“The L Word” Recaps: Episode 6.05 “Litmus Test”

Back inside, Jamie is hinting around how uncool it is to treat a friend the way you might treat a competitor. Tasha is more direct:

Tasha: Alice brought you an idea, and then that idea somehow ends up in your screenplay? Come on. It’s unethical!
Jenny: Her idea is not an original idea! OK? So stay the f— out of it. [to Alice] This is so crazy. Why are you letting this dumb business affect our friendship? We’re supposed to be good friends.
Alice: Really, Jenny? Are we? I don’t think so. I think we’re friends with other people who are friends. But you and I, not so much.

Shane walks right into the eye of the Jennycane.

Jenny: Shane, please. Can you tell her that I did not do anything and that she is wrong.
Alice: Oh, yeah. Say that I’m wrong and your girlfriend here is right. I’d really like to hear you say that one.
Jenny: Oh, my God! Look what you’re doing to this poor girl! [pointing to Shane] You’re making her take a side!
Shane: No no no no no.
Jenny: Look what she’s doing now. Now she’s forcing you to take a side, so you should pick a side. Pick one.
Shane: I’m not picking a side!
Jenny: OK. You’re not? OK.

And Jenny takes that as her cue to go. Alice wants to leave too, but Tasha and Jamie want to stay. What? Why wouldn’t you just leave with her? It’s the right time to get some waffles and talk it all out. Or at least that’s the scene I’d like to see.

Shane goes after Jenny, only to find herself barraged with questions and constraints. Jenny asks where she went for those five crucial minutes.

Shane: I was smoking.
Jenny: Oh, Shane, I thought we quit!
Shane: You quit. I didn’t quit.
Jenny: Why the f— would you leave me out there to get reamed by the three musketeers?

Now that’s an entirely different episode.

Jenny: Were you in the bathroom f—ing Niki Stevens?

Shane can’t handle the paranoia. She tells Jenny that if she keeps putting her in a box, she’s just going to “act out.” Jenny wonders whether that’s a threat, and so do I — but mostly I just wonder when we can get back to some sex or something fun. Shane says as much, in a different way.

Shane: I’m truly sorry. I didn’t mean that. You’re my dear, darling friend, and I’m sorry, and we’ve been friends way before any of this s— happened.
Jenny: You’re my best friend.
Shane: And I gotta say, if I had to choose today between this relationship and our friendship, I’d have to choose the friendship.
Jenny: Uh-huh. The only thing that’s gonna get in the way of our friendship is if something gets in the way of our romantic relationship.

Ah. I see. Is that sort of like saying, “You can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave?” Welcome to the Hotel Schecter, Shane. Such a lovely place.

Slightly less quiet — Dylan and Helena are still going at it, this time with some music in the background. It seems to be going well — it’s still incredibly sexy — but Helena starts to cry. Dylan stops to ask what’s wrong.

Helena: I’m scared.
Dylan: I know. Me too.

They intertwine their fingers and try to hang on.

Back at the Hit club, Jamie, Alice and Tasha spin and smile and slide across the dance floor, while a worried Shane, a lost Jenny and a curious Niki wait for the next collision.

Next time on The L Word: A baby shower, an iPhone and a big ol’ mess.