“The L Word” Recaps: Episode 6.04 “Leaving Los Angeles”

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Nutloaf: The perfect Valentine for your threesome candidate.
Control: What Bette still desperately craves.
Max: The worst of all the wasted opportunities of The L Word.

THIS WEEK’S GUESTBIANS: Elizabeth Berkley wants to be noticed; Roger Cross listens carefully; Mei Melançon charms everyone; Alexandra Hedison rolls with the punches.

THREAT COUNT: Thus far, three characters have threatened Jenny’s life: Niki, after Jenny made the “showmance” comment; Tina, when she thought Jenny had stolen the negative; and Max (this episode; read on).

The Planet — Max, Tom, Alice and Tasha are sharing some food and conversation. Hmm, that’s an interesting pair of couples. I think I’d actually like to hang out with them. But maybe not today, since the topic of conversation is Shane and Jenny — who are indulging in a little PDA nearby.

Alice: They’re still on each other.
Tasha: Like white on rice.

Tasha says this so adorably (like she says most things), but Alice is more interested in substance than style.

Alice: You just gossiped!
Tasha: That was an observation. Jeez.
Alice: You don’t have to get defensive. We’re developing similar interests.

Yes: grasp at every straw of possible connection! I’m hoping against hope that you two are gonna make it after all.

Jenny and Shane stroll over and sit down. So are they “out” as a couple or not? I never know who knows what or how much time has passed since the last episode or what time of day it is. The producers should really get Kiefer Sutherland to do a voice-over at the beginning of each episode: “The following occurs between the hours of Something A.M. and Otherthing P.M., or maybe slightly before or after. Events occur in unreal time.”

Jenny breaks the ice with a sledgehammer:

Jenny: [to Max] How is the beautiful mother-to-be?

Max flips her off. And really, isn’t that the only possible reply? But as usual, Jenny clings to her version of reality.

Jenny: What was that for?
Tom: [with an implied “duh”] He doesn’t like being referred to as “mother.”
Jenny: Why? You should be proud that you’re a mother.
Max: I’m not a mother, OK, Jenny? Can you get that?

OK, little lost Gibb, but whether you’re a brother or whether you’re a mother, you’re stayin’ alive. But that’s not necessarily a good thing, considering how they’ve assassinated your character.

Jenny can’t really “get” Max at all. She makes faces that say, “Gah, what’s her problem,” which irks Tom:

Tom: Jenny, stop it.
Max: What’d she do?
Jenny: I was doing absolutely nothing. I’m simply saying that you look beautiful. You have these breasts now, you know? You have hips and you’re curvaceous, and you’re becoming womanly now.
Shane: [making a face, shaking her head and putting her hand up] Uh, Jenny, Jenny, Jenny, Jenny.
Jenny: I’m not trying to be insulting. I’m just saying you should be proud to be a mother. A beautiful mother, you know? The fact of the matter is, most women look terrible when they’re pregnant.

Max leaves the table, prompting Jenny to ask, “Why is she so sensitive?”

Ugh. The bigger question is why is Jenny so insensitive? It doesn’t really make sense. I know she’s had her issues with Max, but shouldn’t she be the first one to understand the importance of words and names? And shouldn’t she, of all people, know how much support you need from your friends when you’re struggling to be who you are? I give up. Tom’s right when he declares the whole thing “really unbelievable” and stomps off after Max.

Max is in the bathroom, sobbing over a sink. Tom tries to comfort him.

Max: I hate her. I hate it; it’s these f—ing hormones; I hate these hormones. And I hate these tits, and I hate these f—ing hips, and I hate Jenny Schecter!

Well, he didn’t actually use the word “kill,” but I think it still counts as a threat. The mere presence of the word “hormones” counts as a threat to a lot of people — if you throw in “tits” and “hips,” you can expect someone to bust out the hazmat suits.