TV

Best. Lesbian. Week. Ever. (June 27, 2008)

LESBIAN WEREWOLVES WILL NEVER SEE THE LIGHT OF DAY Actress Olivia Thirlby told New York magazine that the long-awaited Jack and Diane film she was set to star in alongside Juno co-star Ellen Page is stalled in pre-production because of Ellen’s career. The two were cast as lesbian werewolf girlfriends, and with Page’s role choices in the past, we had high hopes that this project would make us proud. Unfortunately, Ellen is sabotaging the film with her success. Thirlby told New York: “I mean, it’s half-animated and nonlinear and Ellen’s in a very high place right now and there’s just too much focus on her and her career for her to be able to go off and do some super-experimental flick.”

Last year, reports surfaced that the film lacked financing and that Page was attempting to rally support for it so that it could get made. Of course, this was before she was nominated for an Oscar. At any rate, where’s Power Up when you need them?

A LESBIAN COUPLE NOT GETTING MARRIED IN THE NEAR FUTURE

Cynthia Nixon told the New York Daily News this week that she will not be taking a trip to California anytime soon – at least not to marry her girlfriend Christine Marinoni. Like a true New Yorker, she said she plans on staying put and waiting for her own state to recognize gay marriage: “In an ideal world, we’d like to in New York, when it becomes legalized. Hopefully it won’t take 20 years.” Hopefully Cynthia isn’t “saving herself” till she’s married. That could get painful!

BICURIOUS QUOTE OF THE WEEK “I’m kinda saving myself for Miley Cyrus.” – Katy Perry, straight singer/songwriter of “I Kissed a Girl,” who clearly liked Hannah Montana‘s scandalous Vanity Fair photo shoot

YOU’RE SO GAY, YOU PROBABLY THINK THIS SONG IS ABOUT YOU Time.com published a story by out music writer Caryn Brooks this week titled “What Makes a Gay Song?” The piece, along with a podcast, touches on the current True Colors Tour as well as other queer artists such as the Indigo Girls:

The Indigo Girls themselves are two gay ladies. But their songs rarely touch on gay topics. The Indigo Girls are not known for explicit anthems or same-gendered love songs. Yet so much about an Indigo Girls show is very gay.
Agreed, but what do the artists think? Tegan Quin comments in the podcast that she doesn’t think Tegan and Sara make gay music, and that she herself listens to queer artists like Tender Forever and The Blow, but also spun System of a Down when she was going through a harsh breakup. Despite Tegan’s claims that her songs are without queerness, a True Colors concert attendee says otherwise:
My favorite gay song, no question is “Living Room” by Tegan and Sara. Because when I was a really major closet case, and was like a little bit obsessive of various really random girls in my life, I sort of imagined if I lived across from them, looking at them through their … bathroom and living room.
I’m thinking this doesn’t qualify as “gay” so much as “stalkerish.” Perhaps this fan also enjoys “Come to My Window.”

by Trish Bendix

YEAH, WELL HETEROSEXUALITY IS ASSOCIATED WITH HIGHER RATES OF TEEN PREGNANCY AND SEXISM Last Tuesday night on FX’s 30 Days, Morgan Spurlock‘s documentary/reality series in which someone spends a month immersed in a totally different way of life (typically one they disagree with), same-sex parenting was the focus. During the episode, Mormon mom Kati Blackledge, who was adopted herself and is the mother of two adopted children, moves in with gay dads Dennis and Thomas Patrick and their four adopted sons.

Kati thinks that kids should only be raised by heterosexual married parents. Obviously, Dennis and Thomas disagree. (Read AfterElton.com’s article on the episode here.) Dennis and Patrick are model parents and seem like just about the nicest gay guys ever. Kati, on the other hand, is a mess of contradictions. She says that her faith dictates that she can never support gay parents, but she also claims she can be friends with them even while she actively works to take away their rights to care for their children.

During the course of Kati’s stay with the Patricks, she is forced to volunteer for a gay parents’ activist group (she grumbles all the way), as well as attend a COLAGE meeting (in which she says she doesn’t want kids to be raised by gay/lesbian parents because it makes the kids more likely to be gay). She also socializes at a lesbian moms-and-families picnic, which leads to a lot of tearful processing with a random lesbian mom who seems a bit bemused by Kati’s “they’re picking on me!” attitude. Periodically throughout the episode, Morgan Spurlock jumps in with some attempts to show different sides to the issue. In one case he visits Pacific Reproductive Services, a lesbian-owned sperm bank in San Francisco, where he learns that he can make hundreds of dollars just doing what he would be doing anyway (don’t make me spell it out).

In another instance he presents an interview with Peter Sprigg of the Family Research Council, a conservative, anti-gay organization. Here’s what Sprigg says: “Homosexuality is associated with higher rates of sexual promiscuity, sexually transmitted diseases, mental illness, substance abuse, domestic violence, and child sexual abuse, and those are all reasons for us to be concerned about placing children into that kind of setting.”

In response, GLAAD issued a call to action, stating that FX and 30 Days neglected to provide any experts to counter these ludicrous claims.

I’m just shocked that good ol’ Pete didn’t put homicide on the list of homosexual evils. I mean, isn’t that what the “hom” part stands for?

– by Malinda Lo

BEHIND EVERY ANTI-LESBIAN COMMENT IS A STRAIGHT MAN SPURNED An AfterEllen.com reader (thanks Rachel!) tipped us off to 23-year-old openly gay model Jessica Clark, who starred in the music video for Usher‘s 2004 platinum and gold song “Burn.”

Yes, the same Usher who last week said that women were becoming lesbians en masse because there weren’t enough men available.

The “Burn” video is supposedly about a man who is distraught that his girlfriend left him, but it’s much more enjoyable when viewed as a song about Usher lusting after a woman he can’t have because she’s gay. (According to a ContactMusic.com story, that may not be far from the truth.) Maybe it’s not a lack of men that’s turning women gay, Usher – maybe it’s you!

But enough about him, here are a few modeling photos of Jessica: Not sure what she’s modeling in this last photo, but I’m not sure it matters, either.

In addition to modeling, the 23-year-old Londoner-turned-New Yorker is now a life coach who watches Dexter, House and The L Word, listens to M.I.A., Amy Winehouse and the Indigo Girls, and reads The Beauty Myth, The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time, and The Handmaid’s Tale.

You can find all this info and more on her her MySpace page, including a “support same-sex marriage” petition and lots of photos of Jessica and her girlfriend Lacey, like this one: Sorry Usher (and readers) – looks like Jessica’s definitely off the market!

by Sarah Warn

WHAT’S BRITISH, GAY AND WHITE ALL OVER? AE reader Pixie let us know about the release of The Independent‘s 2008 Pink List – the year’s 100 most influential LGBT people in the U.K. – and there are only 15 women included this year (one less than on the 2007 list). There are no women of color on the list, as far as I can tell (U.K. readers, correct me in the comments if I’m wrong).

The most powerful lesbian in the U.K., according to the list, is TV exec Dawn Airey at No. 5; Diva magazine editor Jane Czyzselska and radio and TV presenter Sue Perkins are among the new people on the list. Also on the list? Actresses Fiona Shaw and Saffron Burrows; radio broadcaster Sandi Toksvig; TV presenter Clare Balding; directors Phyllida Lloyd and Deborah Warner; politician Margot James; Shed Productions CEO Eileen Gallagher (look for an interview with her right here on Monday); authors Charlotte Mendelson, Sarah Waters, Stella Duffy and Jeanette Winterson; Treasury minister Angela Eagle; KPMG Director Ashley Steel; and singer Samantha Fox (yes, she of “Naughty Girls Need Love, Too” fame).

This year, they’ve also created shorter lists for “Unsung Heroes” and “Young, Gifted and Gay.” The latter includes Lindsay Lohan‘s “friend” Samantha Ronson, and the former includes snowboarder Jo Chastney (read more about Jo in a 2007 interview with Lovegirls.co.uk).

In her professional profile, Chastney says her goal is “to have fun” and “to help progress womens snowboarding.” But her response to the question, “Where would you most like to see yourself in the future?” is “On the cover of Playboy.”

Huh? Interesting choice for an out lesbian snowboarder (and by “interesting,” I mean “I hope you were kidding when you said that”). Does she understand the clothing requirement for that job would be very different from her current one? On the other hand, she’s far less likely to suffer a concussion doing a Playboy photo shoot than jumping miles into the air on a small, flat piece of wood. Probably. (Have you seen some of the contorted positions they put women in for that magazine?)

by Sarah Warn

DWIGHT SCHRUTE: WARRIOR PRINCESS For some reason, the July 4 issue of Entertainment Weekly is a veritable gold mine of material for this week’s BLWE column. If they could keep it up, it would make finding things to write about a heck of a lot easier in a world where lesbian news is sometimes as scarce as a porterhouse at a vegan convention.

In the issue, The Office star Rainn Wilson did a photo spread of classic TV roles, including MacGyver, Captain Jean-Luc Picard, Paulie Walnuts from The Sopranos, and Xena, because he knows that nothing says dress-up fun like a bra made during the Bronze Age.

Rainn reports that he watched Xena because it was “oddly titillating” and, like us, he “kept wanting to see more cleavage.” Take a number, Rainn.

Note the attention to detail:

The only thing missing, aside from Lucy Lawless‘ innate hotness, are her ice-blue peepers.

There can only be one true Xena. Lucy has nothing to worry about.

REPORTS OF THEIR DEATHS HAVE BEEN EXTREMELY EXAGGERATED Also in the July 4 issue of Entertainment Weekly, special guest contributor Jodie Foster shared her thoughts on the top “New Classic Near-Death Experiences” in film. Jodie fans can have their own near-death experiences by turning to page 21 and having their hearts stopped by this photo: Maybe it’s her degree in literature from Yale coming out, but five of her 10 picks were films based on novels: Fearless, The Diving Bell and the Butterfly, The Last Temptation of Christ, Into the Wild and The Life Before Her Eyes.

But can The Last Temptation of Christ truly be categorized as a “near-death” experience? Wouldn’t it be more accurate to call it a “death-in-an-everlasting-life-kind-of-a-way” experience? To see the list in its entirety, sans awesome Jodie head shot, go here.

Not that anyone asked me, but my list (of one) for “Best Character After a Near-Death Experience” goes to Jodie as Erica Bains in The Brave One. Any movie where Jodie replies to the question, “Are you a cop?” with a cool, calm, yet edgy, “You wish,” is my kind of movie.

by Dara Nai

BUT WILL SHE START THE CEREMONY BY DANCING? While Ellen DeGeneres took home her fourth consecutive Daytime Emmy for Outstanding Talk Show Host last weekend, the bigger news was that she and fiancée Portia de Rossi have set a date for their wedding. No, they didn’t say what date. I mean, they have to make the paparazzi work for it a little.

Backstage after winning her Emmy, DeGeneres spoke with the press about her feelings about getting married and her plans for the big day. De Rossi wore her engagement ring, a Neil Lane marquis-cut diamond set with pink diamonds, to the awards ceremony. DeGeneres announced her engagement to de Rossi on her show in May the day after the California Supreme Court released its historic ruling overturning the ban on gay marriage. At the Daytime Emmys, DeGeneres was excited about not only her nuptials, but all gay marriages, saying:

I feel like it is long overdue. And I think someday people will look back on this like women not having the right to vote and segregation and anything else that seems ridiculous like we all don’t have the same rights, that we’re not all the same people. So I feel thrilled and I can’t wait to get married.
Of course the wedding planning itself is another matter: “Planning a wedding is very stressful, I’m realizing. It’s just crazy. Like my gardener is now invited. It’s just spread, it’s huge.”

While she didn’t leak any specific details, DeGeneres said it would be their “dream wedding” with “incredible people singing and things happening.” De Rossi’s family is flying in from Australia for the event. And when asked if her Emmys would be there, too, she said yes, “on top of the cake.” OK, but just be careful when cutting the cake. Those things could take an eye out.

READING LISTS TO LOOK OUT FOR Out cartoonist and acclaimed graphic novelist Alison Bechdel, author of Fun Home and Dykes to Watch Out For, penned an exclusive graphic essay for that Entertainment Weekly special issue we keep writing about. Titled “Compulsory Reading,” the four-page comic explored her life-long love of reading and aversion to books that people tell her she should read.

It starts off with a shameful confession about how behind she is on her reading. I swear, it’s like she is drawing my latent reading guilt and turned it into a comic strip. Oh mighty gods of literature, please do not smite me and damn me to eternity wedged between product placement specialists and media strategists. I promise to read more, just spare me that unholy fate.

The strip goes on to talk about her omnivorous reading habits as a child, repeated love for Harriet the Spy and eventual disdain for any books her parents – and friends – told her to read. In short, it’s fantastic. You should read it. Otherwise, there could be a warm spot in hell waiting for you along with an endless supply of Windows 98 manuals.

by Dorothy Snarker

WHAT DO A GUESTBIAN, A WALLGASM AND THE URGE TO MERGE HAVE IN COMMON? They’re all part of scribegrrrl’s first-season L Word vocabulary! And they’re also part of The L Word now – at least, Logo’s airing of it, which began last night. Mixed in with each episode on Logo (AfterEllen.com’s parent company) is a definition from scribegrrrl’s recap of that episode; a quote from one of our past interviews with Leisha Hailey, Kate Moennig and Erin Daniels; a relevant comment from an AfterEllen.com reader; and very funny promos of We’re Getting Nowhere that feature Jill, Karman and Dara sitting on a couch with sock puppets in what appears to be my living room (because, well, it is my living room).

As a special favor to me, Logo’s Ashley Kaplan (whom you might remember from the 2007 Power Premiere video) edited together all the on-air vocabulary slides into one video we could show you here: Scribe’s definition of “sexy”? So very, very true. Ditto her definition of “gaydar” (poor Dana, indeed!).

Since there’s only room for one vocabulary word from each recap, your favorite scribegrrrl definition may not be here, but don’t despair – we’re gradually porting her older recaps into our article database, and you’ll see one from the first season highlighted in the “Editor’s Picks” section of the AfterEllen.com homepage every Thursday (read her first-ever L Word recap now).

Check AfterEllen.com every Thursday afternoon to see a new L Word-themed episode of We’re Getting Nowhere, and find their fifth-season vlogs – as well as L Word-related forum topics, blog posts, and articles – in our main L Word section.

BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE! MSN’s list of the

Sexiest Shows of All-time includes several lesbian/bi shows: The L Word (duh!), Work Out (huh?) and a mention of the Callie-Erica kiss in Grey’s Anatomy (yum).

Wish you could cook like a Top Chef? The Culinary Institute of America just announced a series of cooking classes in New York led by Top Chef alum, including chefbian Jennifer Biesty, who will be teaching on Sept. 15.

The Lo-Down will be moving to Mondays, so keep an eye out for the next new episode this coming Monday, June 30.

Attention toutes les lesbiennes françaises! The Paris AfterEllen.com Meet-Up is this Sunday, June 29 from 2 p.m. to 5 p.m. at L’imprévu café (get directions and details here). The Lyon AE Meet-Up next Thursday, July 3, will be held between 7 p.m. and 9 p.m. at FG Bar (details here).

by Sarah Warn

That’s it for this week! Got the inside scoop on a hot new lesbian/bi actor/musician/TV show/film? Tell us at [email protected]. Check back next Friday for another edition of Best. Lesbian. Week. Ever.

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