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“The Fosters” recap (2.20): Tea Drinker

Previously on The Fosters, Stef had the brilliant plan to blackmail Robert, get Callie emancipated in record time, and then swoop in and adopt her. Foolproof, right? Lena promised Stef that she would stop processing (and flirting) with her boss. Brandon told the band he wasn’t going on tour with them, told Mariana that the moms aren’t going to adopt Ana’s baby, and stole some mail out of Ana’s trash. Mariana convinced Emma to join the dance team. Jude and Connor snuck out and when they broke into Taylor’s house to get some whiskey, Taylor’s dad came down with guns blazing and shot somebody.

At the hospital Stef and Lena want to know what the devil Judicorn was thinking and whose stupid idea it was to break into Taylor’s house and drink. He can’t remember. Connor’s dad is relieved to learn that Connor is going to be just fine in spite of having a bullet go through his foot. He’s also concerned with why Connor would do something so idiotic. Connor tells him that he snuck out to see Jude. Connor’s dad pops out to the waiting room and say that Connor is going to be fine after surgery then he asks to talk to Lena. She reports back that Connor told his dad all of it was Jude’s idea and now Connor’s pops doesn’t think Jude and Connor should be friends anymore.

At breakfast all the kids want to know what’s going to happen to Jude. Lena tells them to mind their own business and maybe shut up about consequences since none of them have ever been punished for anything in their lives. Stef and Lena agree that maybe now is not the moment to tell the kids they are getting another sibling. Lena makes a crack about Stef having yet another super secret plan before skipping on upstairs to get ready. Ladies, please go to your room, get naked, and have sex until you have worked all of this shit out! Four out of five doctors recommend sexual healing.

Mariana wants to confirm her plans with Stef for a driving lesson. She and Jesús have their permit and would like some road time. Brandon makes a crack about Mariana failing her test the first time and she snaps back that she thought the questions were tricks since they were so easy. Your Hermione is showing, Mariana. Stef forgot about the lesson and Mariana’s dentist appointment so she presses Brandon into service. He objects on the grounds that princes don’t shuttle their siblings around.

Callie can’t believe Jude would do something so stupid. Callie, I love you but I think you are the last person equipped to be giving Jude a lecture on stupid decisions. Maybe Jude shouldn’t hang out with Connor; he’s a bad influence. That’s all Jude can take. He tells her to shut up and stop telling him what to do. I’m with Jude on this one, Callie.

Ana wants to be sure Mike doesn’t mind if she borrows a ratty blanket to take to her new apartment. He doesn’t want her to go but she’s set on leaving and giving her baby to Stef and Lena. She will grow up in a good home with her brother and sister.

Callie and the mom are meeting with Callie’s social worker. Everything is rosy until the social worker asks Callie when she started taking out credit cards. Someone has run about 24 grand in debt in Callie’s name and she will never get emancipated with that hanging over her head. Stef assures Callie that she can get to the bottom of it. She’s a cop after all and this is what she does (when she’s not busy pulling a Stef).

Lena and Monty are chit-chatting about Connor’s dad forbidding Jude to hang out with his son. They are interrupted by the STEM teacher bringing Monty coffee. Lena is a little offended that he never brings her coffee and Monty says, “Aren’t you really more of a tea drinker?” If by “tea drinker” you mean lesbian, yes she is and you back off with your flirty looks!

Mariana is putting the dance team through their paces. Emma and the rest of the team are looking fantastic, this is going to be the best Jingle Bell Rock, ever! The wrestling team walks into the gym and some meathead who looks a bit like Sean from Pretty Little Liars makes a crack about Emma and Jesús tells him to shove it.

Callie is volunteering at the center and Raphael is trying to make her feel better by telling her horror stories about people having their identities stolen. “Yeah, this buddy of mine became a zombie and starting eating people’s brains. Wait, sorry, am I freaking you out?” Callie sees Sarah walk in (quick reminder: Sarah was the girl living in the house with rapist Liam). Callie asks Raphael to help Sarah instead since she hates Callie’s guts.

Stef is getting shit done down at the precinct. She is even wearing her glasses so we know she’s serious. Mike wants to talk to her about Ana moving into her own place but Stef just tells him to stop trying to control everything all the time. Pot, I’d like you to meet Kettle.

Mariana is driving Miss Daisy in the parking lot. Brandon, of course, is Miss Daisy. She tells him that the manual suggests that nine and three are the proper hand positions and that she has memorized and will be following all the rules. He wants to go home but she has other plans. It’s time to visit the grandparents and play postal worker. They roll up to the Gutierrez’s bakery ready to deliver Ana’s letter. Grandpa offers them some pan dulce and listens as Mariana tries to explain who she is. When Grandma appears he says the kids are there looking for jobs but will be leaving now.

Back at home Jesús walks into Mariana’s room indignant that Brandon took her driving. She explain that she tried to talk to their grandparents about taking Ana’s baby but they didn’t want anything to do with her. She feels awful for the baby (and for her younger self) because nobody wants her. Oh, Mariana, you may not be able to save the whole world but I love you for trying.

Stef is explaining to Callie that the thief is buying expensive, ugly handbags and reselling them for cash. Callie is mostly offended that the bags are so damn ugly. Focus on the big picture, Callie. Stef is going to track down the sellers and figure out who took Callie’s identity.

At school the STEM club is meeting about their next challenge. The boys agree to take on all the coding and engineering tasks and leave making coffee and fetching sandwiches to Mariana and Emma. Pete Campbell gives them all a high five.

A couple of teenage unicorns walk down the hallway. Jude can’t believe Connor blamed him for all the shenanigans when it was all Taylor’s idea. Ouch, dude. Connor won’t respond to Jude’s texts but Taylor points out that maybe Connor’s dad took away his phone as a punishment for sneaking out, breaking into a house, and drinking. Jude is like, “In our house there are no consequences, so I have no idea what you are talking about.” Taylor offers to take a message to Connor. Jonnor shippers are everywhere, people.

Another day, another dance routine. Mariana thinks Emma should shake her ass a little more. Emma stops and says maybe this dancing thing isn’t for me after all. Mariana can’t believe the change of heart until Emma breaks it down for her. She is the best damn coder in the school and she’s stuck doing the tea service. Mariana say she can be smart and sexy. She is infinite, she contains multitudes, for Pete’s sake. Emma isn’t up for taking on the culture today so she leaves.

Jesús has taken the wheel and is doing donuts in the parking lot. Brandon looks like he might ralph but that might be because Lu won’t talk to him. Jesús breaks it down for him. Brandon slept with Lu then told her he didn’t want to go on tour. It’s time for him to say he’s sorry.

Mike plunks a bottle of vitamins on Stef’s desk and tells her Ana left them at his place. Now that she’s no longer his responsibility maybe Stef would take them to Ana’s new place. Stef rushes off looking hot as hell to buy herself a handbag.

Sarah and Callie are having a super awkward chat at the foster kid center. When Sarah walks away, Callie notices that she has terrible taste in handbags. Sarah comes back to find that her ugly bag is missing. Callie has it in the bathroom and lookee here! Sarah’s wallet is just filled with fake IDs and credit cards with Callie’s name on them. Any chance Brandon and Vico made that ID?

Mariana opens the letter the Gutierrezes refused to read. She pops it in her pocket and heads out the door. She runs into Emma who has come over to tutor Jesús. Emma hopes Mariana is okay with her leaving the dance team even though it mean they don’t have enough dancers to compete. Mariana has a plan. She and Emma are going to change the rules. Emma can be on the dance team, because it’s clear she loves it, and she can prove she’s the best damn coder around. Mariana doesn’t have time for outdated rules, people. Plot twist: her birth mom is actually Peggy Carter.

Turns out Lena was right, STEM teacher did want to go out with Monty. Monty declined and tells Lena that maybe she should try dating women. Pardon me while I put my eyeballs back in. Rolling them that hard can be dangerous. Lena says women aren’t any easier. Her wife, for example, refuses to talk to her and now they are adopting a baby and who knows if that’s the right choice and…Lena, honey, last week you and Stef talked about how you would stop processing your shit with your boss. Stop pulling a Stef, Lena!

Mariana goes back to the bakery and demands to be heard. Her grandmother comes out and says she looks just like Ana before all the drugs. When they sit down to talk Mariana learns that her grandparents didn’t know about her or Jesús until after it was too late. Ana was afraid they would take the twins and when they asked her about it she said she didn’t want the twins to grow up with her parents. Mariana tells them about the baby and that she and Jesús have a great family but she worries about the baby. Before he leaves she thanks them for the Christmas presents (Grandpa was the one who made the signs for them).

Stef rolls up to buy a handbag and the guy selling them out of the back of his car is none other than Liam. I’m assuming this is Andrew’s twin brother and he is stealing purses to help finance Andrew’s exploits as A. Stef recognizes him immediately, but holds it together. He doesn’t seem to know who she is though. Oh man, you’re going down buddy. She pays for the bag, tells Liam she’s Callie’s mom, and then when Liam tries to run Mike steps out to stop him.

Judicorn is sitting on his bed when his phone dings. It’s a text from Taylor but it’s not really Taylor, it’s Connor. He didn’t tell his dad that all of it was Jude’s idea. He told him something else.

It’s the sweetest scene and it all takes place on the screen of an iphone.

Back at the precinct Stef is questioning Liam. Mike says Sarah won’t give up anything on Liam and is ready to take the fall for him. Callie has an idea. A few minutes later Callie is in with Liam and Stef. I’m not sure this is exactly kosher but we’ll go with it. She tells Liam that they found out he did the same thing to Sarah. Once they showed Sarah what a piece of shit he is, she gave him up. And now he’s going away for a long, long time.

Brandon calls and leaves Lu a message apologizing for making her feel like he had sex with her and then dumped her. He doesn’t want to break up and he wasn’t trying to be a dick he just wants to be a pianist. Mariana walks in and he says he’s just so proud of her for helping that baby. Well, if she’s got your blessing. This guy!

Stef walks into the courtyard outside a sketchy motel. She knocks on Ana’s door and offers her the vitamins. Turns out Mike was playing Stef. Ana has prescription vitamins. But Stef takes one look at that place and packs Ana up. You’re coming home with me, Ana. Looks like neither Stef nor Lena can bear to leave a stray. Stef walks in and tells Lena that maybe now they should tell the kids about adopting the baby.

And here are a few of our favorite #GaydyBunch tweets.

Next week: Monty kisses Lena on her mouth!

Lesbian Apparel and Accessories Gay All Day sweatshirt -- AE exclusive

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