“Once Upon A Time” SnapCap (5.14): The River of Lost Character Development

Guys. Guyyyys. This episode was baaaad. What is happening to this show? The Quinn Fabray effect is taking over! So many badass, independent women are fading into the background, and I don’t know what to do about it. I know this started a long time ago, but I feel like the back half of this season features a dramatic drop-off. Maybe my eyes are just open; I don’t know.

Anyway, let’s get into it.


Okay, so we’re still in hell. Hooks is still refusing to choose three of his friends to replace the three souls they saved, so Hades sentences him to solitary confinement, which is basically where he was before since this show reduced Megara to a whimpering fool.

Meanwhile, Gold goes to his shop and builds a crystal ball and asks it a secret question. When he sees Belle in it, he drops it in shock. At first, I thought he was worried that Belle was on a date with Grumpy, or that she dared smile when he wasn’t around, but it was something worse don’t worry. We’ll get to that later.

Gold goes to Team Charming, tells them that their plans to storm the castle are stupid and says all they need to do is borrow someone’s aura. So they’re going to borrow Milah’s. Milah is a crossing guard down in the underworld and is willing to help Emma save Killian even though she has now dated her son and her ex-boyfriend.

Flash back to a time when Rumple was a wimpy fella and his wife Milah hated everything about his existence except for the fact that he was the father of her child.

OUAT 514-1My face when I see Rumple, always.

Milah is yelling at Rumple for being useless when Baelfire gets bitten by a snake. They find a healer to help, but the potion will cost a hundred gold pieces, which they obviously can’t pay. Milah gives Rumple a knife and tells him to man up and go steal the potion, giving him a kiss to encourage him. After he leaves, a drunk guy starts bugging her, and eyeliner-clad Captain Killian Jones saves the day. He charms her and asks her to leave with him, but she says she has responsibilities, a son, and a husband. The first two things didn’t mean things to him but a man! Of course! He can’t argue with that! *rolls eyes*

OUAT 514-2Same, girl. Same.