“The Returned” recap (1.10): End Times

Previously on The Returned, Helen seduced her way to finding a stash of dynamite (and into our hearts). Rowan said goodbye to Simon for (maybe) the last time. Peter and Camille decided to make a memorial service for dead teenagers all about them, and Peter announced that he was a Returned. Oh, also, Camille was the worst—but you probably already knew that.

29 Years Ago

A couple of boys are camping out in the woods. It’s Peter and his friend Rich on the lam after robbing and murdering Victor and his mother. Peter is feeling really guilty about what they did, while Rich is mostly just happy to have gotten away with it. Rich is not looking too hot, actually—he’s going through withdrawals and his eyes are as red-rimmed as Helena’s on Orphan Black. Peter has had about enough of this shit, so he’s leaving to go hike up to Canada. Rich is like, “Nah, bro, we were supposed to be like Sal and Dean! Also, I’m afraid you’re going to tattletale my whereabouts to the cops.” So he pulls a gun on Peter.

photo1“Don’t leave, brother-seestra.”

Peter’s like, “Dude, I haven’t finished On The Road yet, but I’m pretty sure Dean never pulls a fucking gun on Sal! Be cool, man.” Then Peter hits his friend with his backpack, and they wrassle around on the ground with a loaded gun because they are very smart guys. Of course the gun goes off, and Peter is shot and killed. Rich may be a robber and a murderer, but the man has some manners, so he apologizes to Peter’s corpse and leaves him a copy of On The Road.

Present Day

Peter is thumbing through his old, probably bloodstained, Kerouac novel, and pulls out a snapshot of himself and Rich. According to the note on the back of the photo, Peter’s real name is Andrew. He tosses the book into his satchel just as Cop Tommy comes strolling up to the door, chest puffed out. Tommy really doesn’t like Returned people, mostly on account of that time he watched one make sweet love to his fiancée, so he decides to arrest Peter for some charges he’ll probably make up later. The Caldwell cops should get together with the Rosewood cops and share best practices.

Over at the Dog Star, Jack is begrudgingly preparing for Rowan and Tommy’s wedding reception, grumbling about how Tony booked it months ago without telling him. Tony also bashed his own head in and then shot himself, Jack, so IDK maybe just roll with it? Lucy tells Jack that she started hearing voices again, that the dead victims of the flood are telling her that something bad is going to happen again. Jack, hilariously, is like, “Listen, I know we have actual risen dead people walking around town, but do you honestly think anyone is going to believe that you hear voices?” Sure, okay, Jack.

Anyway, if you were livetweeting and/or are just generally nonobservant (like me), you may have missed the most important part of that scene. It’s this:


Across town, Rowan is getting ready for her wedding. Her mouth says that everything is awesome, but her eyes say that everything is awful. She tells the pastor that she doesn’t know why she’s crying, but she just feels like something terrible is going to happen. Probably the terrible thing she’s sensing is something grand, like, hey, everyone is going to die today! But it could also be that she’s getting ready to marry an emotionally abusive douchebag. Hard to say.

Elsewhere, in the woods, a beat up truck comes cruising into town. Inside the truck is… (THIS IS NOT A DRILL) Joanne Kelly. You guys. I wish I could’ve recorded my reaction to this scene, because it was intense. If you don’t know who Joanne Kelly is, she played Myka Bering on Warehouse 13. Myka Bering is the #1 fictional love of my life (Spencer Hastings is #2), so, yeah, you could say it was a good surprise.


Anyway, Joanne Kelly rides into town listening to rock music, just as cool as can be. She stops at a gas station and stretches (not at all relevant to the plot—I just wanted you to know it happened), before asking an attendant for some info about the town. She wonders if there have been any electrical disturbances, and the attendant is like, “Now that you mention it, yes! Super weird things have been happening.” Joanne Kelly nods sagely and asks if he knows where she can find the Winship family. Finally! Joanne Kelly is on the scene to get down to business and solve some shit. She’s gonna snag, bag and tag—oh wait. Wrong show.

photo4“Do you smell fudge?”

Meanwhile, Helen is driving around with an unsecured bag of old, and probably unstable, dynamite. As you do. Her dead husband, George, appears in the backseat and apologizes for that time he put her in a mental institution, because now he realizes she was right all along. The town is for sure fucked. Helen’s like, “Bygones, Georgie. I’m going to handle business around here, scout’s honor.” George disappears.

Claire goes to visit Peter, who is still being held in the jail, but hasn’t been charged with anything yet because Tommy is too busy getting married to make up any evidence. Claire wants to know who Peter really is, and Peter tells her that his name was Andrew. He lies to her about how he died, probably because “flood” is an easier/cleaner explanation than “my buddy and I robbed and murdered some people, but I felt guilty and wanted to leave, so my buddy shot me.”