“Lost Girl” recap (5.1): “You kind of peaked at ‘sack of tits'”

Bo disappears off of the exam table and reemerges on a fancy spiral staircase in some even fancier hotel foyer. I was not expecting Valhalla to look like the Ritz-Carlton. Though, I guess if it looked like a La Quinta, I’d be even more bummed out. Bo is then promptly mistaken for the florist by the Mistress Freyja, who appears to be the head goddess in charge of this joint. Well, you can understand the confusion; all the cutest gay ladies are florists.

But Freyja soon figures out Bo is no florist and then there’s a pretty good joke about flower fondling. I think even Georgia O’Keeffe would be proud.

120914LostGirl12

Bo tells her she is looking for a friend, but Freyja tells her to check in and, hey, what’s your name? Are you booked here? Bo uses the old, “Look, something shiny!” technique by pointing out what looks like a beach volleyball team still in uniform ready for check in. Then they both lose track of what they were talking about ogling the eye candy.

I will never stop loving this show’s celebration of the female gaze.

120914LostGirl13

So our Bo-Bo doesn’t get dispatched to whatever black, cindery vortex Freyja dispatches another uninvited guest. But her charms don’t work on the touchphobic desk clerk so she sets her sights on another hotel employee. If you said to yourself under your breath, “Let it be the maid. Let it be the maid,” you will not be disappointed. Leave it to our Bo-Bo to find the skimpiest uniform to steal. Atta girl.

Back in decidedly not the Ritz, Tamsin is alternately eating hoagies and hurling them at trashy daytime television. Lauren arrives and assesses the sad scene, then demands to know everything about the under realms. And then this happens.

120914LostGirl14

Tamsin: Eat a sack of tits.

Lauren: Sorry, what did you say to me?

Tamsin: Eat. A sack. Of tits. [big smile]

Lauren: Right, OK. Why?

Tamsin: Because then your mouth would be full of tits and I wouldn’t have to listen to your dumbass voice.

OK, everyone pack it up. Nothing left to see here. That’s our show. We hope you enjoyed it. Please pick up your complimentary sack of tits at the door on the way out.

Yeah, I rewatched that scene like six times.

Lauren dismisses the inappropriate snacking option, shuts off the TV and gets real with our little Valkyrie. She tells her for a person who claims to love Bo and Kenzi, she isn’t showing it. Tamsin weakly retorts that Lauren should wear some glasses. She squints back at her and says, “Hmm, you kind of peaked at sack of tits.”

120914LostGirl15

Oh, show, see–this is why I forgive you all your flaws. That, and the hot lesbian sex.

Tamsin knows an expert burn when she hears one and relents. She grabs a knife and cuts into the couch cushions. This is why Bo can’t have nice things. She retrieves a diary and hands it to Lauren, but tells her no one can know or they’ll kill her. I’ll assume she isn’t being hyperbolic here, because this isn’t just a documentation of her first kisses and fingerbangs. Though, um, if those are in there I wouldn’t be against reading them. For science.

120914LostGirl16

Lauren tells Tamsin they’ve all made sacrifices, except for her. So it’s time to get her Valkyrie on. Poor Tamsin, caught between the Valhalla and whatever indiscernible city this show is set in (a.k.a. Actually Toronto).