. That is why it’s tough, too. Because you put your whole heart into it and then it doesn’t work out. The one thing that is good about this is to kind of refocus … So, the future is bright, for sure … Cut.
No matter who I was rooting for, I always feel a little bad for the losers.
But then Stephanie dances a little jig of joy and I recalibrate my cuteness scales once again.
Talking about her win, Stephanie chokes up talking about how she doubted it at some points, but now it’s a reaffirmation. Who has the Kleenex?
See, nice girls can finish first.Stephanie: This is what I’m meant to do in life.
Richard: I’m the best chef here. I think I have the most skill. I think I have the most ambition. I think I’m the only one who is a craftsman and an artist.
Again, buddy, you may feel that way, but should you really tell the cameras? Does no one realize that everyone, including the people they’re talking about behind their backs, will see this?
Lisa, for her part, says she is definitely going to be the first female Top Chef. And Stephanie says she wants to be Top Chef. So everyone’s confident, but only one will go home a winner.
Deciding who that will be is an all-star panel of chefs. Padma introduces Top Chef judges Tom, Ted Allen and Gail Simmons, and the super sous chefs Eric, Dan and April. Rounding out the table are Alfredo Ayala, one of Puerto Rico’s most celebrated chefs, and Tim Zagat, founder/CEO of a little thing called the Zagat Survey.
The chefs explain their menus to the distinguished diners.
Richard: I think writing a menu is as important to a chef as the food that is on the plate.
OK, but then why have such a vague, mysterious menu? His menu reads – and I kid you not – “You Are Here,” “Which Came First,” “Be the Bacon” and “You Are Still Here.” That’s it – no other description whatsoever. Is he going to serve them peyote and then ask them life’s biggest questions?
Lisa and Stephanie, who were so gauche as to actually list what they were going to serve on their menus, say that their dishes will be shocking and simple, respectively.
The last supper – But enough talk, bring on the grub. The first courses are sent out: Lisa’s prawns with chili basil sauce, crab and homemade potato chips; Stephanie’s red snapper over truffle, clam and asparagus broth with asparagus salad; Richard’s scallop with mango and pineapple vinegar.
From my armchair, what-would-I-want-to-eat-this-very-second perspective, I give it to Lisa. I mean, dude, potato chips.
The judges call Richard’s scallop unfamiliar, but a little too complicated. Lisa’s shrimp has a nice texture, but is too spicy. Stephanie’s snapper is delicate, elegant and, according to Chef Ayala, “the best of the three.”
Second course next. It’s Lisa’s tom kha gai soup dumpling vs. Stephanie’s quail breast over lobster ravioli with a quail egg vs. Richard’s guinea hen, chicken egg and foie gras.
My totally untrained eye picks Stephanie’s quail/ravioli/egg dish because it just looks neat.
But, of course, the judges know better. The judges say the ingredients are hard to distinguish in Richard’s dish. Tom calls it Richard “falling in love with the technique.” Gail calls Lisa’s soup “absolutely delicious,” and Chef Zagat says he would have been “happy to have seconds.” The judges like the well-balanced flavors of Stephanie’s quail. But Tom, oh Tom, he has once again spotted and despised the unnecessary garnish.
Tom: No one had an issue with these leeks?
They’re apparently undercooked and have no relevance on the plate.
The third “carnivore” course pits Lisa’s Wagyu beef with chayote and cucumber salad, hot sauce and garlic chips against Stephanie’s lamb with maitake mushrooms, braised pistachios and olive tapenade, and Richard’s pork belly with pickled radishes and mirin broth.
Hands down, my eyeballing-it critique gives it to Stephanie. My stomach began growling involuntarily.
The judges, for once, agree with my superficial prognosticating. Richard’s pork belly is underseasoned. Lisa’s beef isn’t tender, but they do like her salad.
Padma: Did you do that, April? Because the knife skills are pretty good in that. April: I didn’t do that at all.
Wait, Padma, was that a mini slam on Lisa’s knife skills?
But it’s Stephanie’s dish that gets the big love. And it’s surprised them all, in a very good way.
Tom: Richard’s dish just needs work. Lisa’s dish is just pedestrian. Stephanie’s is full of surprises and it works.
And, finally, dessert. Lisa’s black Thai rice pudding, Stephanie’s ricotta pound cake with tropical fruit, and Richard’s banana scallop with bacon ice cream all try to satisfy the judges’ sweet teeth.
Now, normally, I am in favor of anything and everything with bacon. But I may just have to draw the line at ice cream. On looks alone, I give it to Lisa. It’s just pretty.
And, what do you know, maybe you can judge a dessert by its cover. Lisa’s rice pudding is called “exciting” and “wonderful.” Richard’s banana/bacon-dish is called “playful,” but Eric says one needs to focus on flavors before contemplating playtime. Stephanie’s cake is deemed “nothing special” and “unrefined.”
Thanks for the grub – The chefs compare notes after the meal is over. Gail thinks they’ve all won. Aww, what a softie. But leave it to Tom to bring the perspective.
Tom: [Richard is] more intellectual, out there. Lisa is sort of sticking true to herself and what she likes to eat and what she likes to cook. And Stephanie tends to have more of a homey spin on things. And I think we have a very strong contrast of styles and of flavors, and I think it is going to be a very interesting Judges’ Table.
The cheftestants come back out to applause.
I like that. I think more people should clap at the end of a good meal. Of course that would mean conversely that people would boo at the end of a bad meal. I guess that would make for a pretty noisy dining area.
Despite the applause, Richard and his non-poker face tell a different story.
First things first – Padma, Tom, Gail and Ted arrive for Judges’ Table. Padma is all aglow about the meal. No, seriously, she is glowing.
Who else is glowing? Lisa. On the walk up to Judge’s Table she is all smiles – smiling, relaxed, friendly. Who is this and what have Bravo editors done with this season’s supposed villain?
The chefs are asked to explain their choices course by course. They start with Richard. He says a first course should be an explosion of flavor that wakes up the palate. Padma says some of them thought it lacked seasoning.
Tom then wants to know if Lisa meant her first course to be so “hot” and “assertive.”
Lisa: You guys have been telling me, you know, “We want to see you in the cooking.” And clearly I’m a “spicy” kind of person.
Who says lesbians don’t have a sense of humor?
Stephanie says her first course was meant to be springy, and the judges spring to praise it. Gail calls it “beautifully presented” and Padma calls it “lovely.”
Anyone for seconds? – For the second course, Richard says if he could change anything, he might leave off the foie gras. Gail says the dish was muddled and the flavors lost their integrity.
Better not tell the conservatives about his integrity-less flavors. They’ll argue that once flavors lose their integrity, it’s a slippery slope. After that it’s only a matter of time before you see same-flavor marriages, and that will destroy the very fabric of our nation itself, namely opposite-flavor marriages.
Why, yes, I do like to stretch my metaphors. Why do you ask?
Lisa’s second course soup is called slurp-worthy. Ted says the flavors “blew everyone away.”
Again with the big smiles. Geez, why won’t you subscribe to your ascribed role as this season’s Big Bad Lesbian? This smiling is confusing millions of viewers at home.
Stephanie’s second course is praised all around, but – and it’s a big but – then there were those leeks. Tom says he doesn’t know what they were doing there, and they weren’t cooked. As Stephanie learned her leeks were crunchy, the look on her face can only be described as abject horror.
Third time is the charm – Onto the third course, and Ted asks Richard if he had considered making his pork belly crispier. Richard says he would have lost the integrity of the meat by crisping the fat. Again with integrity-less flavors. Do no flavors have strong moral values anymore? Tom blinks and stares. This is the most blinking and staring Richard has encountered all season.
Tom then calls Lisa’s Wagyu beef third course undercooked. He says Kobe beef is different than American beef. If it’s not cooked enough, the fats don’t melt and instead make it chewy. Wow, I just learned something useful. Well, that is, if I could ever afford to buy Kobe beef.
Stephanie’s lamb third course turns her frown upside down. In fact, she does a little “Woo hoo!” about how well the lamb came out. Could she get any cuter? Answer: no.
Ted calls the dish “one of the more creative things that happened all night.” Tom calls it “full of surprises” and thanks her.
Just desserts – And then there’s nothing left but the sweet stuff to talk about. Richard says he made the dish because he eats a banana every day for breakfast. Tom says it worked, but Padma reminds Richard that he also won the dessert challenge with the banana scallops. He says yes, but a “different variation.” Three times is three times, bro.
Padma is all anxious to talk about Lisa’s dessert. After she explains the flavors, Padma is quick to call it “delicious.” That after Padma called Lisa’s mango sticky rice dessert back in “Restaurant Wars” “appalling.” Rice vindication accomplished.
Padma asks Stephanie if she was happy with her dessert. She says she was happy with the flavors, but the banana cream was something she was trying out for saltiness. Tom says he had problems with it, specifically the banana cream, which was “a miss.”
The defense rests – Before she lets them go to deliberate, Padma asks the chefs if they have any last words. The camera pans dramatically back and forth. Who will break the silence? Who will plead his/her case first? Stephanie. Wow, she is full of surprises, isn’t she?
Stephanie: It’s just funny, when I was working with Dale, the number one thing he said to me was “Don’t second-guess yourself.” And the dish that I fell short on tonight, the dessert, was me second-guessing myself. But I think that I’ll be able to take this and learn, and I think that I just am what a Top Chef should be. Lisa: I feel very strongly about the menu that I provided you guys with tonight. I am very confident that you’ll be like, “She deserves this win, she deserves to be Top Chef. She’s got the qualities.” Richard: Yeah, sure, I’ll say it. I mean, I feel like I choked a little bit.
Oh, Richard. I can’t tell if you are being incredibly honest or incredibly stupid. I suspect it’s a bit of both.
He says he thinks he overthought the meal and is at his best when he doesn’t think. That’s putting a whole lot of thought into levels of thought. Then he calls the meal not his top performance on the show.
So, how about that two-woman race between Stephanie and Lisa, eh?
The decision of a lifetime – After the chefs are sent back to the Stew Room, the four judges are left to ponder what just happened. Gail says she was shocked by Richard’s admission.
But then she also says he wanted to make sure that the judges know that he is capable of better.
Tom says, overall, they had three very good meals. To get the discussion going, he asks for a poll of who they think won each course.
First course: Ted likes Lisa’s. Gail and Tom like Stephanie’s. Second course: Tom and Gail like Lisa’s dumpling soup. Third course: They seem to all agree on Stephanie’s lamb. Fourth course: Tom and Ted like Richard’s. Gail and Padma like Lisa’s.
The one thing they seemingly all agree on is that Stephanie’s dessert sucked. And thus begins the long process of agreeing on the rest.
Back in the Stew Room, Lisa is breaking down their performances to Stephanie.
Lisa: You definitely killed the first and third. And I kind of feel like I nailed the second and fourth. But I don’t know.
Just like a lesbian, always wanting to process. While she’s right on target, perhaps this is yet another thing we shouldn’t say out loud. Especially with the guy who admittedly choked sitting right next to you. Poor Richard, even his faux-hawk looks deflated.
Oh, and one more thing: “You won the f—ing bronze medal, congratulations. There you go.”
The judges’ decisions have come down to each of their preferences for the night. As the birds chirp their morning hellos, they all finally reach theirs.
You’re the top – The three finalists are called back before the judges. Tom gives them all a last bit of praise. Richard’s food is “whimsical, playful and sometimes just plain outrageous.” Lisa’s flavors are “big, bold, all about you.” Stephanie’s cooking can bring in surprises that “just wow us.”
Tom: In end, we based the decision on which meal we would go back and like to have again.
And then a seemingly agonizing 20 seconds pass as Padma pauses for dramatic effect before saying:
Padma: Stephanie. [six more agonizing seconds] You are Top Chef! Stephanie: What?! Really?!
God, how cute is that? Though, to be honest, she had me at the Yoda backpack. Congratulations on a well-deserved win. Finally, the person I picked to win it from the beginning wins it all. Plus having the first female Top Chef is simply awesome and about damn time.
The recently eliminated chefs – Antonia, Spike, Dale, Andrew and Nikki – all stream in to congratulate her. Lisa and Richard get congratulated by the judges as well for a battle well fought.
Lisa says she thought she had a shot to take it, but then she heard Stephanie’s name.
Lisa: This whole journey has been awesome. I’m proud of the dishes I’ve done. This is what I want to do and this is what I’m always going to do.
Richard is even more disappointed; his eyes even look a little misty.
Richard: Losing at the last second, it sucks. That is why it’s tough, too. Because you put your whole heart into it and then it doesn’t work out. The one thing that is good about this is to kind of refocus … So, the future is bright, for sure … Cut.
No matter who I was rooting for, I always feel a little bad for the losers.
But then Stephanie dances a little jig of joy and I recalibrate my cuteness scales once again.
Talking about her win, Stephanie chokes up talking about how she doubted it at some points, but now it’s a reaffirmation. Who has the Kleenex?
See, nice girls can finish first.Stephanie: This is what I’m meant to do in life.
Lisa: What’s wrong? Stephanie: My s— sucks. Lisa: No it doesn’t. Every time you f—ing say that it’s always awesome, Steph. Stephanie: No, not this time, yo. Lisa: Yeah, you said that like three times to me and then you won. Stephanie: Not this time. Lisa: I don’t want to hear it from you. Have some confidence in yourself.
I think that was Lisa’s version of a pep talk. But I’m not sure it worked, since Stephanie is still all furrowed brow. In fact, Stephanie and Richard are both balls of tension. And then there is calm, relaxed, whistling-a-happy-tune Lisa.
Lisa: I’m not tense. I was just thinking to myself I wonder why nobody is talking.
Richard, who must have a terrible poker face, doesn’t seem to take kindly to Lisa’s chitchatty mood.
Everyone is a critic – The guests start to arrive, wine in hand, to prepare for service to begin. Apparently you judge better when you’ve got a little buzz going.
As Richard plates his dishes, he leaves no doubt about how he feels about his competition.
Richard: I’m the best chef here. I think I have the most skill. I think I have the most ambition. I think I’m the only one who is a craftsman and an artist.
Again, buddy, you may feel that way, but should you really tell the cameras? Does no one realize that everyone, including the people they’re talking about behind their backs, will see this?
Lisa, for her part, says she is definitely going to be the first female Top Chef. And Stephanie says she wants to be Top Chef. So everyone’s confident, but only one will go home a winner.
Deciding who that will be is an all-star panel of chefs. Padma introduces Top Chef judges Tom, Ted Allen and Gail Simmons, and the super sous chefs Eric, Dan and April. Rounding out the table are Alfredo Ayala, one of Puerto Rico’s most celebrated chefs, and Tim Zagat, founder/CEO of a little thing called the Zagat Survey.
The chefs explain their menus to the distinguished diners.
Richard: I think writing a menu is as important to a chef as the food that is on the plate.
OK, but then why have such a vague, mysterious menu? His menu reads – and I kid you not – “You Are Here,” “Which Came First,” “Be the Bacon” and “You Are Still Here.” That’s it – no other description whatsoever. Is he going to serve them peyote and then ask them life’s biggest questions?
Lisa and Stephanie, who were so gauche as to actually list what they were going to serve on their menus, say that their dishes will be shocking and simple, respectively.
The last supper – But enough talk, bring on the grub. The first courses are sent out: Lisa’s prawns with chili basil sauce, crab and homemade potato chips; Stephanie’s red snapper over truffle, clam and asparagus broth with asparagus salad; Richard’s scallop with mango and pineapple vinegar.
From my armchair, what-would-I-want-to-eat-this-very-second perspective, I give it to Lisa. I mean, dude, potato chips.
The judges call Richard’s scallop unfamiliar, but a little too complicated. Lisa’s shrimp has a nice texture, but is too spicy. Stephanie’s snapper is delicate, elegant and, according to Chef Ayala, “the best of the three.”
Second course next. It’s Lisa’s tom kha gai soup dumpling vs. Stephanie’s quail breast over lobster ravioli with a quail egg vs. Richard’s guinea hen, chicken egg and foie gras.
My totally untrained eye picks Stephanie’s quail/ravioli/egg dish because it just looks neat.
But, of course, the judges know better. The judges say the ingredients are hard to distinguish in Richard’s dish. Tom calls it Richard “falling in love with the technique.” Gail calls Lisa’s soup “absolutely delicious,” and Chef Zagat says he would have been “happy to have seconds.” The judges like the well-balanced flavors of Stephanie’s quail. But Tom, oh Tom, he has once again spotted and despised the unnecessary garnish.
Tom: No one had an issue with these leeks?
They’re apparently undercooked and have no relevance on the plate.
The third “carnivore” course pits Lisa’s Wagyu beef with chayote and cucumber salad, hot sauce and garlic chips against Stephanie’s lamb with maitake mushrooms, braised pistachios and olive tapenade, and Richard’s pork belly with pickled radishes and mirin broth.
Hands down, my eyeballing-it critique gives it to Stephanie. My stomach began growling involuntarily.
The judges, for once, agree with my superficial prognosticating. Richard’s pork belly is underseasoned. Lisa’s beef isn’t tender, but they do like her salad.
Padma: Did you do that, April? Because the knife skills are pretty good in that. April: I didn’t do that at all.
Wait, Padma, was that a mini slam on Lisa’s knife skills?
But it’s Stephanie’s dish that gets the big love. And it’s surprised them all, in a very good way.
Tom: Richard’s dish just needs work. Lisa’s dish is just pedestrian. Stephanie’s is full of surprises and it works.
And, finally, dessert. Lisa’s black Thai rice pudding, Stephanie’s ricotta pound cake with tropical fruit, and Richard’s banana scallop with bacon ice cream all try to satisfy the judges’ sweet teeth.
Now, normally, I am in favor of anything and everything with bacon. But I may just have to draw the line at ice cream. On looks alone, I give it to Lisa. It’s just pretty.
And, what do you know, maybe you can judge a dessert by its cover. Lisa’s rice pudding is called “exciting” and “wonderful.” Richard’s banana/bacon-dish is called “playful,” but Eric says one needs to focus on flavors before contemplating playtime. Stephanie’s cake is deemed “nothing special” and “unrefined.”
Thanks for the grub – The chefs compare notes after the meal is over. Gail thinks they’ve all won. Aww, what a softie. But leave it to Tom to bring the perspective.
Tom: [Richard is] more intellectual, out there. Lisa is sort of sticking true to herself and what she likes to eat and what she likes to cook. And Stephanie tends to have more of a homey spin on things. And I think we have a very strong contrast of styles and of flavors, and I think it is going to be a very interesting Judges’ Table.
The cheftestants come back out to applause.
I like that. I think more people should clap at the end of a good meal. Of course that would mean conversely that people would boo at the end of a bad meal. I guess that would make for a pretty noisy dining area.
Despite the applause, Richard and his non-poker face tell a different story.
First things first – Padma, Tom, Gail and Ted arrive for Judges’ Table. Padma is all aglow about the meal. No, seriously, she is glowing.
Who else is glowing? Lisa. On the walk up to Judge’s Table she is all smiles – smiling, relaxed, friendly. Who is this and what have Bravo editors done with this season’s supposed villain?
The chefs are asked to explain their choices course by course. They start with Richard. He says a first course should be an explosion of flavor that wakes up the palate. Padma says some of them thought it lacked seasoning.
Tom then wants to know if Lisa meant her first course to be so “hot” and “assertive.”
Lisa: You guys have been telling me, you know, “We want to see you in the cooking.” And clearly I’m a “spicy” kind of person.
Who says lesbians don’t have a sense of humor?
Stephanie says her first course was meant to be springy, and the judges spring to praise it. Gail calls it “beautifully presented” and Padma calls it “lovely.”
Anyone for seconds? – For the second course, Richard says if he could change anything, he might leave off the foie gras. Gail says the dish was muddled and the flavors lost their integrity.
Better not tell the conservatives about his integrity-less flavors. They’ll argue that once flavors lose their integrity, it’s a slippery slope. After that it’s only a matter of time before you see same-flavor marriages, and that will destroy the very fabric of our nation itself, namely opposite-flavor marriages.
Why, yes, I do like to stretch my metaphors. Why do you ask?
Lisa’s second course soup is called slurp-worthy. Ted says the flavors “blew everyone away.”
Again with the big smiles. Geez, why won’t you subscribe to your ascribed role as this season’s Big Bad Lesbian? This smiling is confusing millions of viewers at home.
Stephanie’s second course is praised all around, but – and it’s a big but – then there were those leeks. Tom says he doesn’t know what they were doing there, and they weren’t cooked. As Stephanie learned her leeks were crunchy, the look on her face can only be described as abject horror.
Third time is the charm – Onto the third course, and Ted asks Richard if he had considered making his pork belly crispier. Richard says he would have lost the integrity of the meat by crisping the fat. Again with integrity-less flavors. Do no flavors have strong moral values anymore? Tom blinks and stares. This is the most blinking and staring Richard has encountered all season.
Tom then calls Lisa’s Wagyu beef third course undercooked. He says Kobe beef is different than American beef. If it’s not cooked enough, the fats don’t melt and instead make it chewy. Wow, I just learned something useful. Well, that is, if I could ever afford to buy Kobe beef.
Stephanie’s lamb third course turns her frown upside down. In fact, she does a little “Woo hoo!” about how well the lamb came out. Could she get any cuter? Answer: no.
Ted calls the dish “one of the more creative things that happened all night.” Tom calls it “full of surprises” and thanks her.
Just desserts – And then there’s nothing left but the sweet stuff to talk about. Richard says he made the dish because he eats a banana every day for breakfast. Tom says it worked, but Padma reminds Richard that he also won the dessert challenge with the banana scallops. He says yes, but a “different variation.” Three times is three times, bro.
Padma is all anxious to talk about Lisa’s dessert. After she explains the flavors, Padma is quick to call it “delicious.” That after Padma called Lisa’s mango sticky rice dessert back in “Restaurant Wars” “appalling.” Rice vindication accomplished.
Padma asks Stephanie if she was happy with her dessert. She says she was happy with the flavors, but the banana cream was something she was trying out for saltiness. Tom says he had problems with it, specifically the banana cream, which was “a miss.”
The defense rests – Before she lets them go to deliberate, Padma asks the chefs if they have any last words. The camera pans dramatically back and forth. Who will break the silence? Who will plead his/her case first? Stephanie. Wow, she is full of surprises, isn’t she?
Stephanie: It’s just funny, when I was working with Dale, the number one thing he said to me was “Don’t second-guess yourself.” And the dish that I fell short on tonight, the dessert, was me second-guessing myself. But I think that I’ll be able to take this and learn, and I think that I just am what a Top Chef should be. Lisa: I feel very strongly about the menu that I provided you guys with tonight. I am very confident that you’ll be like, “She deserves this win, she deserves to be Top Chef. She’s got the qualities.” Richard: Yeah, sure, I’ll say it. I mean, I feel like I choked a little bit.
Oh, Richard. I can’t tell if you are being incredibly honest or incredibly stupid. I suspect it’s a bit of both.
He says he thinks he overthought the meal and is at his best when he doesn’t think. That’s putting a whole lot of thought into levels of thought. Then he calls the meal not his top performance on the show.
So, how about that two-woman race between Stephanie and Lisa, eh?
The decision of a lifetime – After the chefs are sent back to the Stew Room, the four judges are left to ponder what just happened. Gail says she was shocked by Richard’s admission.
But then she also says he wanted to make sure that the judges know that he is capable of better.
Tom says, overall, they had three very good meals. To get the discussion going, he asks for a poll of who they think won each course.
First course: Ted likes Lisa’s. Gail and Tom like Stephanie’s. Second course: Tom and Gail like Lisa’s dumpling soup. Third course: They seem to all agree on Stephanie’s lamb. Fourth course: Tom and Ted like Richard’s. Gail and Padma like Lisa’s.
The one thing they seemingly all agree on is that Stephanie’s dessert sucked. And thus begins the long process of agreeing on the rest.
Back in the Stew Room, Lisa is breaking down their performances to Stephanie.
Lisa: You definitely killed the first and third. And I kind of feel like I nailed the second and fourth. But I don’t know.
Just like a lesbian, always wanting to process. While she’s right on target, perhaps this is yet another thing we shouldn’t say out loud. Especially with the guy who admittedly choked sitting right next to you. Poor Richard, even his faux-hawk looks deflated.
Oh, and one more thing: “You won the f—ing bronze medal, congratulations. There you go.”
The judges’ decisions have come down to each of their preferences for the night. As the birds chirp their morning hellos, they all finally reach theirs.
You’re the top – The three finalists are called back before the judges. Tom gives them all a last bit of praise. Richard’s food is “whimsical, playful and sometimes just plain outrageous.” Lisa’s flavors are “big, bold, all about you.” Stephanie’s cooking can bring in surprises that “just wow us.”
Tom: In end, we based the decision on which meal we would go back and like to have again.
And then a seemingly agonizing 20 seconds pass as Padma pauses for dramatic effect before saying:
Padma: Stephanie. [six more agonizing seconds] You are Top Chef! Stephanie: What?! Really?!
God, how cute is that? Though, to be honest, she had me at the Yoda backpack. Congratulations on a well-deserved win. Finally, the person I picked to win it from the beginning wins it all. Plus having the first female Top Chef is simply awesome and about damn time.
The recently eliminated chefs – Antonia, Spike, Dale, Andrew and Nikki – all stream in to congratulate her. Lisa and Richard get congratulated by the judges as well for a battle well fought.
Lisa says she thought she had a shot to take it, but then she heard Stephanie’s name.
Lisa: This whole journey has been awesome. I’m proud of the dishes I’ve done. This is what I want to do and this is what I’m always going to do.
Richard is even more disappointed; his eyes even look a little misty.
Richard: Losing at the last second, it sucks. That is why it’s tough, too. Because you put your whole heart into it and then it doesn’t work out. The one thing that is good about this is to kind of refocus … So, the future is bright, for sure … Cut.
No matter who I was rooting for, I always feel a little bad for the losers.
But then Stephanie dances a little jig of joy and I recalibrate my cuteness scales once again.
Talking about her win, Stephanie chokes up talking about how she doubted it at some points, but now it’s a reaffirmation. Who has the Kleenex?
See, nice girls can finish first.Stephanie: This is what I’m meant to do in life.
Tom: It was surprising to see the reactions. Richard – he has been usually calm, but he seems very excited. I think partly because he has so many ideas running around in his head and he can’t keep them quiet … Lisa is very calm. We know she is a tough competitor … I think part of being a chef is having somewhat of an attitude and swagger. It helps. Stephanie is a little nervous about her dessert right now … It could all come down to that dish for her.
Cut to Stephanie fretting about her dessert. She decides to finally sample her ricotta pound cake.
And suddenly, it’s Stephanie who probably feels like she is “in the s—.”
Lisa: What’s wrong? Stephanie: My s— sucks. Lisa: No it doesn’t. Every time you f—ing say that it’s always awesome, Steph. Stephanie: No, not this time, yo. Lisa: Yeah, you said that like three times to me and then you won. Stephanie: Not this time. Lisa: I don’t want to hear it from you. Have some confidence in yourself.
I think that was Lisa’s version of a pep talk. But I’m not sure it worked, since Stephanie is still all furrowed brow. In fact, Stephanie and Richard are both balls of tension. And then there is calm, relaxed, whistling-a-happy-tune Lisa.
Lisa: I’m not tense. I was just thinking to myself I wonder why nobody is talking.
Richard, who must have a terrible poker face, doesn’t seem to take kindly to Lisa’s chitchatty mood.
Everyone is a critic – The guests start to arrive, wine in hand, to prepare for service to begin. Apparently you judge better when you’ve got a little buzz going.
As Richard plates his dishes, he leaves no doubt about how he feels about his competition.
Richard: I’m the best chef here. I think I have the most skill. I think I have the most ambition. I think I’m the only one who is a craftsman and an artist.
Again, buddy, you may feel that way, but should you really tell the cameras? Does no one realize that everyone, including the people they’re talking about behind their backs, will see this?
Lisa, for her part, says she is definitely going to be the first female Top Chef. And Stephanie says she wants to be Top Chef. So everyone’s confident, but only one will go home a winner.
Deciding who that will be is an all-star panel of chefs. Padma introduces Top Chef judges Tom, Ted Allen and Gail Simmons, and the super sous chefs Eric, Dan and April. Rounding out the table are Alfredo Ayala, one of Puerto Rico’s most celebrated chefs, and Tim Zagat, founder/CEO of a little thing called the Zagat Survey.
The chefs explain their menus to the distinguished diners.
Richard: I think writing a menu is as important to a chef as the food that is on the plate.
OK, but then why have such a vague, mysterious menu? His menu reads – and I kid you not – “You Are Here,” “Which Came First,” “Be the Bacon” and “You Are Still Here.” That’s it – no other description whatsoever. Is he going to serve them peyote and then ask them life’s biggest questions?
Lisa and Stephanie, who were so gauche as to actually list what they were going to serve on their menus, say that their dishes will be shocking and simple, respectively.
The last supper – But enough talk, bring on the grub. The first courses are sent out: Lisa’s prawns with chili basil sauce, crab and homemade potato chips; Stephanie’s red snapper over truffle, clam and asparagus broth with asparagus salad; Richard’s scallop with mango and pineapple vinegar.
From my armchair, what-would-I-want-to-eat-this-very-second perspective, I give it to Lisa. I mean, dude, potato chips.
The judges call Richard’s scallop unfamiliar, but a little too complicated. Lisa’s shrimp has a nice texture, but is too spicy. Stephanie’s snapper is delicate, elegant and, according to Chef Ayala, “the best of the three.”
Second course next. It’s Lisa’s tom kha gai soup dumpling vs. Stephanie’s quail breast over lobster ravioli with a quail egg vs. Richard’s guinea hen, chicken egg and foie gras.
My totally untrained eye picks Stephanie’s quail/ravioli/egg dish because it just looks neat.
But, of course, the judges know better. The judges say the ingredients are hard to distinguish in Richard’s dish. Tom calls it Richard “falling in love with the technique.” Gail calls Lisa’s soup “absolutely delicious,” and Chef Zagat says he would have been “happy to have seconds.” The judges like the well-balanced flavors of Stephanie’s quail. But Tom, oh Tom, he has once again spotted and despised the unnecessary garnish.
Tom: No one had an issue with these leeks?
They’re apparently undercooked and have no relevance on the plate.
The third “carnivore” course pits Lisa’s Wagyu beef with chayote and cucumber salad, hot sauce and garlic chips against Stephanie’s lamb with maitake mushrooms, braised pistachios and olive tapenade, and Richard’s pork belly with pickled radishes and mirin broth.
Hands down, my eyeballing-it critique gives it to Stephanie. My stomach began growling involuntarily.
The judges, for once, agree with my superficial prognosticating. Richard’s pork belly is underseasoned. Lisa’s beef isn’t tender, but they do like her salad.
Padma: Did you do that, April? Because the knife skills are pretty good in that. April: I didn’t do that at all.
Wait, Padma, was that a mini slam on Lisa’s knife skills?
But it’s Stephanie’s dish that gets the big love. And it’s surprised them all, in a very good way.
Tom: Richard’s dish just needs work. Lisa’s dish is just pedestrian. Stephanie’s is full of surprises and it works.
And, finally, dessert. Lisa’s black Thai rice pudding, Stephanie’s ricotta pound cake with tropical fruit, and Richard’s banana scallop with bacon ice cream all try to satisfy the judges’ sweet teeth.
Now, normally, I am in favor of anything and everything with bacon. But I may just have to draw the line at ice cream. On looks alone, I give it to Lisa. It’s just pretty.
And, what do you know, maybe you can judge a dessert by its cover. Lisa’s rice pudding is called “exciting” and “wonderful.” Richard’s banana/bacon-dish is called “playful,” but Eric says one needs to focus on flavors before contemplating playtime. Stephanie’s cake is deemed “nothing special” and “unrefined.”
Thanks for the grub – The chefs compare notes after the meal is over. Gail thinks they’ve all won. Aww, what a softie. But leave it to Tom to bring the perspective.
Tom: [Richard is] more intellectual, out there. Lisa is sort of sticking true to herself and what she likes to eat and what she likes to cook. And Stephanie tends to have more of a homey spin on things. And I think we have a very strong contrast of styles and of flavors, and I think it is going to be a very interesting Judges’ Table.
The cheftestants come back out to applause.
I like that. I think more people should clap at the end of a good meal. Of course that would mean conversely that people would boo at the end of a bad meal. I guess that would make for a pretty noisy dining area.
Despite the applause, Richard and his non-poker face tell a different story.
First things first – Padma, Tom, Gail and Ted arrive for Judges’ Table. Padma is all aglow about the meal. No, seriously, she is glowing.
Who else is glowing? Lisa. On the walk up to Judge’s Table she is all smiles – smiling, relaxed, friendly. Who is this and what have Bravo editors done with this season’s supposed villain?
The chefs are asked to explain their choices course by course. They start with Richard. He says a first course should be an explosion of flavor that wakes up the palate. Padma says some of them thought it lacked seasoning.
Tom then wants to know if Lisa meant her first course to be so “hot” and “assertive.”
Lisa: You guys have been telling me, you know, “We want to see you in the cooking.” And clearly I’m a “spicy” kind of person.
Who says lesbians don’t have a sense of humor?
Stephanie says her first course was meant to be springy, and the judges spring to praise it. Gail calls it “beautifully presented” and Padma calls it “lovely.”
Anyone for seconds? – For the second course, Richard says if he could change anything, he might leave off the foie gras. Gail says the dish was muddled and the flavors lost their integrity.
Better not tell the conservatives about his integrity-less flavors. They’ll argue that once flavors lose their integrity, it’s a slippery slope. After that it’s only a matter of time before you see same-flavor marriages, and that will destroy the very fabric of our nation itself, namely opposite-flavor marriages.
Why, yes, I do like to stretch my metaphors. Why do you ask?
Lisa’s second course soup is called slurp-worthy. Ted says the flavors “blew everyone away.”
Again with the big smiles. Geez, why won’t you subscribe to your ascribed role as this season’s Big Bad Lesbian? This smiling is confusing millions of viewers at home.
Stephanie’s second course is praised all around, but – and it’s a big but – then there were those leeks. Tom says he doesn’t know what they were doing there, and they weren’t cooked. As Stephanie learned her leeks were crunchy, the look on her face can only be described as abject horror.
Third time is the charm – Onto the third course, and Ted asks Richard if he had considered making his pork belly crispier. Richard says he would have lost the integrity of the meat by crisping the fat. Again with integrity-less flavors. Do no flavors have strong moral values anymore? Tom blinks and stares. This is the most blinking and staring Richard has encountered all season.
Tom then calls Lisa’s Wagyu beef third course undercooked. He says Kobe beef is different than American beef. If it’s not cooked enough, the fats don’t melt and instead make it chewy. Wow, I just learned something useful. Well, that is, if I could ever afford to buy Kobe beef.
Stephanie’s lamb third course turns her frown upside down. In fact, she does a little “Woo hoo!” about how well the lamb came out. Could she get any cuter? Answer: no.
Ted calls the dish “one of the more creative things that happened all night.” Tom calls it “full of surprises” and thanks her.
Just desserts – And then there’s nothing left but the sweet stuff to talk about. Richard says he made the dish because he eats a banana every day for breakfast. Tom says it worked, but Padma reminds Richard that he also won the dessert challenge with the banana scallops. He says yes, but a “different variation.” Three times is three times, bro.
Padma is all anxious to talk about Lisa’s dessert. After she explains the flavors, Padma is quick to call it “delicious.” That after Padma called Lisa’s mango sticky rice dessert back in “Restaurant Wars” “appalling.” Rice vindication accomplished.
Padma asks Stephanie if she was happy with her dessert. She says she was happy with the flavors, but the banana cream was something she was trying out for saltiness. Tom says he had problems with it, specifically the banana cream, which was “a miss.”
The defense rests – Before she lets them go to deliberate, Padma asks the chefs if they have any last words. The camera pans dramatically back and forth. Who will break the silence? Who will plead his/her case first? Stephanie. Wow, she is full of surprises, isn’t she?
Stephanie: It’s just funny, when I was working with Dale, the number one thing he said to me was “Don’t second-guess yourself.” And the dish that I fell short on tonight, the dessert, was me second-guessing myself. But I think that I’ll be able to take this and learn, and I think that I just am what a Top Chef should be. Lisa: I feel very strongly about the menu that I provided you guys with tonight. I am very confident that you’ll be like, “She deserves this win, she deserves to be Top Chef. She’s got the qualities.” Richard: Yeah, sure, I’ll say it. I mean, I feel like I choked a little bit.
Oh, Richard. I can’t tell if you are being incredibly honest or incredibly stupid. I suspect it’s a bit of both.
He says he thinks he overthought the meal and is at his best when he doesn’t think. That’s putting a whole lot of thought into levels of thought. Then he calls the meal not his top performance on the show.
So, how about that two-woman race between Stephanie and Lisa, eh?
The decision of a lifetime – After the chefs are sent back to the Stew Room, the four judges are left to ponder what just happened. Gail says she was shocked by Richard’s admission.
But then she also says he wanted to make sure that the judges know that he is capable of better.
Tom says, overall, they had three very good meals. To get the discussion going, he asks for a poll of who they think won each course.
First course: Ted likes Lisa’s. Gail and Tom like Stephanie’s. Second course: Tom and Gail like Lisa’s dumpling soup. Third course: They seem to all agree on Stephanie’s lamb. Fourth course: Tom and Ted like Richard’s. Gail and Padma like Lisa’s.
The one thing they seemingly all agree on is that Stephanie’s dessert sucked. And thus begins the long process of agreeing on the rest.
Back in the Stew Room, Lisa is breaking down their performances to Stephanie.
Lisa: You definitely killed the first and third. And I kind of feel like I nailed the second and fourth. But I don’t know.
Just like a lesbian, always wanting to process. While she’s right on target, perhaps this is yet another thing we shouldn’t say out loud. Especially with the guy who admittedly choked sitting right next to you. Poor Richard, even his faux-hawk looks deflated.
Oh, and one more thing: “You won the f—ing bronze medal, congratulations. There you go.”
The judges’ decisions have come down to each of their preferences for the night. As the birds chirp their morning hellos, they all finally reach theirs.
You’re the top – The three finalists are called back before the judges. Tom gives them all a last bit of praise. Richard’s food is “whimsical, playful and sometimes just plain outrageous.” Lisa’s flavors are “big, bold, all about you.” Stephanie’s cooking can bring in surprises that “just wow us.”
Tom: In end, we based the decision on which meal we would go back and like to have again.
And then a seemingly agonizing 20 seconds pass as Padma pauses for dramatic effect before saying:
Padma: Stephanie. [six more agonizing seconds] You are Top Chef! Stephanie: What?! Really?!
God, how cute is that? Though, to be honest, she had me at the Yoda backpack. Congratulations on a well-deserved win. Finally, the person I picked to win it from the beginning wins it all. Plus having the first female Top Chef is simply awesome and about damn time.
The recently eliminated chefs – Antonia, Spike, Dale, Andrew and Nikki – all stream in to congratulate her. Lisa and Richard get congratulated by the judges as well for a battle well fought.
Lisa says she thought she had a shot to take it, but then she heard Stephanie’s name.
Lisa: This whole journey has been awesome. I’m proud of the dishes I’ve done. This is what I want to do and this is what I’m always going to do.
Richard is even more disappointed; his eyes even look a little misty.
Richard: Losing at the last second, it sucks. That is why it’s tough, too. Because you put your whole heart into it and then it doesn’t work out. The one thing that is good about this is to kind of refocus … So, the future is bright, for sure … Cut.
No matter who I was rooting for, I always feel a little bad for the losers.
But then Stephanie dances a little jig of joy and I recalibrate my cuteness scales once again.
Talking about her win, Stephanie chokes up talking about how she doubted it at some points, but now it’s a reaffirmation. Who has the Kleenex?
See, nice girls can finish first.Stephanie: This is what I’m meant to do in life.
Lisa: I’m good. I’m not nervous about it. I’m not concerned with the timing.
She is duly rewarded with a blink-and-stare—free reaction from Tom.
Afterward, Tom handicaps the field.
Tom: It was surprising to see the reactions. Richard – he has been usually calm, but he seems very excited. I think partly because he has so many ideas running around in his head and he can’t keep them quiet … Lisa is very calm. We know she is a tough competitor … I think part of being a chef is having somewhat of an attitude and swagger. It helps. Stephanie is a little nervous about her dessert right now … It could all come down to that dish for her.
Cut to Stephanie fretting about her dessert. She decides to finally sample her ricotta pound cake.
And suddenly, it’s Stephanie who probably feels like she is “in the s—.”
Lisa: What’s wrong? Stephanie: My s— sucks. Lisa: No it doesn’t. Every time you f—ing say that it’s always awesome, Steph. Stephanie: No, not this time, yo. Lisa: Yeah, you said that like three times to me and then you won. Stephanie: Not this time. Lisa: I don’t want to hear it from you. Have some confidence in yourself.
I think that was Lisa’s version of a pep talk. But I’m not sure it worked, since Stephanie is still all furrowed brow. In fact, Stephanie and Richard are both balls of tension. And then there is calm, relaxed, whistling-a-happy-tune Lisa.
Lisa: I’m not tense. I was just thinking to myself I wonder why nobody is talking.
Richard, who must have a terrible poker face, doesn’t seem to take kindly to Lisa’s chitchatty mood.
Everyone is a critic – The guests start to arrive, wine in hand, to prepare for service to begin. Apparently you judge better when you’ve got a little buzz going.
As Richard plates his dishes, he leaves no doubt about how he feels about his competition.
Richard: I’m the best chef here. I think I have the most skill. I think I have the most ambition. I think I’m the only one who is a craftsman and an artist.
Again, buddy, you may feel that way, but should you really tell the cameras? Does no one realize that everyone, including the people they’re talking about behind their backs, will see this?
Lisa, for her part, says she is definitely going to be the first female Top Chef. And Stephanie says she wants to be Top Chef. So everyone’s confident, but only one will go home a winner.
Deciding who that will be is an all-star panel of chefs. Padma introduces Top Chef judges Tom, Ted Allen and Gail Simmons, and the super sous chefs Eric, Dan and April. Rounding out the table are Alfredo Ayala, one of Puerto Rico’s most celebrated chefs, and Tim Zagat, founder/CEO of a little thing called the Zagat Survey.
The chefs explain their menus to the distinguished diners.
Richard: I think writing a menu is as important to a chef as the food that is on the plate.
OK, but then why have such a vague, mysterious menu? His menu reads – and I kid you not – “You Are Here,” “Which Came First,” “Be the Bacon” and “You Are Still Here.” That’s it – no other description whatsoever. Is he going to serve them peyote and then ask them life’s biggest questions?
Lisa and Stephanie, who were so gauche as to actually list what they were going to serve on their menus, say that their dishes will be shocking and simple, respectively.
The last supper – But enough talk, bring on the grub. The first courses are sent out: Lisa’s prawns with chili basil sauce, crab and homemade potato chips; Stephanie’s red snapper over truffle, clam and asparagus broth with asparagus salad; Richard’s scallop with mango and pineapple vinegar.
From my armchair, what-would-I-want-to-eat-this-very-second perspective, I give it to Lisa. I mean, dude, potato chips.
The judges call Richard’s scallop unfamiliar, but a little too complicated. Lisa’s shrimp has a nice texture, but is too spicy. Stephanie’s snapper is delicate, elegant and, according to Chef Ayala, “the best of the three.”
Second course next. It’s Lisa’s tom kha gai soup dumpling vs. Stephanie’s quail breast over lobster ravioli with a quail egg vs. Richard’s guinea hen, chicken egg and foie gras.
My totally untrained eye picks Stephanie’s quail/ravioli/egg dish because it just looks neat.
But, of course, the judges know better. The judges say the ingredients are hard to distinguish in Richard’s dish. Tom calls it Richard “falling in love with the technique.” Gail calls Lisa’s soup “absolutely delicious,” and Chef Zagat says he would have been “happy to have seconds.” The judges like the well-balanced flavors of Stephanie’s quail. But Tom, oh Tom, he has once again spotted and despised the unnecessary garnish.
Tom: No one had an issue with these leeks?
They’re apparently undercooked and have no relevance on the plate.
The third “carnivore” course pits Lisa’s Wagyu beef with chayote and cucumber salad, hot sauce and garlic chips against Stephanie’s lamb with maitake mushrooms, braised pistachios and olive tapenade, and Richard’s pork belly with pickled radishes and mirin broth.
Hands down, my eyeballing-it critique gives it to Stephanie. My stomach began growling involuntarily.
The judges, for once, agree with my superficial prognosticating. Richard’s pork belly is underseasoned. Lisa’s beef isn’t tender, but they do like her salad.
Padma: Did you do that, April? Because the knife skills are pretty good in that. April: I didn’t do that at all.
Wait, Padma, was that a mini slam on Lisa’s knife skills?
But it’s Stephanie’s dish that gets the big love. And it’s surprised them all, in a very good way.
Tom: Richard’s dish just needs work. Lisa’s dish is just pedestrian. Stephanie’s is full of surprises and it works.
And, finally, dessert. Lisa’s black Thai rice pudding, Stephanie’s ricotta pound cake with tropical fruit, and Richard’s banana scallop with bacon ice cream all try to satisfy the judges’ sweet teeth.
Now, normally, I am in favor of anything and everything with bacon. But I may just have to draw the line at ice cream. On looks alone, I give it to Lisa. It’s just pretty.
And, what do you know, maybe you can judge a dessert by its cover. Lisa’s rice pudding is called “exciting” and “wonderful.” Richard’s banana/bacon-dish is called “playful,” but Eric says one needs to focus on flavors before contemplating playtime. Stephanie’s cake is deemed “nothing special” and “unrefined.”
Thanks for the grub – The chefs compare notes after the meal is over. Gail thinks they’ve all won. Aww, what a softie. But leave it to Tom to bring the perspective.
Tom: [Richard is] more intellectual, out there. Lisa is sort of sticking true to herself and what she likes to eat and what she likes to cook. And Stephanie tends to have more of a homey spin on things. And I think we have a very strong contrast of styles and of flavors, and I think it is going to be a very interesting Judges’ Table.
The cheftestants come back out to applause.
I like that. I think more people should clap at the end of a good meal. Of course that would mean conversely that people would boo at the end of a bad meal. I guess that would make for a pretty noisy dining area.
Despite the applause, Richard and his non-poker face tell a different story.
First things first – Padma, Tom, Gail and Ted arrive for Judges’ Table. Padma is all aglow about the meal. No, seriously, she is glowing.
Who else is glowing? Lisa. On the walk up to Judge’s Table she is all smiles – smiling, relaxed, friendly. Who is this and what have Bravo editors done with this season’s supposed villain?
The chefs are asked to explain their choices course by course. They start with Richard. He says a first course should be an explosion of flavor that wakes up the palate. Padma says some of them thought it lacked seasoning.
Tom then wants to know if Lisa meant her first course to be so “hot” and “assertive.”
Lisa: You guys have been telling me, you know, “We want to see you in the cooking.” And clearly I’m a “spicy” kind of person.
Who says lesbians don’t have a sense of humor?
Stephanie says her first course was meant to be springy, and the judges spring to praise it. Gail calls it “beautifully presented” and Padma calls it “lovely.”
Anyone for seconds? – For the second course, Richard says if he could change anything, he might leave off the foie gras. Gail says the dish was muddled and the flavors lost their integrity.
Better not tell the conservatives about his integrity-less flavors. They’ll argue that once flavors lose their integrity, it’s a slippery slope. After that it’s only a matter of time before you see same-flavor marriages, and that will destroy the very fabric of our nation itself, namely opposite-flavor marriages.
Why, yes, I do like to stretch my metaphors. Why do you ask?
Lisa’s second course soup is called slurp-worthy. Ted says the flavors “blew everyone away.”
Again with the big smiles. Geez, why won’t you subscribe to your ascribed role as this season’s Big Bad Lesbian? This smiling is confusing millions of viewers at home.
Stephanie’s second course is praised all around, but – and it’s a big but – then there were those leeks. Tom says he doesn’t know what they were doing there, and they weren’t cooked. As Stephanie learned her leeks were crunchy, the look on her face can only be described as abject horror.
Third time is the charm – Onto the third course, and Ted asks Richard if he had considered making his pork belly crispier. Richard says he would have lost the integrity of the meat by crisping the fat. Again with integrity-less flavors. Do no flavors have strong moral values anymore? Tom blinks and stares. This is the most blinking and staring Richard has encountered all season.
Tom then calls Lisa’s Wagyu beef third course undercooked. He says Kobe beef is different than American beef. If it’s not cooked enough, the fats don’t melt and instead make it chewy. Wow, I just learned something useful. Well, that is, if I could ever afford to buy Kobe beef.
Stephanie’s lamb third course turns her frown upside down. In fact, she does a little “Woo hoo!” about how well the lamb came out. Could she get any cuter? Answer: no.
Ted calls the dish “one of the more creative things that happened all night.” Tom calls it “full of surprises” and thanks her.
Just desserts – And then there’s nothing left but the sweet stuff to talk about. Richard says he made the dish because he eats a banana every day for breakfast. Tom says it worked, but Padma reminds Richard that he also won the dessert challenge with the banana scallops. He says yes, but a “different variation.” Three times is three times, bro.
Padma is all anxious to talk about Lisa’s dessert. After she explains the flavors, Padma is quick to call it “delicious.” That after Padma called Lisa’s mango sticky rice dessert back in “Restaurant Wars” “appalling.” Rice vindication accomplished.
Padma asks Stephanie if she was happy with her dessert. She says she was happy with the flavors, but the banana cream was something she was trying out for saltiness. Tom says he had problems with it, specifically the banana cream, which was “a miss.”
The defense rests – Before she lets them go to deliberate, Padma asks the chefs if they have any last words. The camera pans dramatically back and forth. Who will break the silence? Who will plead his/her case first? Stephanie. Wow, she is full of surprises, isn’t she?
Stephanie: It’s just funny, when I was working with Dale, the number one thing he said to me was “Don’t second-guess yourself.” And the dish that I fell short on tonight, the dessert, was me second-guessing myself. But I think that I’ll be able to take this and learn, and I think that I just am what a Top Chef should be. Lisa: I feel very strongly about the menu that I provided you guys with tonight. I am very confident that you’ll be like, “She deserves this win, she deserves to be Top Chef. She’s got the qualities.” Richard: Yeah, sure, I’ll say it. I mean, I feel like I choked a little bit.
Oh, Richard. I can’t tell if you are being incredibly honest or incredibly stupid. I suspect it’s a bit of both.
He says he thinks he overthought the meal and is at his best when he doesn’t think. That’s putting a whole lot of thought into levels of thought. Then he calls the meal not his top performance on the show.
So, how about that two-woman race between Stephanie and Lisa, eh?
The decision of a lifetime – After the chefs are sent back to the Stew Room, the four judges are left to ponder what just happened. Gail says she was shocked by Richard’s admission.
But then she also says he wanted to make sure that the judges know that he is capable of better.
Tom says, overall, they had three very good meals. To get the discussion going, he asks for a poll of who they think won each course.
First course: Ted likes Lisa’s. Gail and Tom like Stephanie’s. Second course: Tom and Gail like Lisa’s dumpling soup. Third course: They seem to all agree on Stephanie’s lamb. Fourth course: Tom and Ted like Richard’s. Gail and Padma like Lisa’s.
The one thing they seemingly all agree on is that Stephanie’s dessert sucked. And thus begins the long process of agreeing on the rest.
Back in the Stew Room, Lisa is breaking down their performances to Stephanie.
Lisa: You definitely killed the first and third. And I kind of feel like I nailed the second and fourth. But I don’t know.
Just like a lesbian, always wanting to process. While she’s right on target, perhaps this is yet another thing we shouldn’t say out loud. Especially with the guy who admittedly choked sitting right next to you. Poor Richard, even his faux-hawk looks deflated.
Oh, and one more thing: “You won the f—ing bronze medal, congratulations. There you go.”
The judges’ decisions have come down to each of their preferences for the night. As the birds chirp their morning hellos, they all finally reach theirs.
You’re the top – The three finalists are called back before the judges. Tom gives them all a last bit of praise. Richard’s food is “whimsical, playful and sometimes just plain outrageous.” Lisa’s flavors are “big, bold, all about you.” Stephanie’s cooking can bring in surprises that “just wow us.”
Tom: In end, we based the decision on which meal we would go back and like to have again.
And then a seemingly agonizing 20 seconds pass as Padma pauses for dramatic effect before saying:
Padma: Stephanie. [six more agonizing seconds] You are Top Chef! Stephanie: What?! Really?!
God, how cute is that? Though, to be honest, she had me at the Yoda backpack. Congratulations on a well-deserved win. Finally, the person I picked to win it from the beginning wins it all. Plus having the first female Top Chef is simply awesome and about damn time.
The recently eliminated chefs – Antonia, Spike, Dale, Andrew and Nikki – all stream in to congratulate her. Lisa and Richard get congratulated by the judges as well for a battle well fought.
Lisa says she thought she had a shot to take it, but then she heard Stephanie’s name.
Lisa: This whole journey has been awesome. I’m proud of the dishes I’ve done. This is what I want to do and this is what I’m always going to do.
Richard is even more disappointed; his eyes even look a little misty.
Richard: Losing at the last second, it sucks. That is why it’s tough, too. Because you put your whole heart into it and then it doesn’t work out. The one thing that is good about this is to kind of refocus … So, the future is bright, for sure … Cut.
No matter who I was rooting for, I always feel a little bad for the losers.
But then Stephanie dances a little jig of joy and I recalibrate my cuteness scales once again.
Talking about her win, Stephanie chokes up talking about how she doubted it at some points, but now it’s a reaffirmation. Who has the Kleenex?
See, nice girls can finish first.Stephanie: This is what I’m meant to do in life.
Stephanie’s menu: First course, red snapper. Second course, quail with lobster ravioli and quail egg. Third course, lamb medallions. Fourth course, ricotta pound cake.
Stirring the pot – Tom arrives to check on their progress. When he asks Richard what his menu is, Richard says “it’s a little abstract.” Tom gives him his patented blinking stare. And then Richard tells him he is “in the s— right now.” That gets my patented blinking stare. Also, what an unpleasant mental image to use while discussing food.
Stephanie tells Tom she has five minutes until she finds out if her pound cake is a boom or a bust. Tom asks her if she has made it before, and she says she’s done it once. More blinking, more staring.
That just leaves Lisa. Calm, relaxed, whistling-a-happy-tune Lisa. OK, she isn’t whistling. But she is amazingly calm and relaxed.
Lisa: I’m good. I’m not nervous about it. I’m not concerned with the timing.
She is duly rewarded with a blink-and-stare—free reaction from Tom.
Afterward, Tom handicaps the field.
Tom: It was surprising to see the reactions. Richard – he has been usually calm, but he seems very excited. I think partly because he has so many ideas running around in his head and he can’t keep them quiet … Lisa is very calm. We know she is a tough competitor … I think part of being a chef is having somewhat of an attitude and swagger. It helps. Stephanie is a little nervous about her dessert right now … It could all come down to that dish for her.
Cut to Stephanie fretting about her dessert. She decides to finally sample her ricotta pound cake.
And suddenly, it’s Stephanie who probably feels like she is “in the s—.”
Lisa: What’s wrong? Stephanie: My s— sucks. Lisa: No it doesn’t. Every time you f—ing say that it’s always awesome, Steph. Stephanie: No, not this time, yo. Lisa: Yeah, you said that like three times to me and then you won. Stephanie: Not this time. Lisa: I don’t want to hear it from you. Have some confidence in yourself.
I think that was Lisa’s version of a pep talk. But I’m not sure it worked, since Stephanie is still all furrowed brow. In fact, Stephanie and Richard are both balls of tension. And then there is calm, relaxed, whistling-a-happy-tune Lisa.
Lisa: I’m not tense. I was just thinking to myself I wonder why nobody is talking.
Richard, who must have a terrible poker face, doesn’t seem to take kindly to Lisa’s chitchatty mood.
Everyone is a critic – The guests start to arrive, wine in hand, to prepare for service to begin. Apparently you judge better when you’ve got a little buzz going.
As Richard plates his dishes, he leaves no doubt about how he feels about his competition.
Richard: I’m the best chef here. I think I have the most skill. I think I have the most ambition. I think I’m the only one who is a craftsman and an artist.
Again, buddy, you may feel that way, but should you really tell the cameras? Does no one realize that everyone, including the people they’re talking about behind their backs, will see this?
Lisa, for her part, says she is definitely going to be the first female Top Chef. And Stephanie says she wants to be Top Chef. So everyone’s confident, but only one will go home a winner.
Deciding who that will be is an all-star panel of chefs. Padma introduces Top Chef judges Tom, Ted Allen and Gail Simmons, and the super sous chefs Eric, Dan and April. Rounding out the table are Alfredo Ayala, one of Puerto Rico’s most celebrated chefs, and Tim Zagat, founder/CEO of a little thing called the Zagat Survey.
The chefs explain their menus to the distinguished diners.
Richard: I think writing a menu is as important to a chef as the food that is on the plate.
OK, but then why have such a vague, mysterious menu? His menu reads – and I kid you not – “You Are Here,” “Which Came First,” “Be the Bacon” and “You Are Still Here.” That’s it – no other description whatsoever. Is he going to serve them peyote and then ask them life’s biggest questions?
Lisa and Stephanie, who were so gauche as to actually list what they were going to serve on their menus, say that their dishes will be shocking and simple, respectively.
The last supper – But enough talk, bring on the grub. The first courses are sent out: Lisa’s prawns with chili basil sauce, crab and homemade potato chips; Stephanie’s red snapper over truffle, clam and asparagus broth with asparagus salad; Richard’s scallop with mango and pineapple vinegar.
From my armchair, what-would-I-want-to-eat-this-very-second perspective, I give it to Lisa. I mean, dude, potato chips.
The judges call Richard’s scallop unfamiliar, but a little too complicated. Lisa’s shrimp has a nice texture, but is too spicy. Stephanie’s snapper is delicate, elegant and, according to Chef Ayala, “the best of the three.”
Second course next. It’s Lisa’s tom kha gai soup dumpling vs. Stephanie’s quail breast over lobster ravioli with a quail egg vs. Richard’s guinea hen, chicken egg and foie gras.
My totally untrained eye picks Stephanie’s quail/ravioli/egg dish because it just looks neat.
But, of course, the judges know better. The judges say the ingredients are hard to distinguish in Richard’s dish. Tom calls it Richard “falling in love with the technique.” Gail calls Lisa’s soup “absolutely delicious,” and Chef Zagat says he would have been “happy to have seconds.” The judges like the well-balanced flavors of Stephanie’s quail. But Tom, oh Tom, he has once again spotted and despised the unnecessary garnish.
Tom: No one had an issue with these leeks?
They’re apparently undercooked and have no relevance on the plate.
The third “carnivore” course pits Lisa’s Wagyu beef with chayote and cucumber salad, hot sauce and garlic chips against Stephanie’s lamb with maitake mushrooms, braised pistachios and olive tapenade, and Richard’s pork belly with pickled radishes and mirin broth.
Hands down, my eyeballing-it critique gives it to Stephanie. My stomach began growling involuntarily.
The judges, for once, agree with my superficial prognosticating. Richard’s pork belly is underseasoned. Lisa’s beef isn’t tender, but they do like her salad.
Padma: Did you do that, April? Because the knife skills are pretty good in that. April: I didn’t do that at all.
Wait, Padma, was that a mini slam on Lisa’s knife skills?
But it’s Stephanie’s dish that gets the big love. And it’s surprised them all, in a very good way.
Tom: Richard’s dish just needs work. Lisa’s dish is just pedestrian. Stephanie’s is full of surprises and it works.
And, finally, dessert. Lisa’s black Thai rice pudding, Stephanie’s ricotta pound cake with tropical fruit, and Richard’s banana scallop with bacon ice cream all try to satisfy the judges’ sweet teeth.
Now, normally, I am in favor of anything and everything with bacon. But I may just have to draw the line at ice cream. On looks alone, I give it to Lisa. It’s just pretty.
And, what do you know, maybe you can judge a dessert by its cover. Lisa’s rice pudding is called “exciting” and “wonderful.” Richard’s banana/bacon-dish is called “playful,” but Eric says one needs to focus on flavors before contemplating playtime. Stephanie’s cake is deemed “nothing special” and “unrefined.”
Thanks for the grub – The chefs compare notes after the meal is over. Gail thinks they’ve all won. Aww, what a softie. But leave it to Tom to bring the perspective.
Tom: [Richard is] more intellectual, out there. Lisa is sort of sticking true to herself and what she likes to eat and what she likes to cook. And Stephanie tends to have more of a homey spin on things. And I think we have a very strong contrast of styles and of flavors, and I think it is going to be a very interesting Judges’ Table.
The cheftestants come back out to applause.
I like that. I think more people should clap at the end of a good meal. Of course that would mean conversely that people would boo at the end of a bad meal. I guess that would make for a pretty noisy dining area.
Despite the applause, Richard and his non-poker face tell a different story.
First things first – Padma, Tom, Gail and Ted arrive for Judges’ Table. Padma is all aglow about the meal. No, seriously, she is glowing.
Who else is glowing? Lisa. On the walk up to Judge’s Table she is all smiles – smiling, relaxed, friendly. Who is this and what have Bravo editors done with this season’s supposed villain?
The chefs are asked to explain their choices course by course. They start with Richard. He says a first course should be an explosion of flavor that wakes up the palate. Padma says some of them thought it lacked seasoning.
Tom then wants to know if Lisa meant her first course to be so “hot” and “assertive.”
Lisa: You guys have been telling me, you know, “We want to see you in the cooking.” And clearly I’m a “spicy” kind of person.
Who says lesbians don’t have a sense of humor?
Stephanie says her first course was meant to be springy, and the judges spring to praise it. Gail calls it “beautifully presented” and Padma calls it “lovely.”
Anyone for seconds? – For the second course, Richard says if he could change anything, he might leave off the foie gras. Gail says the dish was muddled and the flavors lost their integrity.
Better not tell the conservatives about his integrity-less flavors. They’ll argue that once flavors lose their integrity, it’s a slippery slope. After that it’s only a matter of time before you see same-flavor marriages, and that will destroy the very fabric of our nation itself, namely opposite-flavor marriages.
Why, yes, I do like to stretch my metaphors. Why do you ask?
Lisa’s second course soup is called slurp-worthy. Ted says the flavors “blew everyone away.”
Again with the big smiles. Geez, why won’t you subscribe to your ascribed role as this season’s Big Bad Lesbian? This smiling is confusing millions of viewers at home.
Stephanie’s second course is praised all around, but – and it’s a big but – then there were those leeks. Tom says he doesn’t know what they were doing there, and they weren’t cooked. As Stephanie learned her leeks were crunchy, the look on her face can only be described as abject horror.
Third time is the charm – Onto the third course, and Ted asks Richard if he had considered making his pork belly crispier. Richard says he would have lost the integrity of the meat by crisping the fat. Again with integrity-less flavors. Do no flavors have strong moral values anymore? Tom blinks and stares. This is the most blinking and staring Richard has encountered all season.
Tom then calls Lisa’s Wagyu beef third course undercooked. He says Kobe beef is different than American beef. If it’s not cooked enough, the fats don’t melt and instead make it chewy. Wow, I just learned something useful. Well, that is, if I could ever afford to buy Kobe beef.
Stephanie’s lamb third course turns her frown upside down. In fact, she does a little “Woo hoo!” about how well the lamb came out. Could she get any cuter? Answer: no.
Ted calls the dish “one of the more creative things that happened all night.” Tom calls it “full of surprises” and thanks her.
Just desserts – And then there’s nothing left but the sweet stuff to talk about. Richard says he made the dish because he eats a banana every day for breakfast. Tom says it worked, but Padma reminds Richard that he also won the dessert challenge with the banana scallops. He says yes, but a “different variation.” Three times is three times, bro.
Padma is all anxious to talk about Lisa’s dessert. After she explains the flavors, Padma is quick to call it “delicious.” That after Padma called Lisa’s mango sticky rice dessert back in “Restaurant Wars” “appalling.” Rice vindication accomplished.
Padma asks Stephanie if she was happy with her dessert. She says she was happy with the flavors, but the banana cream was something she was trying out for saltiness. Tom says he had problems with it, specifically the banana cream, which was “a miss.”
The defense rests – Before she lets them go to deliberate, Padma asks the chefs if they have any last words. The camera pans dramatically back and forth. Who will break the silence? Who will plead his/her case first? Stephanie. Wow, she is full of surprises, isn’t she?
Stephanie: It’s just funny, when I was working with Dale, the number one thing he said to me was “Don’t second-guess yourself.” And the dish that I fell short on tonight, the dessert, was me second-guessing myself. But I think that I’ll be able to take this and learn, and I think that I just am what a Top Chef should be. Lisa: I feel very strongly about the menu that I provided you guys with tonight. I am very confident that you’ll be like, “She deserves this win, she deserves to be Top Chef. She’s got the qualities.” Richard: Yeah, sure, I’ll say it. I mean, I feel like I choked a little bit.
Oh, Richard. I can’t tell if you are being incredibly honest or incredibly stupid. I suspect it’s a bit of both.
He says he thinks he overthought the meal and is at his best when he doesn’t think. That’s putting a whole lot of thought into levels of thought. Then he calls the meal not his top performance on the show.
So, how about that two-woman race between Stephanie and Lisa, eh?
The decision of a lifetime – After the chefs are sent back to the Stew Room, the four judges are left to ponder what just happened. Gail says she was shocked by Richard’s admission.
But then she also says he wanted to make sure that the judges know that he is capable of better.
Tom says, overall, they had three very good meals. To get the discussion going, he asks for a poll of who they think won each course.
First course: Ted likes Lisa’s. Gail and Tom like Stephanie’s. Second course: Tom and Gail like Lisa’s dumpling soup. Third course: They seem to all agree on Stephanie’s lamb. Fourth course: Tom and Ted like Richard’s. Gail and Padma like Lisa’s.
The one thing they seemingly all agree on is that Stephanie’s dessert sucked. And thus begins the long process of agreeing on the rest.
Back in the Stew Room, Lisa is breaking down their performances to Stephanie.
Lisa: You definitely killed the first and third. And I kind of feel like I nailed the second and fourth. But I don’t know.
Just like a lesbian, always wanting to process. While she’s right on target, perhaps this is yet another thing we shouldn’t say out loud. Especially with the guy who admittedly choked sitting right next to you. Poor Richard, even his faux-hawk looks deflated.
Oh, and one more thing: “You won the f—ing bronze medal, congratulations. There you go.”
The judges’ decisions have come down to each of their preferences for the night. As the birds chirp their morning hellos, they all finally reach theirs.
You’re the top – The three finalists are called back before the judges. Tom gives them all a last bit of praise. Richard’s food is “whimsical, playful and sometimes just plain outrageous.” Lisa’s flavors are “big, bold, all about you.” Stephanie’s cooking can bring in surprises that “just wow us.”
Tom: In end, we based the decision on which meal we would go back and like to have again.
And then a seemingly agonizing 20 seconds pass as Padma pauses for dramatic effect before saying:
Padma: Stephanie. [six more agonizing seconds] You are Top Chef! Stephanie: What?! Really?!
God, how cute is that? Though, to be honest, she had me at the Yoda backpack. Congratulations on a well-deserved win. Finally, the person I picked to win it from the beginning wins it all. Plus having the first female Top Chef is simply awesome and about damn time.
The recently eliminated chefs – Antonia, Spike, Dale, Andrew and Nikki – all stream in to congratulate her. Lisa and Richard get congratulated by the judges as well for a battle well fought.
Lisa says she thought she had a shot to take it, but then she heard Stephanie’s name.
Lisa: This whole journey has been awesome. I’m proud of the dishes I’ve done. This is what I want to do and this is what I’m always going to do.
Richard is even more disappointed; his eyes even look a little misty.
Richard: Losing at the last second, it sucks. That is why it’s tough, too. Because you put your whole heart into it and then it doesn’t work out. The one thing that is good about this is to kind of refocus … So, the future is bright, for sure … Cut.
No matter who I was rooting for, I always feel a little bad for the losers.
But then Stephanie dances a little jig of joy and I recalibrate my cuteness scales once again.
Talking about her win, Stephanie chokes up talking about how she doubted it at some points, but now it’s a reaffirmation. Who has the Kleenex?
See, nice girls can finish first.Stephanie: This is what I’m meant to do in life.
Richard’s menu: First course, scallops. Second course, guinea hen, foie gras and eggs. Third course, pork belly. Fourth course, banana scallops with bacon ice cream.
Banana scallops, again? Seriously, again?
Stephanie’s menu has no such repeats, or in Richard’s case, threepeats.
Stephanie’s menu: First course, red snapper. Second course, quail with lobster ravioli and quail egg. Third course, lamb medallions. Fourth course, ricotta pound cake.
Stirring the pot – Tom arrives to check on their progress. When he asks Richard what his menu is, Richard says “it’s a little abstract.” Tom gives him his patented blinking stare. And then Richard tells him he is “in the s— right now.” That gets my patented blinking stare. Also, what an unpleasant mental image to use while discussing food.
Stephanie tells Tom she has five minutes until she finds out if her pound cake is a boom or a bust. Tom asks her if she has made it before, and she says she’s done it once. More blinking, more staring.
That just leaves Lisa. Calm, relaxed, whistling-a-happy-tune Lisa. OK, she isn’t whistling. But she is amazingly calm and relaxed.
Lisa: I’m good. I’m not nervous about it. I’m not concerned with the timing.
She is duly rewarded with a blink-and-stare—free reaction from Tom.
Afterward, Tom handicaps the field.
Tom: It was surprising to see the reactions. Richard – he has been usually calm, but he seems very excited. I think partly because he has so many ideas running around in his head and he can’t keep them quiet … Lisa is very calm. We know she is a tough competitor … I think part of being a chef is having somewhat of an attitude and swagger. It helps. Stephanie is a little nervous about her dessert right now … It could all come down to that dish for her.
Cut to Stephanie fretting about her dessert. She decides to finally sample her ricotta pound cake.
And suddenly, it’s Stephanie who probably feels like she is “in the s—.”
Lisa: What’s wrong? Stephanie: My s— sucks. Lisa: No it doesn’t. Every time you f—ing say that it’s always awesome, Steph. Stephanie: No, not this time, yo. Lisa: Yeah, you said that like three times to me and then you won. Stephanie: Not this time. Lisa: I don’t want to hear it from you. Have some confidence in yourself.
I think that was Lisa’s version of a pep talk. But I’m not sure it worked, since Stephanie is still all furrowed brow. In fact, Stephanie and Richard are both balls of tension. And then there is calm, relaxed, whistling-a-happy-tune Lisa.
Lisa: I’m not tense. I was just thinking to myself I wonder why nobody is talking.
Richard, who must have a terrible poker face, doesn’t seem to take kindly to Lisa’s chitchatty mood.
Everyone is a critic – The guests start to arrive, wine in hand, to prepare for service to begin. Apparently you judge better when you’ve got a little buzz going.
As Richard plates his dishes, he leaves no doubt about how he feels about his competition.
Richard: I’m the best chef here. I think I have the most skill. I think I have the most ambition. I think I’m the only one who is a craftsman and an artist.
Again, buddy, you may feel that way, but should you really tell the cameras? Does no one realize that everyone, including the people they’re talking about behind their backs, will see this?
Lisa, for her part, says she is definitely going to be the first female Top Chef. And Stephanie says she wants to be Top Chef. So everyone’s confident, but only one will go home a winner.
Deciding who that will be is an all-star panel of chefs. Padma introduces Top Chef judges Tom, Ted Allen and Gail Simmons, and the super sous chefs Eric, Dan and April. Rounding out the table are Alfredo Ayala, one of Puerto Rico’s most celebrated chefs, and Tim Zagat, founder/CEO of a little thing called the Zagat Survey.
The chefs explain their menus to the distinguished diners.
Richard: I think writing a menu is as important to a chef as the food that is on the plate.
OK, but then why have such a vague, mysterious menu? His menu reads – and I kid you not – “You Are Here,” “Which Came First,” “Be the Bacon” and “You Are Still Here.” That’s it – no other description whatsoever. Is he going to serve them peyote and then ask them life’s biggest questions?
Lisa and Stephanie, who were so gauche as to actually list what they were going to serve on their menus, say that their dishes will be shocking and simple, respectively.
The last supper – But enough talk, bring on the grub. The first courses are sent out: Lisa’s prawns with chili basil sauce, crab and homemade potato chips; Stephanie’s red snapper over truffle, clam and asparagus broth with asparagus salad; Richard’s scallop with mango and pineapple vinegar.
From my armchair, what-would-I-want-to-eat-this-very-second perspective, I give it to Lisa. I mean, dude, potato chips.
The judges call Richard’s scallop unfamiliar, but a little too complicated. Lisa’s shrimp has a nice texture, but is too spicy. Stephanie’s snapper is delicate, elegant and, according to Chef Ayala, “the best of the three.”
Second course next. It’s Lisa’s tom kha gai soup dumpling vs. Stephanie’s quail breast over lobster ravioli with a quail egg vs. Richard’s guinea hen, chicken egg and foie gras.
My totally untrained eye picks Stephanie’s quail/ravioli/egg dish because it just looks neat.
But, of course, the judges know better. The judges say the ingredients are hard to distinguish in Richard’s dish. Tom calls it Richard “falling in love with the technique.” Gail calls Lisa’s soup “absolutely delicious,” and Chef Zagat says he would have been “happy to have seconds.” The judges like the well-balanced flavors of Stephanie’s quail. But Tom, oh Tom, he has once again spotted and despised the unnecessary garnish.
Tom: No one had an issue with these leeks?
They’re apparently undercooked and have no relevance on the plate.
The third “carnivore” course pits Lisa’s Wagyu beef with chayote and cucumber salad, hot sauce and garlic chips against Stephanie’s lamb with maitake mushrooms, braised pistachios and olive tapenade, and Richard’s pork belly with pickled radishes and mirin broth.
Hands down, my eyeballing-it critique gives it to Stephanie. My stomach began growling involuntarily.
The judges, for once, agree with my superficial prognosticating. Richard’s pork belly is underseasoned. Lisa’s beef isn’t tender, but they do like her salad.
Padma: Did you do that, April? Because the knife skills are pretty good in that. April: I didn’t do that at all.
Wait, Padma, was that a mini slam on Lisa’s knife skills?
But it’s Stephanie’s dish that gets the big love. And it’s surprised them all, in a very good way.
Tom: Richard’s dish just needs work. Lisa’s dish is just pedestrian. Stephanie’s is full of surprises and it works.
And, finally, dessert. Lisa’s black Thai rice pudding, Stephanie’s ricotta pound cake with tropical fruit, and Richard’s banana scallop with bacon ice cream all try to satisfy the judges’ sweet teeth.
Now, normally, I am in favor of anything and everything with bacon. But I may just have to draw the line at ice cream. On looks alone, I give it to Lisa. It’s just pretty.
And, what do you know, maybe you can judge a dessert by its cover. Lisa’s rice pudding is called “exciting” and “wonderful.” Richard’s banana/bacon-dish is called “playful,” but Eric says one needs to focus on flavors before contemplating playtime. Stephanie’s cake is deemed “nothing special” and “unrefined.”
Thanks for the grub – The chefs compare notes after the meal is over. Gail thinks they’ve all won. Aww, what a softie. But leave it to Tom to bring the perspective.
Tom: [Richard is] more intellectual, out there. Lisa is sort of sticking true to herself and what she likes to eat and what she likes to cook. And Stephanie tends to have more of a homey spin on things. And I think we have a very strong contrast of styles and of flavors, and I think it is going to be a very interesting Judges’ Table.
The cheftestants come back out to applause.
I like that. I think more people should clap at the end of a good meal. Of course that would mean conversely that people would boo at the end of a bad meal. I guess that would make for a pretty noisy dining area.
Despite the applause, Richard and his non-poker face tell a different story.
First things first – Padma, Tom, Gail and Ted arrive for Judges’ Table. Padma is all aglow about the meal. No, seriously, she is glowing.
Who else is glowing? Lisa. On the walk up to Judge’s Table she is all smiles – smiling, relaxed, friendly. Who is this and what have Bravo editors done with this season’s supposed villain?
The chefs are asked to explain their choices course by course. They start with Richard. He says a first course should be an explosion of flavor that wakes up the palate. Padma says some of them thought it lacked seasoning.
Tom then wants to know if Lisa meant her first course to be so “hot” and “assertive.”
Lisa: You guys have been telling me, you know, “We want to see you in the cooking.” And clearly I’m a “spicy” kind of person.
Who says lesbians don’t have a sense of humor?
Stephanie says her first course was meant to be springy, and the judges spring to praise it. Gail calls it “beautifully presented” and Padma calls it “lovely.”
Anyone for seconds? – For the second course, Richard says if he could change anything, he might leave off the foie gras. Gail says the dish was muddled and the flavors lost their integrity.
Better not tell the conservatives about his integrity-less flavors. They’ll argue that once flavors lose their integrity, it’s a slippery slope. After that it’s only a matter of time before you see same-flavor marriages, and that will destroy the very fabric of our nation itself, namely opposite-flavor marriages.
Why, yes, I do like to stretch my metaphors. Why do you ask?
Lisa’s second course soup is called slurp-worthy. Ted says the flavors “blew everyone away.”
Again with the big smiles. Geez, why won’t you subscribe to your ascribed role as this season’s Big Bad Lesbian? This smiling is confusing millions of viewers at home.
Stephanie’s second course is praised all around, but – and it’s a big but – then there were those leeks. Tom says he doesn’t know what they were doing there, and they weren’t cooked. As Stephanie learned her leeks were crunchy, the look on her face can only be described as abject horror.
Third time is the charm – Onto the third course, and Ted asks Richard if he had considered making his pork belly crispier. Richard says he would have lost the integrity of the meat by crisping the fat. Again with integrity-less flavors. Do no flavors have strong moral values anymore? Tom blinks and stares. This is the most blinking and staring Richard has encountered all season.
Tom then calls Lisa’s Wagyu beef third course undercooked. He says Kobe beef is different than American beef. If it’s not cooked enough, the fats don’t melt and instead make it chewy. Wow, I just learned something useful. Well, that is, if I could ever afford to buy Kobe beef.
Stephanie’s lamb third course turns her frown upside down. In fact, she does a little “Woo hoo!” about how well the lamb came out. Could she get any cuter? Answer: no.
Ted calls the dish “one of the more creative things that happened all night.” Tom calls it “full of surprises” and thanks her.
Just desserts – And then there’s nothing left but the sweet stuff to talk about. Richard says he made the dish because he eats a banana every day for breakfast. Tom says it worked, but Padma reminds Richard that he also won the dessert challenge with the banana scallops. He says yes, but a “different variation.” Three times is three times, bro.
Padma is all anxious to talk about Lisa’s dessert. After she explains the flavors, Padma is quick to call it “delicious.” That after Padma called Lisa’s mango sticky rice dessert back in “Restaurant Wars” “appalling.” Rice vindication accomplished.
Padma asks Stephanie if she was happy with her dessert. She says she was happy with the flavors, but the banana cream was something she was trying out for saltiness. Tom says he had problems with it, specifically the banana cream, which was “a miss.”
The defense rests – Before she lets them go to deliberate, Padma asks the chefs if they have any last words. The camera pans dramatically back and forth. Who will break the silence? Who will plead his/her case first? Stephanie. Wow, she is full of surprises, isn’t she?
Stephanie: It’s just funny, when I was working with Dale, the number one thing he said to me was “Don’t second-guess yourself.” And the dish that I fell short on tonight, the dessert, was me second-guessing myself. But I think that I’ll be able to take this and learn, and I think that I just am what a Top Chef should be. Lisa: I feel very strongly about the menu that I provided you guys with tonight. I am very confident that you’ll be like, “She deserves this win, she deserves to be Top Chef. She’s got the qualities.” Richard: Yeah, sure, I’ll say it. I mean, I feel like I choked a little bit.
Oh, Richard. I can’t tell if you are being incredibly honest or incredibly stupid. I suspect it’s a bit of both.
He says he thinks he overthought the meal and is at his best when he doesn’t think. That’s putting a whole lot of thought into levels of thought. Then he calls the meal not his top performance on the show.
So, how about that two-woman race between Stephanie and Lisa, eh?
The decision of a lifetime – After the chefs are sent back to the Stew Room, the four judges are left to ponder what just happened. Gail says she was shocked by Richard’s admission.
But then she also says he wanted to make sure that the judges know that he is capable of better.
Tom says, overall, they had three very good meals. To get the discussion going, he asks for a poll of who they think won each course.
First course: Ted likes Lisa’s. Gail and Tom like Stephanie’s. Second course: Tom and Gail like Lisa’s dumpling soup. Third course: They seem to all agree on Stephanie’s lamb. Fourth course: Tom and Ted like Richard’s. Gail and Padma like Lisa’s.
The one thing they seemingly all agree on is that Stephanie’s dessert sucked. And thus begins the long process of agreeing on the rest.
Back in the Stew Room, Lisa is breaking down their performances to Stephanie.
Lisa: You definitely killed the first and third. And I kind of feel like I nailed the second and fourth. But I don’t know.
Just like a lesbian, always wanting to process. While she’s right on target, perhaps this is yet another thing we shouldn’t say out loud. Especially with the guy who admittedly choked sitting right next to you. Poor Richard, even his faux-hawk looks deflated.
Oh, and one more thing: “You won the f—ing bronze medal, congratulations. There you go.”
The judges’ decisions have come down to each of their preferences for the night. As the birds chirp their morning hellos, they all finally reach theirs.
You’re the top – The three finalists are called back before the judges. Tom gives them all a last bit of praise. Richard’s food is “whimsical, playful and sometimes just plain outrageous.” Lisa’s flavors are “big, bold, all about you.” Stephanie’s cooking can bring in surprises that “just wow us.”
Tom: In end, we based the decision on which meal we would go back and like to have again.
And then a seemingly agonizing 20 seconds pass as Padma pauses for dramatic effect before saying:
Padma: Stephanie. [six more agonizing seconds] You are Top Chef! Stephanie: What?! Really?!
God, how cute is that? Though, to be honest, she had me at the Yoda backpack. Congratulations on a well-deserved win. Finally, the person I picked to win it from the beginning wins it all. Plus having the first female Top Chef is simply awesome and about damn time.
The recently eliminated chefs – Antonia, Spike, Dale, Andrew and Nikki – all stream in to congratulate her. Lisa and Richard get congratulated by the judges as well for a battle well fought.
Lisa says she thought she had a shot to take it, but then she heard Stephanie’s name.
Lisa: This whole journey has been awesome. I’m proud of the dishes I’ve done. This is what I want to do and this is what I’m always going to do.
Richard is even more disappointed; his eyes even look a little misty.
Richard: Losing at the last second, it sucks. That is why it’s tough, too. Because you put your whole heart into it and then it doesn’t work out. The one thing that is good about this is to kind of refocus … So, the future is bright, for sure … Cut.
No matter who I was rooting for, I always feel a little bad for the losers.
But then Stephanie dances a little jig of joy and I recalibrate my cuteness scales once again.
Talking about her win, Stephanie chokes up talking about how she doubted it at some points, but now it’s a reaffirmation. Who has the Kleenex?
See, nice girls can finish first.Stephanie: This is what I’m meant to do in life.
Lisa’s menu: First course, grilled prawns. Second course, tom kha gai soup and dumplings. Third course, Wagyu beef. Fourth course, Thai rice pudding.
Oh, dear God, rice.
Richard wants to tell a story with his menu. He wants to tell the judges he can cook with liquid nitrogen or just butter in a pan.
Richard’s menu: First course, scallops. Second course, guinea hen, foie gras and eggs. Third course, pork belly. Fourth course, banana scallops with bacon ice cream.
Banana scallops, again? Seriously, again?
Stephanie’s menu has no such repeats, or in Richard’s case, threepeats.
Stephanie’s menu: First course, red snapper. Second course, quail with lobster ravioli and quail egg. Third course, lamb medallions. Fourth course, ricotta pound cake.
Stirring the pot – Tom arrives to check on their progress. When he asks Richard what his menu is, Richard says “it’s a little abstract.” Tom gives him his patented blinking stare. And then Richard tells him he is “in the s— right now.” That gets my patented blinking stare. Also, what an unpleasant mental image to use while discussing food.
Stephanie tells Tom she has five minutes until she finds out if her pound cake is a boom or a bust. Tom asks her if she has made it before, and she says she’s done it once. More blinking, more staring.
That just leaves Lisa. Calm, relaxed, whistling-a-happy-tune Lisa. OK, she isn’t whistling. But she is amazingly calm and relaxed.
Lisa: I’m good. I’m not nervous about it. I’m not concerned with the timing.
She is duly rewarded with a blink-and-stare—free reaction from Tom.
Afterward, Tom handicaps the field.
Tom: It was surprising to see the reactions. Richard – he has been usually calm, but he seems very excited. I think partly because he has so many ideas running around in his head and he can’t keep them quiet … Lisa is very calm. We know she is a tough competitor … I think part of being a chef is having somewhat of an attitude and swagger. It helps. Stephanie is a little nervous about her dessert right now … It could all come down to that dish for her.
Cut to Stephanie fretting about her dessert. She decides to finally sample her ricotta pound cake.
And suddenly, it’s Stephanie who probably feels like she is “in the s—.”
Lisa: What’s wrong? Stephanie: My s— sucks. Lisa: No it doesn’t. Every time you f—ing say that it’s always awesome, Steph. Stephanie: No, not this time, yo. Lisa: Yeah, you said that like three times to me and then you won. Stephanie: Not this time. Lisa: I don’t want to hear it from you. Have some confidence in yourself.
I think that was Lisa’s version of a pep talk. But I’m not sure it worked, since Stephanie is still all furrowed brow. In fact, Stephanie and Richard are both balls of tension. And then there is calm, relaxed, whistling-a-happy-tune Lisa.
Lisa: I’m not tense. I was just thinking to myself I wonder why nobody is talking.
Richard, who must have a terrible poker face, doesn’t seem to take kindly to Lisa’s chitchatty mood.
Everyone is a critic – The guests start to arrive, wine in hand, to prepare for service to begin. Apparently you judge better when you’ve got a little buzz going.
As Richard plates his dishes, he leaves no doubt about how he feels about his competition.
Richard: I’m the best chef here. I think I have the most skill. I think I have the most ambition. I think I’m the only one who is a craftsman and an artist.
Again, buddy, you may feel that way, but should you really tell the cameras? Does no one realize that everyone, including the people they’re talking about behind their backs, will see this?
Lisa, for her part, says she is definitely going to be the first female Top Chef. And Stephanie says she wants to be Top Chef. So everyone’s confident, but only one will go home a winner.
Deciding who that will be is an all-star panel of chefs. Padma introduces Top Chef judges Tom, Ted Allen and Gail Simmons, and the super sous chefs Eric, Dan and April. Rounding out the table are Alfredo Ayala, one of Puerto Rico’s most celebrated chefs, and Tim Zagat, founder/CEO of a little thing called the Zagat Survey.
The chefs explain their menus to the distinguished diners.
Richard: I think writing a menu is as important to a chef as the food that is on the plate.
OK, but then why have such a vague, mysterious menu? His menu reads – and I kid you not – “You Are Here,” “Which Came First,” “Be the Bacon” and “You Are Still Here.” That’s it – no other description whatsoever. Is he going to serve them peyote and then ask them life’s biggest questions?
Lisa and Stephanie, who were so gauche as to actually list what they were going to serve on their menus, say that their dishes will be shocking and simple, respectively.
The last supper – But enough talk, bring on the grub. The first courses are sent out: Lisa’s prawns with chili basil sauce, crab and homemade potato chips; Stephanie’s red snapper over truffle, clam and asparagus broth with asparagus salad; Richard’s scallop with mango and pineapple vinegar.
From my armchair, what-would-I-want-to-eat-this-very-second perspective, I give it to Lisa. I mean, dude, potato chips.
The judges call Richard’s scallop unfamiliar, but a little too complicated. Lisa’s shrimp has a nice texture, but is too spicy. Stephanie’s snapper is delicate, elegant and, according to Chef Ayala, “the best of the three.”
Second course next. It’s Lisa’s tom kha gai soup dumpling vs. Stephanie’s quail breast over lobster ravioli with a quail egg vs. Richard’s guinea hen, chicken egg and foie gras.
My totally untrained eye picks Stephanie’s quail/ravioli/egg dish because it just looks neat.
But, of course, the judges know better. The judges say the ingredients are hard to distinguish in Richard’s dish. Tom calls it Richard “falling in love with the technique.” Gail calls Lisa’s soup “absolutely delicious,” and Chef Zagat says he would have been “happy to have seconds.” The judges like the well-balanced flavors of Stephanie’s quail. But Tom, oh Tom, he has once again spotted and despised the unnecessary garnish.
Tom: No one had an issue with these leeks?
They’re apparently undercooked and have no relevance on the plate.
The third “carnivore” course pits Lisa’s Wagyu beef with chayote and cucumber salad, hot sauce and garlic chips against Stephanie’s lamb with maitake mushrooms, braised pistachios and olive tapenade, and Richard’s pork belly with pickled radishes and mirin broth.
Hands down, my eyeballing-it critique gives it to Stephanie. My stomach began growling involuntarily.
The judges, for once, agree with my superficial prognosticating. Richard’s pork belly is underseasoned. Lisa’s beef isn’t tender, but they do like her salad.
Padma: Did you do that, April? Because the knife skills are pretty good in that. April: I didn’t do that at all.
Wait, Padma, was that a mini slam on Lisa’s knife skills?
But it’s Stephanie’s dish that gets the big love. And it’s surprised them all, in a very good way.
Tom: Richard’s dish just needs work. Lisa’s dish is just pedestrian. Stephanie’s is full of surprises and it works.
And, finally, dessert. Lisa’s black Thai rice pudding, Stephanie’s ricotta pound cake with tropical fruit, and Richard’s banana scallop with bacon ice cream all try to satisfy the judges’ sweet teeth.
Now, normally, I am in favor of anything and everything with bacon. But I may just have to draw the line at ice cream. On looks alone, I give it to Lisa. It’s just pretty.
And, what do you know, maybe you can judge a dessert by its cover. Lisa’s rice pudding is called “exciting” and “wonderful.” Richard’s banana/bacon-dish is called “playful,” but Eric says one needs to focus on flavors before contemplating playtime. Stephanie’s cake is deemed “nothing special” and “unrefined.”
Thanks for the grub – The chefs compare notes after the meal is over. Gail thinks they’ve all won. Aww, what a softie. But leave it to Tom to bring the perspective.
Tom: [Richard is] more intellectual, out there. Lisa is sort of sticking true to herself and what she likes to eat and what she likes to cook. And Stephanie tends to have more of a homey spin on things. And I think we have a very strong contrast of styles and of flavors, and I think it is going to be a very interesting Judges’ Table.
The cheftestants come back out to applause.
I like that. I think more people should clap at the end of a good meal. Of course that would mean conversely that people would boo at the end of a bad meal. I guess that would make for a pretty noisy dining area.
Despite the applause, Richard and his non-poker face tell a different story.
First things first – Padma, Tom, Gail and Ted arrive for Judges’ Table. Padma is all aglow about the meal. No, seriously, she is glowing.
Who else is glowing? Lisa. On the walk up to Judge’s Table she is all smiles – smiling, relaxed, friendly. Who is this and what have Bravo editors done with this season’s supposed villain?
The chefs are asked to explain their choices course by course. They start with Richard. He says a first course should be an explosion of flavor that wakes up the palate. Padma says some of them thought it lacked seasoning.
Tom then wants to know if Lisa meant her first course to be so “hot” and “assertive.”
Lisa: You guys have been telling me, you know, “We want to see you in the cooking.” And clearly I’m a “spicy” kind of person.
Who says lesbians don’t have a sense of humor?
Stephanie says her first course was meant to be springy, and the judges spring to praise it. Gail calls it “beautifully presented” and Padma calls it “lovely.”
Anyone for seconds? – For the second course, Richard says if he could change anything, he might leave off the foie gras. Gail says the dish was muddled and the flavors lost their integrity.
Better not tell the conservatives about his integrity-less flavors. They’ll argue that once flavors lose their integrity, it’s a slippery slope. After that it’s only a matter of time before you see same-flavor marriages, and that will destroy the very fabric of our nation itself, namely opposite-flavor marriages.
Why, yes, I do like to stretch my metaphors. Why do you ask?
Lisa’s second course soup is called slurp-worthy. Ted says the flavors “blew everyone away.”
Again with the big smiles. Geez, why won’t you subscribe to your ascribed role as this season’s Big Bad Lesbian? This smiling is confusing millions of viewers at home.
Stephanie’s second course is praised all around, but – and it’s a big but – then there were those leeks. Tom says he doesn’t know what they were doing there, and they weren’t cooked. As Stephanie learned her leeks were crunchy, the look on her face can only be described as abject horror.
Third time is the charm – Onto the third course, and Ted asks Richard if he had considered making his pork belly crispier. Richard says he would have lost the integrity of the meat by crisping the fat. Again with integrity-less flavors. Do no flavors have strong moral values anymore? Tom blinks and stares. This is the most blinking and staring Richard has encountered all season.
Tom then calls Lisa’s Wagyu beef third course undercooked. He says Kobe beef is different than American beef. If it’s not cooked enough, the fats don’t melt and instead make it chewy. Wow, I just learned something useful. Well, that is, if I could ever afford to buy Kobe beef.
Stephanie’s lamb third course turns her frown upside down. In fact, she does a little “Woo hoo!” about how well the lamb came out. Could she get any cuter? Answer: no.
Ted calls the dish “one of the more creative things that happened all night.” Tom calls it “full of surprises” and thanks her.
Just desserts – And then there’s nothing left but the sweet stuff to talk about. Richard says he made the dish because he eats a banana every day for breakfast. Tom says it worked, but Padma reminds Richard that he also won the dessert challenge with the banana scallops. He says yes, but a “different variation.” Three times is three times, bro.
Padma is all anxious to talk about Lisa’s dessert. After she explains the flavors, Padma is quick to call it “delicious.” That after Padma called Lisa’s mango sticky rice dessert back in “Restaurant Wars” “appalling.” Rice vindication accomplished.
Padma asks Stephanie if she was happy with her dessert. She says she was happy with the flavors, but the banana cream was something she was trying out for saltiness. Tom says he had problems with it, specifically the banana cream, which was “a miss.”
The defense rests – Before she lets them go to deliberate, Padma asks the chefs if they have any last words. The camera pans dramatically back and forth. Who will break the silence? Who will plead his/her case first? Stephanie. Wow, she is full of surprises, isn’t she?
Stephanie: It’s just funny, when I was working with Dale, the number one thing he said to me was “Don’t second-guess yourself.” And the dish that I fell short on tonight, the dessert, was me second-guessing myself. But I think that I’ll be able to take this and learn, and I think that I just am what a Top Chef should be. Lisa: I feel very strongly about the menu that I provided you guys with tonight. I am very confident that you’ll be like, “She deserves this win, she deserves to be Top Chef. She’s got the qualities.” Richard: Yeah, sure, I’ll say it. I mean, I feel like I choked a little bit.
Oh, Richard. I can’t tell if you are being incredibly honest or incredibly stupid. I suspect it’s a bit of both.
He says he thinks he overthought the meal and is at his best when he doesn’t think. That’s putting a whole lot of thought into levels of thought. Then he calls the meal not his top performance on the show.
So, how about that two-woman race between Stephanie and Lisa, eh?
The decision of a lifetime – After the chefs are sent back to the Stew Room, the four judges are left to ponder what just happened. Gail says she was shocked by Richard’s admission.
But then she also says he wanted to make sure that the judges know that he is capable of better.
Tom says, overall, they had three very good meals. To get the discussion going, he asks for a poll of who they think won each course.
First course: Ted likes Lisa’s. Gail and Tom like Stephanie’s. Second course: Tom and Gail like Lisa’s dumpling soup. Third course: They seem to all agree on Stephanie’s lamb. Fourth course: Tom and Ted like Richard’s. Gail and Padma like Lisa’s.
The one thing they seemingly all agree on is that Stephanie’s dessert sucked. And thus begins the long process of agreeing on the rest.
Back in the Stew Room, Lisa is breaking down their performances to Stephanie.
Lisa: You definitely killed the first and third. And I kind of feel like I nailed the second and fourth. But I don’t know.
Just like a lesbian, always wanting to process. While she’s right on target, perhaps this is yet another thing we shouldn’t say out loud. Especially with the guy who admittedly choked sitting right next to you. Poor Richard, even his faux-hawk looks deflated.
Oh, and one more thing: “You won the f—ing bronze medal, congratulations. There you go.”
The judges’ decisions have come down to each of their preferences for the night. As the birds chirp their morning hellos, they all finally reach theirs.
You’re the top – The three finalists are called back before the judges. Tom gives them all a last bit of praise. Richard’s food is “whimsical, playful and sometimes just plain outrageous.” Lisa’s flavors are “big, bold, all about you.” Stephanie’s cooking can bring in surprises that “just wow us.”
Tom: In end, we based the decision on which meal we would go back and like to have again.
And then a seemingly agonizing 20 seconds pass as Padma pauses for dramatic effect before saying:
Padma: Stephanie. [six more agonizing seconds] You are Top Chef! Stephanie: What?! Really?!
God, how cute is that? Though, to be honest, she had me at the Yoda backpack. Congratulations on a well-deserved win. Finally, the person I picked to win it from the beginning wins it all. Plus having the first female Top Chef is simply awesome and about damn time.
The recently eliminated chefs – Antonia, Spike, Dale, Andrew and Nikki – all stream in to congratulate her. Lisa and Richard get congratulated by the judges as well for a battle well fought.
Lisa says she thought she had a shot to take it, but then she heard Stephanie’s name.
Lisa: This whole journey has been awesome. I’m proud of the dishes I’ve done. This is what I want to do and this is what I’m always going to do.
Richard is even more disappointed; his eyes even look a little misty.
Richard: Losing at the last second, it sucks. That is why it’s tough, too. Because you put your whole heart into it and then it doesn’t work out. The one thing that is good about this is to kind of refocus … So, the future is bright, for sure … Cut.
No matter who I was rooting for, I always feel a little bad for the losers.
But then Stephanie dances a little jig of joy and I recalibrate my cuteness scales once again.
Talking about her win, Stephanie chokes up talking about how she doubted it at some points, but now it’s a reaffirmation. Who has the Kleenex?
See, nice girls can finish first.Stephanie: This is what I’m meant to do in life.
Lisa: My menu is going to really reflect my personality. Very big, bold, spicy, sweet, salty, sour. Those bright, kind of in-your-face flavors is really kind of my personality.
Lisa’s menu: First course, grilled prawns. Second course, tom kha gai soup and dumplings. Third course, Wagyu beef. Fourth course, Thai rice pudding.
Oh, dear God, rice.
Richard wants to tell a story with his menu. He wants to tell the judges he can cook with liquid nitrogen or just butter in a pan.
Richard’s menu: First course, scallops. Second course, guinea hen, foie gras and eggs. Third course, pork belly. Fourth course, banana scallops with bacon ice cream.
Banana scallops, again? Seriously, again?
Stephanie’s menu has no such repeats, or in Richard’s case, threepeats.
Stephanie’s menu: First course, red snapper. Second course, quail with lobster ravioli and quail egg. Third course, lamb medallions. Fourth course, ricotta pound cake.
Stirring the pot – Tom arrives to check on their progress. When he asks Richard what his menu is, Richard says “it’s a little abstract.” Tom gives him his patented blinking stare. And then Richard tells him he is “in the s— right now.” That gets my patented blinking stare. Also, what an unpleasant mental image to use while discussing food.
Stephanie tells Tom she has five minutes until she finds out if her pound cake is a boom or a bust. Tom asks her if she has made it before, and she says she’s done it once. More blinking, more staring.
That just leaves Lisa. Calm, relaxed, whistling-a-happy-tune Lisa. OK, she isn’t whistling. But she is amazingly calm and relaxed.
Lisa: I’m good. I’m not nervous about it. I’m not concerned with the timing.
She is duly rewarded with a blink-and-stare—free reaction from Tom.
Afterward, Tom handicaps the field.
Tom: It was surprising to see the reactions. Richard – he has been usually calm, but he seems very excited. I think partly because he has so many ideas running around in his head and he can’t keep them quiet … Lisa is very calm. We know she is a tough competitor … I think part of being a chef is having somewhat of an attitude and swagger. It helps. Stephanie is a little nervous about her dessert right now … It could all come down to that dish for her.
Cut to Stephanie fretting about her dessert. She decides to finally sample her ricotta pound cake.
And suddenly, it’s Stephanie who probably feels like she is “in the s—.”
Lisa: What’s wrong? Stephanie: My s— sucks. Lisa: No it doesn’t. Every time you f—ing say that it’s always awesome, Steph. Stephanie: No, not this time, yo. Lisa: Yeah, you said that like three times to me and then you won. Stephanie: Not this time. Lisa: I don’t want to hear it from you. Have some confidence in yourself.
I think that was Lisa’s version of a pep talk. But I’m not sure it worked, since Stephanie is still all furrowed brow. In fact, Stephanie and Richard are both balls of tension. And then there is calm, relaxed, whistling-a-happy-tune Lisa.
Lisa: I’m not tense. I was just thinking to myself I wonder why nobody is talking.
Richard, who must have a terrible poker face, doesn’t seem to take kindly to Lisa’s chitchatty mood.
Everyone is a critic – The guests start to arrive, wine in hand, to prepare for service to begin. Apparently you judge better when you’ve got a little buzz going.
As Richard plates his dishes, he leaves no doubt about how he feels about his competition.
Richard: I’m the best chef here. I think I have the most skill. I think I have the most ambition. I think I’m the only one who is a craftsman and an artist.
Again, buddy, you may feel that way, but should you really tell the cameras? Does no one realize that everyone, including the people they’re talking about behind their backs, will see this?
Lisa, for her part, says she is definitely going to be the first female Top Chef. And Stephanie says she wants to be Top Chef. So everyone’s confident, but only one will go home a winner.
Deciding who that will be is an all-star panel of chefs. Padma introduces Top Chef judges Tom, Ted Allen and Gail Simmons, and the super sous chefs Eric, Dan and April. Rounding out the table are Alfredo Ayala, one of Puerto Rico’s most celebrated chefs, and Tim Zagat, founder/CEO of a little thing called the Zagat Survey.
The chefs explain their menus to the distinguished diners.
Richard: I think writing a menu is as important to a chef as the food that is on the plate.
OK, but then why have such a vague, mysterious menu? His menu reads – and I kid you not – “You Are Here,” “Which Came First,” “Be the Bacon” and “You Are Still Here.” That’s it – no other description whatsoever. Is he going to serve them peyote and then ask them life’s biggest questions?
Lisa and Stephanie, who were so gauche as to actually list what they were going to serve on their menus, say that their dishes will be shocking and simple, respectively.
The last supper – But enough talk, bring on the grub. The first courses are sent out: Lisa’s prawns with chili basil sauce, crab and homemade potato chips; Stephanie’s red snapper over truffle, clam and asparagus broth with asparagus salad; Richard’s scallop with mango and pineapple vinegar.
From my armchair, what-would-I-want-to-eat-this-very-second perspective, I give it to Lisa. I mean, dude, potato chips.
The judges call Richard’s scallop unfamiliar, but a little too complicated. Lisa’s shrimp has a nice texture, but is too spicy. Stephanie’s snapper is delicate, elegant and, according to Chef Ayala, “the best of the three.”
Second course next. It’s Lisa’s tom kha gai soup dumpling vs. Stephanie’s quail breast over lobster ravioli with a quail egg vs. Richard’s guinea hen, chicken egg and foie gras.
My totally untrained eye picks Stephanie’s quail/ravioli/egg dish because it just looks neat.
But, of course, the judges know better. The judges say the ingredients are hard to distinguish in Richard’s dish. Tom calls it Richard “falling in love with the technique.” Gail calls Lisa’s soup “absolutely delicious,” and Chef Zagat says he would have been “happy to have seconds.” The judges like the well-balanced flavors of Stephanie’s quail. But Tom, oh Tom, he has once again spotted and despised the unnecessary garnish.
Tom: No one had an issue with these leeks?
They’re apparently undercooked and have no relevance on the plate.
The third “carnivore” course pits Lisa’s Wagyu beef with chayote and cucumber salad, hot sauce and garlic chips against Stephanie’s lamb with maitake mushrooms, braised pistachios and olive tapenade, and Richard’s pork belly with pickled radishes and mirin broth.
Hands down, my eyeballing-it critique gives it to Stephanie. My stomach began growling involuntarily.
The judges, for once, agree with my superficial prognosticating. Richard’s pork belly is underseasoned. Lisa’s beef isn’t tender, but they do like her salad.
Padma: Did you do that, April? Because the knife skills are pretty good in that. April: I didn’t do that at all.
Wait, Padma, was that a mini slam on Lisa’s knife skills?
But it’s Stephanie’s dish that gets the big love. And it’s surprised them all, in a very good way.
Tom: Richard’s dish just needs work. Lisa’s dish is just pedestrian. Stephanie’s is full of surprises and it works.
And, finally, dessert. Lisa’s black Thai rice pudding, Stephanie’s ricotta pound cake with tropical fruit, and Richard’s banana scallop with bacon ice cream all try to satisfy the judges’ sweet teeth.
Now, normally, I am in favor of anything and everything with bacon. But I may just have to draw the line at ice cream. On looks alone, I give it to Lisa. It’s just pretty.
And, what do you know, maybe you can judge a dessert by its cover. Lisa’s rice pudding is called “exciting” and “wonderful.” Richard’s banana/bacon-dish is called “playful,” but Eric says one needs to focus on flavors before contemplating playtime. Stephanie’s cake is deemed “nothing special” and “unrefined.”
Thanks for the grub – The chefs compare notes after the meal is over. Gail thinks they’ve all won. Aww, what a softie. But leave it to Tom to bring the perspective.
Tom: [Richard is] more intellectual, out there. Lisa is sort of sticking true to herself and what she likes to eat and what she likes to cook. And Stephanie tends to have more of a homey spin on things. And I think we have a very strong contrast of styles and of flavors, and I think it is going to be a very interesting Judges’ Table.
The cheftestants come back out to applause.
I like that. I think more people should clap at the end of a good meal. Of course that would mean conversely that people would boo at the end of a bad meal. I guess that would make for a pretty noisy dining area.
Despite the applause, Richard and his non-poker face tell a different story.
First things first – Padma, Tom, Gail and Ted arrive for Judges’ Table. Padma is all aglow about the meal. No, seriously, she is glowing.
Who else is glowing? Lisa. On the walk up to Judge’s Table she is all smiles – smiling, relaxed, friendly. Who is this and what have Bravo editors done with this season’s supposed villain?
The chefs are asked to explain their choices course by course. They start with Richard. He says a first course should be an explosion of flavor that wakes up the palate. Padma says some of them thought it lacked seasoning.
Tom then wants to know if Lisa meant her first course to be so “hot” and “assertive.”
Lisa: You guys have been telling me, you know, “We want to see you in the cooking.” And clearly I’m a “spicy” kind of person.
Who says lesbians don’t have a sense of humor?
Stephanie says her first course was meant to be springy, and the judges spring to praise it. Gail calls it “beautifully presented” and Padma calls it “lovely.”
Anyone for seconds? – For the second course, Richard says if he could change anything, he might leave off the foie gras. Gail says the dish was muddled and the flavors lost their integrity.
Better not tell the conservatives about his integrity-less flavors. They’ll argue that once flavors lose their integrity, it’s a slippery slope. After that it’s only a matter of time before you see same-flavor marriages, and that will destroy the very fabric of our nation itself, namely opposite-flavor marriages.
Why, yes, I do like to stretch my metaphors. Why do you ask?
Lisa’s second course soup is called slurp-worthy. Ted says the flavors “blew everyone away.”
Again with the big smiles. Geez, why won’t you subscribe to your ascribed role as this season’s Big Bad Lesbian? This smiling is confusing millions of viewers at home.
Stephanie’s second course is praised all around, but – and it’s a big but – then there were those leeks. Tom says he doesn’t know what they were doing there, and they weren’t cooked. As Stephanie learned her leeks were crunchy, the look on her face can only be described as abject horror.
Third time is the charm – Onto the third course, and Ted asks Richard if he had considered making his pork belly crispier. Richard says he would have lost the integrity of the meat by crisping the fat. Again with integrity-less flavors. Do no flavors have strong moral values anymore? Tom blinks and stares. This is the most blinking and staring Richard has encountered all season.
Tom then calls Lisa’s Wagyu beef third course undercooked. He says Kobe beef is different than American beef. If it’s not cooked enough, the fats don’t melt and instead make it chewy. Wow, I just learned something useful. Well, that is, if I could ever afford to buy Kobe beef.
Stephanie’s lamb third course turns her frown upside down. In fact, she does a little “Woo hoo!” about how well the lamb came out. Could she get any cuter? Answer: no.
Ted calls the dish “one of the more creative things that happened all night.” Tom calls it “full of surprises” and thanks her.
Just desserts – And then there’s nothing left but the sweet stuff to talk about. Richard says he made the dish because he eats a banana every day for breakfast. Tom says it worked, but Padma reminds Richard that he also won the dessert challenge with the banana scallops. He says yes, but a “different variation.” Three times is three times, bro.
Padma is all anxious to talk about Lisa’s dessert. After she explains the flavors, Padma is quick to call it “delicious.” That after Padma called Lisa’s mango sticky rice dessert back in “Restaurant Wars” “appalling.” Rice vindication accomplished.
Padma asks Stephanie if she was happy with her dessert. She says she was happy with the flavors, but the banana cream was something she was trying out for saltiness. Tom says he had problems with it, specifically the banana cream, which was “a miss.”
The defense rests – Before she lets them go to deliberate, Padma asks the chefs if they have any last words. The camera pans dramatically back and forth. Who will break the silence? Who will plead his/her case first? Stephanie. Wow, she is full of surprises, isn’t she?
Stephanie: It’s just funny, when I was working with Dale, the number one thing he said to me was “Don’t second-guess yourself.” And the dish that I fell short on tonight, the dessert, was me second-guessing myself. But I think that I’ll be able to take this and learn, and I think that I just am what a Top Chef should be. Lisa: I feel very strongly about the menu that I provided you guys with tonight. I am very confident that you’ll be like, “She deserves this win, she deserves to be Top Chef. She’s got the qualities.” Richard: Yeah, sure, I’ll say it. I mean, I feel like I choked a little bit.
Oh, Richard. I can’t tell if you are being incredibly honest or incredibly stupid. I suspect it’s a bit of both.
He says he thinks he overthought the meal and is at his best when he doesn’t think. That’s putting a whole lot of thought into levels of thought. Then he calls the meal not his top performance on the show.
So, how about that two-woman race between Stephanie and Lisa, eh?
The decision of a lifetime – After the chefs are sent back to the Stew Room, the four judges are left to ponder what just happened. Gail says she was shocked by Richard’s admission.
But then she also says he wanted to make sure that the judges know that he is capable of better.
Tom says, overall, they had three very good meals. To get the discussion going, he asks for a poll of who they think won each course.
First course: Ted likes Lisa’s. Gail and Tom like Stephanie’s. Second course: Tom and Gail like Lisa’s dumpling soup. Third course: They seem to all agree on Stephanie’s lamb. Fourth course: Tom and Ted like Richard’s. Gail and Padma like Lisa’s.
The one thing they seemingly all agree on is that Stephanie’s dessert sucked. And thus begins the long process of agreeing on the rest.
Back in the Stew Room, Lisa is breaking down their performances to Stephanie.
Lisa: You definitely killed the first and third. And I kind of feel like I nailed the second and fourth. But I don’t know.
Just like a lesbian, always wanting to process. While she’s right on target, perhaps this is yet another thing we shouldn’t say out loud. Especially with the guy who admittedly choked sitting right next to you. Poor Richard, even his faux-hawk looks deflated.
Oh, and one more thing: “You won the f—ing bronze medal, congratulations. There you go.”
The judges’ decisions have come down to each of their preferences for the night. As the birds chirp their morning hellos, they all finally reach theirs.
You’re the top – The three finalists are called back before the judges. Tom gives them all a last bit of praise. Richard’s food is “whimsical, playful and sometimes just plain outrageous.” Lisa’s flavors are “big, bold, all about you.” Stephanie’s cooking can bring in surprises that “just wow us.”
Tom: In end, we based the decision on which meal we would go back and like to have again.
And then a seemingly agonizing 20 seconds pass as Padma pauses for dramatic effect before saying:
Padma: Stephanie. [six more agonizing seconds] You are Top Chef! Stephanie: What?! Really?!
God, how cute is that? Though, to be honest, she had me at the Yoda backpack. Congratulations on a well-deserved win. Finally, the person I picked to win it from the beginning wins it all. Plus having the first female Top Chef is simply awesome and about damn time.
The recently eliminated chefs – Antonia, Spike, Dale, Andrew and Nikki – all stream in to congratulate her. Lisa and Richard get congratulated by the judges as well for a battle well fought.
Lisa says she thought she had a shot to take it, but then she heard Stephanie’s name.
Lisa: This whole journey has been awesome. I’m proud of the dishes I’ve done. This is what I want to do and this is what I’m always going to do.
Richard is even more disappointed; his eyes even look a little misty.
Richard: Losing at the last second, it sucks. That is why it’s tough, too. Because you put your whole heart into it and then it doesn’t work out. The one thing that is good about this is to kind of refocus … So, the future is bright, for sure … Cut.
No matter who I was rooting for, I always feel a little bad for the losers.
But then Stephanie dances a little jig of joy and I recalibrate my cuteness scales once again.
Talking about her win, Stephanie chokes up talking about how she doubted it at some points, but now it’s a reaffirmation. Who has the Kleenex?
See, nice girls can finish first.Stephanie: This is what I’m meant to do in life.
Tom: From this point on you are completely on your own. The judges wanted to make sure that you live and die by your own hand.
The chefs joke, a bit, about it being like their sous chefs at work calling in sick. They say it happens every day at restaurants. But they all say they’ll miss that extra pair of hands. Richard seems the most worried because his food is so intricate.
Each fleshes out his/her menu a bit more.
Lisa: My menu is going to really reflect my personality. Very big, bold, spicy, sweet, salty, sour. Those bright, kind of in-your-face flavors is really kind of my personality.
Lisa’s menu: First course, grilled prawns. Second course, tom kha gai soup and dumplings. Third course, Wagyu beef. Fourth course, Thai rice pudding.
Oh, dear God, rice.
Richard wants to tell a story with his menu. He wants to tell the judges he can cook with liquid nitrogen or just butter in a pan.
Richard’s menu: First course, scallops. Second course, guinea hen, foie gras and eggs. Third course, pork belly. Fourth course, banana scallops with bacon ice cream.
Banana scallops, again? Seriously, again?
Stephanie’s menu has no such repeats, or in Richard’s case, threepeats.
Stephanie’s menu: First course, red snapper. Second course, quail with lobster ravioli and quail egg. Third course, lamb medallions. Fourth course, ricotta pound cake.
Stirring the pot – Tom arrives to check on their progress. When he asks Richard what his menu is, Richard says “it’s a little abstract.” Tom gives him his patented blinking stare. And then Richard tells him he is “in the s— right now.” That gets my patented blinking stare. Also, what an unpleasant mental image to use while discussing food.
Stephanie tells Tom she has five minutes until she finds out if her pound cake is a boom or a bust. Tom asks her if she has made it before, and she says she’s done it once. More blinking, more staring.
That just leaves Lisa. Calm, relaxed, whistling-a-happy-tune Lisa. OK, she isn’t whistling. But she is amazingly calm and relaxed.
Lisa: I’m good. I’m not nervous about it. I’m not concerned with the timing.
She is duly rewarded with a blink-and-stare—free reaction from Tom.
Afterward, Tom handicaps the field.
Tom: It was surprising to see the reactions. Richard – he has been usually calm, but he seems very excited. I think partly because he has so many ideas running around in his head and he can’t keep them quiet … Lisa is very calm. We know she is a tough competitor … I think part of being a chef is having somewhat of an attitude and swagger. It helps. Stephanie is a little nervous about her dessert right now … It could all come down to that dish for her.
Cut to Stephanie fretting about her dessert. She decides to finally sample her ricotta pound cake.
And suddenly, it’s Stephanie who probably feels like she is “in the s—.”
Lisa: What’s wrong? Stephanie: My s— sucks. Lisa: No it doesn’t. Every time you f—ing say that it’s always awesome, Steph. Stephanie: No, not this time, yo. Lisa: Yeah, you said that like three times to me and then you won. Stephanie: Not this time. Lisa: I don’t want to hear it from you. Have some confidence in yourself.
I think that was Lisa’s version of a pep talk. But I’m not sure it worked, since Stephanie is still all furrowed brow. In fact, Stephanie and Richard are both balls of tension. And then there is calm, relaxed, whistling-a-happy-tune Lisa.
Lisa: I’m not tense. I was just thinking to myself I wonder why nobody is talking.
Richard, who must have a terrible poker face, doesn’t seem to take kindly to Lisa’s chitchatty mood.
Everyone is a critic – The guests start to arrive, wine in hand, to prepare for service to begin. Apparently you judge better when you’ve got a little buzz going.
As Richard plates his dishes, he leaves no doubt about how he feels about his competition.
Richard: I’m the best chef here. I think I have the most skill. I think I have the most ambition. I think I’m the only one who is a craftsman and an artist.
Again, buddy, you may feel that way, but should you really tell the cameras? Does no one realize that everyone, including the people they’re talking about behind their backs, will see this?
Lisa, for her part, says she is definitely going to be the first female Top Chef. And Stephanie says she wants to be Top Chef. So everyone’s confident, but only one will go home a winner.
Deciding who that will be is an all-star panel of chefs. Padma introduces Top Chef judges Tom, Ted Allen and Gail Simmons, and the super sous chefs Eric, Dan and April. Rounding out the table are Alfredo Ayala, one of Puerto Rico’s most celebrated chefs, and Tim Zagat, founder/CEO of a little thing called the Zagat Survey.
The chefs explain their menus to the distinguished diners.
Richard: I think writing a menu is as important to a chef as the food that is on the plate.
OK, but then why have such a vague, mysterious menu? His menu reads – and I kid you not – “You Are Here,” “Which Came First,” “Be the Bacon” and “You Are Still Here.” That’s it – no other description whatsoever. Is he going to serve them peyote and then ask them life’s biggest questions?
Lisa and Stephanie, who were so gauche as to actually list what they were going to serve on their menus, say that their dishes will be shocking and simple, respectively.
The last supper – But enough talk, bring on the grub. The first courses are sent out: Lisa’s prawns with chili basil sauce, crab and homemade potato chips; Stephanie’s red snapper over truffle, clam and asparagus broth with asparagus salad; Richard’s scallop with mango and pineapple vinegar.
From my armchair, what-would-I-want-to-eat-this-very-second perspective, I give it to Lisa. I mean, dude, potato chips.
The judges call Richard’s scallop unfamiliar, but a little too complicated. Lisa’s shrimp has a nice texture, but is too spicy. Stephanie’s snapper is delicate, elegant and, according to Chef Ayala, “the best of the three.”
Second course next. It’s Lisa’s tom kha gai soup dumpling vs. Stephanie’s quail breast over lobster ravioli with a quail egg vs. Richard’s guinea hen, chicken egg and foie gras.
My totally untrained eye picks Stephanie’s quail/ravioli/egg dish because it just looks neat.
But, of course, the judges know better. The judges say the ingredients are hard to distinguish in Richard’s dish. Tom calls it Richard “falling in love with the technique.” Gail calls Lisa’s soup “absolutely delicious,” and Chef Zagat says he would have been “happy to have seconds.” The judges like the well-balanced flavors of Stephanie’s quail. But Tom, oh Tom, he has once again spotted and despised the unnecessary garnish.
Tom: No one had an issue with these leeks?
They’re apparently undercooked and have no relevance on the plate.
The third “carnivore” course pits Lisa’s Wagyu beef with chayote and cucumber salad, hot sauce and garlic chips against Stephanie’s lamb with maitake mushrooms, braised pistachios and olive tapenade, and Richard’s pork belly with pickled radishes and mirin broth.
Hands down, my eyeballing-it critique gives it to Stephanie. My stomach began growling involuntarily.
The judges, for once, agree with my superficial prognosticating. Richard’s pork belly is underseasoned. Lisa’s beef isn’t tender, but they do like her salad.
Padma: Did you do that, April? Because the knife skills are pretty good in that. April: I didn’t do that at all.
Wait, Padma, was that a mini slam on Lisa’s knife skills?
But it’s Stephanie’s dish that gets the big love. And it’s surprised them all, in a very good way.
Tom: Richard’s dish just needs work. Lisa’s dish is just pedestrian. Stephanie’s is full of surprises and it works.
And, finally, dessert. Lisa’s black Thai rice pudding, Stephanie’s ricotta pound cake with tropical fruit, and Richard’s banana scallop with bacon ice cream all try to satisfy the judges’ sweet teeth.
Now, normally, I am in favor of anything and everything with bacon. But I may just have to draw the line at ice cream. On looks alone, I give it to Lisa. It’s just pretty.
And, what do you know, maybe you can judge a dessert by its cover. Lisa’s rice pudding is called “exciting” and “wonderful.” Richard’s banana/bacon-dish is called “playful,” but Eric says one needs to focus on flavors before contemplating playtime. Stephanie’s cake is deemed “nothing special” and “unrefined.”
Thanks for the grub – The chefs compare notes after the meal is over. Gail thinks they’ve all won. Aww, what a softie. But leave it to Tom to bring the perspective.
Tom: [Richard is] more intellectual, out there. Lisa is sort of sticking true to herself and what she likes to eat and what she likes to cook. And Stephanie tends to have more of a homey spin on things. And I think we have a very strong contrast of styles and of flavors, and I think it is going to be a very interesting Judges’ Table.
The cheftestants come back out to applause.
I like that. I think more people should clap at the end of a good meal. Of course that would mean conversely that people would boo at the end of a bad meal. I guess that would make for a pretty noisy dining area.
Despite the applause, Richard and his non-poker face tell a different story.
First things first – Padma, Tom, Gail and Ted arrive for Judges’ Table. Padma is all aglow about the meal. No, seriously, she is glowing.
Who else is glowing? Lisa. On the walk up to Judge’s Table she is all smiles – smiling, relaxed, friendly. Who is this and what have Bravo editors done with this season’s supposed villain?
The chefs are asked to explain their choices course by course. They start with Richard. He says a first course should be an explosion of flavor that wakes up the palate. Padma says some of them thought it lacked seasoning.
Tom then wants to know if Lisa meant her first course to be so “hot” and “assertive.”
Lisa: You guys have been telling me, you know, “We want to see you in the cooking.” And clearly I’m a “spicy” kind of person.
Who says lesbians don’t have a sense of humor?
Stephanie says her first course was meant to be springy, and the judges spring to praise it. Gail calls it “beautifully presented” and Padma calls it “lovely.”
Anyone for seconds? – For the second course, Richard says if he could change anything, he might leave off the foie gras. Gail says the dish was muddled and the flavors lost their integrity.
Better not tell the conservatives about his integrity-less flavors. They’ll argue that once flavors lose their integrity, it’s a slippery slope. After that it’s only a matter of time before you see same-flavor marriages, and that will destroy the very fabric of our nation itself, namely opposite-flavor marriages.
Why, yes, I do like to stretch my metaphors. Why do you ask?
Lisa’s second course soup is called slurp-worthy. Ted says the flavors “blew everyone away.”
Again with the big smiles. Geez, why won’t you subscribe to your ascribed role as this season’s Big Bad Lesbian? This smiling is confusing millions of viewers at home.
Stephanie’s second course is praised all around, but – and it’s a big but – then there were those leeks. Tom says he doesn’t know what they were doing there, and they weren’t cooked. As Stephanie learned her leeks were crunchy, the look on her face can only be described as abject horror.
Third time is the charm – Onto the third course, and Ted asks Richard if he had considered making his pork belly crispier. Richard says he would have lost the integrity of the meat by crisping the fat. Again with integrity-less flavors. Do no flavors have strong moral values anymore? Tom blinks and stares. This is the most blinking and staring Richard has encountered all season.
Tom then calls Lisa’s Wagyu beef third course undercooked. He says Kobe beef is different than American beef. If it’s not cooked enough, the fats don’t melt and instead make it chewy. Wow, I just learned something useful. Well, that is, if I could ever afford to buy Kobe beef.
Stephanie’s lamb third course turns her frown upside down. In fact, she does a little “Woo hoo!” about how well the lamb came out. Could she get any cuter? Answer: no.
Ted calls the dish “one of the more creative things that happened all night.” Tom calls it “full of surprises” and thanks her.
Just desserts – And then there’s nothing left but the sweet stuff to talk about. Richard says he made the dish because he eats a banana every day for breakfast. Tom says it worked, but Padma reminds Richard that he also won the dessert challenge with the banana scallops. He says yes, but a “different variation.” Three times is three times, bro.
Padma is all anxious to talk about Lisa’s dessert. After she explains the flavors, Padma is quick to call it “delicious.” That after Padma called Lisa’s mango sticky rice dessert back in “Restaurant Wars” “appalling.” Rice vindication accomplished.
Padma asks Stephanie if she was happy with her dessert. She says she was happy with the flavors, but the banana cream was something she was trying out for saltiness. Tom says he had problems with it, specifically the banana cream, which was “a miss.”
The defense rests – Before she lets them go to deliberate, Padma asks the chefs if they have any last words. The camera pans dramatically back and forth. Who will break the silence? Who will plead his/her case first? Stephanie. Wow, she is full of surprises, isn’t she?
Stephanie: It’s just funny, when I was working with Dale, the number one thing he said to me was “Don’t second-guess yourself.” And the dish that I fell short on tonight, the dessert, was me second-guessing myself. But I think that I’ll be able to take this and learn, and I think that I just am what a Top Chef should be. Lisa: I feel very strongly about the menu that I provided you guys with tonight. I am very confident that you’ll be like, “She deserves this win, she deserves to be Top Chef. She’s got the qualities.” Richard: Yeah, sure, I’ll say it. I mean, I feel like I choked a little bit.
Oh, Richard. I can’t tell if you are being incredibly honest or incredibly stupid. I suspect it’s a bit of both.
He says he thinks he overthought the meal and is at his best when he doesn’t think. That’s putting a whole lot of thought into levels of thought. Then he calls the meal not his top performance on the show.
So, how about that two-woman race between Stephanie and Lisa, eh?
The decision of a lifetime – After the chefs are sent back to the Stew Room, the four judges are left to ponder what just happened. Gail says she was shocked by Richard’s admission.
But then she also says he wanted to make sure that the judges know that he is capable of better.
Tom says, overall, they had three very good meals. To get the discussion going, he asks for a poll of who they think won each course.
First course: Ted likes Lisa’s. Gail and Tom like Stephanie’s. Second course: Tom and Gail like Lisa’s dumpling soup. Third course: They seem to all agree on Stephanie’s lamb. Fourth course: Tom and Ted like Richard’s. Gail and Padma like Lisa’s.
The one thing they seemingly all agree on is that Stephanie’s dessert sucked. And thus begins the long process of agreeing on the rest.
Back in the Stew Room, Lisa is breaking down their performances to Stephanie.
Lisa: You definitely killed the first and third. And I kind of feel like I nailed the second and fourth. But I don’t know.
Just like a lesbian, always wanting to process. While she’s right on target, perhaps this is yet another thing we shouldn’t say out loud. Especially with the guy who admittedly choked sitting right next to you. Poor Richard, even his faux-hawk looks deflated.
Oh, and one more thing: “You won the f—ing bronze medal, congratulations. There you go.”
The judges’ decisions have come down to each of their preferences for the night. As the birds chirp their morning hellos, they all finally reach theirs.
You’re the top – The three finalists are called back before the judges. Tom gives them all a last bit of praise. Richard’s food is “whimsical, playful and sometimes just plain outrageous.” Lisa’s flavors are “big, bold, all about you.” Stephanie’s cooking can bring in surprises that “just wow us.”
Tom: In end, we based the decision on which meal we would go back and like to have again.
And then a seemingly agonizing 20 seconds pass as Padma pauses for dramatic effect before saying:
Padma: Stephanie. [six more agonizing seconds] You are Top Chef! Stephanie: What?! Really?!
God, how cute is that? Though, to be honest, she had me at the Yoda backpack. Congratulations on a well-deserved win. Finally, the person I picked to win it from the beginning wins it all. Plus having the first female Top Chef is simply awesome and about damn time.
The recently eliminated chefs – Antonia, Spike, Dale, Andrew and Nikki – all stream in to congratulate her. Lisa and Richard get congratulated by the judges as well for a battle well fought.
Lisa says she thought she had a shot to take it, but then she heard Stephanie’s name.
Lisa: This whole journey has been awesome. I’m proud of the dishes I’ve done. This is what I want to do and this is what I’m always going to do.
Richard is even more disappointed; his eyes even look a little misty.
Richard: Losing at the last second, it sucks. That is why it’s tough, too. Because you put your whole heart into it and then it doesn’t work out. The one thing that is good about this is to kind of refocus … So, the future is bright, for sure … Cut.
No matter who I was rooting for, I always feel a little bad for the losers.
But then Stephanie dances a little jig of joy and I recalibrate my cuteness scales once again.
Talking about her win, Stephanie chokes up talking about how she doubted it at some points, but now it’s a reaffirmation. Who has the Kleenex?
See, nice girls can finish first.Stephanie: This is what I’m meant to do in life.
Lisa: The fact that I get along really, really well with Chef April gives me an advantage. You know, if you are happy, your food is going to taste better. If you are stressed out and freaking out, you know, I don’t cook well like that.
The three hours of prep tick down to zero, and the chefs huddle with their super sous to go over what needs to be done the next day. Richard says he will use the night to conceptualize, since he has no completed dishes and a lot of work left. Lisa gets a hug from her new BFF, April.
No show, no call, no job – The day of the final challenge arrives, and so do the chefs – at an empty kitchen. Their super sous are nowhere to be seen. They unpack their knives and get started solo as Tom walks in with what we can only assume is the inevitable curveball.
And what a big, looping curveball it is. He tells them their super sous won’t be coming in today.
Tom: From this point on you are completely on your own. The judges wanted to make sure that you live and die by your own hand.
The chefs joke, a bit, about it being like their sous chefs at work calling in sick. They say it happens every day at restaurants. But they all say they’ll miss that extra pair of hands. Richard seems the most worried because his food is so intricate.
Each fleshes out his/her menu a bit more.
Lisa: My menu is going to really reflect my personality. Very big, bold, spicy, sweet, salty, sour. Those bright, kind of in-your-face flavors is really kind of my personality.
Lisa’s menu: First course, grilled prawns. Second course, tom kha gai soup and dumplings. Third course, Wagyu beef. Fourth course, Thai rice pudding.
Oh, dear God, rice.
Richard wants to tell a story with his menu. He wants to tell the judges he can cook with liquid nitrogen or just butter in a pan.
Richard’s menu: First course, scallops. Second course, guinea hen, foie gras and eggs. Third course, pork belly. Fourth course, banana scallops with bacon ice cream.
Banana scallops, again? Seriously, again?
Stephanie’s menu has no such repeats, or in Richard’s case, threepeats.
Stephanie’s menu: First course, red snapper. Second course, quail with lobster ravioli and quail egg. Third course, lamb medallions. Fourth course, ricotta pound cake.
Stirring the pot – Tom arrives to check on their progress. When he asks Richard what his menu is, Richard says “it’s a little abstract.” Tom gives him his patented blinking stare. And then Richard tells him he is “in the s— right now.” That gets my patented blinking stare. Also, what an unpleasant mental image to use while discussing food.
Stephanie tells Tom she has five minutes until she finds out if her pound cake is a boom or a bust. Tom asks her if she has made it before, and she says she’s done it once. More blinking, more staring.
That just leaves Lisa. Calm, relaxed, whistling-a-happy-tune Lisa. OK, she isn’t whistling. But she is amazingly calm and relaxed.
Lisa: I’m good. I’m not nervous about it. I’m not concerned with the timing.
She is duly rewarded with a blink-and-stare—free reaction from Tom.
Afterward, Tom handicaps the field.
Tom: It was surprising to see the reactions. Richard – he has been usually calm, but he seems very excited. I think partly because he has so many ideas running around in his head and he can’t keep them quiet … Lisa is very calm. We know she is a tough competitor … I think part of being a chef is having somewhat of an attitude and swagger. It helps. Stephanie is a little nervous about her dessert right now … It could all come down to that dish for her.
Cut to Stephanie fretting about her dessert. She decides to finally sample her ricotta pound cake.
And suddenly, it’s Stephanie who probably feels like she is “in the s—.”
Lisa: What’s wrong? Stephanie: My s— sucks. Lisa: No it doesn’t. Every time you f—ing say that it’s always awesome, Steph. Stephanie: No, not this time, yo. Lisa: Yeah, you said that like three times to me and then you won. Stephanie: Not this time. Lisa: I don’t want to hear it from you. Have some confidence in yourself.
I think that was Lisa’s version of a pep talk. But I’m not sure it worked, since Stephanie is still all furrowed brow. In fact, Stephanie and Richard are both balls of tension. And then there is calm, relaxed, whistling-a-happy-tune Lisa.
Lisa: I’m not tense. I was just thinking to myself I wonder why nobody is talking.
Richard, who must have a terrible poker face, doesn’t seem to take kindly to Lisa’s chitchatty mood.
Everyone is a critic – The guests start to arrive, wine in hand, to prepare for service to begin. Apparently you judge better when you’ve got a little buzz going.
As Richard plates his dishes, he leaves no doubt about how he feels about his competition.
Richard: I’m the best chef here. I think I have the most skill. I think I have the most ambition. I think I’m the only one who is a craftsman and an artist.
Again, buddy, you may feel that way, but should you really tell the cameras? Does no one realize that everyone, including the people they’re talking about behind their backs, will see this?
Lisa, for her part, says she is definitely going to be the first female Top Chef. And Stephanie says she wants to be Top Chef. So everyone’s confident, but only one will go home a winner.
Deciding who that will be is an all-star panel of chefs. Padma introduces Top Chef judges Tom, Ted Allen and Gail Simmons, and the super sous chefs Eric, Dan and April. Rounding out the table are Alfredo Ayala, one of Puerto Rico’s most celebrated chefs, and Tim Zagat, founder/CEO of a little thing called the Zagat Survey.
The chefs explain their menus to the distinguished diners.
Richard: I think writing a menu is as important to a chef as the food that is on the plate.
OK, but then why have such a vague, mysterious menu? His menu reads – and I kid you not – “You Are Here,” “Which Came First,” “Be the Bacon” and “You Are Still Here.” That’s it – no other description whatsoever. Is he going to serve them peyote and then ask them life’s biggest questions?
Lisa and Stephanie, who were so gauche as to actually list what they were going to serve on their menus, say that their dishes will be shocking and simple, respectively.
The last supper – But enough talk, bring on the grub. The first courses are sent out: Lisa’s prawns with chili basil sauce, crab and homemade potato chips; Stephanie’s red snapper over truffle, clam and asparagus broth with asparagus salad; Richard’s scallop with mango and pineapple vinegar.
From my armchair, what-would-I-want-to-eat-this-very-second perspective, I give it to Lisa. I mean, dude, potato chips.
The judges call Richard’s scallop unfamiliar, but a little too complicated. Lisa’s shrimp has a nice texture, but is too spicy. Stephanie’s snapper is delicate, elegant and, according to Chef Ayala, “the best of the three.”
Second course next. It’s Lisa’s tom kha gai soup dumpling vs. Stephanie’s quail breast over lobster ravioli with a quail egg vs. Richard’s guinea hen, chicken egg and foie gras.
My totally untrained eye picks Stephanie’s quail/ravioli/egg dish because it just looks neat.
But, of course, the judges know better. The judges say the ingredients are hard to distinguish in Richard’s dish. Tom calls it Richard “falling in love with the technique.” Gail calls Lisa’s soup “absolutely delicious,” and Chef Zagat says he would have been “happy to have seconds.” The judges like the well-balanced flavors of Stephanie’s quail. But Tom, oh Tom, he has once again spotted and despised the unnecessary garnish.
Tom: No one had an issue with these leeks?
They’re apparently undercooked and have no relevance on the plate.
The third “carnivore” course pits Lisa’s Wagyu beef with chayote and cucumber salad, hot sauce and garlic chips against Stephanie’s lamb with maitake mushrooms, braised pistachios and olive tapenade, and Richard’s pork belly with pickled radishes and mirin broth.
Hands down, my eyeballing-it critique gives it to Stephanie. My stomach began growling involuntarily.
The judges, for once, agree with my superficial prognosticating. Richard’s pork belly is underseasoned. Lisa’s beef isn’t tender, but they do like her salad.
Padma: Did you do that, April? Because the knife skills are pretty good in that. April: I didn’t do that at all.
Wait, Padma, was that a mini slam on Lisa’s knife skills?
But it’s Stephanie’s dish that gets the big love. And it’s surprised them all, in a very good way.
Tom: Richard’s dish just needs work. Lisa’s dish is just pedestrian. Stephanie’s is full of surprises and it works.
And, finally, dessert. Lisa’s black Thai rice pudding, Stephanie’s ricotta pound cake with tropical fruit, and Richard’s banana scallop with bacon ice cream all try to satisfy the judges’ sweet teeth.
Now, normally, I am in favor of anything and everything with bacon. But I may just have to draw the line at ice cream. On looks alone, I give it to Lisa. It’s just pretty.
And, what do you know, maybe you can judge a dessert by its cover. Lisa’s rice pudding is called “exciting” and “wonderful.” Richard’s banana/bacon-dish is called “playful,” but Eric says one needs to focus on flavors before contemplating playtime. Stephanie’s cake is deemed “nothing special” and “unrefined.”
Thanks for the grub – The chefs compare notes after the meal is over. Gail thinks they’ve all won. Aww, what a softie. But leave it to Tom to bring the perspective.
Tom: [Richard is] more intellectual, out there. Lisa is sort of sticking true to herself and what she likes to eat and what she likes to cook. And Stephanie tends to have more of a homey spin on things. And I think we have a very strong contrast of styles and of flavors, and I think it is going to be a very interesting Judges’ Table.
The cheftestants come back out to applause.
I like that. I think more people should clap at the end of a good meal. Of course that would mean conversely that people would boo at the end of a bad meal. I guess that would make for a pretty noisy dining area.
Despite the applause, Richard and his non-poker face tell a different story.
First things first – Padma, Tom, Gail and Ted arrive for Judges’ Table. Padma is all aglow about the meal. No, seriously, she is glowing.
Who else is glowing? Lisa. On the walk up to Judge’s Table she is all smiles – smiling, relaxed, friendly. Who is this and what have Bravo editors done with this season’s supposed villain?
The chefs are asked to explain their choices course by course. They start with Richard. He says a first course should be an explosion of flavor that wakes up the palate. Padma says some of them thought it lacked seasoning.
Tom then wants to know if Lisa meant her first course to be so “hot” and “assertive.”
Lisa: You guys have been telling me, you know, “We want to see you in the cooking.” And clearly I’m a “spicy” kind of person.
Who says lesbians don’t have a sense of humor?
Stephanie says her first course was meant to be springy, and the judges spring to praise it. Gail calls it “beautifully presented” and Padma calls it “lovely.”
Anyone for seconds? – For the second course, Richard says if he could change anything, he might leave off the foie gras. Gail says the dish was muddled and the flavors lost their integrity.
Better not tell the conservatives about his integrity-less flavors. They’ll argue that once flavors lose their integrity, it’s a slippery slope. After that it’s only a matter of time before you see same-flavor marriages, and that will destroy the very fabric of our nation itself, namely opposite-flavor marriages.
Why, yes, I do like to stretch my metaphors. Why do you ask?
Lisa’s second course soup is called slurp-worthy. Ted says the flavors “blew everyone away.”
Again with the big smiles. Geez, why won’t you subscribe to your ascribed role as this season’s Big Bad Lesbian? This smiling is confusing millions of viewers at home.
Stephanie’s second course is praised all around, but – and it’s a big but – then there were those leeks. Tom says he doesn’t know what they were doing there, and they weren’t cooked. As Stephanie learned her leeks were crunchy, the look on her face can only be described as abject horror.
Third time is the charm – Onto the third course, and Ted asks Richard if he had considered making his pork belly crispier. Richard says he would have lost the integrity of the meat by crisping the fat. Again with integrity-less flavors. Do no flavors have strong moral values anymore? Tom blinks and stares. This is the most blinking and staring Richard has encountered all season.
Tom then calls Lisa’s Wagyu beef third course undercooked. He says Kobe beef is different than American beef. If it’s not cooked enough, the fats don’t melt and instead make it chewy. Wow, I just learned something useful. Well, that is, if I could ever afford to buy Kobe beef.
Stephanie’s lamb third course turns her frown upside down. In fact, she does a little “Woo hoo!” about how well the lamb came out. Could she get any cuter? Answer: no.
Ted calls the dish “one of the more creative things that happened all night.” Tom calls it “full of surprises” and thanks her.
Just desserts – And then there’s nothing left but the sweet stuff to talk about. Richard says he made the dish because he eats a banana every day for breakfast. Tom says it worked, but Padma reminds Richard that he also won the dessert challenge with the banana scallops. He says yes, but a “different variation.” Three times is three times, bro.
Padma is all anxious to talk about Lisa’s dessert. After she explains the flavors, Padma is quick to call it “delicious.” That after Padma called Lisa’s mango sticky rice dessert back in “Restaurant Wars” “appalling.” Rice vindication accomplished.
Padma asks Stephanie if she was happy with her dessert. She says she was happy with the flavors, but the banana cream was something she was trying out for saltiness. Tom says he had problems with it, specifically the banana cream, which was “a miss.”
The defense rests – Before she lets them go to deliberate, Padma asks the chefs if they have any last words. The camera pans dramatically back and forth. Who will break the silence? Who will plead his/her case first? Stephanie. Wow, she is full of surprises, isn’t she?
Stephanie: It’s just funny, when I was working with Dale, the number one thing he said to me was “Don’t second-guess yourself.” And the dish that I fell short on tonight, the dessert, was me second-guessing myself. But I think that I’ll be able to take this and learn, and I think that I just am what a Top Chef should be. Lisa: I feel very strongly about the menu that I provided you guys with tonight. I am very confident that you’ll be like, “She deserves this win, she deserves to be Top Chef. She’s got the qualities.” Richard: Yeah, sure, I’ll say it. I mean, I feel like I choked a little bit.
Oh, Richard. I can’t tell if you are being incredibly honest or incredibly stupid. I suspect it’s a bit of both.
He says he thinks he overthought the meal and is at his best when he doesn’t think. That’s putting a whole lot of thought into levels of thought. Then he calls the meal not his top performance on the show.
So, how about that two-woman race between Stephanie and Lisa, eh?
The decision of a lifetime – After the chefs are sent back to the Stew Room, the four judges are left to ponder what just happened. Gail says she was shocked by Richard’s admission.
But then she also says he wanted to make sure that the judges know that he is capable of better.
Tom says, overall, they had three very good meals. To get the discussion going, he asks for a poll of who they think won each course.
First course: Ted likes Lisa’s. Gail and Tom like Stephanie’s. Second course: Tom and Gail like Lisa’s dumpling soup. Third course: They seem to all agree on Stephanie’s lamb. Fourth course: Tom and Ted like Richard’s. Gail and Padma like Lisa’s.
The one thing they seemingly all agree on is that Stephanie’s dessert sucked. And thus begins the long process of agreeing on the rest.
Back in the Stew Room, Lisa is breaking down their performances to Stephanie.
Lisa: You definitely killed the first and third. And I kind of feel like I nailed the second and fourth. But I don’t know.
Just like a lesbian, always wanting to process. While she’s right on target, perhaps this is yet another thing we shouldn’t say out loud. Especially with the guy who admittedly choked sitting right next to you. Poor Richard, even his faux-hawk looks deflated.
Oh, and one more thing: “You won the f—ing bronze medal, congratulations. There you go.”
The judges’ decisions have come down to each of their preferences for the night. As the birds chirp their morning hellos, they all finally reach theirs.
You’re the top – The three finalists are called back before the judges. Tom gives them all a last bit of praise. Richard’s food is “whimsical, playful and sometimes just plain outrageous.” Lisa’s flavors are “big, bold, all about you.” Stephanie’s cooking can bring in surprises that “just wow us.”
Tom: In end, we based the decision on which meal we would go back and like to have again.
And then a seemingly agonizing 20 seconds pass as Padma pauses for dramatic effect before saying:
Padma: Stephanie. [six more agonizing seconds] You are Top Chef! Stephanie: What?! Really?!
God, how cute is that? Though, to be honest, she had me at the Yoda backpack. Congratulations on a well-deserved win. Finally, the person I picked to win it from the beginning wins it all. Plus having the first female Top Chef is simply awesome and about damn time.
The recently eliminated chefs – Antonia, Spike, Dale, Andrew and Nikki – all stream in to congratulate her. Lisa and Richard get congratulated by the judges as well for a battle well fought.
Lisa says she thought she had a shot to take it, but then she heard Stephanie’s name.
Lisa: This whole journey has been awesome. I’m proud of the dishes I’ve done. This is what I want to do and this is what I’m always going to do.
Richard is even more disappointed; his eyes even look a little misty.
Richard: Losing at the last second, it sucks. That is why it’s tough, too. Because you put your whole heart into it and then it doesn’t work out. The one thing that is good about this is to kind of refocus … So, the future is bright, for sure … Cut.
No matter who I was rooting for, I always feel a little bad for the losers.
But then Stephanie dances a little jig of joy and I recalibrate my cuteness scales once again.
Talking about her win, Stephanie chokes up talking about how she doubted it at some points, but now it’s a reaffirmation. Who has the Kleenex?
See, nice girls can finish first.Stephanie: This is what I’m meant to do in life.
Stephanie: Lisa and April are definitely getting along and chitchatting, which is a little weird. You know, just ’cause Lisa doesn’t really get along with everybody, as some people might remember.
Lisa couldn’t be happier with her sous chef.
Lisa: The fact that I get along really, really well with Chef April gives me an advantage. You know, if you are happy, your food is going to taste better. If you are stressed out and freaking out, you know, I don’t cook well like that.
The three hours of prep tick down to zero, and the chefs huddle with their super sous to go over what needs to be done the next day. Richard says he will use the night to conceptualize, since he has no completed dishes and a lot of work left. Lisa gets a hug from her new BFF, April.
No show, no call, no job – The day of the final challenge arrives, and so do the chefs – at an empty kitchen. Their super sous are nowhere to be seen. They unpack their knives and get started solo as Tom walks in with what we can only assume is the inevitable curveball.
And what a big, looping curveball it is. He tells them their super sous won’t be coming in today.
Tom: From this point on you are completely on your own. The judges wanted to make sure that you live and die by your own hand.
The chefs joke, a bit, about it being like their sous chefs at work calling in sick. They say it happens every day at restaurants. But they all say they’ll miss that extra pair of hands. Richard seems the most worried because his food is so intricate.
Each fleshes out his/her menu a bit more.
Lisa: My menu is going to really reflect my personality. Very big, bold, spicy, sweet, salty, sour. Those bright, kind of in-your-face flavors is really kind of my personality.
Lisa’s menu: First course, grilled prawns. Second course, tom kha gai soup and dumplings. Third course, Wagyu beef. Fourth course, Thai rice pudding.
Oh, dear God, rice.
Richard wants to tell a story with his menu. He wants to tell the judges he can cook with liquid nitrogen or just butter in a pan.
Richard’s menu: First course, scallops. Second course, guinea hen, foie gras and eggs. Third course, pork belly. Fourth course, banana scallops with bacon ice cream.
Banana scallops, again? Seriously, again?
Stephanie’s menu has no such repeats, or in Richard’s case, threepeats.
Stephanie’s menu: First course, red snapper. Second course, quail with lobster ravioli and quail egg. Third course, lamb medallions. Fourth course, ricotta pound cake.
Stirring the pot – Tom arrives to check on their progress. When he asks Richard what his menu is, Richard says “it’s a little abstract.” Tom gives him his patented blinking stare. And then Richard tells him he is “in the s— right now.” That gets my patented blinking stare. Also, what an unpleasant mental image to use while discussing food.
Stephanie tells Tom she has five minutes until she finds out if her pound cake is a boom or a bust. Tom asks her if she has made it before, and she says she’s done it once. More blinking, more staring.
That just leaves Lisa. Calm, relaxed, whistling-a-happy-tune Lisa. OK, she isn’t whistling. But she is amazingly calm and relaxed.
Lisa: I’m good. I’m not nervous about it. I’m not concerned with the timing.
She is duly rewarded with a blink-and-stare—free reaction from Tom.
Afterward, Tom handicaps the field.
Tom: It was surprising to see the reactions. Richard – he has been usually calm, but he seems very excited. I think partly because he has so many ideas running around in his head and he can’t keep them quiet … Lisa is very calm. We know she is a tough competitor … I think part of being a chef is having somewhat of an attitude and swagger. It helps. Stephanie is a little nervous about her dessert right now … It could all come down to that dish for her.
Cut to Stephanie fretting about her dessert. She decides to finally sample her ricotta pound cake.
And suddenly, it’s Stephanie who probably feels like she is “in the s—.”
Lisa: What’s wrong? Stephanie: My s— sucks. Lisa: No it doesn’t. Every time you f—ing say that it’s always awesome, Steph. Stephanie: No, not this time, yo. Lisa: Yeah, you said that like three times to me and then you won. Stephanie: Not this time. Lisa: I don’t want to hear it from you. Have some confidence in yourself.
I think that was Lisa’s version of a pep talk. But I’m not sure it worked, since Stephanie is still all furrowed brow. In fact, Stephanie and Richard are both balls of tension. And then there is calm, relaxed, whistling-a-happy-tune Lisa.
Lisa: I’m not tense. I was just thinking to myself I wonder why nobody is talking.
Richard, who must have a terrible poker face, doesn’t seem to take kindly to Lisa’s chitchatty mood.
Everyone is a critic – The guests start to arrive, wine in hand, to prepare for service to begin. Apparently you judge better when you’ve got a little buzz going.
As Richard plates his dishes, he leaves no doubt about how he feels about his competition.
Richard: I’m the best chef here. I think I have the most skill. I think I have the most ambition. I think I’m the only one who is a craftsman and an artist.
Again, buddy, you may feel that way, but should you really tell the cameras? Does no one realize that everyone, including the people they’re talking about behind their backs, will see this?
Lisa, for her part, says she is definitely going to be the first female Top Chef. And Stephanie says she wants to be Top Chef. So everyone’s confident, but only one will go home a winner.
Deciding who that will be is an all-star panel of chefs. Padma introduces Top Chef judges Tom, Ted Allen and Gail Simmons, and the super sous chefs Eric, Dan and April. Rounding out the table are Alfredo Ayala, one of Puerto Rico’s most celebrated chefs, and Tim Zagat, founder/CEO of a little thing called the Zagat Survey.
The chefs explain their menus to the distinguished diners.
Richard: I think writing a menu is as important to a chef as the food that is on the plate.
OK, but then why have such a vague, mysterious menu? His menu reads – and I kid you not – “You Are Here,” “Which Came First,” “Be the Bacon” and “You Are Still Here.” That’s it – no other description whatsoever. Is he going to serve them peyote and then ask them life’s biggest questions?
Lisa and Stephanie, who were so gauche as to actually list what they were going to serve on their menus, say that their dishes will be shocking and simple, respectively.
The last supper – But enough talk, bring on the grub. The first courses are sent out: Lisa’s prawns with chili basil sauce, crab and homemade potato chips; Stephanie’s red snapper over truffle, clam and asparagus broth with asparagus salad; Richard’s scallop with mango and pineapple vinegar.
From my armchair, what-would-I-want-to-eat-this-very-second perspective, I give it to Lisa. I mean, dude, potato chips.
The judges call Richard’s scallop unfamiliar, but a little too complicated. Lisa’s shrimp has a nice texture, but is too spicy. Stephanie’s snapper is delicate, elegant and, according to Chef Ayala, “the best of the three.”
Second course next. It’s Lisa’s tom kha gai soup dumpling vs. Stephanie’s quail breast over lobster ravioli with a quail egg vs. Richard’s guinea hen, chicken egg and foie gras.
My totally untrained eye picks Stephanie’s quail/ravioli/egg dish because it just looks neat.
But, of course, the judges know better. The judges say the ingredients are hard to distinguish in Richard’s dish. Tom calls it Richard “falling in love with the technique.” Gail calls Lisa’s soup “absolutely delicious,” and Chef Zagat says he would have been “happy to have seconds.” The judges like the well-balanced flavors of Stephanie’s quail. But Tom, oh Tom, he has once again spotted and despised the unnecessary garnish.
Tom: No one had an issue with these leeks?
They’re apparently undercooked and have no relevance on the plate.
The third “carnivore” course pits Lisa’s Wagyu beef with chayote and cucumber salad, hot sauce and garlic chips against Stephanie’s lamb with maitake mushrooms, braised pistachios and olive tapenade, and Richard’s pork belly with pickled radishes and mirin broth.
Hands down, my eyeballing-it critique gives it to Stephanie. My stomach began growling involuntarily.
The judges, for once, agree with my superficial prognosticating. Richard’s pork belly is underseasoned. Lisa’s beef isn’t tender, but they do like her salad.
Padma: Did you do that, April? Because the knife skills are pretty good in that. April: I didn’t do that at all.
Wait, Padma, was that a mini slam on Lisa’s knife skills?
But it’s Stephanie’s dish that gets the big love. And it’s surprised them all, in a very good way.
Tom: Richard’s dish just needs work. Lisa’s dish is just pedestrian. Stephanie’s is full of surprises and it works.
And, finally, dessert. Lisa’s black Thai rice pudding, Stephanie’s ricotta pound cake with tropical fruit, and Richard’s banana scallop with bacon ice cream all try to satisfy the judges’ sweet teeth.
Now, normally, I am in favor of anything and everything with bacon. But I may just have to draw the line at ice cream. On looks alone, I give it to Lisa. It’s just pretty.
And, what do you know, maybe you can judge a dessert by its cover. Lisa’s rice pudding is called “exciting” and “wonderful.” Richard’s banana/bacon-dish is called “playful,” but Eric says one needs to focus on flavors before contemplating playtime. Stephanie’s cake is deemed “nothing special” and “unrefined.”
Thanks for the grub – The chefs compare notes after the meal is over. Gail thinks they’ve all won. Aww, what a softie. But leave it to Tom to bring the perspective.
Tom: [Richard is] more intellectual, out there. Lisa is sort of sticking true to herself and what she likes to eat and what she likes to cook. And Stephanie tends to have more of a homey spin on things. And I think we have a very strong contrast of styles and of flavors, and I think it is going to be a very interesting Judges’ Table.
The cheftestants come back out to applause.
I like that. I think more people should clap at the end of a good meal. Of course that would mean conversely that people would boo at the end of a bad meal. I guess that would make for a pretty noisy dining area.
Despite the applause, Richard and his non-poker face tell a different story.
First things first – Padma, Tom, Gail and Ted arrive for Judges’ Table. Padma is all aglow about the meal. No, seriously, she is glowing.
Who else is glowing? Lisa. On the walk up to Judge’s Table she is all smiles – smiling, relaxed, friendly. Who is this and what have Bravo editors done with this season’s supposed villain?
The chefs are asked to explain their choices course by course. They start with Richard. He says a first course should be an explosion of flavor that wakes up the palate. Padma says some of them thought it lacked seasoning.
Tom then wants to know if Lisa meant her first course to be so “hot” and “assertive.”
Lisa: You guys have been telling me, you know, “We want to see you in the cooking.” And clearly I’m a “spicy” kind of person.
Who says lesbians don’t have a sense of humor?
Stephanie says her first course was meant to be springy, and the judges spring to praise it. Gail calls it “beautifully presented” and Padma calls it “lovely.”
Anyone for seconds? – For the second course, Richard says if he could change anything, he might leave off the foie gras. Gail says the dish was muddled and the flavors lost their integrity.
Better not tell the conservatives about his integrity-less flavors. They’ll argue that once flavors lose their integrity, it’s a slippery slope. After that it’s only a matter of time before you see same-flavor marriages, and that will destroy the very fabric of our nation itself, namely opposite-flavor marriages.
Why, yes, I do like to stretch my metaphors. Why do you ask?
Lisa’s second course soup is called slurp-worthy. Ted says the flavors “blew everyone away.”
Again with the big smiles. Geez, why won’t you subscribe to your ascribed role as this season’s Big Bad Lesbian? This smiling is confusing millions of viewers at home.
Stephanie’s second course is praised all around, but – and it’s a big but – then there were those leeks. Tom says he doesn’t know what they were doing there, and they weren’t cooked. As Stephanie learned her leeks were crunchy, the look on her face can only be described as abject horror.
Third time is the charm – Onto the third course, and Ted asks Richard if he had considered making his pork belly crispier. Richard says he would have lost the integrity of the meat by crisping the fat. Again with integrity-less flavors. Do no flavors have strong moral values anymore? Tom blinks and stares. This is the most blinking and staring Richard has encountered all season.
Tom then calls Lisa’s Wagyu beef third course undercooked. He says Kobe beef is different than American beef. If it’s not cooked enough, the fats don’t melt and instead make it chewy. Wow, I just learned something useful. Well, that is, if I could ever afford to buy Kobe beef.
Stephanie’s lamb third course turns her frown upside down. In fact, she does a little “Woo hoo!” about how well the lamb came out. Could she get any cuter? Answer: no.
Ted calls the dish “one of the more creative things that happened all night.” Tom calls it “full of surprises” and thanks her.
Just desserts – And then there’s nothing left but the sweet stuff to talk about. Richard says he made the dish because he eats a banana every day for breakfast. Tom says it worked, but Padma reminds Richard that he also won the dessert challenge with the banana scallops. He says yes, but a “different variation.” Three times is three times, bro.
Padma is all anxious to talk about Lisa’s dessert. After she explains the flavors, Padma is quick to call it “delicious.” That after Padma called Lisa’s mango sticky rice dessert back in “Restaurant Wars” “appalling.” Rice vindication accomplished.
Padma asks Stephanie if she was happy with her dessert. She says she was happy with the flavors, but the banana cream was something she was trying out for saltiness. Tom says he had problems with it, specifically the banana cream, which was “a miss.”
The defense rests – Before she lets them go to deliberate, Padma asks the chefs if they have any last words. The camera pans dramatically back and forth. Who will break the silence? Who will plead his/her case first? Stephanie. Wow, she is full of surprises, isn’t she?
Stephanie: It’s just funny, when I was working with Dale, the number one thing he said to me was “Don’t second-guess yourself.” And the dish that I fell short on tonight, the dessert, was me second-guessing myself. But I think that I’ll be able to take this and learn, and I think that I just am what a Top Chef should be. Lisa: I feel very strongly about the menu that I provided you guys with tonight. I am very confident that you’ll be like, “She deserves this win, she deserves to be Top Chef. She’s got the qualities.” Richard: Yeah, sure, I’ll say it. I mean, I feel like I choked a little bit.
Oh, Richard. I can’t tell if you are being incredibly honest or incredibly stupid. I suspect it’s a bit of both.
He says he thinks he overthought the meal and is at his best when he doesn’t think. That’s putting a whole lot of thought into levels of thought. Then he calls the meal not his top performance on the show.
So, how about that two-woman race between Stephanie and Lisa, eh?
The decision of a lifetime – After the chefs are sent back to the Stew Room, the four judges are left to ponder what just happened. Gail says she was shocked by Richard’s admission.
But then she also says he wanted to make sure that the judges know that he is capable of better.
Tom says, overall, they had three very good meals. To get the discussion going, he asks for a poll of who they think won each course.
First course: Ted likes Lisa’s. Gail and Tom like Stephanie’s. Second course: Tom and Gail like Lisa’s dumpling soup. Third course: They seem to all agree on Stephanie’s lamb. Fourth course: Tom and Ted like Richard’s. Gail and Padma like Lisa’s.
The one thing they seemingly all agree on is that Stephanie’s dessert sucked. And thus begins the long process of agreeing on the rest.
Back in the Stew Room, Lisa is breaking down their performances to Stephanie.
Lisa: You definitely killed the first and third. And I kind of feel like I nailed the second and fourth. But I don’t know.
Just like a lesbian, always wanting to process. While she’s right on target, perhaps this is yet another thing we shouldn’t say out loud. Especially with the guy who admittedly choked sitting right next to you. Poor Richard, even his faux-hawk looks deflated.
Oh, and one more thing: “You won the f—ing bronze medal, congratulations. There you go.”
The judges’ decisions have come down to each of their preferences for the night. As the birds chirp their morning hellos, they all finally reach theirs.
You’re the top – The three finalists are called back before the judges. Tom gives them all a last bit of praise. Richard’s food is “whimsical, playful and sometimes just plain outrageous.” Lisa’s flavors are “big, bold, all about you.” Stephanie’s cooking can bring in surprises that “just wow us.”
Tom: In end, we based the decision on which meal we would go back and like to have again.
And then a seemingly agonizing 20 seconds pass as Padma pauses for dramatic effect before saying:
Padma: Stephanie. [six more agonizing seconds] You are Top Chef! Stephanie: What?! Really?!
God, how cute is that? Though, to be honest, she had me at the Yoda backpack. Congratulations on a well-deserved win. Finally, the person I picked to win it from the beginning wins it all. Plus having the first female Top Chef is simply awesome and about damn time.
The recently eliminated chefs – Antonia, Spike, Dale, Andrew and Nikki – all stream in to congratulate her. Lisa and Richard get congratulated by the judges as well for a battle well fought.
Lisa says she thought she had a shot to take it, but then she heard Stephanie’s name.
Lisa: This whole journey has been awesome. I’m proud of the dishes I’ve done. This is what I want to do and this is what I’m always going to do.
Richard is even more disappointed; his eyes even look a little misty.
Richard: Losing at the last second, it sucks. That is why it’s tough, too. Because you put your whole heart into it and then it doesn’t work out. The one thing that is good about this is to kind of refocus … So, the future is bright, for sure … Cut.
No matter who I was rooting for, I always feel a little bad for the losers.
But then Stephanie dances a little jig of joy and I recalibrate my cuteness scales once again.
Talking about her win, Stephanie chokes up talking about how she doubted it at some points, but now it’s a reaffirmation. Who has the Kleenex?
See, nice girls can finish first.Stephanie: This is what I’m meant to do in life.
Eric: I’ve never seen such a technique. As a chef, the day you don’t learn anymore, it means you’re so egomaniac that you’re blind.
With the chemistry experiment over, the chefs get back to business. But Stephanie is distracted by the friendly chitchat coming from April and Lisa’s direction.
Stephanie: Lisa and April are definitely getting along and chitchatting, which is a little weird. You know, just ’cause Lisa doesn’t really get along with everybody, as some people might remember.
Lisa couldn’t be happier with her sous chef.
Lisa: The fact that I get along really, really well with Chef April gives me an advantage. You know, if you are happy, your food is going to taste better. If you are stressed out and freaking out, you know, I don’t cook well like that.
The three hours of prep tick down to zero, and the chefs huddle with their super sous to go over what needs to be done the next day. Richard says he will use the night to conceptualize, since he has no completed dishes and a lot of work left. Lisa gets a hug from her new BFF, April.
No show, no call, no job – The day of the final challenge arrives, and so do the chefs – at an empty kitchen. Their super sous are nowhere to be seen. They unpack their knives and get started solo as Tom walks in with what we can only assume is the inevitable curveball.
And what a big, looping curveball it is. He tells them their super sous won’t be coming in today.
Tom: From this point on you are completely on your own. The judges wanted to make sure that you live and die by your own hand.
The chefs joke, a bit, about it being like their sous chefs at work calling in sick. They say it happens every day at restaurants. But they all say they’ll miss that extra pair of hands. Richard seems the most worried because his food is so intricate.
Each fleshes out his/her menu a bit more.
Lisa: My menu is going to really reflect my personality. Very big, bold, spicy, sweet, salty, sour. Those bright, kind of in-your-face flavors is really kind of my personality.
Lisa’s menu: First course, grilled prawns. Second course, tom kha gai soup and dumplings. Third course, Wagyu beef. Fourth course, Thai rice pudding.
Oh, dear God, rice.
Richard wants to tell a story with his menu. He wants to tell the judges he can cook with liquid nitrogen or just butter in a pan.
Richard’s menu: First course, scallops. Second course, guinea hen, foie gras and eggs. Third course, pork belly. Fourth course, banana scallops with bacon ice cream.
Banana scallops, again? Seriously, again?
Stephanie’s menu has no such repeats, or in Richard’s case, threepeats.
Stephanie’s menu: First course, red snapper. Second course, quail with lobster ravioli and quail egg. Third course, lamb medallions. Fourth course, ricotta pound cake.
Stirring the pot – Tom arrives to check on their progress. When he asks Richard what his menu is, Richard says “it’s a little abstract.” Tom gives him his patented blinking stare. And then Richard tells him he is “in the s— right now.” That gets my patented blinking stare. Also, what an unpleasant mental image to use while discussing food.
Stephanie tells Tom she has five minutes until she finds out if her pound cake is a boom or a bust. Tom asks her if she has made it before, and she says she’s done it once. More blinking, more staring.
That just leaves Lisa. Calm, relaxed, whistling-a-happy-tune Lisa. OK, she isn’t whistling. But she is amazingly calm and relaxed.
Lisa: I’m good. I’m not nervous about it. I’m not concerned with the timing.
She is duly rewarded with a blink-and-stare—free reaction from Tom.
Afterward, Tom handicaps the field.
Tom: It was surprising to see the reactions. Richard – he has been usually calm, but he seems very excited. I think partly because he has so many ideas running around in his head and he can’t keep them quiet … Lisa is very calm. We know she is a tough competitor … I think part of being a chef is having somewhat of an attitude and swagger. It helps. Stephanie is a little nervous about her dessert right now … It could all come down to that dish for her.
Cut to Stephanie fretting about her dessert. She decides to finally sample her ricotta pound cake.
And suddenly, it’s Stephanie who probably feels like she is “in the s—.”
Lisa: What’s wrong? Stephanie: My s— sucks. Lisa: No it doesn’t. Every time you f—ing say that it’s always awesome, Steph. Stephanie: No, not this time, yo. Lisa: Yeah, you said that like three times to me and then you won. Stephanie: Not this time. Lisa: I don’t want to hear it from you. Have some confidence in yourself.
I think that was Lisa’s version of a pep talk. But I’m not sure it worked, since Stephanie is still all furrowed brow. In fact, Stephanie and Richard are both balls of tension. And then there is calm, relaxed, whistling-a-happy-tune Lisa.
Lisa: I’m not tense. I was just thinking to myself I wonder why nobody is talking.
Richard, who must have a terrible poker face, doesn’t seem to take kindly to Lisa’s chitchatty mood.
Everyone is a critic – The guests start to arrive, wine in hand, to prepare for service to begin. Apparently you judge better when you’ve got a little buzz going.
As Richard plates his dishes, he leaves no doubt about how he feels about his competition.
Richard: I’m the best chef here. I think I have the most skill. I think I have the most ambition. I think I’m the only one who is a craftsman and an artist.
Again, buddy, you may feel that way, but should you really tell the cameras? Does no one realize that everyone, including the people they’re talking about behind their backs, will see this?
Lisa, for her part, says she is definitely going to be the first female Top Chef. And Stephanie says she wants to be Top Chef. So everyone’s confident, but only one will go home a winner.
Deciding who that will be is an all-star panel of chefs. Padma introduces Top Chef judges Tom, Ted Allen and Gail Simmons, and the super sous chefs Eric, Dan and April. Rounding out the table are Alfredo Ayala, one of Puerto Rico’s most celebrated chefs, and Tim Zagat, founder/CEO of a little thing called the Zagat Survey.
The chefs explain their menus to the distinguished diners.
Richard: I think writing a menu is as important to a chef as the food that is on the plate.
OK, but then why have such a vague, mysterious menu? His menu reads – and I kid you not – “You Are Here,” “Which Came First,” “Be the Bacon” and “You Are Still Here.” That’s it – no other description whatsoever. Is he going to serve them peyote and then ask them life’s biggest questions?
Lisa and Stephanie, who were so gauche as to actually list what they were going to serve on their menus, say that their dishes will be shocking and simple, respectively.
The last supper – But enough talk, bring on the grub. The first courses are sent out: Lisa’s prawns with chili basil sauce, crab and homemade potato chips; Stephanie’s red snapper over truffle, clam and asparagus broth with asparagus salad; Richard’s scallop with mango and pineapple vinegar.
From my armchair, what-would-I-want-to-eat-this-very-second perspective, I give it to Lisa. I mean, dude, potato chips.
The judges call Richard’s scallop unfamiliar, but a little too complicated. Lisa’s shrimp has a nice texture, but is too spicy. Stephanie’s snapper is delicate, elegant and, according to Chef Ayala, “the best of the three.”
Second course next. It’s Lisa’s tom kha gai soup dumpling vs. Stephanie’s quail breast over lobster ravioli with a quail egg vs. Richard’s guinea hen, chicken egg and foie gras.
My totally untrained eye picks Stephanie’s quail/ravioli/egg dish because it just looks neat.
But, of course, the judges know better. The judges say the ingredients are hard to distinguish in Richard’s dish. Tom calls it Richard “falling in love with the technique.” Gail calls Lisa’s soup “absolutely delicious,” and Chef Zagat says he would have been “happy to have seconds.” The judges like the well-balanced flavors of Stephanie’s quail. But Tom, oh Tom, he has once again spotted and despised the unnecessary garnish.
Tom: No one had an issue with these leeks?
They’re apparently undercooked and have no relevance on the plate.
The third “carnivore” course pits Lisa’s Wagyu beef with chayote and cucumber salad, hot sauce and garlic chips against Stephanie’s lamb with maitake mushrooms, braised pistachios and olive tapenade, and Richard’s pork belly with pickled radishes and mirin broth.
Hands down, my eyeballing-it critique gives it to Stephanie. My stomach began growling involuntarily.
The judges, for once, agree with my superficial prognosticating. Richard’s pork belly is underseasoned. Lisa’s beef isn’t tender, but they do like her salad.
Padma: Did you do that, April? Because the knife skills are pretty good in that. April: I didn’t do that at all.
Wait, Padma, was that a mini slam on Lisa’s knife skills?
But it’s Stephanie’s dish that gets the big love. And it’s surprised them all, in a very good way.
Tom: Richard’s dish just needs work. Lisa’s dish is just pedestrian. Stephanie’s is full of surprises and it works.
And, finally, dessert. Lisa’s black Thai rice pudding, Stephanie’s ricotta pound cake with tropical fruit, and Richard’s banana scallop with bacon ice cream all try to satisfy the judges’ sweet teeth.
Now, normally, I am in favor of anything and everything with bacon. But I may just have to draw the line at ice cream. On looks alone, I give it to Lisa. It’s just pretty.
And, what do you know, maybe you can judge a dessert by its cover. Lisa’s rice pudding is called “exciting” and “wonderful.” Richard’s banana/bacon-dish is called “playful,” but Eric says one needs to focus on flavors before contemplating playtime. Stephanie’s cake is deemed “nothing special” and “unrefined.”
Thanks for the grub – The chefs compare notes after the meal is over. Gail thinks they’ve all won. Aww, what a softie. But leave it to Tom to bring the perspective.
Tom: [Richard is] more intellectual, out there. Lisa is sort of sticking true to herself and what she likes to eat and what she likes to cook. And Stephanie tends to have more of a homey spin on things. And I think we have a very strong contrast of styles and of flavors, and I think it is going to be a very interesting Judges’ Table.
The cheftestants come back out to applause.
I like that. I think more people should clap at the end of a good meal. Of course that would mean conversely that people would boo at the end of a bad meal. I guess that would make for a pretty noisy dining area.
Despite the applause, Richard and his non-poker face tell a different story.
First things first – Padma, Tom, Gail and Ted arrive for Judges’ Table. Padma is all aglow about the meal. No, seriously, she is glowing.
Who else is glowing? Lisa. On the walk up to Judge’s Table she is all smiles – smiling, relaxed, friendly. Who is this and what have Bravo editors done with this season’s supposed villain?
The chefs are asked to explain their choices course by course. They start with Richard. He says a first course should be an explosion of flavor that wakes up the palate. Padma says some of them thought it lacked seasoning.
Tom then wants to know if Lisa meant her first course to be so “hot” and “assertive.”
Lisa: You guys have been telling me, you know, “We want to see you in the cooking.” And clearly I’m a “spicy” kind of person.
Who says lesbians don’t have a sense of humor?
Stephanie says her first course was meant to be springy, and the judges spring to praise it. Gail calls it “beautifully presented” and Padma calls it “lovely.”
Anyone for seconds? – For the second course, Richard says if he could change anything, he might leave off the foie gras. Gail says the dish was muddled and the flavors lost their integrity.
Better not tell the conservatives about his integrity-less flavors. They’ll argue that once flavors lose their integrity, it’s a slippery slope. After that it’s only a matter of time before you see same-flavor marriages, and that will destroy the very fabric of our nation itself, namely opposite-flavor marriages.
Why, yes, I do like to stretch my metaphors. Why do you ask?
Lisa’s second course soup is called slurp-worthy. Ted says the flavors “blew everyone away.”
Again with the big smiles. Geez, why won’t you subscribe to your ascribed role as this season’s Big Bad Lesbian? This smiling is confusing millions of viewers at home.
Stephanie’s second course is praised all around, but – and it’s a big but – then there were those leeks. Tom says he doesn’t know what they were doing there, and they weren’t cooked. As Stephanie learned her leeks were crunchy, the look on her face can only be described as abject horror.
Third time is the charm – Onto the third course, and Ted asks Richard if he had considered making his pork belly crispier. Richard says he would have lost the integrity of the meat by crisping the fat. Again with integrity-less flavors. Do no flavors have strong moral values anymore? Tom blinks and stares. This is the most blinking and staring Richard has encountered all season.
Tom then calls Lisa’s Wagyu beef third course undercooked. He says Kobe beef is different than American beef. If it’s not cooked enough, the fats don’t melt and instead make it chewy. Wow, I just learned something useful. Well, that is, if I could ever afford to buy Kobe beef.
Stephanie’s lamb third course turns her frown upside down. In fact, she does a little “Woo hoo!” about how well the lamb came out. Could she get any cuter? Answer: no.
Ted calls the dish “one of the more creative things that happened all night.” Tom calls it “full of surprises” and thanks her.
Just desserts – And then there’s nothing left but the sweet stuff to talk about. Richard says he made the dish because he eats a banana every day for breakfast. Tom says it worked, but Padma reminds Richard that he also won the dessert challenge with the banana scallops. He says yes, but a “different variation.” Three times is three times, bro.
Padma is all anxious to talk about Lisa’s dessert. After she explains the flavors, Padma is quick to call it “delicious.” That after Padma called Lisa’s mango sticky rice dessert back in “Restaurant Wars” “appalling.” Rice vindication accomplished.
Padma asks Stephanie if she was happy with her dessert. She says she was happy with the flavors, but the banana cream was something she was trying out for saltiness. Tom says he had problems with it, specifically the banana cream, which was “a miss.”
The defense rests – Before she lets them go to deliberate, Padma asks the chefs if they have any last words. The camera pans dramatically back and forth. Who will break the silence? Who will plead his/her case first? Stephanie. Wow, she is full of surprises, isn’t she?
Stephanie: It’s just funny, when I was working with Dale, the number one thing he said to me was “Don’t second-guess yourself.” And the dish that I fell short on tonight, the dessert, was me second-guessing myself. But I think that I’ll be able to take this and learn, and I think that I just am what a Top Chef should be. Lisa: I feel very strongly about the menu that I provided you guys with tonight. I am very confident that you’ll be like, “She deserves this win, she deserves to be Top Chef. She’s got the qualities.” Richard: Yeah, sure, I’ll say it. I mean, I feel like I choked a little bit.
Oh, Richard. I can’t tell if you are being incredibly honest or incredibly stupid. I suspect it’s a bit of both.
He says he thinks he overthought the meal and is at his best when he doesn’t think. That’s putting a whole lot of thought into levels of thought. Then he calls the meal not his top performance on the show.
So, how about that two-woman race between Stephanie and Lisa, eh?
The decision of a lifetime – After the chefs are sent back to the Stew Room, the four judges are left to ponder what just happened. Gail says she was shocked by Richard’s admission.
But then she also says he wanted to make sure that the judges know that he is capable of better.
Tom says, overall, they had three very good meals. To get the discussion going, he asks for a poll of who they think won each course.
First course: Ted likes Lisa’s. Gail and Tom like Stephanie’s. Second course: Tom and Gail like Lisa’s dumpling soup. Third course: They seem to all agree on Stephanie’s lamb. Fourth course: Tom and Ted like Richard’s. Gail and Padma like Lisa’s.
The one thing they seemingly all agree on is that Stephanie’s dessert sucked. And thus begins the long process of agreeing on the rest.
Back in the Stew Room, Lisa is breaking down their performances to Stephanie.
Lisa: You definitely killed the first and third. And I kind of feel like I nailed the second and fourth. But I don’t know.
Just like a lesbian, always wanting to process. While she’s right on target, perhaps this is yet another thing we shouldn’t say out loud. Especially with the guy who admittedly choked sitting right next to you. Poor Richard, even his faux-hawk looks deflated.
Oh, and one more thing: “You won the f—ing bronze medal, congratulations. There you go.”
The judges’ decisions have come down to each of their preferences for the night. As the birds chirp their morning hellos, they all finally reach theirs.
You’re the top – The three finalists are called back before the judges. Tom gives them all a last bit of praise. Richard’s food is “whimsical, playful and sometimes just plain outrageous.” Lisa’s flavors are “big, bold, all about you.” Stephanie’s cooking can bring in surprises that “just wow us.”
Tom: In end, we based the decision on which meal we would go back and like to have again.
And then a seemingly agonizing 20 seconds pass as Padma pauses for dramatic effect before saying:
Padma: Stephanie. [six more agonizing seconds] You are Top Chef! Stephanie: What?! Really?!
God, how cute is that? Though, to be honest, she had me at the Yoda backpack. Congratulations on a well-deserved win. Finally, the person I picked to win it from the beginning wins it all. Plus having the first female Top Chef is simply awesome and about damn time.
The recently eliminated chefs – Antonia, Spike, Dale, Andrew and Nikki – all stream in to congratulate her. Lisa and Richard get congratulated by the judges as well for a battle well fought.
Lisa says she thought she had a shot to take it, but then she heard Stephanie’s name.
Lisa: This whole journey has been awesome. I’m proud of the dishes I’ve done. This is what I want to do and this is what I’m always going to do.
Richard is even more disappointed; his eyes even look a little misty.
Richard: Losing at the last second, it sucks. That is why it’s tough, too. Because you put your whole heart into it and then it doesn’t work out. The one thing that is good about this is to kind of refocus … So, the future is bright, for sure … Cut.
No matter who I was rooting for, I always feel a little bad for the losers.
But then Stephanie dances a little jig of joy and I recalibrate my cuteness scales once again.
Talking about her win, Stephanie chokes up talking about how she doubted it at some points, but now it’s a reaffirmation. Who has the Kleenex?
See, nice girls can finish first.Stephanie: This is what I’m meant to do in life.
Lisa: Richard definitely is a brilliant chef, but Richard and I are very different. I am not into the molecular at all. I cook simple food and I keep minimal ingredients instead of, you know, over-thinking things.
Eric and April, however, are suitably impressed.
Eric: I’ve never seen such a technique. As a chef, the day you don’t learn anymore, it means you’re so egomaniac that you’re blind.
With the chemistry experiment over, the chefs get back to business. But Stephanie is distracted by the friendly chitchat coming from April and Lisa’s direction.
Stephanie: Lisa and April are definitely getting along and chitchatting, which is a little weird. You know, just ’cause Lisa doesn’t really get along with everybody, as some people might remember.
Lisa couldn’t be happier with her sous chef.
Lisa: The fact that I get along really, really well with Chef April gives me an advantage. You know, if you are happy, your food is going to taste better. If you are stressed out and freaking out, you know, I don’t cook well like that.
The three hours of prep tick down to zero, and the chefs huddle with their super sous to go over what needs to be done the next day. Richard says he will use the night to conceptualize, since he has no completed dishes and a lot of work left. Lisa gets a hug from her new BFF, April.
No show, no call, no job – The day of the final challenge arrives, and so do the chefs – at an empty kitchen. Their super sous are nowhere to be seen. They unpack their knives and get started solo as Tom walks in with what we can only assume is the inevitable curveball.
And what a big, looping curveball it is. He tells them their super sous won’t be coming in today.
Tom: From this point on you are completely on your own. The judges wanted to make sure that you live and die by your own hand.
The chefs joke, a bit, about it being like their sous chefs at work calling in sick. They say it happens every day at restaurants. But they all say they’ll miss that extra pair of hands. Richard seems the most worried because his food is so intricate.
Each fleshes out his/her menu a bit more.
Lisa: My menu is going to really reflect my personality. Very big, bold, spicy, sweet, salty, sour. Those bright, kind of in-your-face flavors is really kind of my personality.
Lisa’s menu: First course, grilled prawns. Second course, tom kha gai soup and dumplings. Third course, Wagyu beef. Fourth course, Thai rice pudding.
Oh, dear God, rice.
Richard wants to tell a story with his menu. He wants to tell the judges he can cook with liquid nitrogen or just butter in a pan.
Richard’s menu: First course, scallops. Second course, guinea hen, foie gras and eggs. Third course, pork belly. Fourth course, banana scallops with bacon ice cream.
Banana scallops, again? Seriously, again?
Stephanie’s menu has no such repeats, or in Richard’s case, threepeats.
Stephanie’s menu: First course, red snapper. Second course, quail with lobster ravioli and quail egg. Third course, lamb medallions. Fourth course, ricotta pound cake.
Stirring the pot – Tom arrives to check on their progress. When he asks Richard what his menu is, Richard says “it’s a little abstract.” Tom gives him his patented blinking stare. And then Richard tells him he is “in the s— right now.” That gets my patented blinking stare. Also, what an unpleasant mental image to use while discussing food.
Stephanie tells Tom she has five minutes until she finds out if her pound cake is a boom or a bust. Tom asks her if she has made it before, and she says she’s done it once. More blinking, more staring.
That just leaves Lisa. Calm, relaxed, whistling-a-happy-tune Lisa. OK, she isn’t whistling. But she is amazingly calm and relaxed.
Lisa: I’m good. I’m not nervous about it. I’m not concerned with the timing.
She is duly rewarded with a blink-and-stare—free reaction from Tom.
Afterward, Tom handicaps the field.
Tom: It was surprising to see the reactions. Richard – he has been usually calm, but he seems very excited. I think partly because he has so many ideas running around in his head and he can’t keep them quiet … Lisa is very calm. We know she is a tough competitor … I think part of being a chef is having somewhat of an attitude and swagger. It helps. Stephanie is a little nervous about her dessert right now … It could all come down to that dish for her.
Cut to Stephanie fretting about her dessert. She decides to finally sample her ricotta pound cake.
And suddenly, it’s Stephanie who probably feels like she is “in the s—.”
Lisa: What’s wrong? Stephanie: My s— sucks. Lisa: No it doesn’t. Every time you f—ing say that it’s always awesome, Steph. Stephanie: No, not this time, yo. Lisa: Yeah, you said that like three times to me and then you won. Stephanie: Not this time. Lisa: I don’t want to hear it from you. Have some confidence in yourself.
I think that was Lisa’s version of a pep talk. But I’m not sure it worked, since Stephanie is still all furrowed brow. In fact, Stephanie and Richard are both balls of tension. And then there is calm, relaxed, whistling-a-happy-tune Lisa.
Lisa: I’m not tense. I was just thinking to myself I wonder why nobody is talking.
Richard, who must have a terrible poker face, doesn’t seem to take kindly to Lisa’s chitchatty mood.
Everyone is a critic – The guests start to arrive, wine in hand, to prepare for service to begin. Apparently you judge better when you’ve got a little buzz going.
As Richard plates his dishes, he leaves no doubt about how he feels about his competition.
Richard: I’m the best chef here. I think I have the most skill. I think I have the most ambition. I think I’m the only one who is a craftsman and an artist.
Again, buddy, you may feel that way, but should you really tell the cameras? Does no one realize that everyone, including the people they’re talking about behind their backs, will see this?
Lisa, for her part, says she is definitely going to be the first female Top Chef. And Stephanie says she wants to be Top Chef. So everyone’s confident, but only one will go home a winner.
Deciding who that will be is an all-star panel of chefs. Padma introduces Top Chef judges Tom, Ted Allen and Gail Simmons, and the super sous chefs Eric, Dan and April. Rounding out the table are Alfredo Ayala, one of Puerto Rico’s most celebrated chefs, and Tim Zagat, founder/CEO of a little thing called the Zagat Survey.
The chefs explain their menus to the distinguished diners.
Richard: I think writing a menu is as important to a chef as the food that is on the plate.
OK, but then why have such a vague, mysterious menu? His menu reads – and I kid you not – “You Are Here,” “Which Came First,” “Be the Bacon” and “You Are Still Here.” That’s it – no other description whatsoever. Is he going to serve them peyote and then ask them life’s biggest questions?
Lisa and Stephanie, who were so gauche as to actually list what they were going to serve on their menus, say that their dishes will be shocking and simple, respectively.
The last supper – But enough talk, bring on the grub. The first courses are sent out: Lisa’s prawns with chili basil sauce, crab and homemade potato chips; Stephanie’s red snapper over truffle, clam and asparagus broth with asparagus salad; Richard’s scallop with mango and pineapple vinegar.
From my armchair, what-would-I-want-to-eat-this-very-second perspective, I give it to Lisa. I mean, dude, potato chips.
The judges call Richard’s scallop unfamiliar, but a little too complicated. Lisa’s shrimp has a nice texture, but is too spicy. Stephanie’s snapper is delicate, elegant and, according to Chef Ayala, “the best of the three.”
Second course next. It’s Lisa’s tom kha gai soup dumpling vs. Stephanie’s quail breast over lobster ravioli with a quail egg vs. Richard’s guinea hen, chicken egg and foie gras.
My totally untrained eye picks Stephanie’s quail/ravioli/egg dish because it just looks neat.
But, of course, the judges know better. The judges say the ingredients are hard to distinguish in Richard’s dish. Tom calls it Richard “falling in love with the technique.” Gail calls Lisa’s soup “absolutely delicious,” and Chef Zagat says he would have been “happy to have seconds.” The judges like the well-balanced flavors of Stephanie’s quail. But Tom, oh Tom, he has once again spotted and despised the unnecessary garnish.
Tom: No one had an issue with these leeks?
They’re apparently undercooked and have no relevance on the plate.
The third “carnivore” course pits Lisa’s Wagyu beef with chayote and cucumber salad, hot sauce and garlic chips against Stephanie’s lamb with maitake mushrooms, braised pistachios and olive tapenade, and Richard’s pork belly with pickled radishes and mirin broth.
Hands down, my eyeballing-it critique gives it to Stephanie. My stomach began growling involuntarily.
The judges, for once, agree with my superficial prognosticating. Richard’s pork belly is underseasoned. Lisa’s beef isn’t tender, but they do like her salad.
Padma: Did you do that, April? Because the knife skills are pretty good in that. April: I didn’t do that at all.
Wait, Padma, was that a mini slam on Lisa’s knife skills?
But it’s Stephanie’s dish that gets the big love. And it’s surprised them all, in a very good way.
Tom: Richard’s dish just needs work. Lisa’s dish is just pedestrian. Stephanie’s is full of surprises and it works.
And, finally, dessert. Lisa’s black Thai rice pudding, Stephanie’s ricotta pound cake with tropical fruit, and Richard’s banana scallop with bacon ice cream all try to satisfy the judges’ sweet teeth.
Now, normally, I am in favor of anything and everything with bacon. But I may just have to draw the line at ice cream. On looks alone, I give it to Lisa. It’s just pretty.
And, what do you know, maybe you can judge a dessert by its cover. Lisa’s rice pudding is called “exciting” and “wonderful.” Richard’s banana/bacon-dish is called “playful,” but Eric says one needs to focus on flavors before contemplating playtime. Stephanie’s cake is deemed “nothing special” and “unrefined.”
Thanks for the grub – The chefs compare notes after the meal is over. Gail thinks they’ve all won. Aww, what a softie. But leave it to Tom to bring the perspective.
Tom: [Richard is] more intellectual, out there. Lisa is sort of sticking true to herself and what she likes to eat and what she likes to cook. And Stephanie tends to have more of a homey spin on things. And I think we have a very strong contrast of styles and of flavors, and I think it is going to be a very interesting Judges’ Table.
The cheftestants come back out to applause.
I like that. I think more people should clap at the end of a good meal. Of course that would mean conversely that people would boo at the end of a bad meal. I guess that would make for a pretty noisy dining area.
Despite the applause, Richard and his non-poker face tell a different story.
First things first – Padma, Tom, Gail and Ted arrive for Judges’ Table. Padma is all aglow about the meal. No, seriously, she is glowing.
Who else is glowing? Lisa. On the walk up to Judge’s Table she is all smiles – smiling, relaxed, friendly. Who is this and what have Bravo editors done with this season’s supposed villain?
The chefs are asked to explain their choices course by course. They start with Richard. He says a first course should be an explosion of flavor that wakes up the palate. Padma says some of them thought it lacked seasoning.
Tom then wants to know if Lisa meant her first course to be so “hot” and “assertive.”
Lisa: You guys have been telling me, you know, “We want to see you in the cooking.” And clearly I’m a “spicy” kind of person.
Who says lesbians don’t have a sense of humor?
Stephanie says her first course was meant to be springy, and the judges spring to praise it. Gail calls it “beautifully presented” and Padma calls it “lovely.”
Anyone for seconds? – For the second course, Richard says if he could change anything, he might leave off the foie gras. Gail says the dish was muddled and the flavors lost their integrity.
Better not tell the conservatives about his integrity-less flavors. They’ll argue that once flavors lose their integrity, it’s a slippery slope. After that it’s only a matter of time before you see same-flavor marriages, and that will destroy the very fabric of our nation itself, namely opposite-flavor marriages.
Why, yes, I do like to stretch my metaphors. Why do you ask?
Lisa’s second course soup is called slurp-worthy. Ted says the flavors “blew everyone away.”
Again with the big smiles. Geez, why won’t you subscribe to your ascribed role as this season’s Big Bad Lesbian? This smiling is confusing millions of viewers at home.
Stephanie’s second course is praised all around, but – and it’s a big but – then there were those leeks. Tom says he doesn’t know what they were doing there, and they weren’t cooked. As Stephanie learned her leeks were crunchy, the look on her face can only be described as abject horror.
Third time is the charm – Onto the third course, and Ted asks Richard if he had considered making his pork belly crispier. Richard says he would have lost the integrity of the meat by crisping the fat. Again with integrity-less flavors. Do no flavors have strong moral values anymore? Tom blinks and stares. This is the most blinking and staring Richard has encountered all season.
Tom then calls Lisa’s Wagyu beef third course undercooked. He says Kobe beef is different than American beef. If it’s not cooked enough, the fats don’t melt and instead make it chewy. Wow, I just learned something useful. Well, that is, if I could ever afford to buy Kobe beef.
Stephanie’s lamb third course turns her frown upside down. In fact, she does a little “Woo hoo!” about how well the lamb came out. Could she get any cuter? Answer: no.
Ted calls the dish “one of the more creative things that happened all night.” Tom calls it “full of surprises” and thanks her.
Just desserts – And then there’s nothing left but the sweet stuff to talk about. Richard says he made the dish because he eats a banana every day for breakfast. Tom says it worked, but Padma reminds Richard that he also won the dessert challenge with the banana scallops. He says yes, but a “different variation.” Three times is three times, bro.
Padma is all anxious to talk about Lisa’s dessert. After she explains the flavors, Padma is quick to call it “delicious.” That after Padma called Lisa’s mango sticky rice dessert back in “Restaurant Wars” “appalling.” Rice vindication accomplished.
Padma asks Stephanie if she was happy with her dessert. She says she was happy with the flavors, but the banana cream was something she was trying out for saltiness. Tom says he had problems with it, specifically the banana cream, which was “a miss.”
The defense rests – Before she lets them go to deliberate, Padma asks the chefs if they have any last words. The camera pans dramatically back and forth. Who will break the silence? Who will plead his/her case first? Stephanie. Wow, she is full of surprises, isn’t she?
Stephanie: It’s just funny, when I was working with Dale, the number one thing he said to me was “Don’t second-guess yourself.” And the dish that I fell short on tonight, the dessert, was me second-guessing myself. But I think that I’ll be able to take this and learn, and I think that I just am what a Top Chef should be. Lisa: I feel very strongly about the menu that I provided you guys with tonight. I am very confident that you’ll be like, “She deserves this win, she deserves to be Top Chef. She’s got the qualities.” Richard: Yeah, sure, I’ll say it. I mean, I feel like I choked a little bit.
Oh, Richard. I can’t tell if you are being incredibly honest or incredibly stupid. I suspect it’s a bit of both.
He says he thinks he overthought the meal and is at his best when he doesn’t think. That’s putting a whole lot of thought into levels of thought. Then he calls the meal not his top performance on the show.
So, how about that two-woman race between Stephanie and Lisa, eh?
The decision of a lifetime – After the chefs are sent back to the Stew Room, the four judges are left to ponder what just happened. Gail says she was shocked by Richard’s admission.
But then she also says he wanted to make sure that the judges know that he is capable of better.
Tom says, overall, they had three very good meals. To get the discussion going, he asks for a poll of who they think won each course.
First course: Ted likes Lisa’s. Gail and Tom like Stephanie’s. Second course: Tom and Gail like Lisa’s dumpling soup. Third course: They seem to all agree on Stephanie’s lamb. Fourth course: Tom and Ted like Richard’s. Gail and Padma like Lisa’s.
The one thing they seemingly all agree on is that Stephanie’s dessert sucked. And thus begins the long process of agreeing on the rest.
Back in the Stew Room, Lisa is breaking down their performances to Stephanie.
Lisa: You definitely killed the first and third. And I kind of feel like I nailed the second and fourth. But I don’t know.
Just like a lesbian, always wanting to process. While she’s right on target, perhaps this is yet another thing we shouldn’t say out loud. Especially with the guy who admittedly choked sitting right next to you. Poor Richard, even his faux-hawk looks deflated.
Oh, and one more thing: “You won the f—ing bronze medal, congratulations. There you go.”
The judges’ decisions have come down to each of their preferences for the night. As the birds chirp their morning hellos, they all finally reach theirs.
You’re the top – The three finalists are called back before the judges. Tom gives them all a last bit of praise. Richard’s food is “whimsical, playful and sometimes just plain outrageous.” Lisa’s flavors are “big, bold, all about you.” Stephanie’s cooking can bring in surprises that “just wow us.”
Tom: In end, we based the decision on which meal we would go back and like to have again.
And then a seemingly agonizing 20 seconds pass as Padma pauses for dramatic effect before saying:
Padma: Stephanie. [six more agonizing seconds] You are Top Chef! Stephanie: What?! Really?!
God, how cute is that? Though, to be honest, she had me at the Yoda backpack. Congratulations on a well-deserved win. Finally, the person I picked to win it from the beginning wins it all. Plus having the first female Top Chef is simply awesome and about damn time.
The recently eliminated chefs – Antonia, Spike, Dale, Andrew and Nikki – all stream in to congratulate her. Lisa and Richard get congratulated by the judges as well for a battle well fought.
Lisa says she thought she had a shot to take it, but then she heard Stephanie’s name.
Lisa: This whole journey has been awesome. I’m proud of the dishes I’ve done. This is what I want to do and this is what I’m always going to do.
Richard is even more disappointed; his eyes even look a little misty.
Richard: Losing at the last second, it sucks. That is why it’s tough, too. Because you put your whole heart into it and then it doesn’t work out. The one thing that is good about this is to kind of refocus … So, the future is bright, for sure … Cut.
No matter who I was rooting for, I always feel a little bad for the losers.
But then Stephanie dances a little jig of joy and I recalibrate my cuteness scales once again.
Talking about her win, Stephanie chokes up talking about how she doubted it at some points, but now it’s a reaffirmation. Who has the Kleenex?
See, nice girls can finish first.Stephanie: This is what I’m meant to do in life.
Stephanie: I think he got a little, like, offended for a second. He was like, “I know.”
Ice, ice baby – Chopping, dicing and slicing ensues with no more offenses toward the culinary gods. Richard says each chef was allowed to bring one special ingredient from home. He brought liquid nitrogen – yummy, yummy liquid nitrogen.
Richard says there are fewer than a dozen chefs in the nation who cook with the cold stuff. He says a lot can be done with it, and he is thinking about making Tabasco sauce ice cream. Oh, I get it, fire and ice. But then he says he is not sure if that is what he will make. Instead he is just testing the idea. Again, you’ve had six months to test. Now you only have seven hours to cook.
His test turns into a demonstration for the super sous. Someone is about to show off his toys. What is it about boys and their toys? If it’s not a shiny new car, it’s a shiny new canister of liquid nitrogen.
Lisa: Richard definitely is a brilliant chef, but Richard and I are very different. I am not into the molecular at all. I cook simple food and I keep minimal ingredients instead of, you know, over-thinking things.
Eric and April, however, are suitably impressed.
Eric: I’ve never seen such a technique. As a chef, the day you don’t learn anymore, it means you’re so egomaniac that you’re blind.
With the chemistry experiment over, the chefs get back to business. But Stephanie is distracted by the friendly chitchat coming from April and Lisa’s direction.
Stephanie: Lisa and April are definitely getting along and chitchatting, which is a little weird. You know, just ’cause Lisa doesn’t really get along with everybody, as some people might remember.
Lisa couldn’t be happier with her sous chef.
Lisa: The fact that I get along really, really well with Chef April gives me an advantage. You know, if you are happy, your food is going to taste better. If you are stressed out and freaking out, you know, I don’t cook well like that.
The three hours of prep tick down to zero, and the chefs huddle with their super sous to go over what needs to be done the next day. Richard says he will use the night to conceptualize, since he has no completed dishes and a lot of work left. Lisa gets a hug from her new BFF, April.
No show, no call, no job – The day of the final challenge arrives, and so do the chefs – at an empty kitchen. Their super sous are nowhere to be seen. They unpack their knives and get started solo as Tom walks in with what we can only assume is the inevitable curveball.
And what a big, looping curveball it is. He tells them their super sous won’t be coming in today.
Tom: From this point on you are completely on your own. The judges wanted to make sure that you live and die by your own hand.
The chefs joke, a bit, about it being like their sous chefs at work calling in sick. They say it happens every day at restaurants. But they all say they’ll miss that extra pair of hands. Richard seems the most worried because his food is so intricate.
Each fleshes out his/her menu a bit more.
Lisa: My menu is going to really reflect my personality. Very big, bold, spicy, sweet, salty, sour. Those bright, kind of in-your-face flavors is really kind of my personality.
Lisa’s menu: First course, grilled prawns. Second course, tom kha gai soup and dumplings. Third course, Wagyu beef. Fourth course, Thai rice pudding.
Oh, dear God, rice.
Richard wants to tell a story with his menu. He wants to tell the judges he can cook with liquid nitrogen or just butter in a pan.
Richard’s menu: First course, scallops. Second course, guinea hen, foie gras and eggs. Third course, pork belly. Fourth course, banana scallops with bacon ice cream.
Banana scallops, again? Seriously, again?
Stephanie’s menu has no such repeats, or in Richard’s case, threepeats.
Stephanie’s menu: First course, red snapper. Second course, quail with lobster ravioli and quail egg. Third course, lamb medallions. Fourth course, ricotta pound cake.
Stirring the pot – Tom arrives to check on their progress. When he asks Richard what his menu is, Richard says “it’s a little abstract.” Tom gives him his patented blinking stare. And then Richard tells him he is “in the s— right now.” That gets my patented blinking stare. Also, what an unpleasant mental image to use while discussing food.
Stephanie tells Tom she has five minutes until she finds out if her pound cake is a boom or a bust. Tom asks her if she has made it before, and she says she’s done it once. More blinking, more staring.
That just leaves Lisa. Calm, relaxed, whistling-a-happy-tune Lisa. OK, she isn’t whistling. But she is amazingly calm and relaxed.
Lisa: I’m good. I’m not nervous about it. I’m not concerned with the timing.
She is duly rewarded with a blink-and-stare—free reaction from Tom.
Afterward, Tom handicaps the field.
Tom: It was surprising to see the reactions. Richard – he has been usually calm, but he seems very excited. I think partly because he has so many ideas running around in his head and he can’t keep them quiet … Lisa is very calm. We know she is a tough competitor … I think part of being a chef is having somewhat of an attitude and swagger. It helps. Stephanie is a little nervous about her dessert right now … It could all come down to that dish for her.
Cut to Stephanie fretting about her dessert. She decides to finally sample her ricotta pound cake.
And suddenly, it’s Stephanie who probably feels like she is “in the s—.”
Lisa: What’s wrong? Stephanie: My s— sucks. Lisa: No it doesn’t. Every time you f—ing say that it’s always awesome, Steph. Stephanie: No, not this time, yo. Lisa: Yeah, you said that like three times to me and then you won. Stephanie: Not this time. Lisa: I don’t want to hear it from you. Have some confidence in yourself.
I think that was Lisa’s version of a pep talk. But I’m not sure it worked, since Stephanie is still all furrowed brow. In fact, Stephanie and Richard are both balls of tension. And then there is calm, relaxed, whistling-a-happy-tune Lisa.
Lisa: I’m not tense. I was just thinking to myself I wonder why nobody is talking.
Richard, who must have a terrible poker face, doesn’t seem to take kindly to Lisa’s chitchatty mood.
Everyone is a critic – The guests start to arrive, wine in hand, to prepare for service to begin. Apparently you judge better when you’ve got a little buzz going.
As Richard plates his dishes, he leaves no doubt about how he feels about his competition.
Richard: I’m the best chef here. I think I have the most skill. I think I have the most ambition. I think I’m the only one who is a craftsman and an artist.
Again, buddy, you may feel that way, but should you really tell the cameras? Does no one realize that everyone, including the people they’re talking about behind their backs, will see this?
Lisa, for her part, says she is definitely going to be the first female Top Chef. And Stephanie says she wants to be Top Chef. So everyone’s confident, but only one will go home a winner.
Deciding who that will be is an all-star panel of chefs. Padma introduces Top Chef judges Tom, Ted Allen and Gail Simmons, and the super sous chefs Eric, Dan and April. Rounding out the table are Alfredo Ayala, one of Puerto Rico’s most celebrated chefs, and Tim Zagat, founder/CEO of a little thing called the Zagat Survey.
The chefs explain their menus to the distinguished diners.
Richard: I think writing a menu is as important to a chef as the food that is on the plate.
OK, but then why have such a vague, mysterious menu? His menu reads – and I kid you not – “You Are Here,” “Which Came First,” “Be the Bacon” and “You Are Still Here.” That’s it – no other description whatsoever. Is he going to serve them peyote and then ask them life’s biggest questions?
Lisa and Stephanie, who were so gauche as to actually list what they were going to serve on their menus, say that their dishes will be shocking and simple, respectively.
The last supper – But enough talk, bring on the grub. The first courses are sent out: Lisa’s prawns with chili basil sauce, crab and homemade potato chips; Stephanie’s red snapper over truffle, clam and asparagus broth with asparagus salad; Richard’s scallop with mango and pineapple vinegar.
From my armchair, what-would-I-want-to-eat-this-very-second perspective, I give it to Lisa. I mean, dude, potato chips.
The judges call Richard’s scallop unfamiliar, but a little too complicated. Lisa’s shrimp has a nice texture, but is too spicy. Stephanie’s snapper is delicate, elegant and, according to Chef Ayala, “the best of the three.”
Second course next. It’s Lisa’s tom kha gai soup dumpling vs. Stephanie’s quail breast over lobster ravioli with a quail egg vs. Richard’s guinea hen, chicken egg and foie gras.
My totally untrained eye picks Stephanie’s quail/ravioli/egg dish because it just looks neat.
But, of course, the judges know better. The judges say the ingredients are hard to distinguish in Richard’s dish. Tom calls it Richard “falling in love with the technique.” Gail calls Lisa’s soup “absolutely delicious,” and Chef Zagat says he would have been “happy to have seconds.” The judges like the well-balanced flavors of Stephanie’s quail. But Tom, oh Tom, he has once again spotted and despised the unnecessary garnish.
Tom: No one had an issue with these leeks?
They’re apparently undercooked and have no relevance on the plate.
The third “carnivore” course pits Lisa’s Wagyu beef with chayote and cucumber salad, hot sauce and garlic chips against Stephanie’s lamb with maitake mushrooms, braised pistachios and olive tapenade, and Richard’s pork belly with pickled radishes and mirin broth.
Hands down, my eyeballing-it critique gives it to Stephanie. My stomach began growling involuntarily.
The judges, for once, agree with my superficial prognosticating. Richard’s pork belly is underseasoned. Lisa’s beef isn’t tender, but they do like her salad.
Padma: Did you do that, April? Because the knife skills are pretty good in that. April: I didn’t do that at all.
Wait, Padma, was that a mini slam on Lisa’s knife skills?
But it’s Stephanie’s dish that gets the big love. And it’s surprised them all, in a very good way.
Tom: Richard’s dish just needs work. Lisa’s dish is just pedestrian. Stephanie’s is full of surprises and it works.
And, finally, dessert. Lisa’s black Thai rice pudding, Stephanie’s ricotta pound cake with tropical fruit, and Richard’s banana scallop with bacon ice cream all try to satisfy the judges’ sweet teeth.
Now, normally, I am in favor of anything and everything with bacon. But I may just have to draw the line at ice cream. On looks alone, I give it to Lisa. It’s just pretty.
And, what do you know, maybe you can judge a dessert by its cover. Lisa’s rice pudding is called “exciting” and “wonderful.” Richard’s banana/bacon-dish is called “playful,” but Eric says one needs to focus on flavors before contemplating playtime. Stephanie’s cake is deemed “nothing special” and “unrefined.”
Thanks for the grub – The chefs compare notes after the meal is over. Gail thinks they’ve all won. Aww, what a softie. But leave it to Tom to bring the perspective.
Tom: [Richard is] more intellectual, out there. Lisa is sort of sticking true to herself and what she likes to eat and what she likes to cook. And Stephanie tends to have more of a homey spin on things. And I think we have a very strong contrast of styles and of flavors, and I think it is going to be a very interesting Judges’ Table.
The cheftestants come back out to applause.
I like that. I think more people should clap at the end of a good meal. Of course that would mean conversely that people would boo at the end of a bad meal. I guess that would make for a pretty noisy dining area.
Despite the applause, Richard and his non-poker face tell a different story.
First things first – Padma, Tom, Gail and Ted arrive for Judges’ Table. Padma is all aglow about the meal. No, seriously, she is glowing.
Who else is glowing? Lisa. On the walk up to Judge’s Table she is all smiles – smiling, relaxed, friendly. Who is this and what have Bravo editors done with this season’s supposed villain?
The chefs are asked to explain their choices course by course. They start with Richard. He says a first course should be an explosion of flavor that wakes up the palate. Padma says some of them thought it lacked seasoning.
Tom then wants to know if Lisa meant her first course to be so “hot” and “assertive.”
Lisa: You guys have been telling me, you know, “We want to see you in the cooking.” And clearly I’m a “spicy” kind of person.
Who says lesbians don’t have a sense of humor?
Stephanie says her first course was meant to be springy, and the judges spring to praise it. Gail calls it “beautifully presented” and Padma calls it “lovely.”
Anyone for seconds? – For the second course, Richard says if he could change anything, he might leave off the foie gras. Gail says the dish was muddled and the flavors lost their integrity.
Better not tell the conservatives about his integrity-less flavors. They’ll argue that once flavors lose their integrity, it’s a slippery slope. After that it’s only a matter of time before you see same-flavor marriages, and that will destroy the very fabric of our nation itself, namely opposite-flavor marriages.
Why, yes, I do like to stretch my metaphors. Why do you ask?
Lisa’s second course soup is called slurp-worthy. Ted says the flavors “blew everyone away.”
Again with the big smiles. Geez, why won’t you subscribe to your ascribed role as this season’s Big Bad Lesbian? This smiling is confusing millions of viewers at home.
Stephanie’s second course is praised all around, but – and it’s a big but – then there were those leeks. Tom says he doesn’t know what they were doing there, and they weren’t cooked. As Stephanie learned her leeks were crunchy, the look on her face can only be described as abject horror.
Third time is the charm – Onto the third course, and Ted asks Richard if he had considered making his pork belly crispier. Richard says he would have lost the integrity of the meat by crisping the fat. Again with integrity-less flavors. Do no flavors have strong moral values anymore? Tom blinks and stares. This is the most blinking and staring Richard has encountered all season.
Tom then calls Lisa’s Wagyu beef third course undercooked. He says Kobe beef is different than American beef. If it’s not cooked enough, the fats don’t melt and instead make it chewy. Wow, I just learned something useful. Well, that is, if I could ever afford to buy Kobe beef.
Stephanie’s lamb third course turns her frown upside down. In fact, she does a little “Woo hoo!” about how well the lamb came out. Could she get any cuter? Answer: no.
Ted calls the dish “one of the more creative things that happened all night.” Tom calls it “full of surprises” and thanks her.
Just desserts – And then there’s nothing left but the sweet stuff to talk about. Richard says he made the dish because he eats a banana every day for breakfast. Tom says it worked, but Padma reminds Richard that he also won the dessert challenge with the banana scallops. He says yes, but a “different variation.” Three times is three times, bro.
Padma is all anxious to talk about Lisa’s dessert. After she explains the flavors, Padma is quick to call it “delicious.” That after Padma called Lisa’s mango sticky rice dessert back in “Restaurant Wars” “appalling.” Rice vindication accomplished.
Padma asks Stephanie if she was happy with her dessert. She says she was happy with the flavors, but the banana cream was something she was trying out for saltiness. Tom says he had problems with it, specifically the banana cream, which was “a miss.”
The defense rests – Before she lets them go to deliberate, Padma asks the chefs if they have any last words. The camera pans dramatically back and forth. Who will break the silence? Who will plead his/her case first? Stephanie. Wow, she is full of surprises, isn’t she?
Stephanie: It’s just funny, when I was working with Dale, the number one thing he said to me was “Don’t second-guess yourself.” And the dish that I fell short on tonight, the dessert, was me second-guessing myself. But I think that I’ll be able to take this and learn, and I think that I just am what a Top Chef should be. Lisa: I feel very strongly about the menu that I provided you guys with tonight. I am very confident that you’ll be like, “She deserves this win, she deserves to be Top Chef. She’s got the qualities.” Richard: Yeah, sure, I’ll say it. I mean, I feel like I choked a little bit.
Oh, Richard. I can’t tell if you are being incredibly honest or incredibly stupid. I suspect it’s a bit of both.
He says he thinks he overthought the meal and is at his best when he doesn’t think. That’s putting a whole lot of thought into levels of thought. Then he calls the meal not his top performance on the show.
So, how about that two-woman race between Stephanie and Lisa, eh?
The decision of a lifetime – After the chefs are sent back to the Stew Room, the four judges are left to ponder what just happened. Gail says she was shocked by Richard’s admission.
But then she also says he wanted to make sure that the judges know that he is capable of better.
Tom says, overall, they had three very good meals. To get the discussion going, he asks for a poll of who they think won each course.
First course: Ted likes Lisa’s. Gail and Tom like Stephanie’s. Second course: Tom and Gail like Lisa’s dumpling soup. Third course: They seem to all agree on Stephanie’s lamb. Fourth course: Tom and Ted like Richard’s. Gail and Padma like Lisa’s.
The one thing they seemingly all agree on is that Stephanie’s dessert sucked. And thus begins the long process of agreeing on the rest.
Back in the Stew Room, Lisa is breaking down their performances to Stephanie.
Lisa: You definitely killed the first and third. And I kind of feel like I nailed the second and fourth. But I don’t know.
Just like a lesbian, always wanting to process. While she’s right on target, perhaps this is yet another thing we shouldn’t say out loud. Especially with the guy who admittedly choked sitting right next to you. Poor Richard, even his faux-hawk looks deflated.
Oh, and one more thing: “You won the f—ing bronze medal, congratulations. There you go.”
The judges’ decisions have come down to each of their preferences for the night. As the birds chirp their morning hellos, they all finally reach theirs.
You’re the top – The three finalists are called back before the judges. Tom gives them all a last bit of praise. Richard’s food is “whimsical, playful and sometimes just plain outrageous.” Lisa’s flavors are “big, bold, all about you.” Stephanie’s cooking can bring in surprises that “just wow us.”
Tom: In end, we based the decision on which meal we would go back and like to have again.
And then a seemingly agonizing 20 seconds pass as Padma pauses for dramatic effect before saying:
Padma: Stephanie. [six more agonizing seconds] You are Top Chef! Stephanie: What?! Really?!
God, how cute is that? Though, to be honest, she had me at the Yoda backpack. Congratulations on a well-deserved win. Finally, the person I picked to win it from the beginning wins it all. Plus having the first female Top Chef is simply awesome and about damn time.
The recently eliminated chefs – Antonia, Spike, Dale, Andrew and Nikki – all stream in to congratulate her. Lisa and Richard get congratulated by the judges as well for a battle well fought.
Lisa says she thought she had a shot to take it, but then she heard Stephanie’s name.
Lisa: This whole journey has been awesome. I’m proud of the dishes I’ve done. This is what I want to do and this is what I’m always going to do.
Richard is even more disappointed; his eyes even look a little misty.
Richard: Losing at the last second, it sucks. That is why it’s tough, too. Because you put your whole heart into it and then it doesn’t work out. The one thing that is good about this is to kind of refocus … So, the future is bright, for sure … Cut.
No matter who I was rooting for, I always feel a little bad for the losers.
But then Stephanie dances a little jig of joy and I recalibrate my cuteness scales once again.
Talking about her win, Stephanie chokes up talking about how she doubted it at some points, but now it’s a reaffirmation. Who has the Kleenex?
See, nice girls can finish first.Stephanie: This is what I’m meant to do in life.
Stephanie: You sure you know how to filet fish?
But then she undermines her own joke by hovering over him as he works. No one likes a backseat chef, Steph, especially not a culinary god.
Stephanie: I think he got a little, like, offended for a second. He was like, “I know.”
Ice, ice baby – Chopping, dicing and slicing ensues with no more offenses toward the culinary gods. Richard says each chef was allowed to bring one special ingredient from home. He brought liquid nitrogen – yummy, yummy liquid nitrogen.
Richard says there are fewer than a dozen chefs in the nation who cook with the cold stuff. He says a lot can be done with it, and he is thinking about making Tabasco sauce ice cream. Oh, I get it, fire and ice. But then he says he is not sure if that is what he will make. Instead he is just testing the idea. Again, you’ve had six months to test. Now you only have seven hours to cook.
His test turns into a demonstration for the super sous. Someone is about to show off his toys. What is it about boys and their toys? If it’s not a shiny new car, it’s a shiny new canister of liquid nitrogen.
Lisa: Richard definitely is a brilliant chef, but Richard and I are very different. I am not into the molecular at all. I cook simple food and I keep minimal ingredients instead of, you know, over-thinking things.
Eric and April, however, are suitably impressed.
Eric: I’ve never seen such a technique. As a chef, the day you don’t learn anymore, it means you’re so egomaniac that you’re blind.
With the chemistry experiment over, the chefs get back to business. But Stephanie is distracted by the friendly chitchat coming from April and Lisa’s direction.
Stephanie: Lisa and April are definitely getting along and chitchatting, which is a little weird. You know, just ’cause Lisa doesn’t really get along with everybody, as some people might remember.
Lisa couldn’t be happier with her sous chef.
Lisa: The fact that I get along really, really well with Chef April gives me an advantage. You know, if you are happy, your food is going to taste better. If you are stressed out and freaking out, you know, I don’t cook well like that.
The three hours of prep tick down to zero, and the chefs huddle with their super sous to go over what needs to be done the next day. Richard says he will use the night to conceptualize, since he has no completed dishes and a lot of work left. Lisa gets a hug from her new BFF, April.
No show, no call, no job – The day of the final challenge arrives, and so do the chefs – at an empty kitchen. Their super sous are nowhere to be seen. They unpack their knives and get started solo as Tom walks in with what we can only assume is the inevitable curveball.
And what a big, looping curveball it is. He tells them their super sous won’t be coming in today.
Tom: From this point on you are completely on your own. The judges wanted to make sure that you live and die by your own hand.
The chefs joke, a bit, about it being like their sous chefs at work calling in sick. They say it happens every day at restaurants. But they all say they’ll miss that extra pair of hands. Richard seems the most worried because his food is so intricate.
Each fleshes out his/her menu a bit more.
Lisa: My menu is going to really reflect my personality. Very big, bold, spicy, sweet, salty, sour. Those bright, kind of in-your-face flavors is really kind of my personality.
Lisa’s menu: First course, grilled prawns. Second course, tom kha gai soup and dumplings. Third course, Wagyu beef. Fourth course, Thai rice pudding.
Oh, dear God, rice.
Richard wants to tell a story with his menu. He wants to tell the judges he can cook with liquid nitrogen or just butter in a pan.
Richard’s menu: First course, scallops. Second course, guinea hen, foie gras and eggs. Third course, pork belly. Fourth course, banana scallops with bacon ice cream.
Banana scallops, again? Seriously, again?
Stephanie’s menu has no such repeats, or in Richard’s case, threepeats.
Stephanie’s menu: First course, red snapper. Second course, quail with lobster ravioli and quail egg. Third course, lamb medallions. Fourth course, ricotta pound cake.
Stirring the pot – Tom arrives to check on their progress. When he asks Richard what his menu is, Richard says “it’s a little abstract.” Tom gives him his patented blinking stare. And then Richard tells him he is “in the s— right now.” That gets my patented blinking stare. Also, what an unpleasant mental image to use while discussing food.
Stephanie tells Tom she has five minutes until she finds out if her pound cake is a boom or a bust. Tom asks her if she has made it before, and she says she’s done it once. More blinking, more staring.
That just leaves Lisa. Calm, relaxed, whistling-a-happy-tune Lisa. OK, she isn’t whistling. But she is amazingly calm and relaxed.
Lisa: I’m good. I’m not nervous about it. I’m not concerned with the timing.
She is duly rewarded with a blink-and-stare—free reaction from Tom.
Afterward, Tom handicaps the field.
Tom: It was surprising to see the reactions. Richard – he has been usually calm, but he seems very excited. I think partly because he has so many ideas running around in his head and he can’t keep them quiet … Lisa is very calm. We know she is a tough competitor … I think part of being a chef is having somewhat of an attitude and swagger. It helps. Stephanie is a little nervous about her dessert right now … It could all come down to that dish for her.
Cut to Stephanie fretting about her dessert. She decides to finally sample her ricotta pound cake.
And suddenly, it’s Stephanie who probably feels like she is “in the s—.”
Lisa: What’s wrong? Stephanie: My s— sucks. Lisa: No it doesn’t. Every time you f—ing say that it’s always awesome, Steph. Stephanie: No, not this time, yo. Lisa: Yeah, you said that like three times to me and then you won. Stephanie: Not this time. Lisa: I don’t want to hear it from you. Have some confidence in yourself.
I think that was Lisa’s version of a pep talk. But I’m not sure it worked, since Stephanie is still all furrowed brow. In fact, Stephanie and Richard are both balls of tension. And then there is calm, relaxed, whistling-a-happy-tune Lisa.
Lisa: I’m not tense. I was just thinking to myself I wonder why nobody is talking.
Richard, who must have a terrible poker face, doesn’t seem to take kindly to Lisa’s chitchatty mood.
Everyone is a critic – The guests start to arrive, wine in hand, to prepare for service to begin. Apparently you judge better when you’ve got a little buzz going.
As Richard plates his dishes, he leaves no doubt about how he feels about his competition.
Richard: I’m the best chef here. I think I have the most skill. I think I have the most ambition. I think I’m the only one who is a craftsman and an artist.
Again, buddy, you may feel that way, but should you really tell the cameras? Does no one realize that everyone, including the people they’re talking about behind their backs, will see this?
Lisa, for her part, says she is definitely going to be the first female Top Chef. And Stephanie says she wants to be Top Chef. So everyone’s confident, but only one will go home a winner.
Deciding who that will be is an all-star panel of chefs. Padma introduces Top Chef judges Tom, Ted Allen and Gail Simmons, and the super sous chefs Eric, Dan and April. Rounding out the table are Alfredo Ayala, one of Puerto Rico’s most celebrated chefs, and Tim Zagat, founder/CEO of a little thing called the Zagat Survey.
The chefs explain their menus to the distinguished diners.
Richard: I think writing a menu is as important to a chef as the food that is on the plate.
OK, but then why have such a vague, mysterious menu? His menu reads – and I kid you not – “You Are Here,” “Which Came First,” “Be the Bacon” and “You Are Still Here.” That’s it – no other description whatsoever. Is he going to serve them peyote and then ask them life’s biggest questions?
Lisa and Stephanie, who were so gauche as to actually list what they were going to serve on their menus, say that their dishes will be shocking and simple, respectively.
The last supper – But enough talk, bring on the grub. The first courses are sent out: Lisa’s prawns with chili basil sauce, crab and homemade potato chips; Stephanie’s red snapper over truffle, clam and asparagus broth with asparagus salad; Richard’s scallop with mango and pineapple vinegar.
From my armchair, what-would-I-want-to-eat-this-very-second perspective, I give it to Lisa. I mean, dude, potato chips.
The judges call Richard’s scallop unfamiliar, but a little too complicated. Lisa’s shrimp has a nice texture, but is too spicy. Stephanie’s snapper is delicate, elegant and, according to Chef Ayala, “the best of the three.”
Second course next. It’s Lisa’s tom kha gai soup dumpling vs. Stephanie’s quail breast over lobster ravioli with a quail egg vs. Richard’s guinea hen, chicken egg and foie gras.
My totally untrained eye picks Stephanie’s quail/ravioli/egg dish because it just looks neat.
But, of course, the judges know better. The judges say the ingredients are hard to distinguish in Richard’s dish. Tom calls it Richard “falling in love with the technique.” Gail calls Lisa’s soup “absolutely delicious,” and Chef Zagat says he would have been “happy to have seconds.” The judges like the well-balanced flavors of Stephanie’s quail. But Tom, oh Tom, he has once again spotted and despised the unnecessary garnish.
Tom: No one had an issue with these leeks?
They’re apparently undercooked and have no relevance on the plate.
The third “carnivore” course pits Lisa’s Wagyu beef with chayote and cucumber salad, hot sauce and garlic chips against Stephanie’s lamb with maitake mushrooms, braised pistachios and olive tapenade, and Richard’s pork belly with pickled radishes and mirin broth.
Hands down, my eyeballing-it critique gives it to Stephanie. My stomach began growling involuntarily.
The judges, for once, agree with my superficial prognosticating. Richard’s pork belly is underseasoned. Lisa’s beef isn’t tender, but they do like her salad.
Padma: Did you do that, April? Because the knife skills are pretty good in that. April: I didn’t do that at all.
Wait, Padma, was that a mini slam on Lisa’s knife skills?
But it’s Stephanie’s dish that gets the big love. And it’s surprised them all, in a very good way.
Tom: Richard’s dish just needs work. Lisa’s dish is just pedestrian. Stephanie’s is full of surprises and it works.
And, finally, dessert. Lisa’s black Thai rice pudding, Stephanie’s ricotta pound cake with tropical fruit, and Richard’s banana scallop with bacon ice cream all try to satisfy the judges’ sweet teeth.
Now, normally, I am in favor of anything and everything with bacon. But I may just have to draw the line at ice cream. On looks alone, I give it to Lisa. It’s just pretty.
And, what do you know, maybe you can judge a dessert by its cover. Lisa’s rice pudding is called “exciting” and “wonderful.” Richard’s banana/bacon-dish is called “playful,” but Eric says one needs to focus on flavors before contemplating playtime. Stephanie’s cake is deemed “nothing special” and “unrefined.”
Thanks for the grub – The chefs compare notes after the meal is over. Gail thinks they’ve all won. Aww, what a softie. But leave it to Tom to bring the perspective.
Tom: [Richard is] more intellectual, out there. Lisa is sort of sticking true to herself and what she likes to eat and what she likes to cook. And Stephanie tends to have more of a homey spin on things. And I think we have a very strong contrast of styles and of flavors, and I think it is going to be a very interesting Judges’ Table.
The cheftestants come back out to applause.
I like that. I think more people should clap at the end of a good meal. Of course that would mean conversely that people would boo at the end of a bad meal. I guess that would make for a pretty noisy dining area.
Despite the applause, Richard and his non-poker face tell a different story.
First things first – Padma, Tom, Gail and Ted arrive for Judges’ Table. Padma is all aglow about the meal. No, seriously, she is glowing.
Who else is glowing? Lisa. On the walk up to Judge’s Table she is all smiles – smiling, relaxed, friendly. Who is this and what have Bravo editors done with this season’s supposed villain?
The chefs are asked to explain their choices course by course. They start with Richard. He says a first course should be an explosion of flavor that wakes up the palate. Padma says some of them thought it lacked seasoning.
Tom then wants to know if Lisa meant her first course to be so “hot” and “assertive.”
Lisa: You guys have been telling me, you know, “We want to see you in the cooking.” And clearly I’m a “spicy” kind of person.
Who says lesbians don’t have a sense of humor?
Stephanie says her first course was meant to be springy, and the judges spring to praise it. Gail calls it “beautifully presented” and Padma calls it “lovely.”
Anyone for seconds? – For the second course, Richard says if he could change anything, he might leave off the foie gras. Gail says the dish was muddled and the flavors lost their integrity.
Better not tell the conservatives about his integrity-less flavors. They’ll argue that once flavors lose their integrity, it’s a slippery slope. After that it’s only a matter of time before you see same-flavor marriages, and that will destroy the very fabric of our nation itself, namely opposite-flavor marriages.
Why, yes, I do like to stretch my metaphors. Why do you ask?
Lisa’s second course soup is called slurp-worthy. Ted says the flavors “blew everyone away.”
Again with the big smiles. Geez, why won’t you subscribe to your ascribed role as this season’s Big Bad Lesbian? This smiling is confusing millions of viewers at home.
Stephanie’s second course is praised all around, but – and it’s a big but – then there were those leeks. Tom says he doesn’t know what they were doing there, and they weren’t cooked. As Stephanie learned her leeks were crunchy, the look on her face can only be described as abject horror.
Third time is the charm – Onto the third course, and Ted asks Richard if he had considered making his pork belly crispier. Richard says he would have lost the integrity of the meat by crisping the fat. Again with integrity-less flavors. Do no flavors have strong moral values anymore? Tom blinks and stares. This is the most blinking and staring Richard has encountered all season.
Tom then calls Lisa’s Wagyu beef third course undercooked. He says Kobe beef is different than American beef. If it’s not cooked enough, the fats don’t melt and instead make it chewy. Wow, I just learned something useful. Well, that is, if I could ever afford to buy Kobe beef.
Stephanie’s lamb third course turns her frown upside down. In fact, she does a little “Woo hoo!” about how well the lamb came out. Could she get any cuter? Answer: no.
Ted calls the dish “one of the more creative things that happened all night.” Tom calls it “full of surprises” and thanks her.
Just desserts – And then there’s nothing left but the sweet stuff to talk about. Richard says he made the dish because he eats a banana every day for breakfast. Tom says it worked, but Padma reminds Richard that he also won the dessert challenge with the banana scallops. He says yes, but a “different variation.” Three times is three times, bro.
Padma is all anxious to talk about Lisa’s dessert. After she explains the flavors, Padma is quick to call it “delicious.” That after Padma called Lisa’s mango sticky rice dessert back in “Restaurant Wars” “appalling.” Rice vindication accomplished.
Padma asks Stephanie if she was happy with her dessert. She says she was happy with the flavors, but the banana cream was something she was trying out for saltiness. Tom says he had problems with it, specifically the banana cream, which was “a miss.”
The defense rests – Before she lets them go to deliberate, Padma asks the chefs if they have any last words. The camera pans dramatically back and forth. Who will break the silence? Who will plead his/her case first? Stephanie. Wow, she is full of surprises, isn’t she?
Stephanie: It’s just funny, when I was working with Dale, the number one thing he said to me was “Don’t second-guess yourself.” And the dish that I fell short on tonight, the dessert, was me second-guessing myself. But I think that I’ll be able to take this and learn, and I think that I just am what a Top Chef should be. Lisa: I feel very strongly about the menu that I provided you guys with tonight. I am very confident that you’ll be like, “She deserves this win, she deserves to be Top Chef. She’s got the qualities.” Richard: Yeah, sure, I’ll say it. I mean, I feel like I choked a little bit.
Oh, Richard. I can’t tell if you are being incredibly honest or incredibly stupid. I suspect it’s a bit of both.
He says he thinks he overthought the meal and is at his best when he doesn’t think. That’s putting a whole lot of thought into levels of thought. Then he calls the meal not his top performance on the show.
So, how about that two-woman race between Stephanie and Lisa, eh?
The decision of a lifetime – After the chefs are sent back to the Stew Room, the four judges are left to ponder what just happened. Gail says she was shocked by Richard’s admission.
But then she also says he wanted to make sure that the judges know that he is capable of better.
Tom says, overall, they had three very good meals. To get the discussion going, he asks for a poll of who they think won each course.
First course: Ted likes Lisa’s. Gail and Tom like Stephanie’s. Second course: Tom and Gail like Lisa’s dumpling soup. Third course: They seem to all agree on Stephanie’s lamb. Fourth course: Tom and Ted like Richard’s. Gail and Padma like Lisa’s.
The one thing they seemingly all agree on is that Stephanie’s dessert sucked. And thus begins the long process of agreeing on the rest.
Back in the Stew Room, Lisa is breaking down their performances to Stephanie.
Lisa: You definitely killed the first and third. And I kind of feel like I nailed the second and fourth. But I don’t know.
Just like a lesbian, always wanting to process. While she’s right on target, perhaps this is yet another thing we shouldn’t say out loud. Especially with the guy who admittedly choked sitting right next to you. Poor Richard, even his faux-hawk looks deflated.
Oh, and one more thing: “You won the f—ing bronze medal, congratulations. There you go.”
The judges’ decisions have come down to each of their preferences for the night. As the birds chirp their morning hellos, they all finally reach theirs.
You’re the top – The three finalists are called back before the judges. Tom gives them all a last bit of praise. Richard’s food is “whimsical, playful and sometimes just plain outrageous.” Lisa’s flavors are “big, bold, all about you.” Stephanie’s cooking can bring in surprises that “just wow us.”
Tom: In end, we based the decision on which meal we would go back and like to have again.
And then a seemingly agonizing 20 seconds pass as Padma pauses for dramatic effect before saying:
Padma: Stephanie. [six more agonizing seconds] You are Top Chef! Stephanie: What?! Really?!
God, how cute is that? Though, to be honest, she had me at the Yoda backpack. Congratulations on a well-deserved win. Finally, the person I picked to win it from the beginning wins it all. Plus having the first female Top Chef is simply awesome and about damn time.
The recently eliminated chefs – Antonia, Spike, Dale, Andrew and Nikki – all stream in to congratulate her. Lisa and Richard get congratulated by the judges as well for a battle well fought.
Lisa says she thought she had a shot to take it, but then she heard Stephanie’s name.
Lisa: This whole journey has been awesome. I’m proud of the dishes I’ve done. This is what I want to do and this is what I’m always going to do.
Richard is even more disappointed; his eyes even look a little misty.
Richard: Losing at the last second, it sucks. That is why it’s tough, too. Because you put your whole heart into it and then it doesn’t work out. The one thing that is good about this is to kind of refocus … So, the future is bright, for sure … Cut.
No matter who I was rooting for, I always feel a little bad for the losers.
But then Stephanie dances a little jig of joy and I recalibrate my cuteness scales once again.
Talking about her win, Stephanie chokes up talking about how she doubted it at some points, but now it’s a reaffirmation. Who has the Kleenex?
See, nice girls can finish first.Stephanie: This is what I’m meant to do in life.
Lisa: I’m not nervous about having Chef April work with me, at all. Our personalities are actually really, really similar. And right away I’m like, “You’re awesome and I’m going to have so much fun working with you.”
Richard has decided to tell his “journey” with his menu. He will mix his classic training with his molecular gastronomy. But then he says that they really don’t know “what the hell we’re doing” and he is “waiting for that lightning bolt.” Oh, Richard, that’s what the last six months off between the regular season and the finale were for.
Stephanie, meanwhile, is going to use her menu to show off her style of cooking with different and well-balanced flavor combinations. Eric says he likes the simple direction she is taking. She then has him filet some red snapper. The super sous laugh and ask him when he last filleted his own fish. Stephanie jokes along.
Stephanie: You sure you know how to filet fish?
But then she undermines her own joke by hovering over him as he works. No one likes a backseat chef, Steph, especially not a culinary god.
Stephanie: I think he got a little, like, offended for a second. He was like, “I know.”
Ice, ice baby – Chopping, dicing and slicing ensues with no more offenses toward the culinary gods. Richard says each chef was allowed to bring one special ingredient from home. He brought liquid nitrogen – yummy, yummy liquid nitrogen.
Richard says there are fewer than a dozen chefs in the nation who cook with the cold stuff. He says a lot can be done with it, and he is thinking about making Tabasco sauce ice cream. Oh, I get it, fire and ice. But then he says he is not sure if that is what he will make. Instead he is just testing the idea. Again, you’ve had six months to test. Now you only have seven hours to cook.
His test turns into a demonstration for the super sous. Someone is about to show off his toys. What is it about boys and their toys? If it’s not a shiny new car, it’s a shiny new canister of liquid nitrogen.
Lisa: Richard definitely is a brilliant chef, but Richard and I are very different. I am not into the molecular at all. I cook simple food and I keep minimal ingredients instead of, you know, over-thinking things.
Eric and April, however, are suitably impressed.
Eric: I’ve never seen such a technique. As a chef, the day you don’t learn anymore, it means you’re so egomaniac that you’re blind.
With the chemistry experiment over, the chefs get back to business. But Stephanie is distracted by the friendly chitchat coming from April and Lisa’s direction.
Stephanie: Lisa and April are definitely getting along and chitchatting, which is a little weird. You know, just ’cause Lisa doesn’t really get along with everybody, as some people might remember.
Lisa couldn’t be happier with her sous chef.
Lisa: The fact that I get along really, really well with Chef April gives me an advantage. You know, if you are happy, your food is going to taste better. If you are stressed out and freaking out, you know, I don’t cook well like that.
The three hours of prep tick down to zero, and the chefs huddle with their super sous to go over what needs to be done the next day. Richard says he will use the night to conceptualize, since he has no completed dishes and a lot of work left. Lisa gets a hug from her new BFF, April.
No show, no call, no job – The day of the final challenge arrives, and so do the chefs – at an empty kitchen. Their super sous are nowhere to be seen. They unpack their knives and get started solo as Tom walks in with what we can only assume is the inevitable curveball.
And what a big, looping curveball it is. He tells them their super sous won’t be coming in today.
Tom: From this point on you are completely on your own. The judges wanted to make sure that you live and die by your own hand.
The chefs joke, a bit, about it being like their sous chefs at work calling in sick. They say it happens every day at restaurants. But they all say they’ll miss that extra pair of hands. Richard seems the most worried because his food is so intricate.
Each fleshes out his/her menu a bit more.
Lisa: My menu is going to really reflect my personality. Very big, bold, spicy, sweet, salty, sour. Those bright, kind of in-your-face flavors is really kind of my personality.
Lisa’s menu: First course, grilled prawns. Second course, tom kha gai soup and dumplings. Third course, Wagyu beef. Fourth course, Thai rice pudding.
Oh, dear God, rice.
Richard wants to tell a story with his menu. He wants to tell the judges he can cook with liquid nitrogen or just butter in a pan.
Richard’s menu: First course, scallops. Second course, guinea hen, foie gras and eggs. Third course, pork belly. Fourth course, banana scallops with bacon ice cream.
Banana scallops, again? Seriously, again?
Stephanie’s menu has no such repeats, or in Richard’s case, threepeats.
Stephanie’s menu: First course, red snapper. Second course, quail with lobster ravioli and quail egg. Third course, lamb medallions. Fourth course, ricotta pound cake.
Stirring the pot – Tom arrives to check on their progress. When he asks Richard what his menu is, Richard says “it’s a little abstract.” Tom gives him his patented blinking stare. And then Richard tells him he is “in the s— right now.” That gets my patented blinking stare. Also, what an unpleasant mental image to use while discussing food.
Stephanie tells Tom she has five minutes until she finds out if her pound cake is a boom or a bust. Tom asks her if she has made it before, and she says she’s done it once. More blinking, more staring.
That just leaves Lisa. Calm, relaxed, whistling-a-happy-tune Lisa. OK, she isn’t whistling. But she is amazingly calm and relaxed.
Lisa: I’m good. I’m not nervous about it. I’m not concerned with the timing.
She is duly rewarded with a blink-and-stare—free reaction from Tom.
Afterward, Tom handicaps the field.
Tom: It was surprising to see the reactions. Richard – he has been usually calm, but he seems very excited. I think partly because he has so many ideas running around in his head and he can’t keep them quiet … Lisa is very calm. We know she is a tough competitor … I think part of being a chef is having somewhat of an attitude and swagger. It helps. Stephanie is a little nervous about her dessert right now … It could all come down to that dish for her.
Cut to Stephanie fretting about her dessert. She decides to finally sample her ricotta pound cake.
And suddenly, it’s Stephanie who probably feels like she is “in the s—.”
Lisa: What’s wrong? Stephanie: My s— sucks. Lisa: No it doesn’t. Every time you f—ing say that it’s always awesome, Steph. Stephanie: No, not this time, yo. Lisa: Yeah, you said that like three times to me and then you won. Stephanie: Not this time. Lisa: I don’t want to hear it from you. Have some confidence in yourself.
I think that was Lisa’s version of a pep talk. But I’m not sure it worked, since Stephanie is still all furrowed brow. In fact, Stephanie and Richard are both balls of tension. And then there is calm, relaxed, whistling-a-happy-tune Lisa.
Lisa: I’m not tense. I was just thinking to myself I wonder why nobody is talking.
Richard, who must have a terrible poker face, doesn’t seem to take kindly to Lisa’s chitchatty mood.
Everyone is a critic – The guests start to arrive, wine in hand, to prepare for service to begin. Apparently you judge better when you’ve got a little buzz going.
As Richard plates his dishes, he leaves no doubt about how he feels about his competition.
Richard: I’m the best chef here. I think I have the most skill. I think I have the most ambition. I think I’m the only one who is a craftsman and an artist.
Again, buddy, you may feel that way, but should you really tell the cameras? Does no one realize that everyone, including the people they’re talking about behind their backs, will see this?
Lisa, for her part, says she is definitely going to be the first female Top Chef. And Stephanie says she wants to be Top Chef. So everyone’s confident, but only one will go home a winner.
Deciding who that will be is an all-star panel of chefs. Padma introduces Top Chef judges Tom, Ted Allen and Gail Simmons, and the super sous chefs Eric, Dan and April. Rounding out the table are Alfredo Ayala, one of Puerto Rico’s most celebrated chefs, and Tim Zagat, founder/CEO of a little thing called the Zagat Survey.
The chefs explain their menus to the distinguished diners.
Richard: I think writing a menu is as important to a chef as the food that is on the plate.
OK, but then why have such a vague, mysterious menu? His menu reads – and I kid you not – “You Are Here,” “Which Came First,” “Be the Bacon” and “You Are Still Here.” That’s it – no other description whatsoever. Is he going to serve them peyote and then ask them life’s biggest questions?
Lisa and Stephanie, who were so gauche as to actually list what they were going to serve on their menus, say that their dishes will be shocking and simple, respectively.
The last supper – But enough talk, bring on the grub. The first courses are sent out: Lisa’s prawns with chili basil sauce, crab and homemade potato chips; Stephanie’s red snapper over truffle, clam and asparagus broth with asparagus salad; Richard’s scallop with mango and pineapple vinegar.
From my armchair, what-would-I-want-to-eat-this-very-second perspective, I give it to Lisa. I mean, dude, potato chips.
The judges call Richard’s scallop unfamiliar, but a little too complicated. Lisa’s shrimp has a nice texture, but is too spicy. Stephanie’s snapper is delicate, elegant and, according to Chef Ayala, “the best of the three.”
Second course next. It’s Lisa’s tom kha gai soup dumpling vs. Stephanie’s quail breast over lobster ravioli with a quail egg vs. Richard’s guinea hen, chicken egg and foie gras.
My totally untrained eye picks Stephanie’s quail/ravioli/egg dish because it just looks neat.
But, of course, the judges know better. The judges say the ingredients are hard to distinguish in Richard’s dish. Tom calls it Richard “falling in love with the technique.” Gail calls Lisa’s soup “absolutely delicious,” and Chef Zagat says he would have been “happy to have seconds.” The judges like the well-balanced flavors of Stephanie’s quail. But Tom, oh Tom, he has once again spotted and despised the unnecessary garnish.
Tom: No one had an issue with these leeks?
They’re apparently undercooked and have no relevance on the plate.
The third “carnivore” course pits Lisa’s Wagyu beef with chayote and cucumber salad, hot sauce and garlic chips against Stephanie’s lamb with maitake mushrooms, braised pistachios and olive tapenade, and Richard’s pork belly with pickled radishes and mirin broth.
Hands down, my eyeballing-it critique gives it to Stephanie. My stomach began growling involuntarily.
The judges, for once, agree with my superficial prognosticating. Richard’s pork belly is underseasoned. Lisa’s beef isn’t tender, but they do like her salad.
Padma: Did you do that, April? Because the knife skills are pretty good in that. April: I didn’t do that at all.
Wait, Padma, was that a mini slam on Lisa’s knife skills?
But it’s Stephanie’s dish that gets the big love. And it’s surprised them all, in a very good way.
Tom: Richard’s dish just needs work. Lisa’s dish is just pedestrian. Stephanie’s is full of surprises and it works.
And, finally, dessert. Lisa’s black Thai rice pudding, Stephanie’s ricotta pound cake with tropical fruit, and Richard’s banana scallop with bacon ice cream all try to satisfy the judges’ sweet teeth.
Now, normally, I am in favor of anything and everything with bacon. But I may just have to draw the line at ice cream. On looks alone, I give it to Lisa. It’s just pretty.
And, what do you know, maybe you can judge a dessert by its cover. Lisa’s rice pudding is called “exciting” and “wonderful.” Richard’s banana/bacon-dish is called “playful,” but Eric says one needs to focus on flavors before contemplating playtime. Stephanie’s cake is deemed “nothing special” and “unrefined.”
Thanks for the grub – The chefs compare notes after the meal is over. Gail thinks they’ve all won. Aww, what a softie. But leave it to Tom to bring the perspective.
Tom: [Richard is] more intellectual, out there. Lisa is sort of sticking true to herself and what she likes to eat and what she likes to cook. And Stephanie tends to have more of a homey spin on things. And I think we have a very strong contrast of styles and of flavors, and I think it is going to be a very interesting Judges’ Table.
The cheftestants come back out to applause.
I like that. I think more people should clap at the end of a good meal. Of course that would mean conversely that people would boo at the end of a bad meal. I guess that would make for a pretty noisy dining area.
Despite the applause, Richard and his non-poker face tell a different story.
First things first – Padma, Tom, Gail and Ted arrive for Judges’ Table. Padma is all aglow about the meal. No, seriously, she is glowing.
Who else is glowing? Lisa. On the walk up to Judge’s Table she is all smiles – smiling, relaxed, friendly. Who is this and what have Bravo editors done with this season’s supposed villain?
The chefs are asked to explain their choices course by course. They start with Richard. He says a first course should be an explosion of flavor that wakes up the palate. Padma says some of them thought it lacked seasoning.
Tom then wants to know if Lisa meant her first course to be so “hot” and “assertive.”
Lisa: You guys have been telling me, you know, “We want to see you in the cooking.” And clearly I’m a “spicy” kind of person.
Who says lesbians don’t have a sense of humor?
Stephanie says her first course was meant to be springy, and the judges spring to praise it. Gail calls it “beautifully presented” and Padma calls it “lovely.”
Anyone for seconds? – For the second course, Richard says if he could change anything, he might leave off the foie gras. Gail says the dish was muddled and the flavors lost their integrity.
Better not tell the conservatives about his integrity-less flavors. They’ll argue that once flavors lose their integrity, it’s a slippery slope. After that it’s only a matter of time before you see same-flavor marriages, and that will destroy the very fabric of our nation itself, namely opposite-flavor marriages.
Why, yes, I do like to stretch my metaphors. Why do you ask?
Lisa’s second course soup is called slurp-worthy. Ted says the flavors “blew everyone away.”
Again with the big smiles. Geez, why won’t you subscribe to your ascribed role as this season’s Big Bad Lesbian? This smiling is confusing millions of viewers at home.
Stephanie’s second course is praised all around, but – and it’s a big but – then there were those leeks. Tom says he doesn’t know what they were doing there, and they weren’t cooked. As Stephanie learned her leeks were crunchy, the look on her face can only be described as abject horror.
Third time is the charm – Onto the third course, and Ted asks Richard if he had considered making his pork belly crispier. Richard says he would have lost the integrity of the meat by crisping the fat. Again with integrity-less flavors. Do no flavors have strong moral values anymore? Tom blinks and stares. This is the most blinking and staring Richard has encountered all season.
Tom then calls Lisa’s Wagyu beef third course undercooked. He says Kobe beef is different than American beef. If it’s not cooked enough, the fats don’t melt and instead make it chewy. Wow, I just learned something useful. Well, that is, if I could ever afford to buy Kobe beef.
Stephanie’s lamb third course turns her frown upside down. In fact, she does a little “Woo hoo!” about how well the lamb came out. Could she get any cuter? Answer: no.
Ted calls the dish “one of the more creative things that happened all night.” Tom calls it “full of surprises” and thanks her.
Just desserts – And then there’s nothing left but the sweet stuff to talk about. Richard says he made the dish because he eats a banana every day for breakfast. Tom says it worked, but Padma reminds Richard that he also won the dessert challenge with the banana scallops. He says yes, but a “different variation.” Three times is three times, bro.
Padma is all anxious to talk about Lisa’s dessert. After she explains the flavors, Padma is quick to call it “delicious.” That after Padma called Lisa’s mango sticky rice dessert back in “Restaurant Wars” “appalling.” Rice vindication accomplished.
Padma asks Stephanie if she was happy with her dessert. She says she was happy with the flavors, but the banana cream was something she was trying out for saltiness. Tom says he had problems with it, specifically the banana cream, which was “a miss.”
The defense rests – Before she lets them go to deliberate, Padma asks the chefs if they have any last words. The camera pans dramatically back and forth. Who will break the silence? Who will plead his/her case first? Stephanie. Wow, she is full of surprises, isn’t she?
Stephanie: It’s just funny, when I was working with Dale, the number one thing he said to me was “Don’t second-guess yourself.” And the dish that I fell short on tonight, the dessert, was me second-guessing myself. But I think that I’ll be able to take this and learn, and I think that I just am what a Top Chef should be. Lisa: I feel very strongly about the menu that I provided you guys with tonight. I am very confident that you’ll be like, “She deserves this win, she deserves to be Top Chef. She’s got the qualities.” Richard: Yeah, sure, I’ll say it. I mean, I feel like I choked a little bit.
Oh, Richard. I can’t tell if you are being incredibly honest or incredibly stupid. I suspect it’s a bit of both.
He says he thinks he overthought the meal and is at his best when he doesn’t think. That’s putting a whole lot of thought into levels of thought. Then he calls the meal not his top performance on the show.
So, how about that two-woman race between Stephanie and Lisa, eh?
The decision of a lifetime – After the chefs are sent back to the Stew Room, the four judges are left to ponder what just happened. Gail says she was shocked by Richard’s admission.
But then she also says he wanted to make sure that the judges know that he is capable of better.
Tom says, overall, they had three very good meals. To get the discussion going, he asks for a poll of who they think won each course.
First course: Ted likes Lisa’s. Gail and Tom like Stephanie’s. Second course: Tom and Gail like Lisa’s dumpling soup. Third course: They seem to all agree on Stephanie’s lamb. Fourth course: Tom and Ted like Richard’s. Gail and Padma like Lisa’s.
The one thing they seemingly all agree on is that Stephanie’s dessert sucked. And thus begins the long process of agreeing on the rest.
Back in the Stew Room, Lisa is breaking down their performances to Stephanie.
Lisa: You definitely killed the first and third. And I kind of feel like I nailed the second and fourth. But I don’t know.
Just like a lesbian, always wanting to process. While she’s right on target, perhaps this is yet another thing we shouldn’t say out loud. Especially with the guy who admittedly choked sitting right next to you. Poor Richard, even his faux-hawk looks deflated.
Oh, and one more thing: “You won the f—ing bronze medal, congratulations. There you go.”
The judges’ decisions have come down to each of their preferences for the night. As the birds chirp their morning hellos, they all finally reach theirs.
You’re the top – The three finalists are called back before the judges. Tom gives them all a last bit of praise. Richard’s food is “whimsical, playful and sometimes just plain outrageous.” Lisa’s flavors are “big, bold, all about you.” Stephanie’s cooking can bring in surprises that “just wow us.”
Tom: In end, we based the decision on which meal we would go back and like to have again.
And then a seemingly agonizing 20 seconds pass as Padma pauses for dramatic effect before saying:
Padma: Stephanie. [six more agonizing seconds] You are Top Chef! Stephanie: What?! Really?!
God, how cute is that? Though, to be honest, she had me at the Yoda backpack. Congratulations on a well-deserved win. Finally, the person I picked to win it from the beginning wins it all. Plus having the first female Top Chef is simply awesome and about damn time.
The recently eliminated chefs – Antonia, Spike, Dale, Andrew and Nikki – all stream in to congratulate her. Lisa and Richard get congratulated by the judges as well for a battle well fought.
Lisa says she thought she had a shot to take it, but then she heard Stephanie’s name.
Lisa: This whole journey has been awesome. I’m proud of the dishes I’ve done. This is what I want to do and this is what I’m always going to do.
Richard is even more disappointed; his eyes even look a little misty.
Richard: Losing at the last second, it sucks. That is why it’s tough, too. Because you put your whole heart into it and then it doesn’t work out. The one thing that is good about this is to kind of refocus … So, the future is bright, for sure … Cut.
No matter who I was rooting for, I always feel a little bad for the losers.
But then Stephanie dances a little jig of joy and I recalibrate my cuteness scales once again.
Talking about her win, Stephanie chokes up talking about how she doubted it at some points, but now it’s a reaffirmation. Who has the Kleenex?
See, nice girls can finish first.Stephanie: This is what I’m meant to do in life.
Lisa: I get to work with the woman, that’s awesome. Girl power.
A-ha, I knew her chefbian tendencies would show themselves eventually. Well, besides the wrist cuff. And the bandanna. And the haircut. Oh, never mind.
Dinner will be a black-tie affair for nine guests. They will get three hours today to prep and four hours tomorrow before the first course is served. Courses will be served head-to-head and when everyone is full, one of them will be named Top Chef.
Hey, what’s for dinner? –The chefs and their super sous head to the kitchen. There they begin to hash out their menus. Lisa is going with the flavors of Thailand and Vietnam. Those are what she likes to eat and cook, not to mention cooks for a living.
April says she was a little surprised she was paired with someone who cooks Asian food, since that’s not her specialty. But she says Lisa has a clear plan, and they get busy.
Lisa: I’m not nervous about having Chef April work with me, at all. Our personalities are actually really, really similar. And right away I’m like, “You’re awesome and I’m going to have so much fun working with you.”
Richard has decided to tell his “journey” with his menu. He will mix his classic training with his molecular gastronomy. But then he says that they really don’t know “what the hell we’re doing” and he is “waiting for that lightning bolt.” Oh, Richard, that’s what the last six months off between the regular season and the finale were for.
Stephanie, meanwhile, is going to use her menu to show off her style of cooking with different and well-balanced flavor combinations. Eric says he likes the simple direction she is taking. She then has him filet some red snapper. The super sous laugh and ask him when he last filleted his own fish. Stephanie jokes along.
Stephanie: You sure you know how to filet fish?
But then she undermines her own joke by hovering over him as he works. No one likes a backseat chef, Steph, especially not a culinary god.
Stephanie: I think he got a little, like, offended for a second. He was like, “I know.”
Ice, ice baby – Chopping, dicing and slicing ensues with no more offenses toward the culinary gods. Richard says each chef was allowed to bring one special ingredient from home. He brought liquid nitrogen – yummy, yummy liquid nitrogen.
Richard says there are fewer than a dozen chefs in the nation who cook with the cold stuff. He says a lot can be done with it, and he is thinking about making Tabasco sauce ice cream. Oh, I get it, fire and ice. But then he says he is not sure if that is what he will make. Instead he is just testing the idea. Again, you’ve had six months to test. Now you only have seven hours to cook.
His test turns into a demonstration for the super sous. Someone is about to show off his toys. What is it about boys and their toys? If it’s not a shiny new car, it’s a shiny new canister of liquid nitrogen.
Lisa: Richard definitely is a brilliant chef, but Richard and I are very different. I am not into the molecular at all. I cook simple food and I keep minimal ingredients instead of, you know, over-thinking things.
Eric and April, however, are suitably impressed.
Eric: I’ve never seen such a technique. As a chef, the day you don’t learn anymore, it means you’re so egomaniac that you’re blind.
With the chemistry experiment over, the chefs get back to business. But Stephanie is distracted by the friendly chitchat coming from April and Lisa’s direction.
Stephanie: Lisa and April are definitely getting along and chitchatting, which is a little weird. You know, just ’cause Lisa doesn’t really get along with everybody, as some people might remember.
Lisa couldn’t be happier with her sous chef.
Lisa: The fact that I get along really, really well with Chef April gives me an advantage. You know, if you are happy, your food is going to taste better. If you are stressed out and freaking out, you know, I don’t cook well like that.
The three hours of prep tick down to zero, and the chefs huddle with their super sous to go over what needs to be done the next day. Richard says he will use the night to conceptualize, since he has no completed dishes and a lot of work left. Lisa gets a hug from her new BFF, April.
No show, no call, no job – The day of the final challenge arrives, and so do the chefs – at an empty kitchen. Their super sous are nowhere to be seen. They unpack their knives and get started solo as Tom walks in with what we can only assume is the inevitable curveball.
And what a big, looping curveball it is. He tells them their super sous won’t be coming in today.
Tom: From this point on you are completely on your own. The judges wanted to make sure that you live and die by your own hand.
The chefs joke, a bit, about it being like their sous chefs at work calling in sick. They say it happens every day at restaurants. But they all say they’ll miss that extra pair of hands. Richard seems the most worried because his food is so intricate.
Each fleshes out his/her menu a bit more.
Lisa: My menu is going to really reflect my personality. Very big, bold, spicy, sweet, salty, sour. Those bright, kind of in-your-face flavors is really kind of my personality.
Lisa’s menu: First course, grilled prawns. Second course, tom kha gai soup and dumplings. Third course, Wagyu beef. Fourth course, Thai rice pudding.
Oh, dear God, rice.
Richard wants to tell a story with his menu. He wants to tell the judges he can cook with liquid nitrogen or just butter in a pan.
Richard’s menu: First course, scallops. Second course, guinea hen, foie gras and eggs. Third course, pork belly. Fourth course, banana scallops with bacon ice cream.
Banana scallops, again? Seriously, again?
Stephanie’s menu has no such repeats, or in Richard’s case, threepeats.
Stephanie’s menu: First course, red snapper. Second course, quail with lobster ravioli and quail egg. Third course, lamb medallions. Fourth course, ricotta pound cake.
Stirring the pot – Tom arrives to check on their progress. When he asks Richard what his menu is, Richard says “it’s a little abstract.” Tom gives him his patented blinking stare. And then Richard tells him he is “in the s— right now.” That gets my patented blinking stare. Also, what an unpleasant mental image to use while discussing food.
Stephanie tells Tom she has five minutes until she finds out if her pound cake is a boom or a bust. Tom asks her if she has made it before, and she says she’s done it once. More blinking, more staring.
That just leaves Lisa. Calm, relaxed, whistling-a-happy-tune Lisa. OK, she isn’t whistling. But she is amazingly calm and relaxed.
Lisa: I’m good. I’m not nervous about it. I’m not concerned with the timing.
She is duly rewarded with a blink-and-stare—free reaction from Tom.
Afterward, Tom handicaps the field.
Tom: It was surprising to see the reactions. Richard – he has been usually calm, but he seems very excited. I think partly because he has so many ideas running around in his head and he can’t keep them quiet … Lisa is very calm. We know she is a tough competitor … I think part of being a chef is having somewhat of an attitude and swagger. It helps. Stephanie is a little nervous about her dessert right now … It could all come down to that dish for her.
Cut to Stephanie fretting about her dessert. She decides to finally sample her ricotta pound cake.
And suddenly, it’s Stephanie who probably feels like she is “in the s—.”
Lisa: What’s wrong? Stephanie: My s— sucks. Lisa: No it doesn’t. Every time you f—ing say that it’s always awesome, Steph. Stephanie: No, not this time, yo. Lisa: Yeah, you said that like three times to me and then you won. Stephanie: Not this time. Lisa: I don’t want to hear it from you. Have some confidence in yourself.
I think that was Lisa’s version of a pep talk. But I’m not sure it worked, since Stephanie is still all furrowed brow. In fact, Stephanie and Richard are both balls of tension. And then there is calm, relaxed, whistling-a-happy-tune Lisa.
Lisa: I’m not tense. I was just thinking to myself I wonder why nobody is talking.
Richard, who must have a terrible poker face, doesn’t seem to take kindly to Lisa’s chitchatty mood.
Everyone is a critic – The guests start to arrive, wine in hand, to prepare for service to begin. Apparently you judge better when you’ve got a little buzz going.
As Richard plates his dishes, he leaves no doubt about how he feels about his competition.
Richard: I’m the best chef here. I think I have the most skill. I think I have the most ambition. I think I’m the only one who is a craftsman and an artist.
Again, buddy, you may feel that way, but should you really tell the cameras? Does no one realize that everyone, including the people they’re talking about behind their backs, will see this?
Lisa, for her part, says she is definitely going to be the first female Top Chef. And Stephanie says she wants to be Top Chef. So everyone’s confident, but only one will go home a winner.
Deciding who that will be is an all-star panel of chefs. Padma introduces Top Chef judges Tom, Ted Allen and Gail Simmons, and the super sous chefs Eric, Dan and April. Rounding out the table are Alfredo Ayala, one of Puerto Rico’s most celebrated chefs, and Tim Zagat, founder/CEO of a little thing called the Zagat Survey.
The chefs explain their menus to the distinguished diners.
Richard: I think writing a menu is as important to a chef as the food that is on the plate.
OK, but then why have such a vague, mysterious menu? His menu reads – and I kid you not – “You Are Here,” “Which Came First,” “Be the Bacon” and “You Are Still Here.” That’s it – no other description whatsoever. Is he going to serve them peyote and then ask them life’s biggest questions?
Lisa and Stephanie, who were so gauche as to actually list what they were going to serve on their menus, say that their dishes will be shocking and simple, respectively.
The last supper – But enough talk, bring on the grub. The first courses are sent out: Lisa’s prawns with chili basil sauce, crab and homemade potato chips; Stephanie’s red snapper over truffle, clam and asparagus broth with asparagus salad; Richard’s scallop with mango and pineapple vinegar.
From my armchair, what-would-I-want-to-eat-this-very-second perspective, I give it to Lisa. I mean, dude, potato chips.
The judges call Richard’s scallop unfamiliar, but a little too complicated. Lisa’s shrimp has a nice texture, but is too spicy. Stephanie’s snapper is delicate, elegant and, according to Chef Ayala, “the best of the three.”
Second course next. It’s Lisa’s tom kha gai soup dumpling vs. Stephanie’s quail breast over lobster ravioli with a quail egg vs. Richard’s guinea hen, chicken egg and foie gras.
My totally untrained eye picks Stephanie’s quail/ravioli/egg dish because it just looks neat.
But, of course, the judges know better. The judges say the ingredients are hard to distinguish in Richard’s dish. Tom calls it Richard “falling in love with the technique.” Gail calls Lisa’s soup “absolutely delicious,” and Chef Zagat says he would have been “happy to have seconds.” The judges like the well-balanced flavors of Stephanie’s quail. But Tom, oh Tom, he has once again spotted and despised the unnecessary garnish.
Tom: No one had an issue with these leeks?
They’re apparently undercooked and have no relevance on the plate.
The third “carnivore” course pits Lisa’s Wagyu beef with chayote and cucumber salad, hot sauce and garlic chips against Stephanie’s lamb with maitake mushrooms, braised pistachios and olive tapenade, and Richard’s pork belly with pickled radishes and mirin broth.
Hands down, my eyeballing-it critique gives it to Stephanie. My stomach began growling involuntarily.
The judges, for once, agree with my superficial prognosticating. Richard’s pork belly is underseasoned. Lisa’s beef isn’t tender, but they do like her salad.
Padma: Did you do that, April? Because the knife skills are pretty good in that. April: I didn’t do that at all.
Wait, Padma, was that a mini slam on Lisa’s knife skills?
But it’s Stephanie’s dish that gets the big love. And it’s surprised them all, in a very good way.
Tom: Richard’s dish just needs work. Lisa’s dish is just pedestrian. Stephanie’s is full of surprises and it works.
And, finally, dessert. Lisa’s black Thai rice pudding, Stephanie’s ricotta pound cake with tropical fruit, and Richard’s banana scallop with bacon ice cream all try to satisfy the judges’ sweet teeth.
Now, normally, I am in favor of anything and everything with bacon. But I may just have to draw the line at ice cream. On looks alone, I give it to Lisa. It’s just pretty.
And, what do you know, maybe you can judge a dessert by its cover. Lisa’s rice pudding is called “exciting” and “wonderful.” Richard’s banana/bacon-dish is called “playful,” but Eric says one needs to focus on flavors before contemplating playtime. Stephanie’s cake is deemed “nothing special” and “unrefined.”
Thanks for the grub – The chefs compare notes after the meal is over. Gail thinks they’ve all won. Aww, what a softie. But leave it to Tom to bring the perspective.
Tom: [Richard is] more intellectual, out there. Lisa is sort of sticking true to herself and what she likes to eat and what she likes to cook. And Stephanie tends to have more of a homey spin on things. And I think we have a very strong contrast of styles and of flavors, and I think it is going to be a very interesting Judges’ Table.
The cheftestants come back out to applause.
I like that. I think more people should clap at the end of a good meal. Of course that would mean conversely that people would boo at the end of a bad meal. I guess that would make for a pretty noisy dining area.
Despite the applause, Richard and his non-poker face tell a different story.
First things first – Padma, Tom, Gail and Ted arrive for Judges’ Table. Padma is all aglow about the meal. No, seriously, she is glowing.
Who else is glowing? Lisa. On the walk up to Judge’s Table she is all smiles – smiling, relaxed, friendly. Who is this and what have Bravo editors done with this season’s supposed villain?
The chefs are asked to explain their choices course by course. They start with Richard. He says a first course should be an explosion of flavor that wakes up the palate. Padma says some of them thought it lacked seasoning.
Tom then wants to know if Lisa meant her first course to be so “hot” and “assertive.”
Lisa: You guys have been telling me, you know, “We want to see you in the cooking.” And clearly I’m a “spicy” kind of person.
Who says lesbians don’t have a sense of humor?
Stephanie says her first course was meant to be springy, and the judges spring to praise it. Gail calls it “beautifully presented” and Padma calls it “lovely.”
Anyone for seconds? – For the second course, Richard says if he could change anything, he might leave off the foie gras. Gail says the dish was muddled and the flavors lost their integrity.
Better not tell the conservatives about his integrity-less flavors. They’ll argue that once flavors lose their integrity, it’s a slippery slope. After that it’s only a matter of time before you see same-flavor marriages, and that will destroy the very fabric of our nation itself, namely opposite-flavor marriages.
Why, yes, I do like to stretch my metaphors. Why do you ask?
Lisa’s second course soup is called slurp-worthy. Ted says the flavors “blew everyone away.”
Again with the big smiles. Geez, why won’t you subscribe to your ascribed role as this season’s Big Bad Lesbian? This smiling is confusing millions of viewers at home.
Stephanie’s second course is praised all around, but – and it’s a big but – then there were those leeks. Tom says he doesn’t know what they were doing there, and they weren’t cooked. As Stephanie learned her leeks were crunchy, the look on her face can only be described as abject horror.
Third time is the charm – Onto the third course, and Ted asks Richard if he had considered making his pork belly crispier. Richard says he would have lost the integrity of the meat by crisping the fat. Again with integrity-less flavors. Do no flavors have strong moral values anymore? Tom blinks and stares. This is the most blinking and staring Richard has encountered all season.
Tom then calls Lisa’s Wagyu beef third course undercooked. He says Kobe beef is different than American beef. If it’s not cooked enough, the fats don’t melt and instead make it chewy. Wow, I just learned something useful. Well, that is, if I could ever afford to buy Kobe beef.
Stephanie’s lamb third course turns her frown upside down. In fact, she does a little “Woo hoo!” about how well the lamb came out. Could she get any cuter? Answer: no.
Ted calls the dish “one of the more creative things that happened all night.” Tom calls it “full of surprises” and thanks her.
Just desserts – And then there’s nothing left but the sweet stuff to talk about. Richard says he made the dish because he eats a banana every day for breakfast. Tom says it worked, but Padma reminds Richard that he also won the dessert challenge with the banana scallops. He says yes, but a “different variation.” Three times is three times, bro.
Padma is all anxious to talk about Lisa’s dessert. After she explains the flavors, Padma is quick to call it “delicious.” That after Padma called Lisa’s mango sticky rice dessert back in “Restaurant Wars” “appalling.” Rice vindication accomplished.
Padma asks Stephanie if she was happy with her dessert. She says she was happy with the flavors, but the banana cream was something she was trying out for saltiness. Tom says he had problems with it, specifically the banana cream, which was “a miss.”
The defense rests – Before she lets them go to deliberate, Padma asks the chefs if they have any last words. The camera pans dramatically back and forth. Who will break the silence? Who will plead his/her case first? Stephanie. Wow, she is full of surprises, isn’t she?
Stephanie: It’s just funny, when I was working with Dale, the number one thing he said to me was “Don’t second-guess yourself.” And the dish that I fell short on tonight, the dessert, was me second-guessing myself. But I think that I’ll be able to take this and learn, and I think that I just am what a Top Chef should be. Lisa: I feel very strongly about the menu that I provided you guys with tonight. I am very confident that you’ll be like, “She deserves this win, she deserves to be Top Chef. She’s got the qualities.” Richard: Yeah, sure, I’ll say it. I mean, I feel like I choked a little bit.
Oh, Richard. I can’t tell if you are being incredibly honest or incredibly stupid. I suspect it’s a bit of both.
He says he thinks he overthought the meal and is at his best when he doesn’t think. That’s putting a whole lot of thought into levels of thought. Then he calls the meal not his top performance on the show.
So, how about that two-woman race between Stephanie and Lisa, eh?
The decision of a lifetime – After the chefs are sent back to the Stew Room, the four judges are left to ponder what just happened. Gail says she was shocked by Richard’s admission.
But then she also says he wanted to make sure that the judges know that he is capable of better.
Tom says, overall, they had three very good meals. To get the discussion going, he asks for a poll of who they think won each course.
First course: Ted likes Lisa’s. Gail and Tom like Stephanie’s. Second course: Tom and Gail like Lisa’s dumpling soup. Third course: They seem to all agree on Stephanie’s lamb. Fourth course: Tom and Ted like Richard’s. Gail and Padma like Lisa’s.
The one thing they seemingly all agree on is that Stephanie’s dessert sucked. And thus begins the long process of agreeing on the rest.
Back in the Stew Room, Lisa is breaking down their performances to Stephanie.
Lisa: You definitely killed the first and third. And I kind of feel like I nailed the second and fourth. But I don’t know.
Just like a lesbian, always wanting to process. While she’s right on target, perhaps this is yet another thing we shouldn’t say out loud. Especially with the guy who admittedly choked sitting right next to you. Poor Richard, even his faux-hawk looks deflated.
Oh, and one more thing: “You won the f—ing bronze medal, congratulations. There you go.”
The judges’ decisions have come down to each of their preferences for the night. As the birds chirp their morning hellos, they all finally reach theirs.
You’re the top – The three finalists are called back before the judges. Tom gives them all a last bit of praise. Richard’s food is “whimsical, playful and sometimes just plain outrageous.” Lisa’s flavors are “big, bold, all about you.” Stephanie’s cooking can bring in surprises that “just wow us.”
Tom: In end, we based the decision on which meal we would go back and like to have again.
And then a seemingly agonizing 20 seconds pass as Padma pauses for dramatic effect before saying:
Padma: Stephanie. [six more agonizing seconds] You are Top Chef! Stephanie: What?! Really?!
God, how cute is that? Though, to be honest, she had me at the Yoda backpack. Congratulations on a well-deserved win. Finally, the person I picked to win it from the beginning wins it all. Plus having the first female Top Chef is simply awesome and about damn time.
The recently eliminated chefs – Antonia, Spike, Dale, Andrew and Nikki – all stream in to congratulate her. Lisa and Richard get congratulated by the judges as well for a battle well fought.
Lisa says she thought she had a shot to take it, but then she heard Stephanie’s name.
Lisa: This whole journey has been awesome. I’m proud of the dishes I’ve done. This is what I want to do and this is what I’m always going to do.
Richard is even more disappointed; his eyes even look a little misty.
Richard: Losing at the last second, it sucks. That is why it’s tough, too. Because you put your whole heart into it and then it doesn’t work out. The one thing that is good about this is to kind of refocus … So, the future is bright, for sure … Cut.
No matter who I was rooting for, I always feel a little bad for the losers.
But then Stephanie dances a little jig of joy and I recalibrate my cuteness scales once again.
Talking about her win, Stephanie chokes up talking about how she doubted it at some points, but now it’s a reaffirmation. Who has the Kleenex?
See, nice girls can finish first.Stephanie: This is what I’m meant to do in life.
Lisa: I kind of just managed to get through by the skin of my teeth. But, you know what, I don’t care that Stephanie and Richard have won a bunch of eliminations and I’ve only won one. You know what, I’m about to beat you.
Oh, Lisa, Lisa. That might be why 91 percent of people in the Bravo poll last week wanted you to go home. Confidence is good. Overconfidence is annoying.
The challenge of challenges – The chefs walk up to meet Padma and Tom. Padma tells them they are about to cook the most important meal of their lives. Hmm, OK. But, just for argument’s sake, if they were ever lost in the wilderness without food or water, wouldn’t whatever they found to eat be the most important meals of their lives? I mean, that would be the one that kept them alive. Right, maybe I’m over-thinking this. Moving on.
Waiting alongside Padma and Tom are three of the country’s top chefs. They are award-winning New York City chefs April Bloomfield of The Spotted Pig, Dan Barber of Blue Hill and Eric Ripert of Le Bernardin.
Richard proceeds to call Chef Ripert a “culinary god” and the panel the “who’s who of modern cuisine.” What, you were expecting Billy Bob from the neighborhood Denny’s?
Tom tells them the final challenge will be simple, like in seasons past. They will cook a four-course meal using the traditional progression from fish to poultry to red meat to dessert. And, yes, they need to make a dessert.
Stephanie is surprised they are being asked to make a dessert and worries that it isn’t her forte. Lisa says she’s not good at memorizing cake recipes and doesn’t really like to eat it either. So she will “do things differently” for that course. OK, but just stay away from the mango sticky rice.
A little help from my friends –Padma tells the trio that Eric, Dan and April have volunteered to be their sous chefs. Wow, that’s like making Mick Jagger sing backing vocals. Each sous chef has a different selection of proteins that the chefs can use, and they describe them to the contestants. Ooh, accents. Eric is French, April is English and Dan is a New Yorker – hey, some people like New York accents.
Padma says they had decided that the chef with the most Elimination Challenge wins would pick first, but Richard and Stephanie are tied at four apiece, so they draw knives. Richard lets Stephanie go first, and she pulls No. 1.
That’s a good sign. And, hey, is that a tattoo on her wrist? Cool points for the nice gal.
She picks Eric. Richard goes next and picks Dan. And Lisa is left with April. But she hardly thinks of her as the last choice.
Lisa: I get to work with the woman, that’s awesome. Girl power.
A-ha, I knew her chefbian tendencies would show themselves eventually. Well, besides the wrist cuff. And the bandanna. And the haircut. Oh, never mind.
Dinner will be a black-tie affair for nine guests. They will get three hours today to prep and four hours tomorrow before the first course is served. Courses will be served head-to-head and when everyone is full, one of them will be named Top Chef.
Hey, what’s for dinner? –The chefs and their super sous head to the kitchen. There they begin to hash out their menus. Lisa is going with the flavors of Thailand and Vietnam. Those are what she likes to eat and cook, not to mention cooks for a living.
April says she was a little surprised she was paired with someone who cooks Asian food, since that’s not her specialty. But she says Lisa has a clear plan, and they get busy.
Lisa: I’m not nervous about having Chef April work with me, at all. Our personalities are actually really, really similar. And right away I’m like, “You’re awesome and I’m going to have so much fun working with you.”
Richard has decided to tell his “journey” with his menu. He will mix his classic training with his molecular gastronomy. But then he says that they really don’t know “what the hell we’re doing” and he is “waiting for that lightning bolt.” Oh, Richard, that’s what the last six months off between the regular season and the finale were for.
Stephanie, meanwhile, is going to use her menu to show off her style of cooking with different and well-balanced flavor combinations. Eric says he likes the simple direction she is taking. She then has him filet some red snapper. The super sous laugh and ask him when he last filleted his own fish. Stephanie jokes along.
Stephanie: You sure you know how to filet fish?
But then she undermines her own joke by hovering over him as he works. No one likes a backseat chef, Steph, especially not a culinary god.
Stephanie: I think he got a little, like, offended for a second. He was like, “I know.”
Ice, ice baby – Chopping, dicing and slicing ensues with no more offenses toward the culinary gods. Richard says each chef was allowed to bring one special ingredient from home. He brought liquid nitrogen – yummy, yummy liquid nitrogen.
Richard says there are fewer than a dozen chefs in the nation who cook with the cold stuff. He says a lot can be done with it, and he is thinking about making Tabasco sauce ice cream. Oh, I get it, fire and ice. But then he says he is not sure if that is what he will make. Instead he is just testing the idea. Again, you’ve had six months to test. Now you only have seven hours to cook.
His test turns into a demonstration for the super sous. Someone is about to show off his toys. What is it about boys and their toys? If it’s not a shiny new car, it’s a shiny new canister of liquid nitrogen.
Lisa: Richard definitely is a brilliant chef, but Richard and I are very different. I am not into the molecular at all. I cook simple food and I keep minimal ingredients instead of, you know, over-thinking things.
Eric and April, however, are suitably impressed.
Eric: I’ve never seen such a technique. As a chef, the day you don’t learn anymore, it means you’re so egomaniac that you’re blind.
With the chemistry experiment over, the chefs get back to business. But Stephanie is distracted by the friendly chitchat coming from April and Lisa’s direction.
Stephanie: Lisa and April are definitely getting along and chitchatting, which is a little weird. You know, just ’cause Lisa doesn’t really get along with everybody, as some people might remember.
Lisa couldn’t be happier with her sous chef.
Lisa: The fact that I get along really, really well with Chef April gives me an advantage. You know, if you are happy, your food is going to taste better. If you are stressed out and freaking out, you know, I don’t cook well like that.
The three hours of prep tick down to zero, and the chefs huddle with their super sous to go over what needs to be done the next day. Richard says he will use the night to conceptualize, since he has no completed dishes and a lot of work left. Lisa gets a hug from her new BFF, April.
No show, no call, no job – The day of the final challenge arrives, and so do the chefs – at an empty kitchen. Their super sous are nowhere to be seen. They unpack their knives and get started solo as Tom walks in with what we can only assume is the inevitable curveball.
And what a big, looping curveball it is. He tells them their super sous won’t be coming in today.
Tom: From this point on you are completely on your own. The judges wanted to make sure that you live and die by your own hand.
The chefs joke, a bit, about it being like their sous chefs at work calling in sick. They say it happens every day at restaurants. But they all say they’ll miss that extra pair of hands. Richard seems the most worried because his food is so intricate.
Each fleshes out his/her menu a bit more.
Lisa: My menu is going to really reflect my personality. Very big, bold, spicy, sweet, salty, sour. Those bright, kind of in-your-face flavors is really kind of my personality.
Lisa’s menu: First course, grilled prawns. Second course, tom kha gai soup and dumplings. Third course, Wagyu beef. Fourth course, Thai rice pudding.
Oh, dear God, rice.
Richard wants to tell a story with his menu. He wants to tell the judges he can cook with liquid nitrogen or just butter in a pan.
Richard’s menu: First course, scallops. Second course, guinea hen, foie gras and eggs. Third course, pork belly. Fourth course, banana scallops with bacon ice cream.
Banana scallops, again? Seriously, again?
Stephanie’s menu has no such repeats, or in Richard’s case, threepeats.
Stephanie’s menu: First course, red snapper. Second course, quail with lobster ravioli and quail egg. Third course, lamb medallions. Fourth course, ricotta pound cake.
Stirring the pot – Tom arrives to check on their progress. When he asks Richard what his menu is, Richard says “it’s a little abstract.” Tom gives him his patented blinking stare. And then Richard tells him he is “in the s— right now.” That gets my patented blinking stare. Also, what an unpleasant mental image to use while discussing food.
Stephanie tells Tom she has five minutes until she finds out if her pound cake is a boom or a bust. Tom asks her if she has made it before, and she says she’s done it once. More blinking, more staring.
That just leaves Lisa. Calm, relaxed, whistling-a-happy-tune Lisa. OK, she isn’t whistling. But she is amazingly calm and relaxed.
Lisa: I’m good. I’m not nervous about it. I’m not concerned with the timing.
She is duly rewarded with a blink-and-stare—free reaction from Tom.
Afterward, Tom handicaps the field.
Tom: It was surprising to see the reactions. Richard – he has been usually calm, but he seems very excited. I think partly because he has so many ideas running around in his head and he can’t keep them quiet … Lisa is very calm. We know she is a tough competitor … I think part of being a chef is having somewhat of an attitude and swagger. It helps. Stephanie is a little nervous about her dessert right now … It could all come down to that dish for her.
Cut to Stephanie fretting about her dessert. She decides to finally sample her ricotta pound cake.
And suddenly, it’s Stephanie who probably feels like she is “in the s—.”
Lisa: What’s wrong? Stephanie: My s— sucks. Lisa: No it doesn’t. Every time you f—ing say that it’s always awesome, Steph. Stephanie: No, not this time, yo. Lisa: Yeah, you said that like three times to me and then you won. Stephanie: Not this time. Lisa: I don’t want to hear it from you. Have some confidence in yourself.
I think that was Lisa’s version of a pep talk. But I’m not sure it worked, since Stephanie is still all furrowed brow. In fact, Stephanie and Richard are both balls of tension. And then there is calm, relaxed, whistling-a-happy-tune Lisa.
Lisa: I’m not tense. I was just thinking to myself I wonder why nobody is talking.
Richard, who must have a terrible poker face, doesn’t seem to take kindly to Lisa’s chitchatty mood.
Everyone is a critic – The guests start to arrive, wine in hand, to prepare for service to begin. Apparently you judge better when you’ve got a little buzz going.
As Richard plates his dishes, he leaves no doubt about how he feels about his competition.
Richard: I’m the best chef here. I think I have the most skill. I think I have the most ambition. I think I’m the only one who is a craftsman and an artist.
Again, buddy, you may feel that way, but should you really tell the cameras? Does no one realize that everyone, including the people they’re talking about behind their backs, will see this?
Lisa, for her part, says she is definitely going to be the first female Top Chef. And Stephanie says she wants to be Top Chef. So everyone’s confident, but only one will go home a winner.
Deciding who that will be is an all-star panel of chefs. Padma introduces Top Chef judges Tom, Ted Allen and Gail Simmons, and the super sous chefs Eric, Dan and April. Rounding out the table are Alfredo Ayala, one of Puerto Rico’s most celebrated chefs, and Tim Zagat, founder/CEO of a little thing called the Zagat Survey.
The chefs explain their menus to the distinguished diners.
Richard: I think writing a menu is as important to a chef as the food that is on the plate.
OK, but then why have such a vague, mysterious menu? His menu reads – and I kid you not – “You Are Here,” “Which Came First,” “Be the Bacon” and “You Are Still Here.” That’s it – no other description whatsoever. Is he going to serve them peyote and then ask them life’s biggest questions?
Lisa and Stephanie, who were so gauche as to actually list what they were going to serve on their menus, say that their dishes will be shocking and simple, respectively.
The last supper – But enough talk, bring on the grub. The first courses are sent out: Lisa’s prawns with chili basil sauce, crab and homemade potato chips; Stephanie’s red snapper over truffle, clam and asparagus broth with asparagus salad; Richard’s scallop with mango and pineapple vinegar.
From my armchair, what-would-I-want-to-eat-this-very-second perspective, I give it to Lisa. I mean, dude, potato chips.
The judges call Richard’s scallop unfamiliar, but a little too complicated. Lisa’s shrimp has a nice texture, but is too spicy. Stephanie’s snapper is delicate, elegant and, according to Chef Ayala, “the best of the three.”
Second course next. It’s Lisa’s tom kha gai soup dumpling vs. Stephanie’s quail breast over lobster ravioli with a quail egg vs. Richard’s guinea hen, chicken egg and foie gras.
My totally untrained eye picks Stephanie’s quail/ravioli/egg dish because it just looks neat.
But, of course, the judges know better. The judges say the ingredients are hard to distinguish in Richard’s dish. Tom calls it Richard “falling in love with the technique.” Gail calls Lisa’s soup “absolutely delicious,” and Chef Zagat says he would have been “happy to have seconds.” The judges like the well-balanced flavors of Stephanie’s quail. But Tom, oh Tom, he has once again spotted and despised the unnecessary garnish.
Tom: No one had an issue with these leeks?
They’re apparently undercooked and have no relevance on the plate.
The third “carnivore” course pits Lisa’s Wagyu beef with chayote and cucumber salad, hot sauce and garlic chips against Stephanie’s lamb with maitake mushrooms, braised pistachios and olive tapenade, and Richard’s pork belly with pickled radishes and mirin broth.
Hands down, my eyeballing-it critique gives it to Stephanie. My stomach began growling involuntarily.
The judges, for once, agree with my superficial prognosticating. Richard’s pork belly is underseasoned. Lisa’s beef isn’t tender, but they do like her salad.
Padma: Did you do that, April? Because the knife skills are pretty good in that. April: I didn’t do that at all.
Wait, Padma, was that a mini slam on Lisa’s knife skills?
But it’s Stephanie’s dish that gets the big love. And it’s surprised them all, in a very good way.
Tom: Richard’s dish just needs work. Lisa’s dish is just pedestrian. Stephanie’s is full of surprises and it works.
And, finally, dessert. Lisa’s black Thai rice pudding, Stephanie’s ricotta pound cake with tropical fruit, and Richard’s banana scallop with bacon ice cream all try to satisfy the judges’ sweet teeth.
Now, normally, I am in favor of anything and everything with bacon. But I may just have to draw the line at ice cream. On looks alone, I give it to Lisa. It’s just pretty.
And, what do you know, maybe you can judge a dessert by its cover. Lisa’s rice pudding is called “exciting” and “wonderful.” Richard’s banana/bacon-dish is called “playful,” but Eric says one needs to focus on flavors before contemplating playtime. Stephanie’s cake is deemed “nothing special” and “unrefined.”
Thanks for the grub – The chefs compare notes after the meal is over. Gail thinks they’ve all won. Aww, what a softie. But leave it to Tom to bring the perspective.
Tom: [Richard is] more intellectual, out there. Lisa is sort of sticking true to herself and what she likes to eat and what she likes to cook. And Stephanie tends to have more of a homey spin on things. And I think we have a very strong contrast of styles and of flavors, and I think it is going to be a very interesting Judges’ Table.
The cheftestants come back out to applause.
I like that. I think more people should clap at the end of a good meal. Of course that would mean conversely that people would boo at the end of a bad meal. I guess that would make for a pretty noisy dining area.
Despite the applause, Richard and his non-poker face tell a different story.
First things first – Padma, Tom, Gail and Ted arrive for Judges’ Table. Padma is all aglow about the meal. No, seriously, she is glowing.
Who else is glowing? Lisa. On the walk up to Judge’s Table she is all smiles – smiling, relaxed, friendly. Who is this and what have Bravo editors done with this season’s supposed villain?
The chefs are asked to explain their choices course by course. They start with Richard. He says a first course should be an explosion of flavor that wakes up the palate. Padma says some of them thought it lacked seasoning.
Tom then wants to know if Lisa meant her first course to be so “hot” and “assertive.”
Lisa: You guys have been telling me, you know, “We want to see you in the cooking.” And clearly I’m a “spicy” kind of person.
Who says lesbians don’t have a sense of humor?
Stephanie says her first course was meant to be springy, and the judges spring to praise it. Gail calls it “beautifully presented” and Padma calls it “lovely.”
Anyone for seconds? – For the second course, Richard says if he could change anything, he might leave off the foie gras. Gail says the dish was muddled and the flavors lost their integrity.
Better not tell the conservatives about his integrity-less flavors. They’ll argue that once flavors lose their integrity, it’s a slippery slope. After that it’s only a matter of time before you see same-flavor marriages, and that will destroy the very fabric of our nation itself, namely opposite-flavor marriages.
Why, yes, I do like to stretch my metaphors. Why do you ask?
Lisa’s second course soup is called slurp-worthy. Ted says the flavors “blew everyone away.”
Again with the big smiles. Geez, why won’t you subscribe to your ascribed role as this season’s Big Bad Lesbian? This smiling is confusing millions of viewers at home.
Stephanie’s second course is praised all around, but – and it’s a big but – then there were those leeks. Tom says he doesn’t know what they were doing there, and they weren’t cooked. As Stephanie learned her leeks were crunchy, the look on her face can only be described as abject horror.
Third time is the charm – Onto the third course, and Ted asks Richard if he had considered making his pork belly crispier. Richard says he would have lost the integrity of the meat by crisping the fat. Again with integrity-less flavors. Do no flavors have strong moral values anymore? Tom blinks and stares. This is the most blinking and staring Richard has encountered all season.
Tom then calls Lisa’s Wagyu beef third course undercooked. He says Kobe beef is different than American beef. If it’s not cooked enough, the fats don’t melt and instead make it chewy. Wow, I just learned something useful. Well, that is, if I could ever afford to buy Kobe beef.
Stephanie’s lamb third course turns her frown upside down. In fact, she does a little “Woo hoo!” about how well the lamb came out. Could she get any cuter? Answer: no.
Ted calls the dish “one of the more creative things that happened all night.” Tom calls it “full of surprises” and thanks her.
Just desserts – And then there’s nothing left but the sweet stuff to talk about. Richard says he made the dish because he eats a banana every day for breakfast. Tom says it worked, but Padma reminds Richard that he also won the dessert challenge with the banana scallops. He says yes, but a “different variation.” Three times is three times, bro.
Padma is all anxious to talk about Lisa’s dessert. After she explains the flavors, Padma is quick to call it “delicious.” That after Padma called Lisa’s mango sticky rice dessert back in “Restaurant Wars” “appalling.” Rice vindication accomplished.
Padma asks Stephanie if she was happy with her dessert. She says she was happy with the flavors, but the banana cream was something she was trying out for saltiness. Tom says he had problems with it, specifically the banana cream, which was “a miss.”
The defense rests – Before she lets them go to deliberate, Padma asks the chefs if they have any last words. The camera pans dramatically back and forth. Who will break the silence? Who will plead his/her case first? Stephanie. Wow, she is full of surprises, isn’t she?
Stephanie: It’s just funny, when I was working with Dale, the number one thing he said to me was “Don’t second-guess yourself.” And the dish that I fell short on tonight, the dessert, was me second-guessing myself. But I think that I’ll be able to take this and learn, and I think that I just am what a Top Chef should be. Lisa: I feel very strongly about the menu that I provided you guys with tonight. I am very confident that you’ll be like, “She deserves this win, she deserves to be Top Chef. She’s got the qualities.” Richard: Yeah, sure, I’ll say it. I mean, I feel like I choked a little bit.
Oh, Richard. I can’t tell if you are being incredibly honest or incredibly stupid. I suspect it’s a bit of both.
He says he thinks he overthought the meal and is at his best when he doesn’t think. That’s putting a whole lot of thought into levels of thought. Then he calls the meal not his top performance on the show.
So, how about that two-woman race between Stephanie and Lisa, eh?
The decision of a lifetime – After the chefs are sent back to the Stew Room, the four judges are left to ponder what just happened. Gail says she was shocked by Richard’s admission.
But then she also says he wanted to make sure that the judges know that he is capable of better.
Tom says, overall, they had three very good meals. To get the discussion going, he asks for a poll of who they think won each course.
First course: Ted likes Lisa’s. Gail and Tom like Stephanie’s. Second course: Tom and Gail like Lisa’s dumpling soup. Third course: They seem to all agree on Stephanie’s lamb. Fourth course: Tom and Ted like Richard’s. Gail and Padma like Lisa’s.
The one thing they seemingly all agree on is that Stephanie’s dessert sucked. And thus begins the long process of agreeing on the rest.
Back in the Stew Room, Lisa is breaking down their performances to Stephanie.
Lisa: You definitely killed the first and third. And I kind of feel like I nailed the second and fourth. But I don’t know.
Just like a lesbian, always wanting to process. While she’s right on target, perhaps this is yet another thing we shouldn’t say out loud. Especially with the guy who admittedly choked sitting right next to you. Poor Richard, even his faux-hawk looks deflated.
Oh, and one more thing: “You won the f—ing bronze medal, congratulations. There you go.”
The judges’ decisions have come down to each of their preferences for the night. As the birds chirp their morning hellos, they all finally reach theirs.
You’re the top – The three finalists are called back before the judges. Tom gives them all a last bit of praise. Richard’s food is “whimsical, playful and sometimes just plain outrageous.” Lisa’s flavors are “big, bold, all about you.” Stephanie’s cooking can bring in surprises that “just wow us.”
Tom: In end, we based the decision on which meal we would go back and like to have again.
And then a seemingly agonizing 20 seconds pass as Padma pauses for dramatic effect before saying:
Padma: Stephanie. [six more agonizing seconds] You are Top Chef! Stephanie: What?! Really?!
God, how cute is that? Though, to be honest, she had me at the Yoda backpack. Congratulations on a well-deserved win. Finally, the person I picked to win it from the beginning wins it all. Plus having the first female Top Chef is simply awesome and about damn time.
The recently eliminated chefs – Antonia, Spike, Dale, Andrew and Nikki – all stream in to congratulate her. Lisa and Richard get congratulated by the judges as well for a battle well fought.
Lisa says she thought she had a shot to take it, but then she heard Stephanie’s name.
Lisa: This whole journey has been awesome. I’m proud of the dishes I’ve done. This is what I want to do and this is what I’m always going to do.
Richard is even more disappointed; his eyes even look a little misty.
Richard: Losing at the last second, it sucks. That is why it’s tough, too. Because you put your whole heart into it and then it doesn’t work out. The one thing that is good about this is to kind of refocus … So, the future is bright, for sure … Cut.
No matter who I was rooting for, I always feel a little bad for the losers.
But then Stephanie dances a little jig of joy and I recalibrate my cuteness scales once again.
Talking about her win, Stephanie chokes up talking about how she doubted it at some points, but now it’s a reaffirmation. Who has the Kleenex?
See, nice girls can finish first.Stephanie: This is what I’m meant to do in life.
Richard: I still can’t get over how Lisa is still here. I think a chef has to be a leader. She’s just got a bad attitude. I don’t think Lisa deserves to win Top Chef.
Sure, you may feel that way, but should you really tell the cameras? For a nice guy that makes you sound awfully ungracious. Wait, are you a nice guy?
Lisa, for her part, seems to know she is lucky to be in there. But she says she’s going to take that luck and run with it.
Lisa: I kind of just managed to get through by the skin of my teeth. But, you know what, I don’t care that Stephanie and Richard have won a bunch of eliminations and I’ve only won one. You know what, I’m about to beat you.
Oh, Lisa, Lisa. That might be why 91 percent of people in the Bravo poll last week wanted you to go home. Confidence is good. Overconfidence is annoying.
The challenge of challenges – The chefs walk up to meet Padma and Tom. Padma tells them they are about to cook the most important meal of their lives. Hmm, OK. But, just for argument’s sake, if they were ever lost in the wilderness without food or water, wouldn’t whatever they found to eat be the most important meals of their lives? I mean, that would be the one that kept them alive. Right, maybe I’m over-thinking this. Moving on.
Waiting alongside Padma and Tom are three of the country’s top chefs. They are award-winning New York City chefs April Bloomfield of The Spotted Pig, Dan Barber of Blue Hill and Eric Ripert of Le Bernardin.
Richard proceeds to call Chef Ripert a “culinary god” and the panel the “who’s who of modern cuisine.” What, you were expecting Billy Bob from the neighborhood Denny’s?
Tom tells them the final challenge will be simple, like in seasons past. They will cook a four-course meal using the traditional progression from fish to poultry to red meat to dessert. And, yes, they need to make a dessert.
Stephanie is surprised they are being asked to make a dessert and worries that it isn’t her forte. Lisa says she’s not good at memorizing cake recipes and doesn’t really like to eat it either. So she will “do things differently” for that course. OK, but just stay away from the mango sticky rice.
A little help from my friends –Padma tells the trio that Eric, Dan and April have volunteered to be their sous chefs. Wow, that’s like making Mick Jagger sing backing vocals. Each sous chef has a different selection of proteins that the chefs can use, and they describe them to the contestants. Ooh, accents. Eric is French, April is English and Dan is a New Yorker – hey, some people like New York accents.
Padma says they had decided that the chef with the most Elimination Challenge wins would pick first, but Richard and Stephanie are tied at four apiece, so they draw knives. Richard lets Stephanie go first, and she pulls No. 1.
That’s a good sign. And, hey, is that a tattoo on her wrist? Cool points for the nice gal.
She picks Eric. Richard goes next and picks Dan. And Lisa is left with April. But she hardly thinks of her as the last choice.
Lisa: I get to work with the woman, that’s awesome. Girl power.
A-ha, I knew her chefbian tendencies would show themselves eventually. Well, besides the wrist cuff. And the bandanna. And the haircut. Oh, never mind.
Dinner will be a black-tie affair for nine guests. They will get three hours today to prep and four hours tomorrow before the first course is served. Courses will be served head-to-head and when everyone is full, one of them will be named Top Chef.
Hey, what’s for dinner? –The chefs and their super sous head to the kitchen. There they begin to hash out their menus. Lisa is going with the flavors of Thailand and Vietnam. Those are what she likes to eat and cook, not to mention cooks for a living.
April says she was a little surprised she was paired with someone who cooks Asian food, since that’s not her specialty. But she says Lisa has a clear plan, and they get busy.
Lisa: I’m not nervous about having Chef April work with me, at all. Our personalities are actually really, really similar. And right away I’m like, “You’re awesome and I’m going to have so much fun working with you.”
Richard has decided to tell his “journey” with his menu. He will mix his classic training with his molecular gastronomy. But then he says that they really don’t know “what the hell we’re doing” and he is “waiting for that lightning bolt.” Oh, Richard, that’s what the last six months off between the regular season and the finale were for.
Stephanie, meanwhile, is going to use her menu to show off her style of cooking with different and well-balanced flavor combinations. Eric says he likes the simple direction she is taking. She then has him filet some red snapper. The super sous laugh and ask him when he last filleted his own fish. Stephanie jokes along.
Stephanie: You sure you know how to filet fish?
But then she undermines her own joke by hovering over him as he works. No one likes a backseat chef, Steph, especially not a culinary god.
Stephanie: I think he got a little, like, offended for a second. He was like, “I know.”
Ice, ice baby – Chopping, dicing and slicing ensues with no more offenses toward the culinary gods. Richard says each chef was allowed to bring one special ingredient from home. He brought liquid nitrogen – yummy, yummy liquid nitrogen.
Richard says there are fewer than a dozen chefs in the nation who cook with the cold stuff. He says a lot can be done with it, and he is thinking about making Tabasco sauce ice cream. Oh, I get it, fire and ice. But then he says he is not sure if that is what he will make. Instead he is just testing the idea. Again, you’ve had six months to test. Now you only have seven hours to cook.
His test turns into a demonstration for the super sous. Someone is about to show off his toys. What is it about boys and their toys? If it’s not a shiny new car, it’s a shiny new canister of liquid nitrogen.
Lisa: Richard definitely is a brilliant chef, but Richard and I are very different. I am not into the molecular at all. I cook simple food and I keep minimal ingredients instead of, you know, over-thinking things.
Eric and April, however, are suitably impressed.
Eric: I’ve never seen such a technique. As a chef, the day you don’t learn anymore, it means you’re so egomaniac that you’re blind.
With the chemistry experiment over, the chefs get back to business. But Stephanie is distracted by the friendly chitchat coming from April and Lisa’s direction.
Stephanie: Lisa and April are definitely getting along and chitchatting, which is a little weird. You know, just ’cause Lisa doesn’t really get along with everybody, as some people might remember.
Lisa couldn’t be happier with her sous chef.
Lisa: The fact that I get along really, really well with Chef April gives me an advantage. You know, if you are happy, your food is going to taste better. If you are stressed out and freaking out, you know, I don’t cook well like that.
The three hours of prep tick down to zero, and the chefs huddle with their super sous to go over what needs to be done the next day. Richard says he will use the night to conceptualize, since he has no completed dishes and a lot of work left. Lisa gets a hug from her new BFF, April.
No show, no call, no job – The day of the final challenge arrives, and so do the chefs – at an empty kitchen. Their super sous are nowhere to be seen. They unpack their knives and get started solo as Tom walks in with what we can only assume is the inevitable curveball.
And what a big, looping curveball it is. He tells them their super sous won’t be coming in today.
Tom: From this point on you are completely on your own. The judges wanted to make sure that you live and die by your own hand.
The chefs joke, a bit, about it being like their sous chefs at work calling in sick. They say it happens every day at restaurants. But they all say they’ll miss that extra pair of hands. Richard seems the most worried because his food is so intricate.
Each fleshes out his/her menu a bit more.
Lisa: My menu is going to really reflect my personality. Very big, bold, spicy, sweet, salty, sour. Those bright, kind of in-your-face flavors is really kind of my personality.
Lisa’s menu: First course, grilled prawns. Second course, tom kha gai soup and dumplings. Third course, Wagyu beef. Fourth course, Thai rice pudding.
Oh, dear God, rice.
Richard wants to tell a story with his menu. He wants to tell the judges he can cook with liquid nitrogen or just butter in a pan.
Richard’s menu: First course, scallops. Second course, guinea hen, foie gras and eggs. Third course, pork belly. Fourth course, banana scallops with bacon ice cream.
Banana scallops, again? Seriously, again?
Stephanie’s menu has no such repeats, or in Richard’s case, threepeats.
Stephanie’s menu: First course, red snapper. Second course, quail with lobster ravioli and quail egg. Third course, lamb medallions. Fourth course, ricotta pound cake.
Stirring the pot – Tom arrives to check on their progress. When he asks Richard what his menu is, Richard says “it’s a little abstract.” Tom gives him his patented blinking stare. And then Richard tells him he is “in the s— right now.” That gets my patented blinking stare. Also, what an unpleasant mental image to use while discussing food.
Stephanie tells Tom she has five minutes until she finds out if her pound cake is a boom or a bust. Tom asks her if she has made it before, and she says she’s done it once. More blinking, more staring.
That just leaves Lisa. Calm, relaxed, whistling-a-happy-tune Lisa. OK, she isn’t whistling. But she is amazingly calm and relaxed.
Lisa: I’m good. I’m not nervous about it. I’m not concerned with the timing.
She is duly rewarded with a blink-and-stare—free reaction from Tom.
Afterward, Tom handicaps the field.
Tom: It was surprising to see the reactions. Richard – he has been usually calm, but he seems very excited. I think partly because he has so many ideas running around in his head and he can’t keep them quiet … Lisa is very calm. We know she is a tough competitor … I think part of being a chef is having somewhat of an attitude and swagger. It helps. Stephanie is a little nervous about her dessert right now … It could all come down to that dish for her.
Cut to Stephanie fretting about her dessert. She decides to finally sample her ricotta pound cake.
And suddenly, it’s Stephanie who probably feels like she is “in the s—.”
Lisa: What’s wrong? Stephanie: My s— sucks. Lisa: No it doesn’t. Every time you f—ing say that it’s always awesome, Steph. Stephanie: No, not this time, yo. Lisa: Yeah, you said that like three times to me and then you won. Stephanie: Not this time. Lisa: I don’t want to hear it from you. Have some confidence in yourself.
I think that was Lisa’s version of a pep talk. But I’m not sure it worked, since Stephanie is still all furrowed brow. In fact, Stephanie and Richard are both balls of tension. And then there is calm, relaxed, whistling-a-happy-tune Lisa.
Lisa: I’m not tense. I was just thinking to myself I wonder why nobody is talking.
Richard, who must have a terrible poker face, doesn’t seem to take kindly to Lisa’s chitchatty mood.
Everyone is a critic – The guests start to arrive, wine in hand, to prepare for service to begin. Apparently you judge better when you’ve got a little buzz going.
As Richard plates his dishes, he leaves no doubt about how he feels about his competition.
Richard: I’m the best chef here. I think I have the most skill. I think I have the most ambition. I think I’m the only one who is a craftsman and an artist.
Again, buddy, you may feel that way, but should you really tell the cameras? Does no one realize that everyone, including the people they’re talking about behind their backs, will see this?
Lisa, for her part, says she is definitely going to be the first female Top Chef. And Stephanie says she wants to be Top Chef. So everyone’s confident, but only one will go home a winner.
Deciding who that will be is an all-star panel of chefs. Padma introduces Top Chef judges Tom, Ted Allen and Gail Simmons, and the super sous chefs Eric, Dan and April. Rounding out the table are Alfredo Ayala, one of Puerto Rico’s most celebrated chefs, and Tim Zagat, founder/CEO of a little thing called the Zagat Survey.
The chefs explain their menus to the distinguished diners.
Richard: I think writing a menu is as important to a chef as the food that is on the plate.
OK, but then why have such a vague, mysterious menu? His menu reads – and I kid you not – “You Are Here,” “Which Came First,” “Be the Bacon” and “You Are Still Here.” That’s it – no other description whatsoever. Is he going to serve them peyote and then ask them life’s biggest questions?
Lisa and Stephanie, who were so gauche as to actually list what they were going to serve on their menus, say that their dishes will be shocking and simple, respectively.
The last supper – But enough talk, bring on the grub. The first courses are sent out: Lisa’s prawns with chili basil sauce, crab and homemade potato chips; Stephanie’s red snapper over truffle, clam and asparagus broth with asparagus salad; Richard’s scallop with mango and pineapple vinegar.
From my armchair, what-would-I-want-to-eat-this-very-second perspective, I give it to Lisa. I mean, dude, potato chips.
The judges call Richard’s scallop unfamiliar, but a little too complicated. Lisa’s shrimp has a nice texture, but is too spicy. Stephanie’s snapper is delicate, elegant and, according to Chef Ayala, “the best of the three.”
Second course next. It’s Lisa’s tom kha gai soup dumpling vs. Stephanie’s quail breast over lobster ravioli with a quail egg vs. Richard’s guinea hen, chicken egg and foie gras.
My totally untrained eye picks Stephanie’s quail/ravioli/egg dish because it just looks neat.
But, of course, the judges know better. The judges say the ingredients are hard to distinguish in Richard’s dish. Tom calls it Richard “falling in love with the technique.” Gail calls Lisa’s soup “absolutely delicious,” and Chef Zagat says he would have been “happy to have seconds.” The judges like the well-balanced flavors of Stephanie’s quail. But Tom, oh Tom, he has once again spotted and despised the unnecessary garnish.
Tom: No one had an issue with these leeks?
They’re apparently undercooked and have no relevance on the plate.
The third “carnivore” course pits Lisa’s Wagyu beef with chayote and cucumber salad, hot sauce and garlic chips against Stephanie’s lamb with maitake mushrooms, braised pistachios and olive tapenade, and Richard’s pork belly with pickled radishes and mirin broth.
Hands down, my eyeballing-it critique gives it to Stephanie. My stomach began growling involuntarily.
The judges, for once, agree with my superficial prognosticating. Richard’s pork belly is underseasoned. Lisa’s beef isn’t tender, but they do like her salad.
Padma: Did you do that, April? Because the knife skills are pretty good in that. April: I didn’t do that at all.
Wait, Padma, was that a mini slam on Lisa’s knife skills?
But it’s Stephanie’s dish that gets the big love. And it’s surprised them all, in a very good way.
Tom: Richard’s dish just needs work. Lisa’s dish is just pedestrian. Stephanie’s is full of surprises and it works.
And, finally, dessert. Lisa’s black Thai rice pudding, Stephanie’s ricotta pound cake with tropical fruit, and Richard’s banana scallop with bacon ice cream all try to satisfy the judges’ sweet teeth.
Now, normally, I am in favor of anything and everything with bacon. But I may just have to draw the line at ice cream. On looks alone, I give it to Lisa. It’s just pretty.
And, what do you know, maybe you can judge a dessert by its cover. Lisa’s rice pudding is called “exciting” and “wonderful.” Richard’s banana/bacon-dish is called “playful,” but Eric says one needs to focus on flavors before contemplating playtime. Stephanie’s cake is deemed “nothing special” and “unrefined.”
Thanks for the grub – The chefs compare notes after the meal is over. Gail thinks they’ve all won. Aww, what a softie. But leave it to Tom to bring the perspective.
Tom: [Richard is] more intellectual, out there. Lisa is sort of sticking true to herself and what she likes to eat and what she likes to cook. And Stephanie tends to have more of a homey spin on things. And I think we have a very strong contrast of styles and of flavors, and I think it is going to be a very interesting Judges’ Table.
The cheftestants come back out to applause.
I like that. I think more people should clap at the end of a good meal. Of course that would mean conversely that people would boo at the end of a bad meal. I guess that would make for a pretty noisy dining area.
Despite the applause, Richard and his non-poker face tell a different story.
First things first – Padma, Tom, Gail and Ted arrive for Judges’ Table. Padma is all aglow about the meal. No, seriously, she is glowing.
Who else is glowing? Lisa. On the walk up to Judge’s Table she is all smiles – smiling, relaxed, friendly. Who is this and what have Bravo editors done with this season’s supposed villain?
The chefs are asked to explain their choices course by course. They start with Richard. He says a first course should be an explosion of flavor that wakes up the palate. Padma says some of them thought it lacked seasoning.
Tom then wants to know if Lisa meant her first course to be so “hot” and “assertive.”
Lisa: You guys have been telling me, you know, “We want to see you in the cooking.” And clearly I’m a “spicy” kind of person.
Who says lesbians don’t have a sense of humor?
Stephanie says her first course was meant to be springy, and the judges spring to praise it. Gail calls it “beautifully presented” and Padma calls it “lovely.”
Anyone for seconds? – For the second course, Richard says if he could change anything, he might leave off the foie gras. Gail says the dish was muddled and the flavors lost their integrity.
Better not tell the conservatives about his integrity-less flavors. They’ll argue that once flavors lose their integrity, it’s a slippery slope. After that it’s only a matter of time before you see same-flavor marriages, and that will destroy the very fabric of our nation itself, namely opposite-flavor marriages.
Why, yes, I do like to stretch my metaphors. Why do you ask?
Lisa’s second course soup is called slurp-worthy. Ted says the flavors “blew everyone away.”
Again with the big smiles. Geez, why won’t you subscribe to your ascribed role as this season’s Big Bad Lesbian? This smiling is confusing millions of viewers at home.
Stephanie’s second course is praised all around, but – and it’s a big but – then there were those leeks. Tom says he doesn’t know what they were doing there, and they weren’t cooked. As Stephanie learned her leeks were crunchy, the look on her face can only be described as abject horror.
Third time is the charm – Onto the third course, and Ted asks Richard if he had considered making his pork belly crispier. Richard says he would have lost the integrity of the meat by crisping the fat. Again with integrity-less flavors. Do no flavors have strong moral values anymore? Tom blinks and stares. This is the most blinking and staring Richard has encountered all season.
Tom then calls Lisa’s Wagyu beef third course undercooked. He says Kobe beef is different than American beef. If it’s not cooked enough, the fats don’t melt and instead make it chewy. Wow, I just learned something useful. Well, that is, if I could ever afford to buy Kobe beef.
Stephanie’s lamb third course turns her frown upside down. In fact, she does a little “Woo hoo!” about how well the lamb came out. Could she get any cuter? Answer: no.
Ted calls the dish “one of the more creative things that happened all night.” Tom calls it “full of surprises” and thanks her.
Just desserts – And then there’s nothing left but the sweet stuff to talk about. Richard says he made the dish because he eats a banana every day for breakfast. Tom says it worked, but Padma reminds Richard that he also won the dessert challenge with the banana scallops. He says yes, but a “different variation.” Three times is three times, bro.
Padma is all anxious to talk about Lisa’s dessert. After she explains the flavors, Padma is quick to call it “delicious.” That after Padma called Lisa’s mango sticky rice dessert back in “Restaurant Wars” “appalling.” Rice vindication accomplished.
Padma asks Stephanie if she was happy with her dessert. She says she was happy with the flavors, but the banana cream was something she was trying out for saltiness. Tom says he had problems with it, specifically the banana cream, which was “a miss.”
The defense rests – Before she lets them go to deliberate, Padma asks the chefs if they have any last words. The camera pans dramatically back and forth. Who will break the silence? Who will plead his/her case first? Stephanie. Wow, she is full of surprises, isn’t she?
Stephanie: It’s just funny, when I was working with Dale, the number one thing he said to me was “Don’t second-guess yourself.” And the dish that I fell short on tonight, the dessert, was me second-guessing myself. But I think that I’ll be able to take this and learn, and I think that I just am what a Top Chef should be. Lisa: I feel very strongly about the menu that I provided you guys with tonight. I am very confident that you’ll be like, “She deserves this win, she deserves to be Top Chef. She’s got the qualities.” Richard: Yeah, sure, I’ll say it. I mean, I feel like I choked a little bit.
Oh, Richard. I can’t tell if you are being incredibly honest or incredibly stupid. I suspect it’s a bit of both.
He says he thinks he overthought the meal and is at his best when he doesn’t think. That’s putting a whole lot of thought into levels of thought. Then he calls the meal not his top performance on the show.
So, how about that two-woman race between Stephanie and Lisa, eh?
The decision of a lifetime – After the chefs are sent back to the Stew Room, the four judges are left to ponder what just happened. Gail says she was shocked by Richard’s admission.
But then she also says he wanted to make sure that the judges know that he is capable of better.
Tom says, overall, they had three very good meals. To get the discussion going, he asks for a poll of who they think won each course.
First course: Ted likes Lisa’s. Gail and Tom like Stephanie’s. Second course: Tom and Gail like Lisa’s dumpling soup. Third course: They seem to all agree on Stephanie’s lamb. Fourth course: Tom and Ted like Richard’s. Gail and Padma like Lisa’s.
The one thing they seemingly all agree on is that Stephanie’s dessert sucked. And thus begins the long process of agreeing on the rest.
Back in the Stew Room, Lisa is breaking down their performances to Stephanie.
Lisa: You definitely killed the first and third. And I kind of feel like I nailed the second and fourth. But I don’t know.
Just like a lesbian, always wanting to process. While she’s right on target, perhaps this is yet another thing we shouldn’t say out loud. Especially with the guy who admittedly choked sitting right next to you. Poor Richard, even his faux-hawk looks deflated.
Oh, and one more thing: “You won the f—ing bronze medal, congratulations. There you go.”
The judges’ decisions have come down to each of their preferences for the night. As the birds chirp their morning hellos, they all finally reach theirs.
You’re the top – The three finalists are called back before the judges. Tom gives them all a last bit of praise. Richard’s food is “whimsical, playful and sometimes just plain outrageous.” Lisa’s flavors are “big, bold, all about you.” Stephanie’s cooking can bring in surprises that “just wow us.”
Tom: In end, we based the decision on which meal we would go back and like to have again.
And then a seemingly agonizing 20 seconds pass as Padma pauses for dramatic effect before saying:
Padma: Stephanie. [six more agonizing seconds] You are Top Chef! Stephanie: What?! Really?!
God, how cute is that? Though, to be honest, she had me at the Yoda backpack. Congratulations on a well-deserved win. Finally, the person I picked to win it from the beginning wins it all. Plus having the first female Top Chef is simply awesome and about damn time.
The recently eliminated chefs – Antonia, Spike, Dale, Andrew and Nikki – all stream in to congratulate her. Lisa and Richard get congratulated by the judges as well for a battle well fought.
Lisa says she thought she had a shot to take it, but then she heard Stephanie’s name.
Lisa: This whole journey has been awesome. I’m proud of the dishes I’ve done. This is what I want to do and this is what I’m always going to do.
Richard is even more disappointed; his eyes even look a little misty.
Richard: Losing at the last second, it sucks. That is why it’s tough, too. Because you put your whole heart into it and then it doesn’t work out. The one thing that is good about this is to kind of refocus … So, the future is bright, for sure … Cut.
No matter who I was rooting for, I always feel a little bad for the losers.
But then Stephanie dances a little jig of joy and I recalibrate my cuteness scales once again.
Talking about her win, Stephanie chokes up talking about how she doubted it at some points, but now it’s a reaffirmation. Who has the Kleenex?
See, nice girls can finish first.Stephanie: This is what I’m meant to do in life.
Final Challenge: The meal of a lifetime. Padmaism: “That was a delicious meal.”
The final countdown – Thirteen episodes down, three chefs remain. Let’s remind our contestants what they’re playing for, shall we, Padma? A feature in Food & Wine magazine, a showcase at the Food & Wine Classic in Aspen, a gourmet dream vacation in the French Alps, $100,000 and the title of Top Chef.
As the Top Chef Finale title card appears, we forego the normal introduction of all 13 vanquished contenders and get right to the only three that matter. It’s morning in San Juan. Stephanie, Lisa and Richard meet on the patio for breakfast before the big battle.
In case you’d forgotten, Stephanie reminds us that there has never been a female Top Chef winner. Richard tells us that because of his wife, new house and a baby on the way, he has everything to lose in this competition. And then he tells us who he thinks shouldn’t even be in the competition, period.
Richard: I still can’t get over how Lisa is still here. I think a chef has to be a leader. She’s just got a bad attitude. I don’t think Lisa deserves to win Top Chef.
Sure, you may feel that way, but should you really tell the cameras? For a nice guy that makes you sound awfully ungracious. Wait, are you a nice guy?
Lisa, for her part, seems to know she is lucky to be in there. But she says she’s going to take that luck and run with it.
Lisa: I kind of just managed to get through by the skin of my teeth. But, you know what, I don’t care that Stephanie and Richard have won a bunch of eliminations and I’ve only won one. You know what, I’m about to beat you.
Oh, Lisa, Lisa. That might be why 91 percent of people in the Bravo poll last week wanted you to go home. Confidence is good. Overconfidence is annoying.
The challenge of challenges – The chefs walk up to meet Padma and Tom. Padma tells them they are about to cook the most important meal of their lives. Hmm, OK. But, just for argument’s sake, if they were ever lost in the wilderness without food or water, wouldn’t whatever they found to eat be the most important meals of their lives? I mean, that would be the one that kept them alive. Right, maybe I’m over-thinking this. Moving on.
Waiting alongside Padma and Tom are three of the country’s top chefs. They are award-winning New York City chefs April Bloomfield of The Spotted Pig, Dan Barber of Blue Hill and Eric Ripert of Le Bernardin.
Richard proceeds to call Chef Ripert a “culinary god” and the panel the “who’s who of modern cuisine.” What, you were expecting Billy Bob from the neighborhood Denny’s?
Tom tells them the final challenge will be simple, like in seasons past. They will cook a four-course meal using the traditional progression from fish to poultry to red meat to dessert. And, yes, they need to make a dessert.
Stephanie is surprised they are being asked to make a dessert and worries that it isn’t her forte. Lisa says she’s not good at memorizing cake recipes and doesn’t really like to eat it either. So she will “do things differently” for that course. OK, but just stay away from the mango sticky rice.
A little help from my friends –Padma tells the trio that Eric, Dan and April have volunteered to be their sous chefs. Wow, that’s like making Mick Jagger sing backing vocals. Each sous chef has a different selection of proteins that the chefs can use, and they describe them to the contestants. Ooh, accents. Eric is French, April is English and Dan is a New Yorker – hey, some people like New York accents.
Padma says they had decided that the chef with the most Elimination Challenge wins would pick first, but Richard and Stephanie are tied at four apiece, so they draw knives. Richard lets Stephanie go first, and she pulls No. 1.
That’s a good sign. And, hey, is that a tattoo on her wrist? Cool points for the nice gal.
She picks Eric. Richard goes next and picks Dan. And Lisa is left with April. But she hardly thinks of her as the last choice.
Lisa: I get to work with the woman, that’s awesome. Girl power.
A-ha, I knew her chefbian tendencies would show themselves eventually. Well, besides the wrist cuff. And the bandanna. And the haircut. Oh, never mind.
Dinner will be a black-tie affair for nine guests. They will get three hours today to prep and four hours tomorrow before the first course is served. Courses will be served head-to-head and when everyone is full, one of them will be named Top Chef.
Hey, what’s for dinner? –The chefs and their super sous head to the kitchen. There they begin to hash out their menus. Lisa is going with the flavors of Thailand and Vietnam. Those are what she likes to eat and cook, not to mention cooks for a living.
April says she was a little surprised she was paired with someone who cooks Asian food, since that’s not her specialty. But she says Lisa has a clear plan, and they get busy.
Lisa: I’m not nervous about having Chef April work with me, at all. Our personalities are actually really, really similar. And right away I’m like, “You’re awesome and I’m going to have so much fun working with you.”
Richard has decided to tell his “journey” with his menu. He will mix his classic training with his molecular gastronomy. But then he says that they really don’t know “what the hell we’re doing” and he is “waiting for that lightning bolt.” Oh, Richard, that’s what the last six months off between the regular season and the finale were for.
Stephanie, meanwhile, is going to use her menu to show off her style of cooking with different and well-balanced flavor combinations. Eric says he likes the simple direction she is taking. She then has him filet some red snapper. The super sous laugh and ask him when he last filleted his own fish. Stephanie jokes along.
Stephanie: You sure you know how to filet fish?
But then she undermines her own joke by hovering over him as he works. No one likes a backseat chef, Steph, especially not a culinary god.
Stephanie: I think he got a little, like, offended for a second. He was like, “I know.”
Ice, ice baby – Chopping, dicing and slicing ensues with no more offenses toward the culinary gods. Richard says each chef was allowed to bring one special ingredient from home. He brought liquid nitrogen – yummy, yummy liquid nitrogen.
Richard says there are fewer than a dozen chefs in the nation who cook with the cold stuff. He says a lot can be done with it, and he is thinking about making Tabasco sauce ice cream. Oh, I get it, fire and ice. But then he says he is not sure if that is what he will make. Instead he is just testing the idea. Again, you’ve had six months to test. Now you only have seven hours to cook.
His test turns into a demonstration for the super sous. Someone is about to show off his toys. What is it about boys and their toys? If it’s not a shiny new car, it’s a shiny new canister of liquid nitrogen.
Lisa: Richard definitely is a brilliant chef, but Richard and I are very different. I am not into the molecular at all. I cook simple food and I keep minimal ingredients instead of, you know, over-thinking things.
Eric and April, however, are suitably impressed.
Eric: I’ve never seen such a technique. As a chef, the day you don’t learn anymore, it means you’re so egomaniac that you’re blind.
With the chemistry experiment over, the chefs get back to business. But Stephanie is distracted by the friendly chitchat coming from April and Lisa’s direction.
Stephanie: Lisa and April are definitely getting along and chitchatting, which is a little weird. You know, just ’cause Lisa doesn’t really get along with everybody, as some people might remember.
Lisa couldn’t be happier with her sous chef.
Lisa: The fact that I get along really, really well with Chef April gives me an advantage. You know, if you are happy, your food is going to taste better. If you are stressed out and freaking out, you know, I don’t cook well like that.
The three hours of prep tick down to zero, and the chefs huddle with their super sous to go over what needs to be done the next day. Richard says he will use the night to conceptualize, since he has no completed dishes and a lot of work left. Lisa gets a hug from her new BFF, April.
No show, no call, no job – The day of the final challenge arrives, and so do the chefs – at an empty kitchen. Their super sous are nowhere to be seen. They unpack their knives and get started solo as Tom walks in with what we can only assume is the inevitable curveball.
And what a big, looping curveball it is. He tells them their super sous won’t be coming in today.
Tom: From this point on you are completely on your own. The judges wanted to make sure that you live and die by your own hand.
The chefs joke, a bit, about it being like their sous chefs at work calling in sick. They say it happens every day at restaurants. But they all say they’ll miss that extra pair of hands. Richard seems the most worried because his food is so intricate.
Each fleshes out his/her menu a bit more.
Lisa: My menu is going to really reflect my personality. Very big, bold, spicy, sweet, salty, sour. Those bright, kind of in-your-face flavors is really kind of my personality.
Lisa’s menu: First course, grilled prawns. Second course, tom kha gai soup and dumplings. Third course, Wagyu beef. Fourth course, Thai rice pudding.
Oh, dear God, rice.
Richard wants to tell a story with his menu. He wants to tell the judges he can cook with liquid nitrogen or just butter in a pan.
Richard’s menu: First course, scallops. Second course, guinea hen, foie gras and eggs. Third course, pork belly. Fourth course, banana scallops with bacon ice cream.
Banana scallops, again? Seriously, again?
Stephanie’s menu has no such repeats, or in Richard’s case, threepeats.
Stephanie’s menu: First course, red snapper. Second course, quail with lobster ravioli and quail egg. Third course, lamb medallions. Fourth course, ricotta pound cake.
Stirring the pot – Tom arrives to check on their progress. When he asks Richard what his menu is, Richard says “it’s a little abstract.” Tom gives him his patented blinking stare. And then Richard tells him he is “in the s— right now.” That gets my patented blinking stare. Also, what an unpleasant mental image to use while discussing food.
Stephanie tells Tom she has five minutes until she finds out if her pound cake is a boom or a bust. Tom asks her if she has made it before, and she says she’s done it once. More blinking, more staring.
That just leaves Lisa. Calm, relaxed, whistling-a-happy-tune Lisa. OK, she isn’t whistling. But she is amazingly calm and relaxed.
Lisa: I’m good. I’m not nervous about it. I’m not concerned with the timing.
She is duly rewarded with a blink-and-stare—free reaction from Tom.
Afterward, Tom handicaps the field.
Tom: It was surprising to see the reactions. Richard – he has been usually calm, but he seems very excited. I think partly because he has so many ideas running around in his head and he can’t keep them quiet … Lisa is very calm. We know she is a tough competitor … I think part of being a chef is having somewhat of an attitude and swagger. It helps. Stephanie is a little nervous about her dessert right now … It could all come down to that dish for her.
Cut to Stephanie fretting about her dessert. She decides to finally sample her ricotta pound cake.
And suddenly, it’s Stephanie who probably feels like she is “in the s—.”
Lisa: What’s wrong? Stephanie: My s— sucks. Lisa: No it doesn’t. Every time you f—ing say that it’s always awesome, Steph. Stephanie: No, not this time, yo. Lisa: Yeah, you said that like three times to me and then you won. Stephanie: Not this time. Lisa: I don’t want to hear it from you. Have some confidence in yourself.
I think that was Lisa’s version of a pep talk. But I’m not sure it worked, since Stephanie is still all furrowed brow. In fact, Stephanie and Richard are both balls of tension. And then there is calm, relaxed, whistling-a-happy-tune Lisa.
Lisa: I’m not tense. I was just thinking to myself I wonder why nobody is talking.
Richard, who must have a terrible poker face, doesn’t seem to take kindly to Lisa’s chitchatty mood.
Everyone is a critic – The guests start to arrive, wine in hand, to prepare for service to begin. Apparently you judge better when you’ve got a little buzz going.
As Richard plates his dishes, he leaves no doubt about how he feels about his competition.
Richard: I’m the best chef here. I think I have the most skill. I think I have the most ambition. I think I’m the only one who is a craftsman and an artist.
Again, buddy, you may feel that way, but should you really tell the cameras? Does no one realize that everyone, including the people they’re talking about behind their backs, will see this?
Lisa, for her part, says she is definitely going to be the first female Top Chef. And Stephanie says she wants to be Top Chef. So everyone’s confident, but only one will go home a winner.
Deciding who that will be is an all-star panel of chefs. Padma introduces Top Chef judges Tom, Ted Allen and Gail Simmons, and the super sous chefs Eric, Dan and April. Rounding out the table are Alfredo Ayala, one of Puerto Rico’s most celebrated chefs, and Tim Zagat, founder/CEO of a little thing called the Zagat Survey.
The chefs explain their menus to the distinguished diners.
Richard: I think writing a menu is as important to a chef as the food that is on the plate.
OK, but then why have such a vague, mysterious menu? His menu reads – and I kid you not – “You Are Here,” “Which Came First,” “Be the Bacon” and “You Are Still Here.” That’s it – no other description whatsoever. Is he going to serve them peyote and then ask them life’s biggest questions?
Lisa and Stephanie, who were so gauche as to actually list what they were going to serve on their menus, say that their dishes will be shocking and simple, respectively.
The last supper – But enough talk, bring on the grub. The first courses are sent out: Lisa’s prawns with chili basil sauce, crab and homemade potato chips; Stephanie’s red snapper over truffle, clam and asparagus broth with asparagus salad; Richard’s scallop with mango and pineapple vinegar.
From my armchair, what-would-I-want-to-eat-this-very-second perspective, I give it to Lisa. I mean, dude, potato chips.
The judges call Richard’s scallop unfamiliar, but a little too complicated. Lisa’s shrimp has a nice texture, but is too spicy. Stephanie’s snapper is delicate, elegant and, according to Chef Ayala, “the best of the three.”
Second course next. It’s Lisa’s tom kha gai soup dumpling vs. Stephanie’s quail breast over lobster ravioli with a quail egg vs. Richard’s guinea hen, chicken egg and foie gras.
My totally untrained eye picks Stephanie’s quail/ravioli/egg dish because it just looks neat.
But, of course, the judges know better. The judges say the ingredients are hard to distinguish in Richard’s dish. Tom calls it Richard “falling in love with the technique.” Gail calls Lisa’s soup “absolutely delicious,” and Chef Zagat says he would have been “happy to have seconds.” The judges like the well-balanced flavors of Stephanie’s quail. But Tom, oh Tom, he has once again spotted and despised the unnecessary garnish.
Tom: No one had an issue with these leeks?
They’re apparently undercooked and have no relevance on the plate.
The third “carnivore” course pits Lisa’s Wagyu beef with chayote and cucumber salad, hot sauce and garlic chips against Stephanie’s lamb with maitake mushrooms, braised pistachios and olive tapenade, and Richard’s pork belly with pickled radishes and mirin broth.
Hands down, my eyeballing-it critique gives it to Stephanie. My stomach began growling involuntarily.
The judges, for once, agree with my superficial prognosticating. Richard’s pork belly is underseasoned. Lisa’s beef isn’t tender, but they do like her salad.
Padma: Did you do that, April? Because the knife skills are pretty good in that. April: I didn’t do that at all.
Wait, Padma, was that a mini slam on Lisa’s knife skills?
But it’s Stephanie’s dish that gets the big love. And it’s surprised them all, in a very good way.
Tom: Richard’s dish just needs work. Lisa’s dish is just pedestrian. Stephanie’s is full of surprises and it works.
And, finally, dessert. Lisa’s black Thai rice pudding, Stephanie’s ricotta pound cake with tropical fruit, and Richard’s banana scallop with bacon ice cream all try to satisfy the judges’ sweet teeth.
Now, normally, I am in favor of anything and everything with bacon. But I may just have to draw the line at ice cream. On looks alone, I give it to Lisa. It’s just pretty.
And, what do you know, maybe you can judge a dessert by its cover. Lisa’s rice pudding is called “exciting” and “wonderful.” Richard’s banana/bacon-dish is called “playful,” but Eric says one needs to focus on flavors before contemplating playtime. Stephanie’s cake is deemed “nothing special” and “unrefined.”
Thanks for the grub – The chefs compare notes after the meal is over. Gail thinks they’ve all won. Aww, what a softie. But leave it to Tom to bring the perspective.
Tom: [Richard is] more intellectual, out there. Lisa is sort of sticking true to herself and what she likes to eat and what she likes to cook. And Stephanie tends to have more of a homey spin on things. And I think we have a very strong contrast of styles and of flavors, and I think it is going to be a very interesting Judges’ Table.
The cheftestants come back out to applause.
I like that. I think more people should clap at the end of a good meal. Of course that would mean conversely that people would boo at the end of a bad meal. I guess that would make for a pretty noisy dining area.
Despite the applause, Richard and his non-poker face tell a different story.
First things first – Padma, Tom, Gail and Ted arrive for Judges’ Table. Padma is all aglow about the meal. No, seriously, she is glowing.
Who else is glowing? Lisa. On the walk up to Judge’s Table she is all smiles – smiling, relaxed, friendly. Who is this and what have Bravo editors done with this season’s supposed villain?
The chefs are asked to explain their choices course by course. They start with Richard. He says a first course should be an explosion of flavor that wakes up the palate. Padma says some of them thought it lacked seasoning.
Tom then wants to know if Lisa meant her first course to be so “hot” and “assertive.”
Lisa: You guys have been telling me, you know, “We want to see you in the cooking.” And clearly I’m a “spicy” kind of person.
Who says lesbians don’t have a sense of humor?
Stephanie says her first course was meant to be springy, and the judges spring to praise it. Gail calls it “beautifully presented” and Padma calls it “lovely.”
Anyone for seconds? – For the second course, Richard says if he could change anything, he might leave off the foie gras. Gail says the dish was muddled and the flavors lost their integrity.
Better not tell the conservatives about his integrity-less flavors. They’ll argue that once flavors lose their integrity, it’s a slippery slope. After that it’s only a matter of time before you see same-flavor marriages, and that will destroy the very fabric of our nation itself, namely opposite-flavor marriages.
Why, yes, I do like to stretch my metaphors. Why do you ask?
Lisa’s second course soup is called slurp-worthy. Ted says the flavors “blew everyone away.”
Again with the big smiles. Geez, why won’t you subscribe to your ascribed role as this season’s Big Bad Lesbian? This smiling is confusing millions of viewers at home.
Stephanie’s second course is praised all around, but – and it’s a big but – then there were those leeks. Tom says he doesn’t know what they were doing there, and they weren’t cooked. As Stephanie learned her leeks were crunchy, the look on her face can only be described as abject horror.
Third time is the charm – Onto the third course, and Ted asks Richard if he had considered making his pork belly crispier. Richard says he would have lost the integrity of the meat by crisping the fat. Again with integrity-less flavors. Do no flavors have strong moral values anymore? Tom blinks and stares. This is the most blinking and staring Richard has encountered all season.
Tom then calls Lisa’s Wagyu beef third course undercooked. He says Kobe beef is different than American beef. If it’s not cooked enough, the fats don’t melt and instead make it chewy. Wow, I just learned something useful. Well, that is, if I could ever afford to buy Kobe beef.
Stephanie’s lamb third course turns her frown upside down. In fact, she does a little “Woo hoo!” about how well the lamb came out. Could she get any cuter? Answer: no.
Ted calls the dish “one of the more creative things that happened all night.” Tom calls it “full of surprises” and thanks her.
Just desserts – And then there’s nothing left but the sweet stuff to talk about. Richard says he made the dish because he eats a banana every day for breakfast. Tom says it worked, but Padma reminds Richard that he also won the dessert challenge with the banana scallops. He says yes, but a “different variation.” Three times is three times, bro.
Padma is all anxious to talk about Lisa’s dessert. After she explains the flavors, Padma is quick to call it “delicious.” That after Padma called Lisa’s mango sticky rice dessert back in “Restaurant Wars” “appalling.” Rice vindication accomplished.
Padma asks Stephanie if she was happy with her dessert. She says she was happy with the flavors, but the banana cream was something she was trying out for saltiness. Tom says he had problems with it, specifically the banana cream, which was “a miss.”
The defense rests – Before she lets them go to deliberate, Padma asks the chefs if they have any last words. The camera pans dramatically back and forth. Who will break the silence? Who will plead his/her case first? Stephanie. Wow, she is full of surprises, isn’t she?
Stephanie: It’s just funny, when I was working with Dale, the number one thing he said to me was “Don’t second-guess yourself.” And the dish that I fell short on tonight, the dessert, was me second-guessing myself. But I think that I’ll be able to take this and learn, and I think that I just am what a Top Chef should be. Lisa: I feel very strongly about the menu that I provided you guys with tonight. I am very confident that you’ll be like, “She deserves this win, she deserves to be Top Chef. She’s got the qualities.” Richard: Yeah, sure, I’ll say it. I mean, I feel like I choked a little bit.
Oh, Richard. I can’t tell if you are being incredibly honest or incredibly stupid. I suspect it’s a bit of both.
He says he thinks he overthought the meal and is at his best when he doesn’t think. That’s putting a whole lot of thought into levels of thought. Then he calls the meal not his top performance on the show.
So, how about that two-woman race between Stephanie and Lisa, eh?
The decision of a lifetime – After the chefs are sent back to the Stew Room, the four judges are left to ponder what just happened. Gail says she was shocked by Richard’s admission.
But then she also says he wanted to make sure that the judges know that he is capable of better.
Tom says, overall, they had three very good meals. To get the discussion going, he asks for a poll of who they think won each course.
First course: Ted likes Lisa’s. Gail and Tom like Stephanie’s. Second course: Tom and Gail like Lisa’s dumpling soup. Third course: They seem to all agree on Stephanie’s lamb. Fourth course: Tom and Ted like Richard’s. Gail and Padma like Lisa’s.
The one thing they seemingly all agree on is that Stephanie’s dessert sucked. And thus begins the long process of agreeing on the rest.
Back in the Stew Room, Lisa is breaking down their performances to Stephanie.
Lisa: You definitely killed the first and third. And I kind of feel like I nailed the second and fourth. But I don’t know.
Just like a lesbian, always wanting to process. While she’s right on target, perhaps this is yet another thing we shouldn’t say out loud. Especially with the guy who admittedly choked sitting right next to you. Poor Richard, even his faux-hawk looks deflated.
Oh, and one more thing: “You won the f—ing bronze medal, congratulations. There you go.”
The judges’ decisions have come down to each of their preferences for the night. As the birds chirp their morning hellos, they all finally reach theirs.
You’re the top – The three finalists are called back before the judges. Tom gives them all a last bit of praise. Richard’s food is “whimsical, playful and sometimes just plain outrageous.” Lisa’s flavors are “big, bold, all about you.” Stephanie’s cooking can bring in surprises that “just wow us.”
Tom: In end, we based the decision on which meal we would go back and like to have again.
And then a seemingly agonizing 20 seconds pass as Padma pauses for dramatic effect before saying:
Padma: Stephanie. [six more agonizing seconds] You are Top Chef! Stephanie: What?! Really?!
God, how cute is that? Though, to be honest, she had me at the Yoda backpack. Congratulations on a well-deserved win. Finally, the person I picked to win it from the beginning wins it all. Plus having the first female Top Chef is simply awesome and about damn time.
The recently eliminated chefs – Antonia, Spike, Dale, Andrew and Nikki – all stream in to congratulate her. Lisa and Richard get congratulated by the judges as well for a battle well fought.
Lisa says she thought she had a shot to take it, but then she heard Stephanie’s name.
Lisa: This whole journey has been awesome. I’m proud of the dishes I’ve done. This is what I want to do and this is what I’m always going to do.
Richard is even more disappointed; his eyes even look a little misty.
Richard: Losing at the last second, it sucks. That is why it’s tough, too. Because you put your whole heart into it and then it doesn’t work out. The one thing that is good about this is to kind of refocus … So, the future is bright, for sure … Cut.
No matter who I was rooting for, I always feel a little bad for the losers.
But then Stephanie dances a little jig of joy and I recalibrate my cuteness scales once again.
Talking about her win, Stephanie chokes up talking about how she doubted it at some points, but now it’s a reaffirmation. Who has the Kleenex?
See, nice girls can finish first.Stephanie: This is what I’m meant to do in life.
