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“Rizzoli & Isles” Subtext Recap (6.01): The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly New Guy

See Jane run. See Jane run after emo John Cusack. See Jane run into a car. See Jane run into the subway. See Jane stop running when she hears a gunshot. Wow, Season 6, way to run right into the action.

Speaking of running, we now take a jog backwards a day. Jane is, naturally, in Maura’s kitchen. When last we saw Det. Jane Rizzoli and Dr. Maura Isles they were cooing over the college prospects of their adopted daughter, Tasha, and deciding to focus on each other. I’m not even making most of that up.

Jane is trying to convince Maura—who has new bangs that we should probably talk about—that someone named “Kent Drake” is not an appropriate beard/assistant medical examiner. So I see they’ve taken to having the beards apply for the position now. Smart—always check their resumes. Also, the good news is even if he does land the job it is only a “6-month rotation” so the grand tradition of short-lived faux male love interests on Rizzoli & Isles should remain intact.

Mama Rizzoli interrupts by lugging in a big, ugly, free chair she has scrounged off a relative. But don’t worry, she knows better than to bring such horrendous furniture for her fashionable daughter-in-law; it’s for Frankie. But the ladies don’t have time for interior decorating, instead they do their signature synchronized “Rizzoli” and “Isles” phone greetings and it’s off to another case we go. This one is also, unfortunately, about a discarded item—a dead girl wrapped in a rug and thrown in a dumpster.

So, naturally, the whole team makes jokes about the kinds of suspects who would stand out in that area—like centaurs and pirates and organ grinders. Admit it, the ridiculous gallows humor is part of the reason you love this show.

Back at the lab, Kent Drake is studiously vacuuming the dead girl’s rug. That’s so wrong and I wasn’t even trying for gallows humor. He is so studiously working that he barely pauses to acknowledge the presence of Maura or Jane. Though, one look at him and we know that 1) He is not a superhero, and 2) He should not be Maura’s next beard.

No offense, but unless he takes off those glasses and becomes Lynda Carter there’s no way they’re hooking Maura up with someone that dweebie/obnoxious/fashion backwards. I mean, his shirt alone is a crime scene but then you add in those toe shoes. To quote Det. Jane Rizzoli, “Nope.”

One piece of evidence he collected actually did pan out, a T-shirt from someplace called “Internet Village” where the dead girl worked. Aw, that’s kind of what I consider us all, an Internet Village. It takes a village to ship Rizzoli & Isles. Sorry, I could not resist.

The dead girl used to work at Internet Village but left to spend more time with her boyfriend, Spike. Does he have a British accent and an aversion to the sun? Nah, he has a green streak in his hair and looks like an emo John Cusack. Also, we already know he is a good runner.

But the case can wait because Mama R enlists Jane and Maura to drag the ugly free chair to Frankie’s place. They oblige—with a standard amount of grousing—only to be surprised at little Rizzoli’s nice new apartment. He had been keeping his new digs a secret from his sister and her girlfriend. But the secret’s out, and so are his clothes.

Jane grills her half-naked little brother on keeping secrets. But he throws it back at her and her “secrets.” Jane gets defensive and claims she is allowed to have “secrets” and we all laugh and laugh and laugh. At this point, can it even be considered a secret? It’s the not-so-secret secret. Geez, this is the longest, most obvious coming out in history.

Later while a fully clothed Frankie and Nina are sharing some fun banter about Italian mamas, Maura and Kent are sharing some awkward workplace conversations. He questions her work experience. (Um, how is it possible Maura has only worked there for five years? Did she just meet Jane when the series started? I have so many timeline questions now.)

He also questions her attire. I know we’re being set up to hate this guy for some reason, but questioning Maura’s heels is beyond the pale. Like, how could he ever come back into the sphere of likeability after that? Toe Shoes Guy is officially dead to me. Dead, I say.

Jane, Frankie and Korsak are staking out emo John Cusack’s place. He runs, of course, and they run after him. We’ve finally met up with the beginning timeline. And we see what actually happened with that gunshot that made Jane’s head swivel.

It was Frankie shooting a man he said had a gun. But now they can’t find his gun. Whoa, an officer-involved shooting of an unarmed suspect was totally not where I was expecting the season 6 premiere of Rizzoli & Isles to go. Not at all.

Frankie keeps insisting the man had a gun. Jane vows to find the gun. But the Internal Affairs Division seems set on crucifying Frankie. Given recent news events and subsequent national protests, it’s an interesting choice to have this kind of storyline play out from the opposite perspective. Though, considering our country’s abysmal track record on indicting cops who shoot unarmed people, I’m not sure why Frankie is so worried. Yeah, I went there.

Right, so back to this whole breezy, subtexty recap thing. The story has now turned from “Who killed this girl?” to “Will Frankie be cleared?” Things are looking bleak—for Frankie, the dead girl isn’t getting any deader or anything. No one saw the gun. The subway video system was broken and didn’t record the shooting. But, never fear, he is one of the good guys. Cops like him and Jane don’t shoot people for no reason. Also, this is TV and his family name is in the title.

Jane and Maura fret over Frankie’s case. The apparently unarmed suspect has died, making matters even worse. The body is coming in to an autopsy and our favorite homicide detective and medical examiner duo find a way to still be homicide detectives and medical examiners even though they’re not officially allowed to investigate the case. As Nixon might say, I knew installing those video cameras around the office would pay off some day.

But the stand-in medical examiner is standing in the way of the results, so Maura steals Jane’s coffee in an effort to get him to move so they have a better view. Well, now you know they’re in love for sure. Only someone Jane truly loves could steal her coffee and live to tell the tale. It works and Maura discovers that the suspect had the same protein drink—apparently preferred by nerdy computer programmers everywhere—that the dead girl had in her stomach contents.

That connection means Jane can keep digging into Frankie’s case while appearing to investigate the dead girl’s case. They find the bunch of routers in the dead guy’s apartment. But Nina finds something even better. Video evidence—thanks to our insatiable desire to post everything to social media—that there was a gun at the scene of Frankie’s shooting. That deserves a Big Gay Rizzoli kiss, don’t you think? Just don’t make Maura too jealous, Jane.

The social media postings give them a likely suspect for the gun stealer and facial recognition finds them a name. Thanks, robot overlords! They theorize the man was trying to disrupt the subways because he has a grudge against the city for seizing his house for a new line expansion. Sure, why not? Crazier things have happened on this show. Jane jumped off a bridge last season.

Jane and Maura go to break the good news to Frankie. He responds with copious hugs. Jane, trying to maintain maximum butch points, pretends to not enjoy said hug. In true girlfriend fashion Maura answers Jane’s phone for her when she continues to be enveloped. Frankie finally lets go and moves on to his sister-in-law. Jane leaves her there because there are only so many Big Feelings—lesbian and otherwise—she can process in one day.

So now all they have to do is clean up the loose ends. That means catching emo John Cusack and his green streak. And then, hopefully, he will lead them to the plan’s mastermind/gun stealer. Toe Shoes Guy—who is starting to look suspiciously handsome without his glasses—asks Maura if solving the cases makes her feel better about the crimes. She answers thoughtfully about science and other things. OK, what is up with this guy? Is he actually Lynda Carter?

Jane presents her case to IAD. They’re skeptical, but then she trots out emo John Cusack who corroborates their theories. So the IAD detectives reluctantly call off the dogs and Frankie is free to continue furnishing his fancy new apartment. Now they just need to stop an intentional subway crash from killing a bunch of innocent people.

Nina tells them to look for a small plastic box the suspect is probably using to boost his signal. Sounds like searching for a needle in a busy subway platform haystack, right? Well have no fear, this is Det. Jane Rizzoli—she knows all about how to find the perfect box in a city of more than four million people. Ahem.

The box leads them to the suspect. The suspect is lead away in handcuffs. And you know what that means, right? It’s time for our Big Gayzzoli Ending. But first, we have to deal with Toe Shoes Guy. Or, more accurately, Ex-Toe Shoes Guy. He emerges without his glasses and with closed-toe shoes with laces and everything. Senior Criminalist Susie Chang declares him “super hot”—and then worries about a sexual harassment suit. Honey, have you seen how Jane and Maura eye sex each other on the regular in the workplace? Your little comments are nothing compared to that.

Seems Ex-Toe Shoes Guy put on an elaborate dorky ruse so people wouldn’t make assumptions about him. He was afraid they wouldn’t take a hunky ex-military guy seriously so he nerded it up. Aw, was someone afraid of being judged primarily on his looks? Dude, let me get out the world’s smallest violin. It’s called being a female. Look into it.

Maura calls him on it, as she should. Because it’s basically lying, which is way worse than wearing heels at the office. Also, his “disguise” doesn’t explain away his shitty attitude. Like, is that really his personality? Because no amount of taking off his glasses and shaking out his hair can fix that.

The gang assembles at Frankie’s place to celebrate him not being a terrible police officer. Maura has poured a very special, very strong cocktail for the occasion called “The Last Word.” Hey, Maura, keep pouring—maybe after a few of those you’ll finally get Jane to open up about those Big Lesbian Feelings to the world.

Frankie arrives late to his party with a bag full of thank-you gifts. A scarf for his mother. A good bottle of wine for Maura. A ukulele for Korsak. And for Jane, a signed Ted Williams baseball. (Of course, it’s a baseball—because Jane’s “secret” isn’t secret at all. So gay.) Everyone basks in the glow of their new presents. They’re the least Frankie could do as gratitude for proving people’s worst assumptions about law enforcement wrong—at least on this day.

He also anguishes over the fact that the man who he shot—while justified—had to die. Jane tells him that’s how you tell the good guys from the bad guys. And then everyone raises a glass because, at least on TV, the good guys still prevail.

Right, so there you have your season premiere. Needs more eye sex, but then I guess it’s hard to be flirty when tackling potential police brutality charges. So on to your #gayzzoli tweets of the week.

Find more from Dorothy Snarker visit dorothysurrenders.com or @dorothysnarker.

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