“Call the Midwife” recap (4.4): Hoes before Bros

This week on Call the Midwife, every character with a penis was the absolute WORST. For real though, I hate every guy on this show except for Fred, and he lit a troop of boy scouts on fire. That’s the rubric we’re grading on here, folks.

We open with another busy day at the Poplar clinic, as the midwives rush to tend to all the mums and children. Trixie is running late and Phyllis tells her to pull her socks up, metaphorically speaking. Trixie is all aflutter because the bishop is coming to visit Tom, and she assumes that he’ll want to meet her as well. Oh Trixie, when you assume…

mid1How about a nice cold glass of shut the fuck up?

Sister Monica Joan is giving a bloody history lesson on beheadings to a group of small children, and one of the mums is upset. MJ feels like she’s outlived her usefulness, which is bonkers because she’s obviously the best part of this show.

mid2And that’s why I cold-cocked a bitch for some cake. Any questions?

Sister Winifred examines Miss Cole, a sex worker who expects Wini to be all judgy. Wini assures her that she’s just there to help, but I detect a note of side eye. Across town, Barbara calls on the Robbins family, who are expecting their first child. The family runs a successful rope making company, and Frank Robbins tells Barbara to make sure the baby is a boy. Um, I think that’s already been decided, bro.

mid3 I’ve been rubbing her belly with steak sauce and motor oil, that should make it a boy, right?

That night at Nonnatus House, the midwives are having pajama cocktail hour and Barbara is giving Trixie clergy etiquette lessons. They talk about polite conversation topics, which apparently include the weather and Africa. Best of luck, Trix.

Wini goes to the brothel where Miss Cole aka Midge lives. Wini doesn’t think that a brothel is the best place to raise a child, but Midge is defensive, telling her that all the girls look out for each other like family. An older sex worker named Dora injures her hand, but refuses to let Wini see it. Midge cares for her, and we find out that Dora is in the advanced stages of syphilis.

mid4 Sorry sister, I don’t accept payment in wimples

Barbara visits Susan Robbins, whose nursery is filled with blue baby clothes. She assures Susan that it’s okay to want a girl, but is told that Frank needs a boy to carry on the family business. She is worried that if she doesn’t produce a male heir, Frank will leave her for a younger woman. Barbara complains about this sexist bullshit over dinner, and Patsy says that girls are better than boys. Preach. The women have a surprisingly modern conversation on the roles of women, and Phyllis references the women workers who ran the country while the men were fighting wars.

mid5Moment of appreciation for Patsy’s gay as fuck shirt and pigtails