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“Grey’s Anatomy” Recap: 5.1and 5.2 “Dream a Little Dream of Me”

Once upon a time – In a magical place called Seattle, there was a petulant, crystal-eyed princess named Meredith who stopped obsessing about her feelings just long enough to go to medical school, after which, she got a job in a big hospital, where she met Derek McDreamy, a handsome prince with a lush mane and an aversion to shaving.

They fell in love and spent the next four years making eyes at each other while fondling someone’s medulla oblongata.

Meanwhile, the other subjects in the kingdom – ruled by the benevolent and wise Queen Shonda – scratched out their existences while bumping into, sleeping with, competing against, and learning Valuable Life Lessons from each other and those around them.

One day, a tall, mysterious stranger named Hahn strode through the gates, bringing nothing with her except a set of Ginsu scalpels, strange talk of something she called “professionalism,” and a wicked self-possession that made the other residents tremble with fear.

Not long after Hahn’s arrival, talk of a mythical creature named “Callica” spread throughout the land.Some believed Callica to be a powerful two-headed woman – one with Goldilocks hair, the other with blinding white teeth – who was equally adept at cardiothoracic and orthopedic surgery.

Some wondered if Callica wasn’t an island off the coast of Sappho. Others scoffed Callica didn’t exist at all and was just a lot of wishful thinking by those starved for thoughtful lesbian content in mainstream media. Which brings us to the present day. Welcome to Shondaland.

Happy endings are all alike – Meredith is right where we left her at the end of last season: standing in the kitchen of her candle-lit House of Commitment Horrors blue print. She watches as the wax burns out (how long has she been out there anyway?) and muses about fairy tales and how, if they don’t come true, what’s the damn use?

Suddenly, she’s in Seattle Grace Hospital, running frantically towards a treatment room. Meredith’s best friend, Dr. Cristina Yang, the head of the hospital – known to all as Chief – and Drs. Mark, “McSteamy” Sloan and Miranda Bailey are all there.Yang and the Chief hold Meredith back while the steady and constant tone of a monitor ominously announces that someone’s vitals have ceased being vital.

Meredith looks through the window and sees Dr. Bailey giving CPR to her prince, who lies on the table, covered in blood. Bailey stops CPR and through the glass, we read her lips saying, “Time of death…”

Meredith lets out a painful howl. What?Already? This has to be a dream. Of course, it is. Meredith bolts up from sleep and voice-overs, “The person who invented ‘happily ever after’ should have his ass kicked so hard.”

Personally, I think “happily ever after” was invented by a woman.A lesbian, no doubt.

A watched website never updates – Some of the gang are hovered around a computer, staring at the monitor.

Bailey: Back up. You’re sucking on my oxygen. Derek: I’m trying to see. Bailey: It’s not up yet. There’s nothing to see. Hahn: It’s supposed to be posted at four. McSteamy: [looks at his watch] 4:15. Cristina: Hit the refresh button.You have to reload the page.
Cristina reaches over to take control of the mouse. Bailey slaps her hand away. Careful! Those paws are delicate surgical instruments. Everyone’s on edge, waiting for the latest episode of Dara and Karman’s Hit List to post. That’s right, yo.

Actually, the doctors are all waiting for this year’s teaching hospital rankings. Will they remain in their Number 2 slot, or have they slipped to Number 3, while the Mayo Clinic “surges ahead?”

Meredith and her co-residents, Izzy and Alex, eventually wander in and also tell Bailey to hit the refresh button. Everyone’s squirming and jostling to get a better view. Bailey gives everyone a verbal smackdown to “back up and shut up.” Slam on writhe, hold the Mayo. “It’s up!” Meredith exclaims. Everyone turns to look at the computer.

Seattle Grace is not Number 2, and has not been bumped to Number 3 by the Mayo. They’ve tumbled 10 spots and are now Number 12. They’re the Angelina Jolie of teaching hospitals. Oh well. Who wants to see a spleen?

Does this crappy hospital make me look fat? – When Chief finds out his hospital is now Number 12, and has been downgraded from a Level 1 to a Level 2 Trauma Center (whatever that means), his blows his snowy top. Hey dude, the fish stinks from the head.

Meanwhile George O’Malley is in the doctors’ locker room, getting all angsty about taking his intern test again. As you may recall, he failed the first time and got left back at hospital school. Intern Lexie, Meredith’s younger ninny half-sister, is crushing on George big time and gives him some encouragement by way of a pop quiz. As he struggles to answer the question, she leans in and smells him. Weirdo.

Out on the Med-Surg floor, (that’s medical-surgical to you), Meredith and Cristina take their peon interns on rounds. Lexie and the others follow them around like a gaggle of helpless goslings.

As they walk, Meredith wants to analyze her Dead Derek dreams, but Cristina’s mind is on getting out of that Number 12 popsicle stand and transferring to a winning hospital with a single digit ranking. They each have their own conversation, oblivious to the other, which is what all good friends do.

Finally, their brains catch up to each other.

Meredith: We’re still in the top 20. That’s pretty good. Cristina: Pretty good is not enough. I want to be great. Greatness, Meredith.
Can you be more Asian, Yang?
Meredith: Greatness. Which is why I’m going to ask Derek to move in with me. It’s just that it’s, ya know, a big step and I don’t want to mess it up again.
Ever the optimist, Cristina give Meredith some friendly support.

Meredith: I’ve messed it up before; the break ups, and the on and off again, the sleeping with George. It’s just, ya know… Lexie: You slept with George?
Meredith and Cristina stop, turn, stare at the intern hot on their heels, and continue walking. No one was talking to you, Skipper.

Elsewhere, the Scottish twins, McDreamy and McSteamy, are also talking about the new ranking. If the thing was graded on an attractiveness curve, that place would be Number 1 every dang year. Derek doesn’t seem phased. Dr. Sloan goes fishing for a compliment about his own skills as a plastic surgeon, because it’s all about him.

Rose, a scrub nurse Derek dated while he and Meredith were on a break, walks by and the temperature at the nurse’s station drops 20 degrees.

Her icy demeanor befuddles Derek until Sloan explains that Rose is suffering from a case of “delayed rage” at being tossed aside. You really don’t want to piss off someone who has access to sharp instruments, syringes and full bedpans.

Awkward much? – Dr. Hahn finds the Chief on an upper walkway in the lobby, contemplating how the hospital went off the rails, as he stares out of the large atrium windows. Hoping to do her part to improve the hospital’s ranking, she asks for a list of ways to improve her teaching skills, but he’s too wrapped up his private pity party to do his job and tells her to go away.

No wonder they’re Number 12. She tries again. Instead, the Chief gives her a lesson on the freezing temperature of water and explains “black ice” to her like she just flew in from Miami.

The real tragedy in his little lecture is that, as a Level 2 trauma center, they won’t be getting any action; all the good, mangled car accident victims will be taken to a Level 1 facility. I guess Level 2 hospitals get people with food poisoning, rashes and unusual discharges. That does suck.

The hospital’s reputation is directly connected to the size of the Chief’s tongue depressor. Yang wants to bail before inferior poo gets on her shoes. Derek is cool as a cuke. Mark Sloan wants someone to admire him. Hahn blames herself. And Meredith is too busy wondering if she can live with her prince without effing it up to care about the hospital.

And that’s all you need to know about this show.

As the Chief storms off to see if anyone from the Mayo Clinic crank-called him, Hahn turns just in time to see Callie coming towards her.

They stop in their guilty, lesbian tracks.

Seems like they haven’t seen each other since they unexpectedly found themselves making out with each other.

Hahn fumbles for her pager while mumbling, “Um.” Callie hides behind her newspaper. They both turn and awkwardly flee the scene. Yes. That was some kiss. Trauma of the week – Meredith, Izzy, Alex and Bailey stand outside in the freezing cold, waiting for traumas that are never going to arrive. Even Godot is getting his boil lanced at a better ER across town.

Just as they’re about to give up, a smashed up limo comes careening around the corner and skids to a stop at the receiving bay doors. Out steps Sarabeth (Bernadette Peters), in a ball gown, followed by Betty, (Mariette Hartley), also in a gown, and they’re both bleeding.

Inside the limo, it gets worse. Anna (Kathy Baker), is cradling the driver in her lap, but it’s not because she’s a cougar. He’s bleeding like a mofo.

It’s a blood fest. Yippee! Something to do.

As the driver is taken away to an operating room, the three women end up in a treatment room together where Callie, George and Meredith work on them. Sarabeth has one gash on her cheek that needs some stitching. She takes one look at baby-faced George, who’s coming at her with a syringe, and balks.

Sarabeth: What kind of doctor are you? You’re young. George: I’m an intern. Sarabeth: Interns don’t touch the face. The plastic surgeon touches the face.
She may have been tossed around the inside of the limo like a pair of granny pants in a dryer, but she didn’t lose her mind. She also tells the attending physicians that the Golden Girls pulled the driver from the windshield all by their little selves.

Sarabeth tries to call her husband on his cell phone. All three of their husbands were riding in a second limo. There’s no answer.

In the hallway, Callie and Hahn run into each other again and share another awkward moment. With nowhere to run, they start walking together and clumsily explain why they haven’t called each other.

Apparently, they’ve both been busy researching, and avoiding each other, and researching, and avoiding each other, and doing internet researching and other stuff. Googling “lesbian” and “GLAAD” and watching L Wordclips on YouTube, and wondering what it all means. They reach their destination, so Callie wanders off to tamp down the flippy feelings in her tummy and Hahn starts spouting medical gobblety gook at Bailey. He-Man pericardium can lead to cardiac tempura, which can be detected by Becks beer and Trident sugarless gum. Wha? It doesn’t matter. The point is, this is a teaching hospital and she’s a lesbian.

Lean into the fear – Yang is still mortified at not being Number 1 and dissatisfied with the quality of tonight’s accident victims.

Cristina: Ya know, this is what we get for being Number 12: a bunch of women in ball gowns and a half-dead limo driver. Meredith: Those women are amazing. They tried to save his life. That’s who I want to be, ya know? Cristina: An aging princess? Meredith: They’ve been with the same men for years and they’re happy. They did it, I can do it.
Derek happens by. Meredith unceremoniously asks him to move in with her. She announces, “I’m leaning into the fear to get a happy ending.” That sounds dirty and possibly illegal in Washington State.

Derek has no idea what she’s talking about, but finds it adorable, as usual, and says yes to moving in. Just like that.

Down the hall, the limo driver kicks the bucket and the Chief is really annoyed about it. He drops to his knees and shakes his fists at a raining sky. Number 12!

He stomps out, maybe to call his ex-wife, who left him when his husband ranking fell from Number 1 to Number 387.

Meanwhile, Cristina watches as Bailey holds a phone to her ear, listening to dispatch yapping about three men in another car accident. They’re being taken to a good hospital.

Yang’s spidey senses start tingling. Could they be the husbands of their three aging princesses? Does the hospital overcharge for aspirin? Hell yeah!

McSteamy comes in to give Sarabeth the Best. Scar. Ever. Bailey blows in and tells the ladies with glee that all their husbands have been in a terrible car wreck! She hints that they can be brought to Number 12, if only, say, a wife, insisted on it.

When the Chief finds out, he couldn’t be happier because he’s not only a cracker-jack administrator, he’s not above patient-poaching to make himself feel better.

That’s hot – Outside the ER receiving bay, Yang, Bailey and the Chief (what, you think he’s going to miss this?) are eagerly waiting with latex-gloved jazz hands. An ambulance rolls in. The doors fly open. Inside, a soldier in army fatigues is blowing air into a ballpoint pen tube, which is jammed into the victim’s neck; an emergency tracheotomy. Chief is flabbergasted. Yang is impressed and ogles the GI’s resourcefulness and, em hem, hard bod.

Not for nothing, but I think I saw this trick on a rerun of M*A*S*H. That’s not so impressive. Do a colonoscopy with a paper towel roll and a cell phone camera. Then I’ll be impressed.

The patient, Michael, is rushed inside. Anna gets up to see what all the commotion is about and starts freaking out when she sees the Bic pen protruding from Michael’s neck. There’s just one problem: That’s not her husband she’s overly concerned about; it’s Sarabeth’s husband.

Oh goody. It’s Desperate Social Security Housewives.

While the team assesses Michael’s injuries and books the OR, Anna finds her real husband, Phil, and starts freaking out anew when she finds out he can’t feel his legs. The unknown soldier explains to Cristina and the Chief that he’s home on leave and not only saw the whole accident, he hit the limo when it lost control.

He introduces himself. Trauma surgeon, Major Owen Hunt, US Army, at your service.

Izzy gives Betty an MRI because she’s still in a daze, asking what happened. Every 30 seconds, she asks the same questions over and over; a medical condition known as Annoyingile Toddleritis.

Downstairs, Derek, Erica and the Chief are working on Anna husband, Vincent, who has severe brain injuries.

Chief: We are saving this man. Erica: I think we’re looking at an aortic tear, not to mention vast amounts of blood in his abdomen. Chief: We are saving this man. I can handle the abdominal bleeding. Erica: He’s circling the drain. Derek: Yeah, I have other traumas to get to. Chief: We are saving this man!
Derek and Erica share a look. Eh. So what if everything the Chief does is born from his own emotional needs. He’s The Chief, damn it. And if the guy lives, bonus.

Ok, let me see if I’ve got this straight: Sarabeth is married to Michael, the guy with a pen in his neck. Anna is married to Phil, who can’t walk, and is having an affair with Michael. Betty is starring in her own version of Groundhog Day and doesn’t know her husband, Vincent, is “circling the drain.” At least she remembers she has a husband.

The secret lies of women – For no reason whatsoever, Anna confides in Meredith that she’s been having an eight-month affair with her best friend’s husband. Little does Anna know, Meredith is the last person on earth who wants to hear about the pitfalls of long-term relationships – she’s trying to construct her fairy tale and write her happy ending.

Older, wiser, and all the sadder for it, Anna explains the realities of marriage to Meredith .

Anna: Little pieces of you get chipped away by another person. And then, you shave little pieces of yourself away, so you’ll fit together. And one day, you look up, and you don’t even know who you are.
Shaving and chipping away – what are we, ice sculptures? You start off as a dancing bear, and by the end of the party, you’re a gopher anyway, so what does it matter if you do what you can to fit together?

In the operating room, Derek is showing the kids how to lift a skull fragment in Vincent’s noggin. He asks scrub nurse Rose for an instrument, then changes his mind and asks for a different one.

“You changed your mind. Got it,” she says, pointedly. Get it? She’s mad at him. Subtle. All the other nurses give each other knowing looks.

Callie comes into the operating room, hiding her mouth behind a mask (so as not to blind everyone with her gajillion watt smile), and drags Derek out for a consultation on her spinal injury patient, Phil.

The general consensus is that Phil will never walk again. Owen is loitering nearby and chimes in there’s a new technique that freezes the spinal cord and they might want to give it a try. Derek gives Owen the once over and says tersely, “Who the hell are you?” while in the background, Callie’s orthopedic surgeon wheels start turning.

A manly man stare-down commences. You guys drop ’em, I’ll get a ruler.

Making rounds – While we wait for something juicy to happen with Callie and Erica – because to be honest, that’s all I care about – here’s what’s happening throughout the hospital.

Sarabeth is shocked to learn her health insurance expires after midnight. She’s old-school and lets the man handle the important things.

Callie wants to go over naysayer Derek’s head and learn more about the “freezing thing” from Owen. Meanwhile, I cannot stop marveling at her blindingly white, perfect teeth.

Rose continues slipping in passive-aggressive bon mots with each scalpel she hands Derek.

Hahn is still obsessing over how to be a better teacher and annoying the Chief with her insights on the other doctors’ teaching styles. The only thing she doesn’t care about is Cristina’s input, even though she’s the one Hahn is supposed to be teaching.

And finally, Owen, who received a foot-long laceration on his thigh from the accident, likes to staple his own wounds closed with no anesthesia, which Cristina thinks is super macho cool.

Are you familiar with the single layer continuous closure? – No, but I can ride a unicycle. The Chief, Hahn and Cristina are up to their elbows in bowel in the OR. Yum. The Chief asks Yang to perform the technique on Vincent’s intestines. Thankfully, Cristina knows the closure technique – of course she does – and jumps right on into the open bowel cavity.

In another part of the hospital, George struggles clumsily to insert a tube into Michael’s neck, while Sloan and Lexie look on. Lexie gives her secret crush some encouragement. Sloan instantly smells what she’s stepping in. He gives George a task and sends him out of the room. Once she’s alone with Sloan, plucky I-don’t-know-my-place Lexie berates him for being a bully and tells him to be nicer to George.

Sloan: You’re an intern. Why are you talking to me? Lexie: Well, you’re my half sister’s boyfriend’s best friend. So I… Sloan: You thought that makes us friends? You thought that you’d defend your boyfriend to me and I’d just take it? Lexie: He’s not my boyfriend. Sloan: But you want him to be. Lexie: Do not. Sloan: Do too. Lexie: Do not. Sloan: Do too.
Lexie tells Sloan to shut his pie hole, which is pretty ballsy, considering she’s a twitchy little peon.

Love makes you brave. A brave 5-year-old.

Back in the OR, it turns out Cristina doesn’t really know the single layer continuous closure technique – she’s tearing up the guy’s intestine with her meat hooks because she’s only ever done the procedure on a heart. Hahn scolds her for spending too much time concentrating on cardio and not putting in enough hours perusing the rest of the human body.

Well, yeah, there are lots of good parts worth exploring. In intimate detail. Cristina needs to re-access her priorities.

Elsewhere, Callie goes to the Chief to float the therapeutic hypothermia idea for Phil, her spinal cord patient. She gets him on board by mentioning that Derek thought the guy was too old. Naturally, the Chief becomes indignant, because he’s even older that Phil. Old, shmold! Let’s get the costumes out of the attic and sweep out the barn – we’re putting on a play!

In the hallway, Rose and Derek are having a tense conversation. And because she’s a woman who can’t let it go, Rose cruelly tells Derek she’s carrying his baby. Just as he’s about to leap out of the nearest window, she’s all, “Psych!”

Derek tells her flatly to put in for a transfer, but she counters she’s not going anywhere. And that is why you should never sleep with people you work with.

Cristina and Meredith walks briskly through the hospital. Meredith is still processing the scary notion of sharing her bathroom with her man. He has fishing gear. He has boots. He has hair products. He’s bemused and chatty and all twinkly – eyed smug. Barf. He’s that guy. I can’t stand that guy.

Meredith starts babbling and Cristina tries to tune her out.

Meredith: And then, you know what’s going to happen when he moves in, don’t you? We built a house on his land – which will be our land, because we’ll be married. And then I’ll be Dr. Mrs. Shepherd. And you know what comes after that, don’t you? Babies. And they’ll be his babies. So they’ll have perfect hair. And they’ll be chatty. So, I’ll have five children, a chatty husband, and live in a house in the wilderness. And then I’ll start sleeping with your husband. I gotta tell him I changed my mind, don’t you think? Cristina: [stops in her tracks] Meredith! Meredith: What? Why are you making that face? Cristina: Shut up! You know, just shut up about Derek. Shut up about moving in with Derek. Shut up about your relationship! ‘Cause you want to know what? I’ve heard it all before. You guys get together, and I have to listen to it. And then you guys break up, and I have to listen to it. I almost killed a man in surgery today!
Who cares about life and death stuff when there are relationship questions to pick at? Again, I have to wonder about Cristina’s priorities.

Somehow, they find themselves outside, in front of the hospital. Cristina turns and finally blurts out what she really thinks: Meredith and Derek will not work out. Moving in together is a “mistake of massive proportions.”

There. she said it. Oh dear. As much as you care about your friends, don’t tell them what you really think about their partners, even when you’re right. Especially when you’re right. No good ever comes of it.

As she turns to walk back inside, Cristina slips on some black ice, landing flat on her back. Just then, a giant icicle breaks loose from the building. Meredith and Cristina watch in slow motion, as it drops down and impales Cristina right in her cynical guts. Consider the messenger duly shot.

A look into the future – Meredith runs off to get help. Oddly, there isn’t a soul around right there at the main entrance. No patients, no visitors, no anyone. I guess the word is spreading about the craptastic care at Number 12.

As Cristina waits for someone to notice the ginormous frozen dagger sticking out of her, she lapses into a vision of the future; a future where she lives with Meredith into old age and there isn’t a man in sight.

In her vision, Meredith is taking a whole roast chicken out of the microwave as Cristina watches her and eats cereal out of the box. Meredith starts to cut the chicken.

Cristina: Oh, you’re doing it all wrong again, as usual. Meredith: I’m not. I’m cutting from the mediastinum, out. Cristina: You can’t even see the mediastinum without your glasses. Meredith: Damn it, where are my glasses?
Cristina rolls her eyes and gets up. She gently shows Meredith her glasses, which are hanging right there around her neck. Cristina dismissively waves Meredith out of the way, the way old ladies do, and dons a surgical glove. She starts dissecting the chicken with a carving knife. Meredith sighs good – naturedly.
Meredith: What would I do without you? Cristina: Starve.
Oh geez. I just got a glimpse of my life when I’m 87. I have to go lie down now.

Karmic impaling – Back in the present, Meredith is still off somewhere, looking for help when Maj. Owen happens by. He swoops Cristina up in his government-issued muscle-y arms, and carries her to safety. I am not leaving you behind, solider!

In the treatment room, Cristina tries to run her own trauma because she’s the best combination of control freak and know-it-all. Inspired by Owen’s gruff, self-suturing bravado, she diagnoses the location of the wound, determines that her vitals are stable with bilateral breath sounds, and announces there are no hemo or pneumothorax.

Ok. Time out.

This is going to be a really long season if I have to buy a Physicians Desk Reference to recap this show. If it’s all the same to you guys, from now on, I’m just going to say stuff like, “It looks bad,” and “Cool! I mean ‘ew'” and “Ooh, that’s gonna leave a mark.”

Anywhoosh. The Chief blows in and starts barking orders and tells Cristina to use her accident as a teaching tool for her interns. He assigns Cristina’s critical patient over to Meredith and without further ado, retreats to his office to continue flaming the hospital ranking website’s message board.

In the OR, Derek is working on Groundhog Day Betty. Rose hands him a scalpel and oops, she stabs his hand. Hell hath no fury like a scrub nurse scorned.

Derek’s day gets even better when he finds out Callie and the Chief are throwing his spinal cord patient an ice-skating party and he wasn’t invited.

Chief: We’re going ahead with the freezing. Derek: Without my consent? No, I don’t think so. Owen: Do you really want to be the doctor who doesn’t give his all to keep a man from being wheelchair – bound for the rest of his life? Derek: Get out of my patient’s room! Owen: I don’t take orders from civilians. Derek: Listen, you arrogant… Chief: Shepherd!
Chief tells Derek they’re doing the procedure and that’s the end of that. Derek narrows his eyes at the boss and says, “Ever since this morning, you’ve been busy with everything with a pulse, trying to prove you’re not Number 12; and you’re not. But right now, with this decision, you act like you’re Number 12.”

Sometimes, Derek doesn’t like to try new things. The Chief is not really a Number 12. He’s more like two sixes.

Venus and Mars are all right tonight, sort of -Sloan sees the cut on Derek’s hand, courtesy of Rose’s delayed rage, and tells him she’s like a dead mouse on the kitchen floor. “At some point, you gotta pick it up and throw it away,” he advises. And maybe keep a cleaner house in the future.

Cristina would like to throw away her knucklehead interns, who try to CT scan her lower abdominal wound, but almost give her a mammogram instead. Why that icicle hasn’t melted down to pencil-size by now is anyone’s guess, except that Cristina’s core temperature is sometimes just above freeze.

While she’s flat on her back with a piece of Superman’s Fortress of Solitude sticking out of her, Meredith runs in to ask Cristina if she really thinks that Derek is not her One.

It’s Meredith’s world, we just live in it.

Meredith: You said what you said because you were mad, right? Not because you meant it. Cristina: Just take my X-ray. And… it doesn’t matter what I say. Meredith: Of course it matters what you say! Of course. It matters.
Cristina wisely doesn’t answer. Even between best friends, “Does my boyfriend make me look fat?” is a trick question.

Entropy – While Callie tests her experimental freeze ray on poor Phil’s spine, Derek and Meredith are in the corridor, revisiting the idea of living together. She’s backpedalling, and he says he knew she would because she’s like a “deer in the woods.” He asks her to marry him instead.

Suddenly, she’s more like a deer in the headlights. Psych. He was kidding; a little trick he learned from Rose. If you’re going to try to be funny, at least be original.

Over at Callie’s ice capades, a more serious drama is unfolding. Her freezing experiment is starting to go kerflooey. The patient’s vitals are dropping. Chief and Bailey look to her for answers, but she doesn’t know what to say. Her eyes start darting around the room. She’s never been this discombobulated.

Finally, she pronounces her medical assessment: “Crap.”

Down the hall, Anna takes Sarabeth’s hand and reveals the reason her family’s health insurance is about to expire: Michael was fired eight months ago and couldn’t bring himself to tell her. Sarabeth instantly surmises that Anna learned her family’s private affairs during pillow talk and pulls her hand away in disgust.

So, bridge night is canceled, then?

Alex comes in to tell Sarabeth it’s almost midnight and her prince is about to become an uninsured pumpkin. Her Cinderella life is already in the toilet, so instead of worrying about the money, she asks him simply, “Why do men cheat?”

Alex: Maybe he was low. He was down and he didn’t want you to see him like that. Pain, weak, less than a man. He has his pride, so he turned away. It’s not right, but it doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about you. I swear it doesn’t.
Yeah? What’s Anna’s excuse? I was having lunch with your husband, and I when I dropped my napkin, his penis accidently fell into me?

Back in Phil’s room, the patient isn’t the only one freezing up; Callie doesn’t know what to do beyond watch his vital signs head south. Hahn comes in to assist, but Callie is the only one who researched the cutting-edge procedure. Everyone’s looking at Callie, waiting for her to act like big knowledge woman. Callie starts to lose it.

Callie: I don’t…I mean, um, I think I messed up here. I…I… I… maybe… maybe, maybe he would have been fine on his own? Erica: [gently] All right. Look at me. Look at me. Focus. You’re trying something new. There’s nothing wrong with new. Breaking new ground, pushing the boundaries – it comes with the job. So, Dr. Torres, take a breath. Stop panicking, and just tell us. What did your research say?
Callie looks into Erica’s eyes. In them, she finds a way to collect herself. She starts to remember the details of her research. Competent, confident Callie Torres is back. She moves around the room, showing the others what to do.

Hahn is the Callie Whisperer.

Life and death – If Erica is a deft touch, Cristina is a blunt instrument. She berates her dopey interns for not being able to read an X-ray, even though she never showed them how. They leave her room en masse, just as GI Joe Cool comes in.

He takes one look at her films and leans over her, bringing his baby-blue eyes within inches of her face, as if he’s going to kiss her. Just as she says, a little flustered, “What are you doing?” he yanks the icicle out of her side with one quick motion. They share a lingering gaze over her bloody wound.

Is that your icicle, or are you just glad to see me?

Their special moment is interrupted when Meredith comes in to report that Vincent died.

On the bright side, Callie’s patient made it through his deep freeze and now only time will tell. As the Chief and Derek stare at him through the glass, Meredith comes in, spreading the bad cheer about Vincent.

The Chief blows his stack as if she intentionally killed him, and rips Meredith a new a-hole, telling her she can’t do anything right and the only reason she has a job is because he allows it.

The committee for Hospital Administrator of the Year is on the phone. They want their plaque back.

Ya gotta have friends – Sarabeth goes to see her two-timing husband, Michael. He can’t speak anymore. But on the bright side, he can whistle “Your Cheatin’ Heart” out of his neck.

Lexie holds a notepad containing a letter Michael wrote to his wife, but wifey isn’t interested in what he has to say. Lexie starts reading his apology aloud, in front of Alex and George and everyone.

If permanently losing your voice wasn’t bad enough, having your heartfelt words spoken by the Dawn Summers of the hospital is enough to make anyone want to pull their own plug.

In the lounge, Meredith finds Anna and Sarabeth and tells them that Vincent died. The two frienemies take the news hard. In her grief, Anna reaches out to Sarabeth, but Sarabeth shuns her.

Anna: More bad things have happened to us today than have ever happened before. We have been blessed, until today. I took it for granted. I took you for granted. We’ve been friends for 50 years, ever since we were little girls. And I made one awful, awful mistake. But I need my best friend. Sarabeth: You slept with my husband. Anna: Please… Sarabeth: I’m going to go see

Betty. I’m going see my friend.

In one night, everything changed forever: Vincent is dead, Michael will never speak again, Phil may never walk again, Sarabeth can’t forgive Anna, and Betty still thinks it’s 6:30.

Mistakes get made – Owen finishes stitching up Cristina’s puncture wound and gives her a shot of antibiotic for good measure. She asks him what trauma surgery is like, because it’s the opposite of everything she holds dear: rules, procedure, order, and meticulous precision. Owen tells her that his world is down and dirty, you make mistakes, you do what you can, and that’s life: a pen in the neck is better than dying. Sometimes, that’s all you can hope for.

While Cristina ponders Owen’s world-weary words, Sarabeth and Anna visit with the Groundhog. Betty says her head hurts and wants to know what happened. They tell Betty about the accident and then, that her husband died. She becomes frantic.

Thirty seconds later, Betty says her head hurts and wants to know what happened. It’s déjà vu all over again.

Making rounds 2 – Bailey is ready to operate on Michael, but it’s after midnight and Alex reminds her that his insurance has expired. Expert rule bender that she is, she goes in anyway, and tells Alex to turn the clock back a few hours.

Rose comes to her senses and apologizes to Derek for going from Awesome Scrub Nurse to Fatal Attraction girl. She also tells him she’s transferring to pediatrics, where the males don’t hurt your feelings as much because they can’t talk yet.

The Chief offers Owen a job at Number 12, but he turns the gig down, explaining he has to go back to Iraq. Plus, ya know, Number 12.

Alone with Cristina, Owen shows her one last down-and-dirty move before he hops the next transport back to the war: He closes the shades in the treatment room, grabs her, and give her a long, deep kiss. She leans into it, but then catches herself and breaks it off.

Cristina: I don’t even know you. Owen: So?
You can’t really argue with that kind of logic.

Lexie tries to determine if George sees her as more than a roommate and friend. He does not.

The freezing technique is a success. Phil can wiggle his toes and will most likely walk again. Callie’s gambit paid off big time and everyone high-fives each other.

Sarabeth and Michael kiss and make up. No word on whether Anna and Phil are invited to their next Christmas party.

And everyone has quit trying to tell Betty what day it is.

FINALLY – Her shift finally over, Callie puts on her coat and makes her way through the lobby towards the front door. She sees Erica standing at a reception desk, filling out some paperwork. Instead of turning and running out the back door, she quickens her pace, smiling.

Callie: I’m not an experimenter. I don’t like to experiment. Erica: Oh. Callie: But, then, you showed up, and we did it together. And the experiment was kind of a success! Erica: Oh. [realizing] Oh.
They laugh; she’s talking about the procedure. Hahn pauses, and looks back at her papers, shyly. Callie stops smiling.

Callie: Look, I’ve never done this before. I’ve never kissed a girl. I’m not even sure I like kissing girls. I don’t, actually… like kissing girls. I just like kissing one girl. You. Erica: [smiles] I don’t have anything to compare it with. I… you’re the only woman I’ve ever kissed. Callie: So you’re freaking out, too? Erica: A lot of therapy time. Callie: I don’t do therapy. I just get all ahhhh. And then, I get all clingy and… OK. You don’t need to know that yet.
“Yet.” Cute. They start walking out together.
Callie: Does this… this kind of make us virgins, doesn’t it? Erica: I guess in a way, it does. Callie: Vir – gins. Hey, we can be scared together. Erica: Kind of virgins. And yeah, we can be scared together.
Everyone needs their person – At Cristina’s house, Meredith is helping her best friend settle into bed, mindful of her injury. For the umpteenth time today, she asks Cristina what she really thinks about his royal five-o’clock-shadowness, Prince Derek McDreamy of L’Oreal.
Cristina: Mer, why do you care what I think? Meredith: Because you’re my person. And if I’m going to do this with him – be whole and healthy, and be a warm, gooey person who lives with a boy -I need you. I need you on board. I need you to cheer me on, because you’re the only one who knows me, darkly… really knows me. I need you to pretend that I can do this, even if you don’t believe. Because if you abandon me now, I will never make it. And I’ll never get my happy ending and that’s just – Cristina: Life.
Cristina thinks long and hard. Finally, she tells Meredith what she wants to hear; that she and Derek will make it. Meredith wants to know if she’s just saying that, even though two seconds ago, she told Cristina to pretend. Does anyone understand girls?

“I am your person. I’m on your side,” is all Cristina says.

And that’s what best friends do for each other: they lie.

Back at Meredith’s house, where Izzy and Alex also live, Izzy sees Alex making out with his slut du jour. In her mind, she pictures Dead Denny admiring her in a ball gown. Back in reality, Alex and Izzy’s eyes meet. He kicks the door closed in her face.

They are so hooking up before the season is over.

Playtime is over – The next day, the Chief gathers his tribe around for one of his inspiring staff meetings. It’s a new day at Number 12. Coasting will be a thing of the past. There’s going to be envelope-pushing, fresh thinking, and no more quickies in the supply closet.

And whoever stole Betty’s date book, please return it, no questions asked.

Next time – Seattle Grace springs a leak, making it hard for George to retake his exams. Meredith tries to find room in her house for Derek’s fishing hip waders and hair gel, while he tries to give roommates Izzy and Alex the heave-ho. And Callie and Erica continue to be scared virgins together.

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