“Pretty Little Liars” recap (6.12): Now with More Interchangeable White Guys!

Okay, I know we’re only two episodes into this rebooted version of Pretty Little Liars, but I’m really missing that old school PLL bonkers magic. Where are the tooth-implanted threats? The sinisterly punny group texts? The inanimate buildings telling Emily to “Act Normal, Bitch!” At least these ladies are still swimming in lies, otherwise, I might as well be watching The Fosters. Did you know that they are foster parents WHOSE LAST NAME IS FOSTER?! Nice try show, I’m on to you.

1Be honest ladies…should we just start buying funeral dresses in bulk?]

We open with the Liars hanging out at the Radley bar, talking about how they shared their gruesome past with their current beaus. Hanna has already told Jordan about A, but Aria isn’t quite there yet with Liam. Aria has also packed her bags and is ready to scuttle off, claiming she needs to be back at work. Before she can leave, Hanna corners her and demands to know where Aria snuck off to the night Charlotte was murdered. Aria feeds her some bullshit about a car charger, but girl, you can’t hide those lying eyes!

7I needed my car charger…for my Blackberry

6That’s bullshit, Aria. No one’s owned a Blackberry since 2005!

We also find out that Emily got so drunk she puked in the bathtub. We’ve all been there, girl.

Over at the Hastings house, the Spaleb train keeps chugging right along. Spencer’s involvement in the Charlotte case is affecting Veronica’s senate campaign, so she tries to quit, but Caleb assures her he can spin the social media to their advantage.

10The art department at Rosewood Politico is NOT fucking around you guys