Well, Val is on The Talk! She is looking glorious in blue as she greets the likes of Sharon Osbourne and OUR OWN, Sara Gilbert (hay gurl!). The first thing we find out is that Val has been nominated for an Emmy for Best Supporting Actress in a Comedy for her role of Mallory Church in HBO’s Seeing Red. Valerie is beside herself with joy. She seems to be a little shocked that people are calling it a comedy, since it is nothing like the sitcoms she adores so much. They call her character a “lonely, loser of an actress” but homegirl Sara G. qualifies it by saying, “But in real life you’re married.”
Cut to: Val and Mickey and the whole crew (Hay, Jane!) watching The Talk in Valerie’s living room. The final shot from The Talk we see is a picture of Val and Mark at their wedding. That really stiffens the mood. We aren’t sure what happened but Mark isn’t there. All we have is a poor, sick Mickey who says he has “had so much radiation that every time I pass by a VCR it plays the movie Silkwood.” God bless his heart.
The food for the crew has arrived. Val asks Jane if she is still a vegetarian. Apparently it has been two months since they have shot anything for the show. Jane assures her that she has never liked meat, to which Val of course responds, “Is that a lesbian joke?!” Very funny, Val. Billy the Publicist arrives to tell Val that Entertainment Tonight wants to follow Val around all day for the Emmys. Jane says nah-gurl-I-think-NOT and tells Billy that she has exclusive rights to film Val and she sure as hell doesn’t care that Brad Goreski was planning on hand delivering the dress.
From the bedroom camera we find Val calling Mark, even thought they aren’t supposed to talk outside of their sessions. She is writing a letter of recommendation to the UCLA film school and she needs Marks help. OK ,WHAT? They are, like, very separated? What is happening? Val is getting so emotional! She suggests a “sneak date” for tomorrow night. This is so sad!
When she pulls up to the valet at the restaurant to meet Mark, she sees Jane standing there with a mic. Jane begs her to let them film, but Val refuses. She tells Jane that they have a ton of issues revolving around Jane and her invasive camera crew. Jane says that they need the Mark and Val love story and they can’t use any of the dinner footage from outside if they can’t hear anything. Val concedes to wear a mic. NO VAL! LEAVE THE MIC! JANE, YOU SNAKE! Val is an addict!
At dinner, Mark says things are bad. Real bad. He is giving me full on I-am-about-to-leave-your-fame-whore-ass darkness. He says he knows they have been through worse, what with the affair (Mark, you cad!) and the abortion. The second Mark reveals these tidbits, Val reaches for that mic real quick, tipping him off to the fact that she is wearing a wire. Mark’s not having it. He drops cash on the table and storms out. Oh, Val. Even I can’t tell if you want him because you don’t want to appear to the public as a lonely loser, or because you really love him. God, show people are terrifying.
Outside by the valet, Mark tells Jane to enjoy the Malbec that he bought. He obviously blames her and is pissed off for real. Val runs out and an epic argument ensues. Here is the run down: Val claims she has been a great wife and has been the ultimate cheerleader and homemaker for Mark. Mark claims Val only cares about herself, and could give two shits about him or anything besides her career. They both say they worked hard for the other person, and I believe both of them. Mark speeds away in his BMW, but not before Val begs him to come to the Emmys with her because, “She won’t know how to explain his absence.” Burn. Mark replies, “Are you even in there anymore?” BURN.
On the day of the press junket, Val, cannot find Mickey and is having a meltdown. Jane prods Val to find Mickey, because any number of things could have happened! (Jane is a GD snake in the GD grass right now, y’all.) Val decides to go to Mickey’s house with the whole crew. She uses her key and walks in to find him naked and passed out on the bed! Val says, “It’s too late,” and touches his sweet face delicately. He wakes up and covers himself, disoriented. He is OK! Juan walks out fully naked and says he and Mickey met last night on hungrydaddy.com! Mickey must be feeling better! He says he got drunk last night and had a “little fun.” Good for him.
At the press junket, Val’s last stop is a round table of bloggers. To call it uncomfortable would be a crass understatement. They tear her apart, asking all of the hard questions. Nothing is off limits as they press her about the “blow job”on Seeing Red, her “cheesy sitcom past,” her failing marriage, and how women are used as over-sexualized objects on Seeing Red and television in general. One of the bloggers breaks it down about the symbolism in the show, saying the show is about how we are “addicted to other people’s versions of ourselves. Mitch is Mallory.” Well, he hit the nail on the head and I wish we could have seen it hit home a little more for Valerie.
The bloggers ask the name of the documentary Jane is making for HBO, which Jane tells us they are shooting under the working title “The Assassination of Valerie Cherish.” Ouch. Interview OVER.
In the elevator, Paulie G, hops in at the last minute looking really happy even though he wasn’t nominated for any awards. They have some banter about how annoying the press is, and enjoy a really sweet moment. He asks Val if she is going to Juna’s party, which of course she is! Then (HUGE MOMENT) Paulie asks if he can tag along with VAL! WHAT?! I never thought I would see the day when Paulie would be asking Val out! I mean, he was asking her out! He wanted to go with her, to a party, and it seemed like maybe a date? Is that why Paulie hated her so much? Is it because he was into her? Now that she is having this very public potential divorce he sees a way in? Oh, this is wild.
I can’t wait to see where this one goes! See y’all next week!
