“The Fosters” recap (2.11): It’s a Wonderful Wife

At the Peach Pit, Callie is hanging with Daphne. She gives Daphne a little wind-up toy and Daphne gives her an application to work with her. Merry Christmas and $2.13 an hour? What a deal! Daphne hasn’t been able to get in contact with her daughter, who is in foster care, despite doing everything she has been asked to do. Well, everything plus a little snooping. Turns out she’s seen Tasha at the playground. Not a good idea, Daphne. Callie tells her that as long as she does everything right it will work out well in the end. Wow, and I thought Jude was the optimistic one.

Jesus is trying to figure out how to win the competition with the crappy decorations his moms have. Mariana waltzes in channeling Lucy from Charlie Brown, hands him a list of acceptable gifts under the limit in case he’s her secret santa, and then starts to leave. She can’t back away from the train wreck and offers to help Jesus plan. In return she gets forty bucks, a cut of the prize money, and only blue M&Ms, white flowers, and possibly his first born. The lawyers will work out the details of her rider.

Down in the kitchen the moms are pulling out their Christmas china and Stef is yammering on about her mother and the inheritance. Lena wants Stef to just shut up already. Stef thinks her mom is throwing her money away on toys for the kids (she may have accidentally, maybe sneaked a peek at the gifts). Lena want to know what they’re getting because she’s awesome. Lena suggest that maybe Stef’s being petty and Stef flips it around and says maybe Lena should look in a mirror since she won’t call her mom because she’s spending Christmas with Lena’s brother. Lena says he’s her half brother. Stef ask if it makes a difference that they don’t have the same mom and Lena says of course, half is not the same as whole. Judicorn heard the whole conversation and runs out and get on his Paige McCullers brand Huffy bike and ride away.

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When Lena gets back to the kitchen, Stef calls her out for saying she and her brother aren’t real siblings. How can she say that while raising a family of adopted kids? Lena stumbles a little and backtracks but ultimately she can’t get past Nathan calling her mother a “hateful, awful” word to her face. Stef points out that Dana has forgiven Nathan. Maybe Nathan used that word because he was hurting. Holding this grudge has made Lena say hurtful things and Jude overheard them.

Outside, Mariana is helping Jesus put up decorations when old man Potter from next door come over to tell Jesus that he better watch it. Bedford Falls is his town and he won’t stand for little punks slashing his snowman.

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Back inside, Lena finds Jude to have a little chat. First she tells him that he sure did get a nice gift for Callie for forty bucks. Judicorn explains that he wanted her to have something nice since she didn’t get adopted. Lena tells him that Callie is lucky to have him as a brother. Lena has a brother but she doesn’t talk about him much. She says it’s probably because they didn’t grow up in the same house and struggles to explain that when Nathan came to visit their dad, he wasn’t very nice. “Wasn’t very nice” covers all manner of sins. What’s a few racial epithets between family? Jude with his super empathic powers says simply that maybe Nathan was jealous. She says he’s probably right and that she was jealous that her parents are spending Christmas with Nathan and she said some stuff she didn’t mean. Before she leaves she lets Jude know that he doesn’t have to get Callie a special present to make up for her not getting adopted. The Judicorn is special enough that his mere presence on earth is enough gift for all of us.

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The next morning, Jude walks back into the antique store and tells the semi-terrifying woman (who looks like she would be better suited as an assistant to Miranda Priestley than behind the counter at Crap You Don’t Need Antiques) that he accidentally put the bracelet into his pocket yesterday and walked out without paying. He tells her he doesn’t have the one hundred dollars he need and she asks what he can spend. By a Christmas miracle it is on sale for precisely forty dollars.

Callie calls Daphne to invite her over for Christmas. Daphne’s a little distracted because she’s doing some stalking of her daughter. Oh Daphne, Rosie is going to be so mad at you! Tasha’s foster mom isn’t paying attention so Daphne calls her over. No matter how adorable that kid is, this is terrible decision making, dude. Just terrible.

Time for Christmas Eve dinner at the Adams Foster house. Some of the most delightful drama has occurred around this table. Everyone has some sort of goofy holiday item they must put on. Don we now our gay apparel does seems rather apt for this crew. Stef complains she doesn’t have anything. Lena hands her a small box containing some lovely diamond earrings. Stef should have just put on her hip waders because she is about to step in some deep shit. She tells Lean she hopes they aren’t real and blathers about how they weren’t supposed to get each other gifts.

Oh Stef, that is a classic trap. Everyone knows “we’re not getting each other presents” means at least one of you is going to get a present, so don’t be the dope who sticks to the deal. Lena just wanted Stef to have something nice to open. Sharon thinks it’s nice that someone is in the Christmas spirit. And now the fight really gets going. Stef tells her mom that she’s spend too much money on presents including the bed that killed their sex life. Sharon shoots back that maybe if Stef wore something other than grannie panties she and Lena wouldn’t be having issues in the boudoir. Oh lord, do I love Annie Potts.