“Empire” recap (2.1): You Can’t Even Dyke Right

Back at the super gay soiree, you can see Chicken chilling on a couch nearby. These are probably all of her friends that she invited over via a Facebook event invite, complete with a tacky flyer reading “HOT TUB PARTY WITH A LESBIAN BILLIONAIRE – MUST BE ON THE LIST.” One of the bunny servers comes to chat with Mimi, but Mimi tells her she’s trying too hard. She asks “Anita” to dance, and Cookie tells her to do it, and to take off her sweater so Mimi can “see her sexy body.” 

empire-lipsTongues out, ladies

This leads to Anika doing THE DAMN THING OKAY!? 


No, Mimi, stop!



The next day, Porsha (Cookie’s assistant) tells Cookie that Mimi’s office keeps calling, and for some reason, Cookie isn’t concerned. Which, why the hell wouldn’t she want to know what happened with Anika!? I’d be getting all that dish. Anyhow, she explains to Hakeem that Mimi has committed to giving them $250 million and will be “making her move in the next 24 hours” and she wants the brothers Lyon to work it out so they can all run Empire together.

Then boobs fill the screen and no one hears what’s being discussed at all. But I listened to it it, audio only, and can share that Lucious is meeting with the woman prosecuting him. Roxanne wants to offer him a plea deal but of course, he only wants to insult her shoes. 

In the prison visitors’ room (which it feels like I’m constantly watching on TV these days), Lucious likes what he hears from Chris Rock’s rhyming daughter, Freda. She’s young but talented, and the prison guards do not seem to mind loud rapping in the room. This would never fly at Litchfield.

empire-freda-spitsThe whole “my dad is in prison because he’s a drug kingpin and murderer” will really help my street cred

Back at Empire, Jamal can hear singing in his office and his assistant says, “Michael’s in there with the gay and lesbian people.” Everyone knows gays and lesbians sing everywhere they go; it’s contagious. But it’s GLAAD, Becky (Gabourey Sidibe) says. “Be nice!” Jamal is one of those gays that thinks queeny gay men are ruining gay for everyone. He doesn’t want to be in the Pride parade, and he definitely does not want to duet with this gorgeous gay man wearing ruby red lipstick. GLAAD wants Jamal to perform at an event with this fabulous man, but Jamal is like “THAT IS ABSOLUTELY TOO MUCH GAY FOR ME TO BE.” Becky’s excited, though, because gospel singer/minister Donnie McClurkin will be there. Will Mimi be there? Everyone forgets lesbians have money, too.

empire-gayIt was either sing Sylvester or “It’s Raining Men.”