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Queer Women and Their Straight Female Friends

American pop culture often portrays lesbians and bisexual women as indifferent to – or enemies of – heterosexual women. When we’re not trying to seduce them, that is.

But while it may sometimes feel like straight and queer women live in different worlds – and it’s true that many queer women have dated a straight woman or two (or twelve) – most lesbian/bi women have straight female friends whom they’ve never slept with, and have no plans to.

To borrow an old cliche – some of our best friends are straight women, and vice versa.

(Some of our best friends are also gay and straight men, but we’ll address those friendships in a future article.)

Fortunately, there are at least a handful of examples of strong friendships between gay/bi and straight women in American entertainment. To kick off the new year, we’re offering a list of some of the best friendships between queer and straight women in American TV, film, and web series.

This list isn’t comprehensive – I’m sure there are friends we’ve missed, or just didn’t include – but it’s a start, and we welcome your additions in the comments!

10. SPENCER (GABRIELLE CHRISTIAN) AND CHELSEA (AASHA DAVIS) – SOUTH OF NOWHERE (THE N) Spencer’s brother Clay (Danso Gordon) begins dating classmate Chelsea soon after they the Carlin family moved to L.A. from Ohio in this ensemble drama, but Spencer and Chelsea soon became friends in their own right. Although they don’t have much screen time together over the show’s three seasons, Chelsea is the first person Spencer comes out to (in Episode 2.2 “Behind the Music”) when Chelsea gently calls Spencer out for referring to Ashley (Mandy Musgrave) as her “best friend,” asking Spencer, “Isn’t she more than just a friend?”

Chelsea serves as a sounding board for Spencer throughout the series, and when Chelsea discovers she’s pregnant after Clay is killed in the third season, and then loses the baby, it’s Spencer’s turn to comfort Chelsea. In one of the final webisodes, “Transforming”, Chelsea tells Spencer, “I never would have been able to get through all this without you guys.”

Typical dialogue:

Chelsea: I really like how you guys are together. It feels real. Spencer: Well it is – I mean for me. I don’t know if that matters to anyone else though. Chelsea: You know what? You find love – no matter who it is, you’re lucky.
9. SUSANNA (SUSANNA FOGEL) AND JONI (JONI LEFKOWITZ) – JONI & SUSANNA (WEB SERIES) Openly gay Joni and openly heterosexual Susanna spend most of their time together undercutting, sabotaging, and competing against each other in this web series about the daily lives of two frenemies – just like a lot of friends in real life, if the comments from viewers are any indication.

But when the chips are down, and their girlfriends/boyfriends dump them or don’t make the grade, they’re there for each other – because no one else is worthy, or because no one else will have them. Either way, they’re a team.

Typical dialogue:

Susanna: You’re the best. If I was gay, I’d just date you and be done with it.

Joni: well, uh, [clears her throat] I’d have to go for you for that to work out. Susanna: Well, right. But.

8. FRANCES (DIANE LANE) AND PATTI (SANDRA OH) – UNDER THE TUSCAN SUN (2003) At the beginning of this romantic drama, Frances is a successful writer, Patti is her snarky best friend, and both are happily in a relationship. But when Frances discovers her husband has been cheating on her, she accepts a trip to Italy as a gift from Patti, where she buys a ramshackle villa in Tuscany on a whim, and settles in to recover from a broken heart.

When pregnant Patti gets dumped by her girlfriend (Kate Walsh), she unceremoniously shows up at Frances’s new home in Tuscany and moves right in.

Together, Patti and Frances learn how to live with loss – and then how to fall in love again (not with each other).

Typical dialogue:

Patti: Where were you going when I arrived? Frances: Nowhere important. Patti: What’s he like? Frances: He’s a creepy Italian. Patti: So go see him. Frances: I will. I want to spend time with my creepy American friend. Patti: I refuse to screw up your love life. Frances: Don’t be ridiculous, Patti. You are my love life.

7. DR. KERRY WEAVER (LAURA INNES) AND DR. ABBY LOCKHART (MAURA TIERNEY) – ER (NBC) These two ER docs aren’t close friends in the traditional sense – they rarely socialize outside of work, and occasionally clash on the job – and they have very different personalities (Abby was generally likeable, Kerry more of a crank).

But they develop an emotional bond over several years of fixing one medical crisis after another, while Abby struggles with alcoholism, relationships, and motherhood, and Kerry comes out as a lesbian, loses her partner, and almost loses her son in a custody battle.

While Kerry never loses her prickly personality, Abby helps bring out her softer side, and when Kerry finally leaves her job (and the show), Abby tells Kerry that if it had not been for her, she’d never have become a doctor or a mother.

Atypical Dialogue (their final conversation):

Abby: …I just wanted to say that I think that you’ve probably seen me at my best and, uhm, at my worst. And even though we didn’t always see eye to eye, you helped me go from a nurse, to a med student, to a doctor, to a mom. (she fights back tears) Kerry: I’m the one that’s supposed to be upset here. Abby: I know. I’m sorry! Kerry: You were always there as a nurse and a doctor, and most importantly, you’ve always been here as my friend. (they hug each other and start crying) Abby: Do you think this happens with the guys when one of them leaves? Kerry: Carter bawled like a baby when he left. Abby: Ha! (she pauses) I’m gonna miss you. Kerry: Thank you.
6. SIOBHAN (MAEVE QUINLAN) AND ROXIE (CATHY SHIM) – 3WAY (WEB SERIES) Former college roommates living together again, fitness instructor Roxie and soap star Siobhan share a dysfunctional but supportive relationship which includes Siobhan’s tolerance of Roxie’s live-in girlfriend (Jill Bennett) and ever-present ex-girlfriend (Maile Flanagan), and Roxie’s tolerance of Siobhan’s poor choice in men, and general high-maintainance personality.

When Roxie’s parents kicked her out of the house in college, Siobhan is there to take her in. When the writers on Siobhan’s soap put her character in a coma, or Siobhan accidentally gets electrocuted at work, Roxie is there to commiserate and bring her food. It’s the perfect friends-with-baggage relationship.

Typical dialogue:

Roxie: [standing in front of Siobhan’s ex-husband’s house] I don’t remember the house being so big. Siobhan: Probably because the last time you were here, you were helping me sneak out of the place. Roxie: Aww, good times!
5. ORIGINAL CINDY (VALERIE RAE MILLER) AND MAX (JESSICA ALBA) – DARK ANGEL (FOX) In this sci-fi series set in the future, bike messenger Original Cindy’s lesbian sexual orientation isn’t the big secret: It’s her friend and co-worker Max’s identity as a genetically engineered super-soldier.

When Max finally reveals the truth about her genetics to Original Cindy in the middle of the first season, the conversation sounds like the classic coming-out story. “When you and me hooked up,” she tells Original Cindy, “it was like, all of a sudden, there was this part of my life where I didn’t have to be hiding or fighting or anything else except trying to make a living and kicking it with my homegirl. I never had that before – a friend. I was scared that if I told you what was up it would all change.” (Although she’s taken aback by the news, Original Cindy soon assures her, “You my boo… For life. No matter what.”)

Throughout the show’s two seasons, Original Cindy and Max provide emotional support, keep each other out of trouble, and fret over the other’s safety – all while engaging in witty repartee and wearing fashionable futuristic outfits.

Typical dialogue:

Max: I actually kind of feel sorry for guys sometimes. Cindy: Please. Max: They’re prisoners of their genes. Cindy: So are dogs. I say hang Sketch out to dry. Let Natalie see him for the heel he is. Then, maybe she’ll step to the all-girl team. Max: Of course, there’s nothing self-serving in that scenario.

4. ANGELA MONTENEGRO (MICHAELA CONLIN) AND DR. TEMPERENCE “BONES” BRENNAN (EMILY DESCHANEL) – BONES (FOX) It’s unclear exactly how Angela, the artist, and Brennan, the highly intelligent but socially awkward forensic anthropologist, became friends. But their friendship literally opens the show – in the first few moments of the pilot episode, we see Angela flashing a guy at the airport ticket counter to try and get the details of Brennan’s flight back from an archeological dig.

Angela is Brennan’s sounding board and emotional conduit. Brennan, meanwhile, is loyal to Angela personally and professionally (she hires her as a sketch artist at the lab), and supports her through various romantic relationships – including her current one with a woman, which Bones does not regard any differently than her heterosexual relationships (commenting simply, “Women tend not to be as rigid in their sexual identities as men.”)

When Brennan’s father is on trail for murder, Angela refuses to testify against him, saying, “Friends don’t send friends’ fathers to the electric chair.”

Brennan comforts Angela when she can’t bear to look at a grisly crime scene, telling Angela, “It’s okay. You see it. I don’t any more. I don’t know what’s worse.”

Their friendship helps to give this procedural drama heart – and many of its humorous moments.

Typical dialogue:

Brennan: You said you’ve dealt with manipulative men before. Angela: Sweetie, this is a psycho killer, not some loser who wants you to co-sign a loan for his jet-ski.
3. ELLEN (ELLEN DEGENERES) AND PAIGE (JOELY FISHER) – ELLEN (ABC) Although super-straight Paige initially has some difficulty accepting Ellen’s coming-out as a lesbian, she gets over (telling Ellen, “I’m the one who needs to change”), tries to set her up on dates and give her fashion tips, and even pretends to be Ellen’s lover in one funny episode (5.3 “Roommates”).

Ellen, in turn, listens to Paige’s ongoing complaints about her boyfriend (Ellen’s cousin), and puts up with Paige’s frequently inane comments.

Some of the funniest moments of this series are in scenes between Ellen and Paige, especially in the later seasons, and their friendship surprisingly turns out to be one of the few relationships you actually care about by the end of the series.

Typical dialogue:

Paige: [referring to Ellen’s blind date] Isn’t she great? She’s so innocent. Ellen: Yeah, in that she’s mentally unfit to stand trial. [pause] Look, I appreciate what you’re trying to do, setting me up and everything, but this is not going to work out. Paige: Just give this one a shot, OK? I’m running out of lesbians. Ellen: Well, we’re not reproducing like we used to.

2. JANE (WHOOPI GOLDBERG) AND ROBIN (MARY-LOUISE PARKER) – BOYS ON THE SIDE (1995) Out lesbian musician Jane meets Robin when she answers an ad for someone looking for a cross-country driving companion, in this serious and poignant film about friendship, love, and AIDS.

Although the two women don’t hit it off right away – Jane initially tells her, “I’m sure there’s somebody out there who wants to go cross country with the whitest woman on the face of the earth, singing Carpenter songs and reliving childhood memories, but it ain’t me” – the two woman end up forming a friendship that survives the cross-country road trip, the revelation of Robin’s HIV status, and ultimately, her death a few years later.

It was hinted at and eventually revealed that Jane did, in fact, fall in love with Robin, but their relationship never becomes romantic, even as Jane tends to Robin in her final days. Just before she dies, Robin asks Jane, “It was me you loved, wasn’t it?” When Jane tells her “yeah, still do,” Robin squeezes her hand and says, “Well, I loved you, too.”

Although the movie itself has garnered mixed reviews, Robin and Jane’s relationship remains one of the most moving friendships between a lesbian and a straight woman ever portrayed on screen.

Typical dialogue:

Jane: Well, Holly told me that you didn’t know I was gay. I don’t want you to worry because…You know, I’m not after you. Robin: I’m not worried….Why? Jane: Luck of the draw, I guess. Robin: No, I mean, why aren’t you after me? Jane: ‘Cause you’re not my type. Robin: Oh….Gee….Is this a black-white thing? Jane: It’s more like, uh, blondes-Carpenter thing….You’re safe with me.
1. BUFFY (SARAH MICHELLE GELLAR) AND WILLOW (ALYSON HANNIGAN) – BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER (THE WB/UPN) Friends who meet in high school, Buffy and Willow become close through years of fighting evil, adolescence, and occasionally, each other on this long-running supernatural drama. Buffy falls in love with a vampire and struggles to accept and control her fate as the defender of the human race, Willow falls in love with a woman, and struggles to control her growing power as a witch.

Although Willow’s low self-esteem initially gives Buffy more power in the relationship, their friendship becomes more egalitarian over time as Willow matures emotionally and magically, and Buffy learns to rely on Willow’s support (even if Buffy arguably remains somewhat self-absorbed).

Their friendship is sweet and playful, but also confrontational when necessary, and always grounding. When Willow comes out in college, Buffy is surprised, but quickly supportive; when Buffy sleeps with a woman in the graphic novel that picks up where the TV show left off, it leads to a humorous conversation between Willow and Buffy about how they aren’t each other’s type, anyway.

They help each other through darker times, too, like when Buffy has to kill her boyfriend, and when Willow turns evil and almost destroys the world after the death of her girlfriend.

But that’s all in a day’s work for these two – one of the most enduring, and evolving, friendships on American TV between a lesbian and a straight (well, mostly straight) woman.

Typical dialogue:

Buffy: Will, what do you got for me? Willow: Some ideas. Well, notions. Or, theories based on wild speculation. Did I mention I’m not good under pressure? Buffy: I need you, Will. You’re my big gun. Willow: [alarmed] I’m your – no, I-I was never a gun. Someone else should be the gun. I, I could be a, a cudgel. Or, or a pointy stick.
Let us know your favorites in the comments (and international readers, please let us know about some of the great pairings in shows/movies we might not have seen).

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