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“Chasing Life” recap (2.8): Life After Death

Previously on Chasing Life, LEO DIED AND EVERYTHING HURT. (Also, Brenna fought against biphobia, a fight that trickled into the comments of last week’s recap; thanks to those of you who left thoughtful comments on why biphobia is harmful to our community, even though we shouldn’t have had to explain it on this queer website. I’m always happy to stand up for what’s right and it’s nice to have people like you by my side.)

We open right away in the hospital. From the quiet devastation and complete brokenness in April’s eyes, there’s no doubt about what happened. Leo’s life doesn’t hang in the balance, we aren’t going to be holding our breath for half the episode. He’s gone.

Uncle George tries to explain to April, Sara, and Leo’s parents that it was probably a broken blood vessel from all the trauma he’s experienced from the cancer, and assure them all that there was nothing they could have done, not even listening to me when I shouted about his headache.

Leo’s parents tell April that, before his last surgery, Leo made his own arrangements, but they’re going to let her approve them all before they put them in motion. Which I thought was insanely sweet of them, considering they hadn’t even been married that long. It’s (understandably) rare to see parents able to see through their cloud of grief enough to consider their children’s spouse’s wishes, too.

April can’t really think about that right now though, so she goes back to her old room and curls up at the end of her bed.

Leo’s dad stops by eventually to talk in a little more detail about these plans, and April says that whatever Leo wanted is fine, as long as they don’t have a viewing. Her dad agrees, and thanks her for bringing his son closer to him than he had ever been. After he leaves, Sara tells April that plenty of people have been stopping by, but April says she doesn’t want cheering up and goes back to her room.

Then April curls into bed…with Leo. Who is obviously imaginary, but after what happened to Izzie Stevens after Denny died, I obviously start to panic.

Thankfully, we don’t spend too much time at Leo’s funeral. (Don’t worry, we’ll cry plenty later.) Adore Delano from American Idol and Ru Paul’s Drag Race SLAYS “Amazing Grace” and everyone lets go balloons (that are hopefully biodegradable and dissolve in water).

Back at the house, Natalie and Beth asks April if they can help, and she takes them up on their offer to clean out the apartment, since she can’t bring herself to go there. Mostly, though, April just wants everyone to stop with the forced niceties and canned responses. She finally loses her cool and storms upstairs to hang out with Imaginary Leo and complain about how bad we are at dealing with death and dying, as a people.

Imaginary Leo asks about his funeral and she assures him that it was him to a T. He tells her to take her time healing from this and to stay in her room with him as long as she wants.

April is mid-sentence with Imaginary Leo when Brenna walks in on her talking to nobody. April just says goodnight even though presumably Brenna came in there to say more than that, but Brenna doesn’t know how to help her sister, so she just returns the goodnight and leaves.

The next day, April is still in bed when Dom stops by to check on her. Sara, despite only telling April of Beth’s visit later, decides to let Dom right on up. Dom says all the wrong things, as usual, and April loses it on him, telling him to quite literally go away, and saying she regrets trying to stay friends with him. I imagine she only says this because it’s one of the negative memories she holds, and she only wants the happy memories now. But thankfully Dom understands her need for him to not be there and skedaddles.

Sara forces April into the real world for some Boston air to heal her soul and reminds her to focus on also healing her body. This reminds April that she needs to get her medical records for Doctor Uncle George, and says she’ll send Beth and Natalie to do it.

At school, Finn tells Brenna he’s sorry for her loss and Brenna says she wishes Finn could have met Leo, because he was full of life. Also, Brenna feels a little adrift at home right now, because she doesn’t know how to talk to April. Instead, she talks to Finn openly about his own illness.

Finn isn’t sad about his diagnosis though, and is keeping high spirits. He might be one leg down, but it isn’t enough to knock his running dreams out from under him. He asks Brenna to come to the track with him, which she agrees to since her house is currently covered in clouds of gloom anyway.

Natalie and Beth do go to Leo’s apartment, and Beth admits to Natalie that she doesn’t think Leo’s death has hit her yet. Especially since Natalie mentions crying for days after her dad died, and Beth realizes she hasn’t cried at all yet. Natalie then says something super smart because she’s the most socially aware person on this show; she says that it doesn’t matter how many tears Beth has shed, all that matters is that she’s there to wipe away April’s.

Beth brings the medical papers to April, but in the pile is also Leo’s medical records and an envelope marked, “To be opened after my death,” which is something everyone should have, because going through a loved one’s things after they pass is the worst and having something they left behind must be a really surreal thing.

They open the envelope, and in it is a piece of paper with a latitude and longitude, with an extra four digits. April crumples it up, remembering what happened when she followed her father’s postmortem breadcrumbs.

Beth Googles it anyway and says it’s a wharf not too far from here, so they go check it out. The coordinates lead them to a dock, where there is a lockbox marked HENDRIE. The extra numbers are a code to open them, and inside are a bunch of life vests. Beth is about to tear them open for clues when April finds a message in a bottle; the letter says he created this scavenger hunt when he found out had about six months to live, for someone he cares about to have one last adventure with him.

April immediately recognizes a quote in the letter and realizes they have to go to Bunker Hill next, which is the realest sign they were meant to have found each other.

Brenna goes with Finn to the race track, casually mentioning on the way that she donated stem cells once. He thanks her on behalf of all people who have ever needed a donation, and tucks that storyline under his beanie for later.

Finn takes off his pants and tells Brenna to touch it. His prosthetic leg, that is. (He made a penis joke so I’m allowed to make a penis joke LEAVE ME ALONE THIS EPISODE WAS TOO SAD MY FUNNY BONE IS BROKEN). His first goal is to make it around the track once without stopping. He takes off like a bat out of hell, though, and falls after just a few strides. He gets up and heads back to the line to start over. Brenna tries to tell him to take it easy, but Finn tells her this is not an OMI song and to start helping him get his ass in gear.

Brenna wants Finn to be realistic to avoid disappointment because life sucks and then you die, but Finn wants to shoot for the moon because even if he misses he’ll be among the stars. And I think that’s what makes these two pale beautiful teenagers an almost perfect yin and yang of each other; both have been touched by cancer, in very different ways. One feels beat down by it-her sister collapsed at her own wedding and then her brother-in-law died mere weeks later-and the other sees it simply as a hurdle to overcome.

When they get to the monument to look for their next clue, April admits to Beth that she’s been imagining Leo talking to her. Since she seems to fully understand it’s just a projection of her own memory and not an actual visitation from the afterlife, Beth tells her she thinks it’s just fine. Before they start to search in earnest, Beth reminds April that it’s very possible Leo never finished this scavenger hunt, but April is desperate and begs her friend to keep looking.

Beth notices something wedged under the plaque and April claws at it, but Beth asks her to not get them arrested and wait until she can call for reinforcements. Unfortunately for all of us, her idea of “reinforcements” is just Dom and a screwdriver. But whatever they get the clue out and it’s a room number from the hospital. Beth asks Dom to stay and since April is too caught up in the hunt to say otherwise, the three of them head off to the hospital together.

When they get to the appropriate room, they realize the room is currently occupied.

But they use April’s quick thinking, Beth’s accent and charming smile, and Dom’s dimples to con their way into searching the room. While April is checking the bathroom for clues, Beth breaks a nail and bursts into tears, causing Dom to drag her away from the confused patient. Beth explains that it just now hit her, that Leo is gone. Because when she was devastated from a breakup and April was too busy, Leo went with her to get a mani/pedi and was so genuine and funny and good and breaking her nail reminded her that his light is out forever now, never to brighten someone’s grey day again.

Beth pulls herself together just as April comes back with the clue, which says, “What’s all over the hospital? Go there.” Beth, admittedly better at song references than clue deciphering, suggests “germs” but as one cannot go to germs, they think harder. I thought it was faith and that they’d end up back in the chapel, but April is apparently quicker than I am, and she realizes he meant the roof. Which is hella clever on Leo’s part, too.

At the track, Brenna apologizes to Finn, admitting she’s felt pretty useless these days.

They talk about faith, and Finn is surprised to hear Brenna talk about heaven and hell in such a black and white way. He thinks of it less like HERE IS A RELIGION AND A SET OF RULES AND YOU MUST ADHERE TO ALL OF THEM OR SUFFER ETERNAL DAMNATION. It’s more like, hey there’s more to it than just this one life we’ve got going on. He figures, if he dies and he’s wrong, it won’t matter because all he will be is dead. But believing there is gives him comfort in this life, so why not just take a big ol’ handful?

The Adventure Trio find themselves on the roof of the hospital, and April remembers them hanging out in that very spot. April says that Leo lived more than anyone and takes a silent vow to do the same. To chase life, if you will.

April apologizes to Dom for yelling at him; this one time he actually didn’t deserve it. (Just this once.) Beth sees April dealing with her feelings, and tells her she’s proud of her.

Dom finds another message tube on the roof, leading them back to the cemetery where Leo’s funeral was, but April doesn’t want to go. She doesn’t want this to end. This is all the New Leo she has left, and once it’s over, he’s gone. And she doesn’t know how to live without him. She doesn’t want to know.

She also admits feeling some guilt about having been sleeping next to him when he died, that she wasn’t there for him like he was for her time and time again.

They had been talking about their future, and now she can’t imagine herself having one. She just wants to go home.

When April gets back to her room, she sees Imaginary Leo, the visage that has been begging her to stay with him holed up in bed. April realizes that her imaginary friend isn’t Leo at all. The spirit leading them around Boston with letters and clues is Leo. Leo’s true spirit is about living, not hiding. Imaginary Leo disappears and April steals out under cover of darkness to the cemetery to climb the tree from Leo’s final clue.

The letter is pure Leo, but pre-April Leo, so among hopes that he changed some lives for the better, he hopes he found love; real, deep, full-hearted love. And he hopes whoever it is up in the tree reading this letter is the person who loves him, and thanks them for being that person. Which is exactly what April needed to hear.

The next morning, April comes skipping down the stairs, ready to face the world for the first time in days. She’s meeting her friends for breakfast, and hugs her mother as a quiet thanks. Sara tells April that while she was traipsing about the city, Uncle George found a new clinical trial for her to apply for. April says she won’t get her hopes up, but inspired by her new friend Finn, Brenna encourages her to do just that.

April heads out and meets Beth for breakfast, and then Dom shows up too, and honestly I’d be totally okay with them being the three best friends that anyone could have, but I would not be okay with Dom trying to date April again right now.

After breakfast, April goes to her and Leo’s apartment, ready to face her heartbreak head on.

What did you think of “The Ghost in You?”

Here are some of our favorite #ChasingLesbians tweets from this week:

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