Apparently Liza’s a baking maniac when she’s stressed and heartbroken. Everyone has their coping go-to. Thankfully, this works out perfectly for Maggie—she’ll have another slice of that pie, please.
As we well know, Josh broke up with Liza (again) because her lies about her age were beginning to affect how her friends saw him. Kelsey and Lauren think Josh is the Ruby Rose of men, all inked and popular and riding that fame wave. But Liza’s in the driver seat; she’s made her choices. She tells Maggie that Josh was entitled to break things off with her: “I chose staying in the closet at work over going public with our relationship.” Maggie’s not having it: “Oh, honey, don’t make this a civil rights struggle.”
Kelsey and Lauren show up to offer support, which doesn’t seem to really faze Liza considering she’s basically the Martha Stewart of breakups and only seems concerned with making sure that butter is at room temperature while the oven preheats. Little does she know, her little elves Kelsey and Lauren have been fixing up a Tinder profile for her. “So, it’s a game show, and the first prize is a penis,” Maggie says.
Oh and also, Kelsey still hasn’t posted her engagement ring photo on Instagram yet. “Well, then it’s not really official,” Maggie teases. But now, somewhere inside Kelsey’s head is a pool flooding over onto the lanai. A complete mess because Thad hasn’t even bothered to make their engagement Facebook official.
Later on in the episode, Kelsey asks Liza to be more supportive of her when Liza addresses the elephant in the room: Is this really what Kelsey wants? Kelsey says Liza is clouded by her own breakup with Josh, that’s why she has a problem with their engagement. But, did Kelsey try Liza’s pie? Girl doesn’t seem all that interrupted. If anyone’s on the river of denial, it’s Kels.
Maggie and Liza head to the farmers market to get more apples for another pie, I hope.
“Look at all this Kinfolk crafty crap,” Maggie says, right before she veers off toward the apples looking fierce in her black trenchcoat like she’s the town witch among these mere heathens.
Liza spots a man selling his wares. Oh, it’s Matthew Morrison from Glee. He goes by Sebastian, and he’s selling scarves made from his sheep. He also passes off to Liza some literature he wrote about his farm.
Sebastian the Shepherd, why do you have that disturbing twinkle in your eye? Well, that’s because well after Liza successfully pitches his farm life book onto her comrades at Empirical, she finds him “grooming” one of his sheep in his barn—with his pants down. If Maggie were here, it’d be so wrong-it’s-only-right that she repeat her Tinder comment again.
Liza runs for her car like she’s being chased by the Texas Chainsaw dude. She’s horrified. Now she has to tell Maggie why On Golden Pond boy turned out to be a no-go, and she has to explain to Diana and Kelsey what she witnessed. Whether or not she’ll keep her scarf (or, uh, her “security blanket,” as Sebastian the Shepherd put it) is hard to say. And, yeah, she’ll probably have to fess up to Josh at some point, since he saw them at a restaurant together. At least no one is age policing this week and Diana let go of the Male Feminist.
In the end, the shepherd led Liza astray, Maggie couldn’t foresee bestiality in her crystal ball, and we’ll never look at Will Schuester the same again.