“The Returned” recap (1.4): Twin Theory

Admiral Cain, whose name on this show I can’t remember right now (Helen, maybe?), is cleaning up in the church basement when dirty water comes bubbling out from the drain again. The pastor finds her up in church and assumes she’s homeless and/or mentally ill. She wants to know why he lied and promised people an afterlife when he spoke at George’s funeral. She wants to know what happened to Lazarus after he was raised from the dead, did his sisters find him strange and unnatural? She doesn’t think Jesus should’ve restored Lazarus to life, and she doesn’t think she should’ve come back either.

photo5“Suuuure, honey. Let’s get you over to the community center now okbye!”

Julie stumbles on some drawings Victor did. (That kid must be studying at the Rupert Giles School of Art.)


She confronts him about the gruesome pictures, but he just hides in the closet and doesn’t say anything.

In other child-related plots, Rowan’s daughter hears noises in the attic again so she tells her mom. Rowan comes back to check and the kid, for some reason, thinks the noises are coming from the smoke detector. Rowan takes it down and notices the camera. Ruh roh, Tommy.

Camille wants to know if Peter thinks she is hurting Lena. Peter tells her God is a totally chill bro and he probably wouldn’t do that. Camille is like, “Okay, well in that case, why does Lena hate me so much?” Peter thinks it’s survivor’s guilt, but I think it’s because Camille came back from the dead and is probably a zombie, and Lena is the only one with any sense.

Lena’s doctor tells her mom that the wound on her back looks like she was impaled on something, but, also, it’s spreading. That is like the worst combination of ailments I’ve ever heard. The doctor asks if there’s something she’s not telling him, and she looks straight into his doctor face and says, “No, I like the young zombie twin better anyway, so IDGAF if this old one dies.”

Back at Rowan’s house, Simon is telling Rowan that even though he’s a dead guy who came back to life, Tommy is way worse/weirder for installing cameras in the house. I’m on Simon’s side for this one. While they’re talking, their daughter, Chloe, comes up to the attic. Rowan introduces her to her father, but tells her that he’s an angel and she has to keep the secret. Simon tries to get Rowan and Chloe to leave with him, but Rowan thinks she owes it to Tommy to hear his explanation.

photo7“Ghost Dad” remake?

Peter tells Claire that Jack’s being questioned by the cops because he was banging Lucy, and he’s a suspect in her stabbing. Claire is pissed off that Peter is able to get that kind of confidential info, even though he obviously thinks he’s helping.

Julie finally realized that she is in way over her head with Victor, so she calls Nikki to come get him and take him away. He cries, but still says nothing. He picks up an old timey looking suitcase and leaves with Nikki.

Jack finally gets out of the police station and goes to meet Claire and the girls. Lena is getting worse, so the doctors want to transfer her to a larger hospital. Claire confronts Jack about money missing from Camille’s college fund. Jack is like, “I know how this looks, but she’s not a hooker. She was communicating with Camille for me, and we had to be having sex for it to work.” Claire is like, “Wow, I don’t know whether you’re a liar or a total fucking idiot. I know you didn’t kill her, but we’re not moving away together anymore.”

Over at St. Peter’s Home for the Wayward Returned (aka the community center), both Admiral Cain and Victor arrive. Admiral Cain looks at Victor like she knows him, and maybe she does. Who knows with this town, anymore.

photo8 I’d be smiling if I was getting rid of that kid, too.

Meanwhile, Tommy tries to explain to Rowan that the cameras were just there so she didn’t hurt herself again, he was just trying to keep her safe. He’s such a niceguy™. He also tells her that Simon’s death wasn’t an accident, he stepped in front of a truck, but they didn’t want to tell Rowan that way back when. She is understandably like WTF BRO?!

Four Years Ago

A friend helps Lena and her boy (Hunter? Ben? IDK, some white teenage boy.) sneak into a funeral parlor to look at Camille’s dead body. Lena cries over her, hugs her, and apologizes because she thinks it’s her fault her sister is dead. While she has the body gathered up in her arms, she notices a gash on Camille’s back that looks exactly like the one on present-day Lena.

Present Day

Julie is looking through Victor’s drawings, and sees that he drew her as an angel. That’s kind of cute, I guess, but let’s not forget about the other drawings he did. The ones of cats eating the remains of her mutilated neighbor. Over at the community center, the lights go out and Victor is afraid. Peter comes in to tell him that it might help to sing a song in his head, that’s what he used to do. Ohhhh shit, Peter was one of the intruders the night Victor was killed! Sacrebleu!

What did you think of this weeks episode? Let me know here in the comments or on twitter @jennalykes.