“Lost Girl” recap (5.1): “You kind of peaked at ‘sack of tits'”

Speaking of Valhalla, Bo gets on the elevator in her pilfered (and extremely form fitting–thank you, as always, costume department) maid’s uniform. But this is the elevator of infinite buttons. I mean, could you imagine if some obnoxious kid pressed all the floors on this thing?

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Bo is bewildered, but then looks for visible signs of chocolate. She finds “Kenzi prints” on floor 1300. Oh, hey, anyone else notice that the floors are most definitely not in order? Working room service here must be an absolute bitch.

Bo follows the chocolate smears to a room and goes inside. There she finds the Kenziest of Kenzis gorging herself on bon-bons and Nutella. Oh, honey child, we’ve missed you so.

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They hug and catch up in an epic bout of adorable cross talk which involves discussion of dress material and hair length. Naturally. All of last season’s stupidity is promptly forgiven (how’s that for plot expediency), but before they can proceed Kenzi insists on a safety test.

Mother’s maiden name? Favorite wing sauce? Middle name? Favorite alias? It’s Toni with an “I” Soprano. They pass with flying colors and then celebrate the hellhole they’re stuck in with a Belgian waffle.

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Kenzi swears it has been a five-star nightmare. Any Ben & Jerry’s flavor she wants around the clock, including the discontinued ones. Change of scenery out her hotel window, with a simple phone call. Heretofore unrealized sequels and prequels to all her favorite movies, which are all super watchable. And couture dresses in her exact size and hard to pinpoint style, all in anticipation of some party she is going to host.

So, basically, it’s heaven–heaven with a mystical concierge service and unlimited access to Chunky Monkey. The only teeny-tiny non-luxury resort perk is daily phone calls from some heavy breather. Well, that’s not ominous.

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Back in a world without infinite ice cream, Lauren, Dyson and Bo are poring over Tamsin’s journal. Lauren frets they’re being tortured or burned alive or even worse buried alive. Cough, foreshadowing, cough. She is also mad at Tamsin for not helping. But Trick explains that a Valkyrie’s blood is bound by secrecy. So, in short, she talks, she dies.

Lauren probably feels a tiny bit bad now for that guilt trip. But maybe not. Lauren is a pragmatic lady. Dyson finds an interesting passage about a guy’s enormous something, but it also mentions some different realms. This gets everyone talking about the beef roast. Damn, now I’m hungry.

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Actually, it’s the Bifröst, which we all know thanks to our handsome friend Thor/Chris Hemsworth. But if muscly Gods of Thunder aren’t your thing Natalie Portman, Kat Dennings and Jaimie Alexander are also in those movies. Plenty of ladies to thunder about, if you know what I mean. Sorry, wrong franchise.