“Rizzoli & Isles” Subtext Recap (6.11): Gaycation, all I ever wanted

Jane, who is entirely too calm about her life being summarily erased by an anonymous hacker, scopes out Venice Beach as her next potential date spot with Maura. Oh, honey, if you thought the drum circles were bad in Santa Monica you ain’t heard nothing yet. But, the hippie selling crafted flowers does his best to sell her on the place.

082715Rizzoli14

The hippie points them in the direction of a bar that cashes homeless people’s Social Security checks. The bartender points them in another direction, but his really terrible patterned shirt makes me pretty sure he is the culprit. Nina then confirms my suspicions by sending a picture.

He has fled the bar, duh, so then Jane and the L.A. detective search for him outside. A chase ensues and then Jane linebacker tackles him into a table. It’s pretty hot. Like, I’d maybe run from Jane a little for the promise of some full-contact badassery.

082715Rizzoli15

Jane looks up from the collar only to find a wall of cellphones and cameras pointed at her. Jane being Jane, she doesn’t like the attention one bit. But it’s not actually a “problem,” Det. Rizzoli, because it’s perfectly legal to record police officers in a public place as long as it isn’t interfering with their work. Know your rights, people.

So the case is all but wrapped up, so Jane and Maura provide the finishing bow by connecting all the victims to the bartender’s fake identity racket. The L.A. detective is impressed and calls our twosome “a regular Cagney & Lacey.” Jane and Maura give him knowing thanks. I mean, is there a higher compliment to give a totally gay duo of lady crime fighters? No, no there isn’t.

082715Rizzoli16

Of course the overly literal L.A. medical examiner ruins it by saying it’s factually inaccurate since Cagney and Lacey were both cops and Rizzoli and Isles are a cop and a medical examiner. But, you know, the totally gay part still holds true, and that’s all that matters.

Before we can get to our Big Gayzzoli ending, Korsak and Mama R need to clear up their Kiki and Ron situation. While I was betting on it being an S&M sex dungeon, it was actually something far more disturbing–explosive diarrhea. They went out on a date and Ron’s sphincter crapped out on him. Toilet rim shot! OK, I’ll stop being shitty about this, I promise.

 082715Rizzoli17

Before Jane and Maura leave L.A. they take one last romantic barefoot stroll on the beach together. This being Hollywood, naturally they run into a celebrity. It’s Ross’s pet capuchin monkey. Ugh, but the fame has clearly gone to his head because he refuses to give them an autograph or fling his poo. Such a diva.

082715Rizzoli18

Finally back in her beloved Boston, Jane showers the team with gifts. Hey, it’s only fair. The BPD bankrolled with gaycation after all. But the honeymoon doesn’t last long because Nina comes in with more news about her hack. They traced it back to an IP address that led them to a video–a video of her apartment before the fire and someone flicking a lighter.

So the hacker just really wanted Jane to move in with Maura, right? Shippers can be crazy, yo.

 082715Rizzoli19

And now on to your #Gayzzoli tweets of the week. If only we could all take all-expenses paid romantic cross-country vacations with our girlfriends, too.

 

Find more from Dorothy Snarker visit dorothysurrenders.com or @dorothysnarker.