“Pretty Little Liars” recap (6.9): The Prom is Dark and Full of Terrors

It’s the last episode before the summer season finale of Pretty Little Liars aka the un-masking of A/Charles aka what young girls/stunted adults have been waiting six seasons for. IT. IS. COMING. But first, barn proms and real proms decorated like the woods behind actual barns. What if A is a sentient barn, you guys?! That barn’s been there the whole time!!! It’s bArn!!! *Mic Drop.

Screen Shot 2015-08-04 at 8.51.13 PMDear Jeebus, please let Chelsea’s conspiracy theories come true

But I’m getting ahead of myself. We start with a montage of all the moms telling all the Liars that they’ve been banned from prom…and graduation. Classic Rosewood victim blaming. This is a mom-heavy episode you guys, so buckle up. Moms are in town and ready to drink! The Liars are devastated, especially when the moms offer a pity prom in the Hastings barn. Spencer is pissed she wasted all that time writing a commencement speech no one will ever hear, Aria is pissed that no one will get to see her Cooper the raccoon-inspired dress, Emily is pissed she doesn’t get to take Sara’s v-card in the backseat of a car. And Hanna? Pissed at the whole damn world.

Screen Shot 2015-08-04 at 8.46.10 PM It’ll be prom with your mom! It’s every teen’s dream!

Screen Shot 2015-08-04 at 8.51.06 PM FUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKK

The Liars are commiserating at the Brew, when Ali gets a text from Charles telling her to come to prom alone. Lorenzo walks in looking all butthurt, and Ali looks sad. too, but I seriously couldn’t care less about this romance. Aria tries calling Clark, but Ezra eavesdrops and tells her to leave it to the police. NOBODY ASKED YOU, EZRA.

Screen Shot 2015-08-04 at 8.55.18 PMAnd by “come alone” I mean jill off

Ella rushes into the Brew to tell Aria that she won the Miranda Priestly Photography scholarship for Fashionally-Challenged Teens and she’s off to Los Angeles! Aria can’t really get excited, what with the relentless threat of danger that is her very existence, but Ella encourages her to live in the moment. On the plus (???) side, Ezra is now on board being Aria’s prom date.

Screen Shot 2015-08-04 at 8.56.20 PMDance like no one is watching you…from the chip inside your brain!

Caleb is off to NY to work with his dad, and Hanna is upset that he’s missing their pity prom. She notices he packed a laptop, but he assures her he’s not hunting down Charles.