“Top Chef” reunion mini-cap: Baldies, bromances and tequila, oh my

Oh, Top Chef. How you continue to break my heart this season. First, we have Caseygate and the terrible, horrible sous vide steak and sad, sorry soufflé. And now we have Fan-Favoritegate. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

The Watch What Happens reunion special for Top Chef: New York brought all 17 cheftestants back together. And, once again, it was a reminder that if you got PYKAGed in the first half of the season, I totally won’t know your name. Well, except for the temporarily reunited Team Rainbow. OK, so reunited might be too strong a term. But at least they all got seated in the same couch area.

The show had much discussion of the European bromance. And of the bald thing. And, of course, of the HosLeah hookup. Also, yet another cunning couch positioning coup for the folks at Bravo. Hosea and Leah weren’t on the same couch, but were close enough to gaze at each other awkwardly. Yawn. I think my thoughts on that subject can best be summed up by Fabio’s face.

Our little chefbian Jamie got her very own very special scowly gay-lady segment. The clips pegged her as the season’s whiner. Granted, she did grumble about her lack of wins. But it wasn’t just talk and no action. Jamie’s food was consistently good until her over-salty celery sauce. Plus, just because you cross your arms a lot doesn’t make you a cranky lesbian.

Jamie’s couch time did, however, include a funny reference to the AfterEllen.com interview she did on This Just Out with Liz Feldman. When asked if she would ever consider hooking up with Stefan, Jamie said she had been asked in another interview how much tequila it would take. Her answer: Enough to kill her.

And speaking of serious liver damage, I truly wish Bravo would have shown the entire great Jamie/Leah drunken Judges’ Table episode. That looked like a hoot. Hey, Colicchio, I’m not as think as you drunk I am.

In the end, just like the season, the reunion show proved highly unsatisfactory as Hootie Nation suffered one last upset. My beloved tortoise Carla lost out on the Fan Favorite vote to the Italian stallion Fabio. Don’t get me wrong — I liked Fabio. But Carla was my heart.

Well, at least we got one last mmm, Padma, mmm. And in kicky knee-high boots no less.

So, thoughts on the reunion? Final thoughts on the season? Team Hootie-Hoo forever.