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Best. Lesbian. Week. Ever. (March 6, 2009)

LESBIAN QUOTE OF THE WEEK

“Even as a little girl with long blonde hair, I looked like one of the Hanson boys.”

Rachel Maddow about her childhood, on The View

THIS WEEK IN QUEER WOMEN ON TV

Note: There are no spoilers about future episodes, just updates on what has already aired, but click here if you want to skip these updates and go directly to the next page.

Show/Episode: Nip/Tuck – FX, drama

What happened: Former Lesbian Liz married Christian, who discovered he’s not actually dying just as they were about to go on their honeymoon.

What else you need to know: This was the last episode of the season.

Show/Episode: Guiding Light – CBS, drama

What happened: Natalia confessed to Olivia that she slept with Frank, and was upset at her hypocrisy and worried about God’s judgment (because she doesn’t love Frank, and because she’s Catholic). Olivia tried to tell Natalia about her true feelings for her, but the two kept getting interrupted.

What else you need to know: Natalia’s a pool shark – who knew?

Show/Episode: Hell’s Kitchen – Fox, reality competition

What happened: Lesbian contestant L.A. survived another round, and actually got a compliment from Chef Ramsay.

Show/Episode: Emmerdale – drama, U.K.

What happened: Debbie was about to plead guilty to manslaughter for murdering Jasmine’s ex-boyfriend Shane, but at the last minute, Jasmine stormed into the court and admitted she had killed him, not Debbie. Debbie was charged with obstruction of justice and sentenced to 6 months in jail, while Jasmine got four years for manslaughter.

What else you need to know: There was a lot of crying, they both declared their love, and Jasmine told Debbie she would be okay.

Thanks to: AE reader Giveadid

Show/Episode: Skins – U.K, teen drama

What happened: Emily comes out to JJ by telling him “I want to have sex with girls,” and he inadvertently outs her to her twin sister Katie. At a nightclub, Naomi admitted to a supportive Effy that she’s confused about whether she’s gay or straight; Emily got drunk at the club and was rescued by her sister from Cook’s groping. Emily ended up having sex with JJ (who is desperate to lose his virginity) at the end of the episode, but made it clear it’s a “once-only charity event” (because she’s gay).

Show/Episode: The L Word – Showtime, drama

What happened: It was murder on the dance floor, as Alice figured out that Tasha and Jamie had feelings for each other, Jenny threatened to tell Tina about Bette’s supposed fling with Kelly, and Shane hooked up with Niki again. But Dylan’s back, so at least Helena is happy!

What else you need to know: for more details, read Scribegrrrl’s recap, and StuntDouble’s Facebook recap.

Show/Episode: All My Children – ABC, drama

What happened: Reese told Kendall and Zach she had no intention of using the secret she uncovered about Greenlee’s death against them, and that she felt compelled to prove herself to them. But Kendall accused her of stalking them and trying to get Zach back. Reese finally told Kendall to take some responsibility for trying to bring Reese down, and for killing Greenlee. Kendell told Zach to make Reese leave, so he tried, and when she resisted she landed on a glass table that put her in the hospital and left her blind (at least temporarily).

What else you need to know: They blinded her? Really? Well, at least it’s a change from the dead-or-pregnant fate that usually befalls lesbians on TV.

Show/Episode: Make Me a Supermodel – Bravo, reality competition

What happened: Bisexual model CJ escaped elimination, but barely, and judge Jenny Shimizu commented on a male model’s ass.

What else you need to know: Dara is now mini-capping the show for us on the blog; read her recap of the first episode here.

Show/Episode: Plus Belle La Vie – drama, France

What happened: Céline and Virginie are in a serious relationship, and Céline wants a baby but Virginie doesn’t. This week, Virginie explained the reason of her refusal to Céline: Some years ago, she was with a woman and they decided to have a child, but her pregnant partner has left her one month before the delivery for another woman, and she has never seen their little girl.

What else you need to know: the rights of the other parent in same-sex couples is currently a hot topic in France.

Thanks to: AE reader Dominique

Show/Episode: Verbotene Liebe (Forbidden Love) – Germany, drama

What happened: Sebastian was found alive, and while everyone else rejoiced, Carla remained composed. Stella confronted Carla about her lack of emotions, then apologized. Overcome by the week’s turmoil, Carla broke down in tears, prompting Stella to give her a long hug. Stella suggested that they get to know each other better to avoid future misunderstandings. Later, a giddy Carla told Sarah that she could barely keep from kissing Stella again after their hug, while Stella confessed to Olli that she has a crush on Charlie.

Thanks to: AE reader Annelies

That wraps up this week’s rundown of lesbian/bi women on TV – international readers, please email me at [email protected] short rundowns of the lesbian/bi storylines on your favorite shows on Thursdays. Thanks!

– by Sarah Warn

OUT CNN ANCHOR JANE VELEZ-MITCHELL HAS PASSION, PERSONALITY, AND A POINT

Mitchell possesses the three P’s of success: Passion, personality and a point. The New York Times labels her: Author, activist, talking head and vegan.

Is your gaydar pinging like mad? Good, because they also label her “lesbian,” which makes Jane Velez-Mitchell the second openly lesbian anchor to rev up prime-time news ratings in the last few months.

Last autumn, the California native received a call from CNN Woldwide executive vice president Ken Jautz, asking her to host her own news show in the 7:00 slot that was being vacated by Fox-bound Glenn Beck. The offer didn’t shock Velez-Mitchell; she’d been on the short list for some time after her growing popularity as a fill-in on various cable news networks.

What surprised her was the lead time. She needed to be in New York to start her new show, Issues with Jane Valez-Mitchell, on Monday. Her response? “Great, because I have a lot of issues.”

She also has a lot of opinions. And in the young demographic that translates into ratings. Last month her show – a catch-all for daily news, covering everything from plane crashes to politics to women who have eight babies – had 596,000 viewers.

I’ve joked before that Rachel Maddow‘s stellar ratings and universal popularity signify that lesbians are the go-to girls when you need a strong, informed opinion. While Jane Velez-Mitchell’s success does seem to support my silly opinion, I think it actually signifies something deeper.

In the New York Times piece, Velez-Mitchell’s sexuality is noted in the first sentence.

There is no mention of Maddow, but you’d have to live under or rock (or be mainlining Fox News – which is kind of similar to living under a rock) not to make the association.

It’s foolish to say that being a lesbian is the key to mega-success as a talking head, but it’s encouraging – and true! – to say the exact opposite: being out is not a barrier to mainstream media success. Maddow’s accomplishments aren’t a fluke; they’re not happening inside a queer-friendly vaccum. Velez-Mitchell is out, and Headline News ratings are up 74 percent over the former host.

We all hope for the day when lesbians and bisexuals are so commonplace in the entertainment industry that news of a woman’s sexuality isn’t news at all. Until then, Jane Velez-Mitchell’s lede in the New York Times is promising.

It kind of makes me wonder: Do you think they’ll show Bill O’Reilly‘s face when they give his job to a lesbian?

– by StuntDouble

MARGE SIMPSON KISSES A WOMAN

Everybody’s doing it. Mischa Barton. Katy Perry.

And now faux-lesbian kissing has made its way onto The Simpsons.

Last Sunday, Simpsons matriarch Marge Simpson locked lips with her friend Lindsay Neagle in “How The Test Was Won.”

Ned Flanders will be relieved to know that the kiss never happened and was only a figment of Homer Simpson’s imagination. In 2005, Marge’s sister Patty Bouvier came out of the closet, and in stereotypical form, was about to U-Haul with a professional golfer named Veronica. (Tragically, however, Veronica was revealed to be a man who dressed in drag to get into the LGPA.)

The next lesbian kiss on The Simpsons? I’ll call it for the brainy Lisa Simpson; if not on the show, definitely when she goes to college.

Check out this clip from “I’m Spelling As Fast As I Can” from Season 3, where the Seven Sisters colleges (as they existed in the 1950s) attempt to convince Lisa Simpson to take a full scholarship to the Seven Sisters college of her choice in exchange for throwing a spelling bee.

There was also the recent Heavenly Creatures-esque episode featuring Emily Blunt. The Simpsons writers are really going in a new Sapphic direction. Is there a lesbian writer on staff?

– by Grace Chu

IN THE LIFE EXPLORES LGBT WOMEN IN FILM AND TV

Julianne Moore is so low-key that I tend to forget how much I like her.

Then I see her in films like The Hours and Children of Men and remember just how talented she is.

This month, In the Life features a conversation between Moore and her longtime friend and collaborator Christine Vachon. The segment is part of a Women’s History Month episode, “Women Through the Lens,” that explores representations of LGBT women in TV and film.

Moore and Vachon have a wonderful rapport and raise some interesting points.

Whether or not Hollywood is homophobic doesn’t matter – because money isn’t homophobic. Milk is the perfect example of how a terrific script and a terrific director will attract a terrific cast – and that attracts an audience.

“Queer cinema” was more apparent in the ’90s because, for one thing, AIDS brought a sense of urgency to LGBT filmmakers. They wanted to tell their stories and felt the need to do it while they still could.

Vachon believes that her film Go Fish, which Moore loves, attracted an audience because gay women simply didn’t have movies that represented them. Now, with shows like The L Word, LGBT women have more choices. If Go Fish were released today, Vachon says, nobody would go see it.

In the Life also takes a look at The L Word with a behind-the-scenes video from 2005 that made me a bit nostalgic and melancholy. And not just because Dana was still alive.

What can I say? I’m going to miss that show.

The segment also reminisces about Desert Hearts, which in 1986 was the first mainstream lesbian film that didn’t feature a bisexual love triangle or kill off the lesbian protagonist. Director Donna Deitch and Patricia Charbonneau (Cay) discuss the making of the classic film and the excitement it generated from the community.

Deitch reportedly is working on a sequel – I sure wouldn’t mind seeing Cay and Vivian in all their glory again.

You can watch the entire episode, “Women Through the Lens,” at the In the Life website. How does seeing this overview make you feel about our representation onscreen? Do you truly identify with any of the LGBT characters currently in film and on TV?

– by the linster

XBOX BANS A LESBIAN FROM GAMEPLAY

We’ve all heard stories of one person’s crusade becoming a full-blown war, and it looks like the gay and lesbian community has found their war against Microsoft.

Last week, news emerged of a gamer named Teresa who frequented Xbox Live. Teresa was allegedly banned from the service because she identified as a lesbian in her profile.

Needless to say, she wasn’t happy about this and took the ban public, no doubt with little knowledge that the entire thing would force Microsoft into a very embarrassing and public apology over its woeful Xbox Live Policy.

The issue is that Microsoft claims its policy is there to prevent homophobic slurs on XBL, a sort of gaming “don’t ask, don’t tell.” MS does state it’s against “ALL types of orientation,” because Microsoft doesn’t want anyone outlining their sexual preferences on Live.

But there is a huge problem with context while using text analysis technology to pick up on this (which is allegedly what MS uses), and many words are simply not being picked up by the system.

In a brief investigation carried out by LesbianGamers.com, the following gamer tags were shown to be in existence (at some point): IamStraight, hetero, HeteroLifeMates, poofterh8r, Gaybaishnig, Lesbiankilr, Queerkillah and Dyksmasher. Clearly the issue with these Gamer tags isn’t just that they refer to sexual preference, but that they actively incite hate against particular groups. It is only logical then that Microsoft immediately act on this pitiful system to ensure that context is considered when it comes to Gamer tags.

The backlash from not only the LGBT community but also the general gaming community has been quite astounding. Gaming websites and groups have banded together to ask what can be done in this situation and how Microsoft can improve its policies.

There is no doubt Microsoft realizes it has a problem and the company has to act on it, and for this we applaud them, but surely they need to consider this one of their priorities at the moment in order to regain confidence in the LGBT market.

– by lesbian gamers

CHRISTINA AGUILERA IS SIA’S NEW BEST FRIEND

Bisexual singer Sia has been working on her follow-up to Some People Have Real Problems, and this time around, she’s bringing in the big guns.

Sia is collaborating with Christina Aguilera on new tracks for the unnamed CD, which Sia wrote about on her blog this week.

But it’s not just music they’re working on – it’s a newfound friendship that includes “Super Mario,” Apples to Apples and a game of pool (Christina won).

However, Sia does claim to have been victorious in Scrabble:

i can never be a better singer than her,but i sure can hope to get the word ‘hexagons’ on a triple word score,you feel me?

On Christina’s talent, she writes:

i definitely pooped my pants when she first sang out loud in the room with us. little prickles stood up all over me,and marched first up,then down,then up again. when i heard ‘beautiful’ in david’s car for the first time,i remember thinking,this is the best song i can remember hearing maybe ever,who is it? it didn’t surprise me at all when he said ‘christina aguilera’,but it does surprise me that just a few years later,i find myself collaborating with the voice that brought that song to life.

But it’s not just her singing that Sia appreciates: She goes on to write that Christina Aguilera is “a nice person, a good person, an awesome mama, an incredible talent, incredibly professional, a feminist and a rad role model for women who want to believe we can have it all, do it all.”

Considering I do not know Ms. Aguilera personally, I will have to take Sia’s word for it. I’m sure there are plenty of people who might find her degree of feminism arguable, but nonetheless, she does seem to have a staying power in the music business – and good taste in Australian songwriters she’s working with.

And the ultimate reason why, with Sia and Christina working on four tracks together for Sia’s new album, it is sure to be a hit?

and we share the same birthday which means, according to the playground rules i like to live by, xtina and i are in grade 1 at school,and she is my new best friend.

I can’t wait to hear what comes from these women with distinctive voices and styles.

– by Trish Bendix

ARIEL LEVY VISITS “LESBIAN NATION”

There are few people who would be able to capture the radical and somewhat contradictory lives of 1970s lesbian separatists with both respect and humor.

Fortunately, The New Yorker picked the right womyn for the job: out lesbian Ariel Levy.

In an article titled “Lesbian Nation” in this week’s New Yorker, Levy primarily focuses on a group of traveling lesbian separatists called the Van Dykes (quite literally, a group of dykes who drove around in a van).

In her article, Levy explains the roots of separatism, dating various separatists living “on the fringes” of American society back to the early 18th century. In the 1970s, lesbian separatists could be found coast to coast, with some charming names: the Gutter Dykes of Berkeley, “several hundred” Radicalesbians in New York, the CLIT Collective and Separatists Enraged Proud and Strong in San Francisco. Most were die-hard anti-war activists as well.

”’Only women on the land’ was the catchphrase used by separatists to indicate that men, even male children, were banned from Women’s Land,” Levy writes, adding that many groups spelled it “wimmin” or “womyn” to keep men out of their words.

Womyn’s Land could be found nationwide, where both gay and straight-but-gay-for-politics ladies would grow their own food and live by their own principles – but some women wanted more. One of the original Van Dykes, Heather Elizabeth (later called Heather Van Dyke and currently Lamar Van Dyke), ditched the “icy and miserable” farm, and attempted to start with her girlfriend in exchange for life on the road – a van full of dykes who would always stay in the sun and live of the “fruit you picked along the roadside.”

When Levy meets Heather, er Lamar, to hear her story in present-day Seattle, she is intimidated:

“If I weren’t female and gay, I doubt very much that she would have spoken to me,” Levy writes, though Lamar, in her 60s, now associates with males and is in a monogamous relationship with her partner.

Lamar’s life has been a full one, and Levy tells her story well. As you can imagine, being in a van full of lesbians who are all sleeping together (because, of course, they didn’t believe in monogamy) was dramatic. What was even more dramatic was the shift in beliefs over the years. The women who got into the van were vegan, but as years went on and they discovered sadomasochism, “tofu quickly gave way to leather in the vans.”

Many of the women had been married, Lamar three times, and some had children. Their journey in the vans is telling of the feminist movement over the years. What one feminist is against, another would embrace.

In many arguments against separatism, the main points lie in equality: How can you expect equal rights when you don’t want to include others who are different from you in your life? Isn’t the ideal situation for everyone to coexist peacefully and without hate? While this may sound ridiculously naive and idealistic – isn’t that what we all want?

No, says Lamar: “Your generation wants to fit in … Gays in the military and gay marriage? This is what you guys come up with? We didn’t sit around looking at our phone or looking at our computer or looking at the television – we didn’t; sit around looking at screens. We didn’t wait for a screen to give us a signal to do something. We were off doing whatever we wanted.”

The article is funny, smart and incredibly informative. Levy is a brilliant writer and I highly suggest, before making a case for or against separatists, you check it out. (The New Yorker will let you read it for free online; you just have to sign up here.)

While I won’t be venturing off to Womyn’s Lane anytime soon (I’m way too addicted to my screens), I truly respect the lesbian separatists of yesterday and today. Not many people live by their principles anymore.

– by Jen Sabella

LIVE CHAT WITH JANE ESPENSON!

Ever wanted to know how the Lucy Lawless-Cylon-Gaius threesome on Battlestar Galactica came about? Whether being a consulting producer on Dollhouse means you get to boss Eliza Dushku around? What inspired the idea for the “Band Candy” episode of Buffy?

Here’s your chance to ask!

We’re teaming up with our brother site AfterElton.com to bring you a live chat with Jane Espenson on Thursday, March 19 at 6pm PST/9pm EST on both AfterEllen.com and AfterElton.com.

Espenson is currently a writer/co-executive producer for Battlestar Galactica, a consulting producer on Dollhouse, and is the showrunner/exec producer for the upcoming Battlestar spinoff Caprica. She was also a staff writer on Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and has written for many other shows including Ellen, Tru Calling, and Gilmore Girls. (Read more about Jane’s career on Wikipedia.)

She’s been kind enough to agree to answer your questions the night before the final BSG episode, on topics ranging from the process of writing for TV, the shows she’s worked on, and how that hilarious Ellen episode “Like a Virgin” – in which Ellen Morgan had sex with her girlfriend Laurie for the first time – ever got past the ABC execs. (OK, maybe that’s just the question I want to ask.)

BISEXUAL QUOTE OF THE WEEK

“There is a large group that’s not represented on television – the group that falls somewhere in the middle of straight and gay. That group is looked down on, because people say, “you can’t be in-between. You have to pick one or the other.” I hope that people who can identify with being in that position – where you are attracted to somebody’s spirit and personality as opposed to their gender – I hope that we can reach out to them and say, ‘hey, we are representing you right now.’ Hopefully we can touch someone and help them come to terms with who they really are.”

Sara Ramirez about her current storyline on Grey’s Anatomy, in a new interview with Latina.com

– by Sarah Warn

BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE!

In case you missed the blog post last Friday, The Closer is hiring a lesbian cop.

Newly out actress Clementine Ford (The L Word) is joining the cast of daytime drama The Young and the Restless. (Thanks to pecola for the tip!)

Kirsten Vangsness (Criminal Minds) announced her engagement to 24 editor Melanie Goldstein this week.

Variety has an interesting new article about Rachel Maddow titled “Maddow’s unique style sparks ratings.”

The blockbuster superhero movie Watchmen finally opens this weekend in the U.S., with a minor lesbian character -.

Kristin Kreuk (Smallville) reportedly has “a lesbian fight scene” in the new-on-DVD movie Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li.

For a good laugh, check out these lesbian movie remake posters, including A U-Haul Named Desire and Gone with the Subaru (thanks to Lana for the tip!)

Pam Harrison is the recipient of Prism Comics’ fourth annual Queer Press Grant for her comic series, House of the Muses: The Latter Days of Sappho of Lesbos.

Ilene Chaiken reflects on the end of lesbians on TV, the rise of Rachel Maddow, the female Brokeback Mountain, and The Farm in “Last of the Red Hot Lesbians” (thanks to Leah and Anna for the tip!)

Join Dorothy Snarker, StuntDouble, Grace Chu, Jenn and Dee, Trish Bendix and me this Sunday night at at 6pm PST/9pm EST on AfterEllen.com as we liveblog the East Coast airing of the finale of The L Word!

That’s it for this week! Got the inside scoop on a hot new lesbian/bi actor/musician/TV show/film? Tell us at [email protected]. Check back next Friday for another edition of Best. Lesbian. Week. Ever.

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