“Pretty Little Liars” recap (6.9): The Prom is Dark and Full of Terrors

Sara and Emily dance together, and Sara tells Emily she means a lot to her. SNOOZE.

Screen Shot 2015-08-04 at 9.32.35 PMSsshh girl, I’m just feeling for that microchip in your neck

The moms are still in the DiLaurentis house, ready to get their snoop on, when they hear a noise in the basement. They head downstairs, only to be locked in said basement like a bunch of season one Liars. Amateurs.

Caleb tells Hanna that he was in NYC interviewing for a job and now he’s gonna be an information risk analyst at a secret fancy company, despite not having a GED or a college education. He’ll be making enough money to support them both and pay for Hanna’s tuition! Hooray? I’d question the logic of all this, but this hardly the most ridiculous premise this show has given us so let’s just go with it.

Screen Shot 2015-08-04 at 9.36.35 PM I mean, we’ve believed dumber stuff than this, right?

Screen Shot 2015-08-04 at 9.36.51 PM SO MUCH DUMBER!

The moms are locked in the basement and freaking out, because they’ve never really dealt with these kinds of A shenanigans. Except that time Ashley got arrested for Wilden’s murder. And Pam had a car drive through her living room. And Ella got attacked by bees inside her car. And Jessica DiLaurentis’s dead body ruined Veronica’s azaleas. None of them brought a phone, because moms be momming.

Screen Shot 2015-08-04 at 9.37.18 PMI’m not pissed you left your phone, I’m pissed you left the wine

Ali keeps getting texts from Charles telling her that she’s running out of time to find him. Just tell her where to go Charles, this prom is filled with masks and capes and a built-to-scale forest! Give the girl a compass or a clue or something. Ali follows a red hood into the prom cavern, past couples making out, past Spanish moss, past that tree from The Wizard of Oz that chucks apples at people.

Screen Shot 2015-08-04 at 9.38.12 PMOne: the cow as white as milk, Two: the cape as red as blood

Screen Shot 2015-08-04 at 9.41.21 PMThree: the hair as yellow as corn, Four: the hoodie as black as night