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Sherri Saum of “The Fosters” on identity, labels, and the future of Stef and Lena

Last week I had the pleasure of visiting the set of The Fosters to get the scoop on what we can expect in season 3 of the groundbreaking show. I had the honor of chatting with Sherri Saum about identity, labels, and the realistic struggles every couple goes through from time to time. She assured me that although they have their ups and downs, we don’t have to worry about our favorite on-screen couple, Stef and Lena.

AfterEllen: I’m very excited about season 3 of The Fosters but I must admit that I’m a little concerned are about what it will bring for Stef and Lena. I’m happy that Lena and Monte have decided to put their kiss behind them and that Lena has decided not to go to the conference. However, they do still work together everyday. Something tells me this isn’t the end of that storyline. Should I be worried?

Sherri Saum: Oh, I don’t know. The Monte character, she’s not devious. It’s just that when you work in close proximity with someone, and you share confidences with someone, sometimes that’s a danger zone. It can happen. Especially when you’re not at your best with your partner. Lena was just as much to blame, obviously, for letting that happen.

I understand that it’s basically a new portrayal we are seeing on TV and we all want them to win. We want them to just triumph. It’s hard to see them fight but I hope that people know that no one is singling out this relationship to say that lesbians can’t get along or lesbians can’t get married. This is absolutely normal. Nothing about it rings false to me. These are the conversations you have with your partner when you’re stressed out. This is what happens when you have five kids and a full-time job. But I really feel like, and I hope that everyone else does too, that the love is there. It’s the bedrock and it’s not going anywhere. No matter the roller coaster ride we are on.

AE: That’s great to hear. Actually, one of the reasons that I love the show is because of the realistic portrayal of married life. Sure, Lena and Stef are in a same-sex marriage so that might be different from what you’ve seen on television previously but their stories are often the same of heterosexual couples. Everyone has their baggage and every relationship has its issues. Just as their blended, multi-racial family is a reflection of the way the notion of family is evolving, in a way Stef and Lena’s imperfect relationship helps normalize same-sex marriage.

SS: I know people get angry that we aren’t on the same page or that Stef and Lena fight. I just think it’s an extremely realistic portrayal. I mean, my husband and I go through things. We all go through things.

AE: I have to say, though, that this couple really has gone through a lot: The loss of a parent. The loss of a child. Those are things that can really tear a family apart. What characteristics or traits does Stef and Lena’s relationship possessed that helps them endure. Or, to put it another way, if Lena was giving relationship advice, what do you think she would say to other couples?

SS: When you get married, or have a partner it’s like everyday you are fighting a mini-war together. Every day you make it through the day with everybody intact and everyone’s head on their pillow feels like a triumph. And it’s a really bonding thing to navigate all the ups and downs of life together. I don’t have any, and I don’t think the writers have any magic answer about how to stay together. I just think that when you love that deeply, even when problems come up, that love will carry you through. We just do the best we can. Every single day, we mess up. Every single day we try to make it better. That’s all anybody can do.

AE: Speaking of relationships, I am excited to see Jude and Connor finally together! We heart Jonnor! They’re so sweet. As this young relationship begins it’s interesting to see Jude’s reluctance to be labeled as gay. There have been some discussions in our community and on our forums about what it means when people say, “I don’t want to be labeled.” One the one hand, some people feel that because of the importance of LGBTQ people being represented in the media, that it’s important to have these clear distinctions. On the other hand, Jude is so young. What is your take on Jude’s reluctance to specifically identify as “gay’? Will we see this topic come up again in future episodes?

SS: I think it’s important to not to put that pressure on any kid that age, of any sexual orientation. It’s a discovery. I think everybody has to have their time to discover what it is that they want and especially for a character like Jude, who has been through so many things. I think he said in that premier episode that he’s always been something. He’s the foster kid. He’s the new kid. He’s the kid whose mother died. How annoying is that? Just let him breathe! Let him have the space to be Jude. Whatever that may mean. I think everybody deserves that.

AE: So much has happened in this show in just two episodes, it’s hard to imagine what could possibly be coming down the pipeline for season three. Are there any issues or topics that you hope you’ll get to tackle this season? What are your hopes for Lena this year?

SS: I think that the creators and the writers are aware that there are stories that haven’t really been told on T.V. and they probably do make an effort to tell those stories in a fun and responsible way, but at the same time [the writers] do a great job of the every day crazy stuff that happens to everyone. Like, Uh oh, there’s a leak in the bathroom and the roof comes crashing down! Day to day life can make you wonder what’s going to happen next.

I don’t know what’s going to happen next, but I don’t fear about lack of stories. They have a very deep well of personal life experiences; they don’t have to go scrounging for others.

AE: They’re not searching through the headlines like, “What’s in the news today. Let’s write an episode about that.”

SS: Yeah, they don’t necessarily have to do that. They are just trying to bring true life to the screen. I just really hope that Stef and Lena can find a way to get on the same page at the same time. We’re doing a little bit of going rogue with our missions, whether they involve our family or ourselves. And as we have learned the hard way, that doesn’t really work. Lena always purports herself to be a kind-hearted, good listener, team player, but she has her moments where she kind of drops that ball. I just hope that they can get on the same page because they have so many obstacles coming their way. I’ve said this in an interview before, ” As the Moms go, so goes the house.” If we’re not on point and on our game there will be a trickle down effect.

Not that we have to be perfect, because obviously nobody’s perfect, but we have to be united in the things that matter most.

Amen, Sherri! My fingers are crossed that Lena and Stef can find a way to get on the same page very soon. I don’t know about you, but I’m hankering for some sweet and romantic scenes between the embattled duo.

What are your hopes for Season 3 of The Fosters?

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