Previously on The Fosters, Callie found out that Donald wasn’t her dad after all. Instead she got saddled with an entitled, rich, white dude who just wanted to be her parent regardless of whether she wanted him within one hundred yards of her. Brandon was going to go on tour with Someone’s Little Sister until her remembered that classical music is his first love and decided to give that a go. Again. Jesús joined the wrestling team, dated a crazy girl, got a stupid tattoo, and got recruited to an all-boys school in Colorado. Mariana found her grandparents, made the dance team, quit the dance team, formed her own dance team, staged a walkout to support Spermothy, and joined STEM club with Emma. Next year she is running for president, so watch out. Stef and Lena lost a baby, lost the chance to adopt Callie, and lost the ability to talk to each other and make halfway decent decisions. Lena spent the season bonding with Monty while Stef pulled a Stef every chance she got. Jude continued to be the magical, majestic creature that he is. He and Connor kissed each other square on the mouth before Connor got shot by an overzealous dad. Ana got clean and sober and offered the moms a chance to raise her baby. The mom didn’t exactly jump at the chance but were willing to take the baby because they still haven’t figured out how to say no to Mariana.
We begin this finale in the dream kitchen where Brandon can’t believe that he has to give up his room because a pregnant woman needs a place to sleep. Brandon is probably descended from the innkeeper who was like, “Mary, you may sleep in the barn.” Ana pops in and starts reminiscing about how Mariana always loved attention. Lena’s face is not happy that there is a part of Mariana’s life she missed and now that part is living in her spare room.
Callie stomps off to get ready to spend a court-ordered weekend at the Quinn’s house. Stef reminds her not to mention the fact that she is trying to get emancipated while she’s having cucumber sandwiches at the club. Lena walks in and says that she hates how ugly everything has gotten and Stef growls about how she is only doing what she can to keep Callie under their roof. Stef, stop being you for just a minute and talk to your wife!
Brandon tells Mariana she has to go back to her grandparents and make sure they won’t try to take Ana’s baby now that they know that Stef and Lena want to adopt the little nugget. A custody battle would be a brand new thing for this show.
Robert is telling Callie all about how it will be a low key lunch with his dad and his dad’s wife. Callie’s like, “Sure, everything around here screams low key, especially the dad who made you leave my mom.” She pretends to be surprised to see Sophia when they walk in the house. Sophia apologizes for ruining Callie’s life and Callie hugs her because Callie has been channeling her inner Judicorn or something.
Speaking of the unicorn boy, he is in his bathroom when he spots some blue nail polish. Next thing you know, he’s got blue nails and is asking to see Connor in the hospital. Before he gets to Connor’s room, Connor’s dad pops out and tells Jude he doesn’t want him hanging around his son. Jude says, “I’m here to see my friend, and I’m not leaving until I do.” This is the same boy who was sitting in the bathroom trying rub off the blue nail polish only a season and a half ago.
Mariana is laying out her 10 point plan to the grandparents as to why Ana is making the best choice by giving her daughter to Stef and Lena. When they leave, the grandparents aren’t sure if they are okay with another family raising yet another of their grandbabies.
Sophia explains to Callie what a personality disorder is. After she runs through all the criteria from the DSM-V, her grandfather shows up. He fawns over Sophia before looking Callie over like she were something he wiped off the bottom of his shoe.
Monty and Lena are trying to figure out how to pay for everything at the school if they don’t get the giant grant they applied for. Monty tells Lena that she looks stressed, well as stressed as someone who is otherworldly gorgeous can look. Lena is flattered but I am screaming, “BACK OFF!” Stef moved Ana into their house without consulting Lena first. This sends Monty into a monologue about all the ways her ex-husband was the worst. He was always doing stuff without giving her a say and now that she divorced his ass she feels so much better. Not, that Lena and Stef are in the same boat but if they are Monty would be happy to help Lena through this difficult time. Lady, you need to step away from the gorgeous woman, mmmkay? Lena gets called away to the hospital by Connor’s dad.
Brandon is playing a piece he wrote himself. It’s called “I am the center of the universe.” Mike wants to know what he should have for the lady from Idyllwild. Brandon wanted to try out at Mike’s since he still hasn’t told the moms about the scholarship offer or wanting to ditch the tour to try his luck with classical music again.
Connor’s dad meets Lena in the hall and says Judicorn better be back in the Forbidden Forest by the time he returns from getting a cup of coffee. Lena plops down on the floor next to Jude and starts to tell him about how losing a friend is really hard. Jude stops her. He finally tells the truth about the camping trip. They aren’t just friends, they are something more and now Connor’s dad knows and doesn’t want them near each other any more.
Mariana is busy putting lights on the costumes for the dance competition. She tells Ana that she and Emma are going to be coding the lights to go on and off in time with the performance. Ana can’t believe how smart Mariana is, especially since she didn’t finish high school. Ana’s parents were strict with her and she rebelled by getting into drugs. She’s glad that Mariana is being raised by two awesome moms because being a girl is hard. The doorbell rings and Mariana trundles down the stairs to let Emma in for their make-out coding session. On the way she trips over Jesús skateboard and hurts her ankle. While she and Emma freak out about having to lose the competition because they only have five dancers, The doorbell rings again and it’s the grandparents looking for Ana.
Over at the Quinn mansion, Papa Quinn is giving lessons in being passive aggressive before shifting gears and being just flat out awful. He blames Robert and Callie for Sophia trying to kill herself. Maybe if Robert wasn’t so obsessed with Callie Sophia wouldn’t feel so unloved. Actually, that’s a fair point. Robert fights back and says maybe if his dad hadn’t made him choose between Callie’s mom and his family in the first place things would be a lot better. Papa Quinn is a douche but he makes the point that maybe Robert is being a selfish prick for ripping Callie from her happy home just to assuage his 16 years worth of guilt.
Back at the hospital, Lena is gearing up to drop some knowledge on Connor’s dad. He can stand between Jude and Connor. he can try to keep them apart but at some point Connor is going to be the one makes the choices and his dad risks being the one shut out. He tells Lena that he doesn’t care if Jude is gay, he just doesn’t want his kid to be.
Lena has never lost an argument and she certainly isn’t losing this one. Jude walks into Connor’s room. Connor asks Jude about his nail polish. Jude says, “It’s war paint.” These two teenage boys give me hope for this world. They give me hope that kids will grow up a little less alone, a little less afraid. These two boys who hold hands and play video games and act like teenagers who are just trying to figure it all out give me so much hope for what the world will be like for my kids. Some will say it’s just a television show. I don’t agree. For some of us, it’s an hour long patronus.
Mariana is busy explaining to the grandparents and Ana that she wanted a backup plan for her baby sister. The dance team, STEM club, she’s always got a backup plan. Ana’s parents want her to keep the baby and offer to help her in any way that they can. Ana says it’s too late (not that she doesn’t want to). She has already promised the baby to Stef and Lena.
Robert apologizes to Callie for his father. Callie counters that all families are weird. She will always be a part of Robert and Sophia and their family. She loves him and want him to know that he will always be her dad but the Fosters feels like home to her. Dr. Quinn tells Bobby he has a call from his lawyer. When Robert comes back, he asks if Callie is trying to get emancipated. She wants some say in her life, bucko? Hmm, can you possibly imagine what that’s like?
Stef, Lena, and Jesús are outside saying good-bye to the scout from Flintwood. Jesús wants to know if he can go and Stef tells him he can go finish his homework. Robert rolls up and barely stops before pushing Callie out of the car. The moms were not expecting her home until the next day. When she tells them that he knows about the emancipation Lena gives Stef the, “I tried to warn you but no, no, no you wouldn’t listen.” Lena, we know you’re always right; no need to go all Sir Hiss about it.
Jesús pops in to check if Ana needs anything. See, Brandon, some boys have manners. She takes the opportunity to tell him that she wishes she hadn’t left home when she was fifteen. I don’t know, bud. I went to boarding school at 14 and it was the best thing that ever happened to me.
Jesús runs into Mariana and Emma setting up for an all-nighter. I bet you are, ladies. Jesús wants Mariana to tell Ana it’s okay for her to keep the baby. The only reason the moms are taking the baby is for Mariana. She needs to tell everyone it’s okay for Ana to keep it. Mariana doesn’t have time for this shit. She has less than 18 hours to pull a dance performance out of her butt and make out with Emma. Where’s Hermione’s time turner when you need it?
Brandon has raided Ezra Fitz’s collection of old man vests and is miming his piano performance (just when you thought he couldn’t BE any creepier he becomes a mime). Lu walks in and tries to win him over with the notion that if he comes on tour they could be rockstars. Clearly, she can’t see the vest he’s wearing. She makes a persuasive argument via kissing his face off. Meanwhile, Mike is trying to keep the lady from Idyllwild from leaving. Brandon will be there any minute he says. He’s just loaning a car to his moms. Did I mention his moms are lesbians? Can that help him on diversity points? Brandon bombs into Mike’s just as the lady is about to leave. He missed the bus, forgot his phone, and had to run half of the way over.
Lena is busy packing up her bag to head to the dance competition when Monty walks in and announces that they got the grant! Even with Timothy’s temper tantrum they got the money! Monty pulls a bottle of champagne from her purse and they jump around like they just won the Showcase Showdown. They sip champagne out of coffee mugs. Lena confesses that she’s not fine with the fact that Ana is going to be at the competition, and Lena isn’t excited about the baby, and she’s worried about her marriage. Monty gives her a hug which is within the friend boundary. But then she goes and pets Lena’s hair, which may be endlessly appealing (I mean, her hair is a glorious thing) but is not a friend thing to do, and then she kisses Lena right on her mouth. Lena pulls away and they both hurry to get their bags and head to the competition.
Tomorrow is my 16th anniversary. My wife and I have almost been together half of our lives. Sixteen years is a long time. I have learned that we both need friends who we can talk to about stuff. Sometimes that stuff is writing or work or kids or the things that go on every day. Sometimes if we aren’t working at our best it can be easy to talk to our friends more than we talk to each other. Neither of us has ever crossed a line. But that doesn’t mean I don’t understand how Lena got here with Monty. Stef is being a giant pain and it’s easier to talk honestly with Monty right now. I think Monty misconstrued that honesty for attraction. Maybe Lena finds Monty attractive but I don’t think Lena is one to cross that line. Plenty of us have what I call “friend crushes.” They are delightful little infatuations with friends who we really like and maybe even find attractive, but they never go beyond that. I think that’s what happened here. Lena found someone she could talk to about work and things in her life that were too fraught to talk about with Stef. And I think Monty read into that. I don’t think Lena wants to cheat. I don’t think she wants Monty, really. I think she liked their friendship and the positive attention but never wanted anything else. We will see next season if I am right or if I am too blinded by my affection for Stef and Lena working as a couple to see that this is going to be a full-blown affair.
Mariana is giving her team a last-minute adjustment when the Plastics walk up to taunt her a little bit. In the audience Stef is looking for Lena and Callie asks Jude how Connor is. Jude says that he saw Connor and “he’s my boyfriend.” Oh, you adorable thing. Lena tells Stef she got hung up at the office. She leaves out the part about Monty kissing her, probably not the right time for that conversation. The dance competition starts with Caitlin’s group stealing the dystopian robot theme from Mariana (and also stealing the Japanese lipgloss Joey pitched on Friends). Mariana’s group take the stage and the Plastics are thrilled because, without six dances, they forfeit. Oh, ye of tiny brains. Emma and Mariana hacked the video game to project a six member the of the team on stage. Nerds FTW! Can you imagine if Mariana and Mona teamed up?
Stef gets a phone call saying that the judge wants to see them immediately. Oh Stef, your shady dealings are getting you called to the principal’s office and not the one with a couch, your hot wife, and champagne. In chambers, Stef explains that they thought Callie should have some say in where she wants to live. Robert agrees and pulls his suit for custody. Oh, hooray! It only took him a whole season to act like a grown-up!
Ana is driving the twins home. Mariana takes the opportunity to tell Ana it’s okay for her to keep the baby. On cue, Ana starts having pain which may or may not be labor. The twins argue over who is better equipped to take over and drive them to the hospital. Ana would rather drive herself with a limb falling off than let either of these numbskulls behind the wheel. While we see Stef and Lena celebrating Callie’s freedom to be adopted and Brandon plays his piece for the judge, a car slams into the side of the Volvo. Stef gets called to the scene and there’s reportedly a fatality. Someone isn’t making it out alive but we will have to wait until next season so know who.
Thanks for reading and commenting and tweeting along this season. As always, it’s a joy to write these recaps for you all.
Here are your last #GaydyBunch tweets of season two.
DON’T HAVE A SERIOUS CONVERSATION IN THE CAR! IT IS A SEASON FINALE! #GaydyBunch #TheFosters
– Catherine (@CMeushaw) March 24, 2015
Although let’s be real- who wouldn’t want to make out with Lena? #GaydyBunch
– Xan (@Xanadugrrl) March 24, 2015
I’m sorry, Lena, you’re drinking at school with the principal and you’re about to drive somewhere? THIS IS A SEASON FINALE! #GaydyBunch
– Catherine (@CMeushaw) March 24, 2015
Only Jude could say war paint and make it sound like puppies and rainbows. #gaydybunch
– Ashe B (@birobot) March 24, 2015
I feel like, because of this show, one day I’ll be in CVS, see some blue nail polish, and burst into tears. #TheFosters #GaydyBunch #Jonnor
– Kristen (@hachiemachie) March 24, 2015
YOU MADE THE TINY UNICORN CRY, MR. CONNOR. ARE YOU PLEASED WITH YOURSELF? OR DO YOU HAVE A SOUL? #BlueforJonner #TheFosters #GaydyBunch
– Valerie Anne (@PunkyStarshine) March 24, 2015
Oh man, this storyline. My heart. All the baby gays who are going to grow up realizing it’s ok to be who they are. #TheFosters #GaydyBunch
– TheOtherNic (@anh62950) March 24, 2015
First scene, Brandon being a bratty asshat! Yep it’s time for The Fosters, ladies and gentlemen! #GaydyBunch
– Marlena R. (@mrod527) March 24, 2015
It’s not where you come from, it’s what piece of furniture you can crash on at The Fosters’ house. #GaydyBunch
– CallieAmity (@Everlark12) March 24, 2015
