“Lost Girl” recap (5.1): “You kind of peaked at ‘sack of tits'”

The doors swing open and it seems like Kenzi’s dream dead wedding is going to really happen. But it’s all so hazy. And bright. Also, why were they so worried about the chairs since there is no one to sit in them?

Bo gets a strange feeling, and goes ahead to check that the silhouetted figure at the altar is really Hale. She tells Kenzi to wait, Kenzi of course doesn’t wait. And then he is gone, nothing left but white rose petals and an equally white fedora.

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And just like that Kenzi’s corpse bride dreams are over. Freyja has sent Hale back. I’m fuzzy on the details. Something about promising, something about souls, something about him. Bo finally puts it together–him is her father. Ugh, daddy issues are the worst.

This was what Daddy Deadliest wanted all along. He planned this because he knew Bo would follow Kenzi into Valhalla. Did he also plan all that Wanderer nonsense? Because what a waste of everyone’s damn time.

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Bo offers herself up in exchange for Kenzi’s soul. Send her down to the black cindery place instead. Just then Tamsin comes running in screaming about how these two souls can’t be separated. Aw, how cute, she totally ships their friendship.

 There’s some more complicated other realm speak about promised souls and who can take them and when and why. See, Bo could take Kenzi if she was her claimed human. But, yeah. Remember that whole unclaiming thing Kenzi demanded? Stuff like that always comes back to bite you in the incredibly perky tuchus, sweetie. Freyja doesn’t see the claim, so she sends Bo into the abyss.

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All that’s left is Lauren’s Magical Vagina Necklace, which must have fallen off in the soul sucking (not in that way, what is wrong with you?). Mean Girl Stacey picks it up confirming her status as The Worst.

She taunts Kenzi a little, because that’s what she does, and then says she needs to balance the books. To keep Frejya happy she has to find another soul to replace Kenzi–a soul close to Bo’s heart. Tamsin screams at her to stay away from them, but the lesbian guards hold her back.

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The camera cuts to Lauren and Dyson at the disguised gates of Valhalla. We close up on Lauren’s face. Juxtaposition is not presage, right? Right?! Lauren is clutching Tamsin’s hair and there’s an incantation because there is always an incantation.

Dyson wolfs open the gates after they hear a familiar scream. They step across the threshold and Lauren Valkyrie-faces out. There’s talk of trespass and human souls. Also, girl, you need a lozenge because your voice sounds crazy. Also, you could possibly use some under eye concealer. Just saying.

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Then Lauren passes out, Tamsin’s hair disintegrates and they both realize it’s Kenzi they heard. Hey, remember when I was talking about foreshadowing? Yep, Kenzi was indeed returned to her body. The only problem is Kenzi’s body is in a coffin buried alive.

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While Kenz is living all of our worst nightmares, Bo is back on that elevator of infinite choices. One button burns blue, and she slams it in. Time to meet daddy.

KENZISM OF THE WEEK:

Oh Lil Mama, how we missed you so. Never leave us again.

“Do you know how many emojis I wanted to text you about this place?”

BOOBS O’CLOCK OF THE WEEK:

Post-pregnancy boobs are gone. Long live regular boobs.

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