“Lost Girl” recap (5.2): I ain’t afraid of no ghosts

But Kenzi says there is no time, which is TV shorthand for “something bad is about to happen because I was impatient.” They clasp cold, clammy hands and recite a few incantations. The board starts to spin and then a chest slowly opens. Yes, this seems promising…for the start of a horror movie.

In Valhalla, Bo has found Persephone again–somehow–and is now running toward the stairs with her hostess gift from Hell. She wants to take her step-mother with her, because it’s the least she can do as a thank you for the verging on incestual sex. But she can’t leave, bound to the hotel, blah blah blah. She wants Bo to light the candle when she gets back to let her family know she is safe. Or, um, safe-ish. She’s in Hell, people.

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So Bo leaves, with the candle, but without having to use the candle. Does this mean she could have left all along? I’m going to need a manual on the in-and-out policies for Valhalla/Tartarus. Because the rules seem, well, fluid.

While Bo is busting out of Hell, Lauren and Kenzi are in it. They’ve summoned a spirit, but not Bo. Duh. Lauren realizes the shard in her pocket must have been from an urn they broke while digging Kenzi up. Yes, because I remember seeing a ton of urns just hanging out around Kenzi’s gravestone. But continuity smontinuity, this way there’s a pissed off edimmu, a.k.a. a ghost who was not buried properly.

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Kenzi connects the spooky dots and realizes Lauren had sex relations with this not-Bo edimmu. But Lauren insists it was just neck kisses. Good, because otherwise it would be non-consensual ghost-human intercourse and I am not OK with that. As is, it’s still not cool and crosses many interpersonal (not to mention inter-dimensional) boundaries.

Dyson meanwhile is still hanging at the gates to Valhalla. He is holding them open with wolf power, though why the Valkyries are allowing him to stay there is kind of beyond me. Is this just like a Valhalla mudroom? Because otherwise wouldn’t he need some Hell Shoes or a magic candle to get back out?

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Bo arrives as if on cue, and there’s more talk of fealty but no kissing. I like the wolf just fine, I just like it better when he keeps his muzzle to himself.

Lauren and Kenzi have finally had enough cowering behind the couch and so the former makes a run for the possessed board. When I say she makes a run for it, I really need to be more descriptive. She flails her body toward it like a Fraggle and screams like a strangled Muppet as she runs toward the board.

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She grabs the board while cursing at her ghost sexual predator and throws it in the fire. So, maybe it wasn’t just a kiss on the neck? Kenzi sets it on fire and we’re all good now, yes? Has no one ever watched a horror movie on this show? It’s never dead the first time. Ever. I mean, there is even a whole series of films specifically called Sometimes They Come Back.

Just as one crisis is (temporarily) averted, another arises. Stacey saunters in and says she is there to feast on one of their souls. Now, she can’t take Kenzi, because she already used her round-trip ticket to paradise. But Lauren is the better choice anyway because Stacey says she holds a “particularly special place in Bo’s heart.” She then waves Lauren’s Magical Vagina Necklace at her and everyone is incensed.

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