“Clipped” recap (1.9): Death by the Barbershop

After my lackluster review of Clipped last week, I was really hoping the show would step up its game this week. Unfortunately, what they delivered is what I consider their most underwhelming episode yet. Did they underuse Charmaine again? Yes, but unlike last week my major beef with this episode is that it was just boring. Next week is the season finale, and I really, really hope we see something special.

So, here’s what we had this week. Our main plot: Charmaine, Danni, A.J., and Ben’s old high school geometry teacher Mr. Painter is stopping by the shop, and Ben just hates him. Our subplot: Joy’s pregnant, but she’s not as thrilled as you’d expect her to be.

Are you excited yet?

At first it looks like Ben will be able to avoid the run-in—he’s out on another mini-date with his mom. But when he returns, there in A.J.’s chair is Mr. Painter. Never one to pass up a good opportunity, Ben rips into the man. Too bad A.J. never got the chance to tell him Mr. Painter has suffered multiple heart attacks. If he had, maybe the geometry guru wouldn’t have had another one right outside the shop.

1R.I.P. Mr. Painter (Episode 1.9-1.9)

To everyone’s shock, the next day Ben doesn’t appear to be sad or remorseful. Buzzy, like those of us watching, wants to know what’s up. Ben had sworn his classmates to secrecy, but crafty Charmaine finds a loophole—they never said they wouldn’t collectively share the story.

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It goes a little something like this:

Once upon a time in a high school geometry class in Boston, a teacher asked his geography inept student to come to the front of the class to answer a question. That student’s name was Ben, and he was wearing very tight pants (thanks for the visual Charmaine). Fate would have it that Ben would drop the chalk, and when he bent down to pick it up—yup, you guessed it—his pants ripped. And because fate can be so cruel, it just so happened that Ben was going commando that day. Yikes…

Why the lack of underwear? Because it was “Free Wednesday,” the one day a week Ben’s mom insisted the boys be free, so as to keep up that sperm count. Nope, nothing weird about this mother-son relationship at all.

Oh, in case you’re wondering, Mr. Painter made him stay up there to finish the question. That sadistic dead bastard! But let’s not forget the true victim in all this—Danni, who had a front row seat to it all (thanks again to Charmaine for pointing that out).

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Although he at first makes it clear he’s not going, Ben does show up at the funeral after A.J. shows him the light… (Aren’t funeral puns the best?)

But the sadness he shows at the funeral is fake, and from behind it’s really convincing. Just like how from behind you could easily confuse him for a baby butch, vest and all.

Ah, but the cruel mistress that is fate is at work again. When for the finale of his spectacle he bends over to kiss Mr. Painter’s forehead, his pants rip yet again. And yes, it’s a Wednesday.

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If you’re wondering (and Charmaine seems to think we all are), Danni got the front row view again. And although you probably don’t care, I feel obliged to mention that, much to Mo’s delight, Joy has decided to leave her husband. But you don’t have to feel bad about the demise of her marriage—no one else does!

What will this all mean for the upcoming season finale? I have no freakin’ idea. But I have to write something, so look out for that next week!