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“Pretty Little Liars” recap (6.3): Lost Puppies and Lesbian Haircuts

Hypothetical question: Would you be willing to endure two years of imprisonment if it meant that afterwards you would bask in the glow and protection of one Emily Fields? Because it seems pretty damn sweet.

We open with Emily on the phone with Spencer, while Sara Harvey is taking a shower. Apparently, girl takes a lot of showers, but wouldn’t you if you lived in a hole for two years? They discuss Andrew not being Charles, because A) Sara doesn’t think it’s him B) how can a straight A high school student care for a hostage? Academic decathlon takes up a lot of time and C) we’re only three eps into the #summerofanswers so obvs he’s one big red herring.

Also, Mona’s mom took her away to Saratoga. Fuck that noise, we need Mona! Hanna tells the girls that they need to go to school tomorrow and everyone agrees, which will obvs lead to Hanna being the only person at school. She looks at Andrew’s page in the yearbook and rips it out.

Emily is getting ready for school, while Sara follows her around like a lost puppy in a bathrobe. Sara wants to stay at the Fields’ house, because everyone is so nice and Emily’s hair is so shiny. Emily gives her a burner phone (I got a guy) and tries to touch Sara, but she cowers. Emily can’t resist a helpless blonde, so she skips school in favor of French toast with her new foster girl.

Aria grabs a coffee from Ezra’s Whispers and Cakes Emporium, but seems unable to rally for school. Ezra says she doesn’t have to go, and she can hang out at the shop and write/read/make some fucking cakes. He promises she’s safe, which LOLOL because Ezra couldn’t protect a can of chickpeas.Spencer is back to her old self, which means she’s demanding that her friends ruthlessly interrogate their families. This time it’s Ali and her lying liar of a dad. Ali is all, “I trust my dad” and Spencer basically laughs in her face. Spencer decides she’s going to interrogate Jason, and Ali confesses that she feels incredibly guilty that the Liars were imprisoned because of her. She says that everyone would be fine without her, which is bullshit because she was dead for the first four seasons, during which her friends were forced to eat cupcakes, sell their faces, and nearly get chopped up in an old mill.

Hanna goes to school, where she sees Dr. Sullivan (hey girl hey) who offers to talk to her. Hanna will def go talk to her, after she catches up on a month of French homework. They talk in an empty classroom, and Hanna tells the doc that A was trying to ruin their friendship. Hanna wants to set a group meeting, which is gonna be a bitch to schedule.

Meanwhile, Aria is in Ezra’s office, looking through her photos. I could do like, an hour on Aria’s photos, but this recap needs to go up. She sees a photo of Andrew and literally says aloud, “Who are you?” and I would have paid real money for the photo to come to life and answer her. Ezra offers to help, and Aria has him call the hospital as “Det. Mervin” to try and get access to Andrew’s medical records. He doesn’t get them, but he does find out that Andrew was adopted.

Ali sees Lorenzo teaching soccer to church kids, and he asks her to teach the girls team. Ali is not interested, seeing as all of Rosewood thinks she’s a bitch, but Lorenzo continues to flirt with her. Toby watches with a constipated face. God I hope this leads to a Ladybugs scenario where Officer Toby goes undercover as a preteen girl on Ali’s soccer team.

Pam and Emily are dressing up Sara in Emily’s clothes, and Pam tries to cheer Sara by saying that after two years in a hole, she’ll get a whole new wardrobe/shopping montage. Sara says she needs to, because her mom gave all her stuff away. Emily literally offers her the clothes off her back, and Sara takes the flannel shirt because LESBIAN FORESHADOWING. Pam is overwhelmed with sympathy for Sara, seeing as her own mom doesn’t care about her.

Put some pants on, we need to talk about Sara Harvey. Who is this girl really? I feel like if she’s not Charles, she’s at least his Stockholm syndrome puppet, right? There’s no way her parents are complete dicks who don’t care about their found daughter. And she went after Emily, who is by far the most gullible of the Liars. She can take all the showers she wants, but this girl still doesn’t smell right to me.

Spencer and Toby are cuddling at home, and Toby asks her to tell Ali to leave Lorenzo alone, because her crafty feminine wiles are no match for his dumb dumb cop face. Toby is still convinced that Ali is only out for herself, but I feel like she really has turned a new leaf. Spencer isn’t so sure.

Hanna drives to Emily’s and demands that she go to therapy with her. Aria shows up and tells them that Andrew was adopted, but Hanna is eager to get this therapy bus on the road.

Spencer visits Jason and asks him about Charles, and Jason says there is no Charles DiLaurentis. He thinks about it and tells her he had a childhood imaginary friend called Charlie, but surely that doesn’t mean anything right?

The rest of the Liars are at therapy waiting for Spencer, and trying to figure out what exactly they’re gonna tell Dr. Sullivan. Hanna (who is now the smartest Liar) tells them it’s about coming clean with each other, when Spencer storms in shrieking about Jason’s imaginary friend. Hanna tells the group she had an imaginary friend named Mr. Biscuit, and I desperately need to see a flashback of that story. Maybe all the Liars had imaginary friends? Maybe Aria’s was a sequin fascinator, Spencer’s was a talking SAT prep book, and Emily’s was a ghost bikini?

Emily gets a phone call from Sara, and Spencer tells her to send it to voicemail, but Emils is all “it’s a Facetime!” like that means anything. She answers the call to see Charles filming a sleeping Sara, threatening to kill her if they don’t GTFO of the therapy office. Hanna’s dreams of group therapy are thwarted yet again!

The Liars rush to Emily’s house, where they find Sara fresh out of the shower. Emily gives her the biggest of hugs. Later, the Liars discuss how Andrew could have made the call from jail, and the answer is he couldn’t because he’s not Charles. Pam shows up to tell them that Andrew is getting released because there’s no case against him.

The Liars confront Ali and tell her about Andrew’s release. They demand that she ask her dad about Charles, and they decide to snoop around the DiLaurentis house for evidence. Dr. Sullivan calls Hanna, who lies about Ashley slipping in the shower and promises to schedule another appointment. Emily is behind her playing the piano ominously, like she’s looking for a secret key that will open a batcave or something. Spencer and Ali check the flower boxes, and Ali asks about Lorenzo. Seeing that she is genuinely interested, Spencer encourages her to embrace her second chance at life by dating a guy who is prolly too old for her.

Aria searches the craft room, where she dumps out a big mason jar of buttons (classic Aria) and finds a hidden photo of Charles and Jason that matches the old family video. Jackpot. Ali tells the Liars to go home so she can confront her father by herself.

As the Liars walk home, they run into Andrew getting released from jail. Not surprising, considering all roads in Rosewood lead to the precinct. Aria approaches him, but he tells to kindly fuck off for ruining his life/GPA. He says that he wanted to be the one to find her, to be the hero, but instead he got arrested and it’s all her tiny-faced fault. He then calls the Liars Rosewood’s equivalent of a toxic dump and storms off all butthurt. Failed savior complex sucks, I guess.

The Liars are all, “Wow, maybe we are isolated from everyone in town” and Hanna is lik, “DUH! That’s why I wanted us to get group therapy!” Hanna bites the bullet and talks about her time playing games in the Dollhouse. The other girls thought they were the only ones (really?) and realize that no one was ever shocked. It was all a mind game designed to alienate each other. Just thinking that they hurt each other was enough to fuck them up.

Emily goes home to see a lesbian in a track suit sitting in the window nook, but it’s Sara, with a new androgynous haircut courtesy of Pam Fields. She asks Emily what she thinks, and Emily wipes the drool off her chin.

Spencer comes home and her mom tells her that she needs to be safe and keep her informed of her whereabouts bc of all the ever-present danger. She tries to bust Spencer for ditching school, but Spencer is over being caught in lies. When she was in the Dollhouse, all she wanted was to come home, but know that she’s home, she’s still unhappy and depressed. She goes upstairs and takes the pill she stole from Aria.

Hanna looks at paint samples in her room, while Aria takes pictures of herself in the mirror, which is the most Aria thing that has ever Aria’d. Ali shows Jason the photo and they confront their dad about Charles. As he tells them the truth, we see Charles watching them from the window.

What did you think of last night’s episode? Is Sara Harvey bad news or just a bi-curious babe in the woods? Share your theories with me @Chelseaprocrast

Thanks as always to Nicole @PLLBigA for her screencaps. You can borrow my flannel anytime!

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