“Rizzoli & Isles” Subtext Recap (6.18): Until death do them part

While the gang gets ready to start the wedding in Boston, we see a van from one of Alice’s “legitimate” businesses leave what I’m assuming is Quebec City. I mapped it. It’s six hours and 21 minutes from Quebec City to Boston according to Google. So, I guess what I’m saying is, get ready for the longest quickie wedding in history.

Before the ceremony starts, Jane implores everyone to turn off their cell phones. Hey, I get the sentiment. But perhaps when the homicidal ex-con hell-bent on ruining your life who has also kidnapped your wife and killed a state trooper is still at large, maybe keep it on vibrate, OK?

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Speaking of things that vibrate, or perhaps jiggle, can we discuss Jane’s décolletage in that dress? Holy Boobs O’Clock, am I recapping the wrong show? Like, I had hoped Jane would wear a nicely tailored tux to the wedding as best man. But now I’m having a hard time concentrating with those two orbs sucking me into their gravitational pull.

I think Korsak might have been sucked into their orbit, too because he scraps his two-pages of vows to keep his comments one-sentence short. Again with the romance and this guy. But at least they finally make it official. And now it’s time to dance.

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Jane is nervously sitting next to Maura hoping she both won’t and will ask her to dance. Then Jughead rushes in, having missed the whole wedding while ironing his kilt. Jane reacts as she always reacts to male attention, derision mixed with scorn. So Kent swings his kilt elsewhere.

Of course this means Jane catches an eyeful of his under-kilt commando shenanigans. Her face is all lesbian faces when confronted with unwanted male genitalia. Horror, regret, anger and the sudden need to flee. Which is exactly what she makes Maura do as they move across the room.

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While all of this is happening Alice is crossing back over the Canadian border while hiding in a box in one of her shell corporation vans. Again, not to tell the BPD how to do its business, but shouldn’t it have placed a stop on all of Alice’s corporate transportations when they discovered them?

We’ve now reached the point of the wedding when Korsak shows off Bruce McGill’s guitar skills. Jane looks on dreamily, but perhaps that is because she is surrounded by two of her favorite things in the world–Maura and a plate full of fried chicken.

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