“Pretty Little Liars” recap (5.20): Flashdance

Welcome to the recap of Pretty Little Liars, the show where angry dancing and art theft constitute a normal school night, and Aria gets stuck in a tree like a wombat.

Screen Shot 2015-02-17 at 8.47.18 PMEw, why does Mike have so many empty tubes of lube?

We open with the Liars ransacking Mike’s bedroom for incriminating A material. Instead, we find out that Mike has jock itch, lifts a lot of weights, and is hiding a necklace in his smelly gym socks. Also, the necklace means something in morse code/beats and I don’t fully understand it but Spencer has a morse code app so don’t worry she’s on it. Spencer almost finds the fridge blood, but is distracted by Aria who has basically become the Dawn Summers of this show.

Screen Shot 2015-02-17 at 8.49.21 PM Soda, purple stuff, blood… Sunny D alright!

The next day at Brew 2.0, Emily finds Talia on the phone with Pam Fields talking cobbler recipes. Talia is psyched to be making friends with her boo’s mom, but Emily wants to make sure they are taking it slow. Just her, Talia, and her husband. They kiss and Talia asks if Emily wakes up this beautiful, and a million lesbians scream OBVIOUSLY, TALIA. OBVIOUSLY.

Screen Shot 2015-02-17 at 8.51.23 PM Thanks for cooking up that hot tamale of a daughter, Pam!

Mike walks into the Brew and orders two coffees, because he has to be all of the awake. Emily tries to talk to him, but he’s in no mood to share.

Screen Shot 2015-02-17 at 8.54.42 PMSpot the lesbian in this picture…TRICK QUESTION IT’S BOTH OF THEM

Meanwhile, Spencer and Jonny (he even spells his name annoyingly) are hanging out at Hollis smoking clove cigarettes and playing bongo drums. Toby wants to know what they are up to, because every conversation with him is now an investigation. He blows Spencer off again because being a Rosewood cop is time consuming, what with all the murder and ghosts and killer ice cream factories.

Screen Shot 2015-02-17 at 8.55.12 PMDUDE if we started driving now we could be at Coachella by Sunday!

Screen Shot 2015-02-17 at 8.55.31 PM I was JUST thinking about trying peyote for the first time!

Hanna swings by Caleb’s place to spin out over college money and her decision to enter the beauty pageant. He thinks it’s a terrible idea because #feminism but Hanna is desperate to leave Rosewood and if she has to Vaseline her teeth and put hairspray on her butt cheeks then damnit, that’s what she’s gonna do!

Screen Shot 2015-02-17 at 8.59.14 PMDo you know how many times I’ve seen “Drop Dead Gorgeous”? I got this