“Gotham” recap (2.1): Peanut Butter n’ Sad Pickles

Welcome back, Gothamites! It’s the season premiere of Gotham, the show that shitcanned Renee Montoya AND Fish Mooney because apparently queer ladies can’t have nice things. At the end of the first season, I thought there’d be nothing gay to come back to: Renee was gone with the wind, and Barbara went bonkers, murdered her parents, and got a one-way ticket to Arkham Asylum.

Alas, Barbara is back, this time as a bad girl, and we’ve got word of her joining a love triangle with Tabitha Galavan (Jessica Lucas) so here we are and I’m recapping this hot mess all over again. Are you ready? Let’s do this.

batmeme

We open right where we left off last spring, with Alfred and Baby Bruce discovering the secret passageway/pre-batcave. They find a locked door with a passcode, and Bruce angrily punches in numbers trying to unlock it. He fails.

got1Okay, let’s try “password1”

We then jump to one month later, where Gordon is still with Dr. Lee, Bullock has become a bartender, and the Penguin is ruling the underworld with some seriously wackydoodle bangs. Barbara struts into Arkham like she’s on Top Model, and Jerome aka Ginger Pre-Joker is there to greet her.

We meet a well-dressed man, Theo Galavan, giving some nutcase in a superhero suit some blue goo to drink. We know he’s a baddie because he’s played by James Frain, whose previous villain credits include True Blood and Orphan Black.

got2 Men’s Rights Activism now!

Gordon, now demoted to traffic cop work, sees Blue Goo screaming and waving some guns around and is all, “Goddamnit, Gotham, it’s a Tuesday. Really with this shit?” Blue Goo proclaims himself to be Zardon, and prophesizes the coming of dark days, so Gordon tackles him and arrests him.

Back at the precinct, Zardon is tossed in a holding cell. Gordon runs into Ed Nigma in the bathroom, and they exchange pleasantries, but as soon as he leaves, Nigma is arguing with himself in the mirror and displaying a creepy alternate personality. A personality that wants to get all up on Miss Kringle. Gross.

got3Call me Buddy…Buddy Love

I thought last season ended with Commissioner Loeb getting canned, but I was wrong because here he is now, firing Gordon because he can. Essen tries to stop him, but Loeb is on a mission, and Gordon resigns, promising to end him.

Zordan passes out in the cell and starts burping up blue smoke. Smash cut to credits!

got4 Damn, this is some good weed

Gordon lies in bed with Lee, who isn’t that upset about his firing. Considering his job is just one turd sandwich after another, he’s probably better off opening a bar with Bullock and spinning off into some version of Cheers, which I am ON BOARD for. Instead, Gordon decides to break some laws and do whatever it takes to get back on this shitty police force.