“Jane the Virgin” recap (2.4): Yodelayheehoo

Previously on Jane the Virgin, Luisa was kidnapped and not by Rose, Petra knocked herself up with Rafael’s sperm, and Jane gave the best new mommy speech ever at Mateo’s baptism.

This week, we take a look back on the friendship between Jane and Lina (Diane Guerrero), who must have gotten out of Litchfield on good behavior to film some JtV. They’ve been pals since they busted some subversive moves at their Catholic school talent show. It’s Lina’s 25th birthday that week and Jane had promised (and forgotten) to plan her party. Jane has to think fast, so she tells Lina she’s about to have an epic Great Gatsby themed party. Better make a run to the 1920’s Party City.

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Jane enlists Xiomora’s help because she’s awesome AF, and Jane’s kind of flailing right now. Also, Rafael can’t stop texting Jane about the kiss they shared, but Jane doesn’t know how best to respond so she sends a confusing emoji. Frankly, I have no idea what half the emojis I send mean either. 

While Michael tries to convince his captain to send him to Switzerland, he finds out he has a new and very plucky partner, Susanna from Tuscaloosa. She’s got experience and, more importantly, she can catch a fish with her bare hands. That’s hot.

Meanwhile, in a dank cellar, Luisa is getting increasingly freaked out by her kidnappers. They’ve set up a website and sent Rose a picture of Luisa getting her leg whacked. Rose has responded, but the German dudes chloroform Luisa before we can find out anything else. I’m not the only one rooting for Rose to bust in there and crack a few skulls for her lady, am I?

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When Rafael shows up at Jane’s, he goes in for kiss but she tells him that she’s focused on Mateo now and needs more time to think things through. Rafael thinks that if Jane isn’t ready to make a decision about their relationship soon, they should discuss custody options. Of course, Michael calls with his Sin Rostro news at the worst possible time.

Michael runs into to Petra at the hotel, where she decides to dash his hopes of being with Jane by showing him a picture of Jane and Rafael kissing. Oof. Michael can’t even make eye contact with Jane when she and Rafael meet up with him. This mystery woman, Heidi Von Ocher, is a professional yodeler, because of course she is. Apparently the online yodeling community is abuzz with rumors that Heidi and Rose were sleeping together. (Seriously, this is one of the greatest plotlines JtV has ever come up with.)

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Michael asks Rafael to book Heidi to yodel at the hotel (god this is going to be good) so Michael can question her in his jurisdiction. Rafael agrees (yaassss).

Rogelio shows up at the house for dinner that night and lets the ladies in on Luciana’s blackmail material. Turns out he joined Scientology. Anyhoo, Luciana has recordings of Rogelio’s “auditing” sessions and what he confessed may not go over so well with his fans and producers. Xiomora tells him to go ahead and hire Luciana, if that means the tapes will go away.