“Pretty Little Liars” recap (6.13): Tossed Spaleb and Scrambled Eggs

Meanwhile, Emily’s massive lie starts unraveling when Pam gets a letter from Pepperdine about her dropping out. Let’s be real: It’s amazing the lie lasted this long, right? It’s like that time Emily pretended to be straight for 16 years. LOL! Can you even imagine?

Over at Radley, Lorenzo questions Ashley about the deleted section of security footage. Ashley pretends to have no idea, but, of course, realizes it had to be Hanna. Meanwhile, across the lobby, Ezra and Aria are having lunch. Ezra brings Aria the first chapter of his book, and Ashley has to stop him from ordering a beer because he got drunk and disorderly at Radley and broke a chair having a man tantrum. Ezra is going through a TOUGH TIME and he needs to process his FEELINGS. His ANGRY MAN FEELINGS.

pll-26I’m a man and I want a craft beer!

pll-28YOU’LL GET AN ARNOLD PALMER AND YOU’LL LIKE IT!

Spencer and Melissa are at Hollis trying to recruit young voters, and Spencer is giving an interview to a student journalist. The journalist keeps asking questions about Charlotte, and Spencer deflects him like a good politician. It’s going well until Hanna shows up, asking for Veronica’s help.

Across town, Pam Fields has run after Emily, waving her Pepperdine letter and demanding the truth. She feels like an idiot, but Emily is far too distracted by the looming presence of Shower Harvey, who eyeballs her from a park bench. Also, Emily took a fake college graduation photo to fool her mom. That girl is resourceful.

pll-33 I just opened your Visa statement. How many Jimmy Buffet shirts does one girl need?!

pll-34DAMMIT MOM, I JUST WANNA WASTE AWAY IN MARGARITAVILLE!

pll-36Hey girl, looking for that lost shaker of salt?

A panicked Hanna shows up at Lucas’s swanky loft and begs him to be her alibi for the night that Charlotte was murdered. Lucas agrees because he’s never gotten over Hanna. Like, he hasn’t seen her in five years, but he’s immediately willing to perjure himself? It’s like he totally forgot the time she tried to murder him with a paddle.

Over at the Montgomery house, Aria is reading Ezra’s chapter out loud to Emily. Ems, I know you don’t want to go home, but there’s no way it could be worse than this. Aria is enraptured with his work, which is basically a re-telling of their relationship. Ugh.  Also, we find out that “Ezra likes small women” which EW EW EW. Emily can hardly concentrate, though, since she’s fixated on Showers. Not only is Harvey following her every step, but she’s eating fried chicken with gloves on! THAT BITCH!

pll-43“And then they put paper bags on their heads and took selfies.” This is the best book ever!

pll-44Aria, you are as wrong about that book as you are about that shirt you’re wearing