“The Fosters” (3.11) recap: The circus is back in town

Previously on The Fosters, Monte kissed Lena, and then Stef heard all about it from Jenna because a) Monte learned it is impossible to be in the same room with Lena without falling in love with her and ruining you for every other woman on the planet, and b) Jenna has no filter. Stef had two mammograms just to be sure that her boobs aren’t filled with cancer. Jesús is back after his trip to the Jason DiLaurentis head transplant machine boarding school. Brandon and Callie had sex after Brandon won a competition in which he broke every single rule. #ThatsSoBrandon. Callie got adopted the next day, which makes everything more awkward. Connor decided he couldn’t stand his dad anymore and is moving to LA to live with his mom instead of staying where he can kiss the Judicorn every minute of every day. Callie made an app, Mike is fostering AJ, whose brother probably almost killed Mariana, Ana, and Jesús, and Mariana had sex with Wyatt but loves Mat. And that’s what you missed on As the Adams Fosters Turn.

We begin the season at Disney Hall, home to symphonies and beautiful music and the just reward for Brandon, walking embodiment of white male privilege. The moms and Mike are very proud. Callie is having a squicky flashback to the time she boned her foster brother. So, a regular Saturday in Adams Foster land!

Fosters 3111Wanna go make out in the bathroom?

In the bathroom the next morning, Callie is nervous about giving a speech, but Brandon reassures her that she will do great by telling her that he booted before his concert. Helpful as ever, Brandon. Captain Humblebrag tells her that a professor from Juilliard was at the concert and wants Brandon to audition, but he’s not even going to bother because the school is super expensive and the world doesn’t revolve around him. Allegedly. We learn that AJ’s grandmother died which is so sad. I loved his grandma.

At the nursing home, AJ can’t comprehend how an entire person’s life fits into a couple of boxes. Ty says they have to give up the room for someone else’s grandmother. Mike assures the boys that whatever funeral costs there are he will cover them. Outside, Mike calls to tell the guy running Ty’s fingerprints not to bother he can’t bear to be the one to break these two apart.

Fosters 3112I can do LOTS of things with my tongue.

Stef is in the dream kitchen flipping through bills and working through her issues with the goddess Lena going back to work. She makes a crack about Monte and Lena sighs and reminds Stef that she said she was okay with this when they had one of their most important conversations as a couple entirely off-screen. Stef remembers, but the thing about Stef is that her feelings don’t always cooperate. They have more pressing concerns like why the insurance company won’t pay for her second mammogram and where the hell Sharon went in her slippers. Sharon says it was a walk and then jumps on the medical bandwagon to tell Stef she needs a second opinion, and they bicker until the doorbell rings.

Fosters 3113Make sure you don’t send your smutty fanfic to Rafael, okay?