“The L Word” Recaps: Episode 6.05 “Litmus Test”

The restaurant at the end of Tina’s career — Bette and Tina watch as Aaron and William laugh and schmooze.

Bette: Aaron is a scum-sucking, f—ing miscreant.

Is there anything hotter than a big vocabulary?

Tina leaves to get some air. And by “air,” she apparently means “a drink,” because she goes right to the bar.

Bette gets up too.

Kelly: What are you doing?
Bette: What needs to be done.

She strides over to Aaron and William’s table and sets her vocab gun to stun.

Aaron: Bette. It’s Bette, right?
Bette: It’s Aaron, right?
Aaron: Yeah.
Bette: The bald, impotent worm that we’ve all been talking about.
Aaron: Excuse me?
Bette: It is f—king stupefying to me how you can sit here with — Martine? Susan? right? — Tina’s writers, and —

Tina practically tackles Bette and pulls her aside. Damn — Bette was just getting wound up! But Tina’s right to want to make her own case, and she makes it very well indeed.

Tina: What are you doing?
Bette: I’m defending you.
Tina: I do not need you to defend me. I’m perfectly capable of speaking for myself.
Bette: I know. I’m sorry.
Aaron: [at the table, just loudly enough to be overheard] I am so happy to be done with dykes.
Tina: What did you say?
Aaron: [over-enunciating] I said I am so happy. To be done. With dykes.

Uh-oh. Incoming!

Tina: You stupid f—ing c——-er. How dare you sit there with that smug little smile on your face and wine and dine my writers on a project that took me three years to put together? As if you had anything — anything to do with it! [to the writers] He said you were talentless hacks. Yeah. And I begged him, I begged him to hire you. [back to Aaron] I have put everything into this job. I have poured my heart and my soul and my talent into making you both look good time and time again. And how do you repay me? By stealing my contacts and icing me.
Aaron: Tina, keep your voice down.
Tina: Shut your piehole, Aaron. I have never in all of my life worked for such an idiotic, mindless, juvenile, cruel, pathetic loser of a human being such as you. You are soulless. And you’re everything about this f—ing Hollywood that I hate.

Wooooo! Check, please! But it’s not even over. William tries to interrupt, saying this is all “uncalled for.”

Tina: You know what’s uncalled for? A billionaire stealing the negative of his own movie just so he can put in a claim for insurance money.

Huh? I thought that was just a fantasy that sprang fully formed from Jenny’s addled head. William doesn’t know what Tina is talking about, but Tina isn’t about to stop now.

Tina: Don’t think for a second that you are gonna f—ing get away with it. Because I know. I know. Enjoy your dinner.

And with that, Tina makes her exit. Bette tosses a visual “ha” over her shoulder before she follows.

Mama T definitely knows how to wield words. But I must note that while she was putting Aaron in his place, she was shaking her head almost violently, like she was going to erupt. It reminded me of the way my puppy shakes his head to “kill” one of his toys. Get it! Kill it!