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“Lost Girl” Rewind Mini-Cap (5.16): Rise

Rewind is a weekly mini-recap following the Syfy broadcast of Lost Girl. Read the full episode recap here.

This is it, friends, the true beginning of the end. For all of us, the loyal fans, who have watched through the sad times and the sexytimes, the bodice-ripping and the break-ups, the face-sucking and the sucky prophecies, we have come to our final adventure together. May we go down living the life we choose, forever.

The Succuby Gang looks to be in a dire, fiery place. But Bo’s horseshoe is shielding them from turning into cinder and dust. So is Bruce, who bursts in Kool-Aid Man style and saves the day. Bo has sent him, so she wasn’t trying to burn all her bridges—and everyone on them—after all.

Nope, Bo-Bo was just trying to prove her fealty to Daddy Darkness. Next, she has to off Plan B, i.e. Our Preggo Little Valkyrie. Bo offers to do the honors, which involves sucking a lotta face. Hey, why not one more for the road, eh? But don’t worry, this really isn’t a kiss-me-deadly situation. Everyone’s favorite bisexual succubus secretly snuck Tam-Tam a key in that kiss. Secret’s in the lips.

But Papa Hades is rightfully suspicious of Bo’s loyalty. But he lets her in on his plans to have her, acting as his Pyrippus, suck up all the chi from the colony. So he traps her in his hell shoes turned death-metal boots with the intent of bringing upon the Apocalypse. She resists, but then he gets all Mean Girls and trash talks about everyone she has broken and/or who has broken up with her. This proves, unironically, to be Bo’s breaking point.

Back on Vex’s Disco RV, the Succuby Gang (have I mentioned how mad I am it took me to the very last episode to think of this nickname?) is back in action trying to rescue their gal/save the world. Dyson takes a moment to become the show’s biggest Doccubus shipper, telling Lauren how worth it Bo really is. She offers her own olive branch with a discussion of how he can always have sloppy seconds.

They then realize the strange lights in the sky aren’t the beginning of an X-Files crossover, but Bo chi-draining the entire city. They’re only spared because of the lucky Horseshoe.

Bo is now in full evil megalomaniac/Donald Trump mode. Papa Hades plans to fill the empty vessels Bo has left scattered across the city with his will. They are now his army of darkness. I know, it’s a little on the nose. But we don’t have time to ponder any possible nuance because he has commanded all the city’s evil-dead cops to open fire on Bo’s buds. Luckily for that horseshoe, it guards against bullets as well as fire.

Even luckier, Tamsin’s doubt is even better than Kevlar at stopping bullets—and the people firing them. But then unluckily, blue-eyed Bo arrives. Kenzi tries to talk her down, and it seems to work. But, no, it’s all a ruse for her to get and break the Lucky Horseshoe. So, yes, quite literally the whole gang’s luck just ran out.

But then, as they’re dying, Bo’s life with them flashes before her eyes. All the kissing and loving and laughing and more kissing. It snaps Bo back to her normal, not homicidal self. So now she is wracked with guilt about the whole sucking the life out of an entire city and potential for evil thing. I’d say perhaps she should talk with a therapist, but first, they need to find an OBGYN because Tamsin’s water breaks.

But instead of a nice, quiet home birth, the Succuby Gang (well, now I have to use it as many times as I can before it’s all over) has to make do with Vex’s disco RV. This is followed by a lot of screaming and grimacing faces. Look, if we all agree we will always honor a woman’s right to choose and determine the destiny of her own body, can we make a pact to stop making actresses pretend to give birth on screen?

Meanwhile, Bo goes to confront Daddy Darkness. They then conduct the ritual father-daughter dance for world domination. But don’t worry, she also has Trick’s blood which means. Um, I’m not entirely sure what it means, but she definitely wins and proves that nobody knows how to use her hands better than a queer woman.

She then fire breathes him into nothingness, and reverse chi sucks everyone back to life. Also, can Bo quite literally blow anyone back to life she wants now? Oh dear, wait, I just read that back to myself in my head, and I’m sorry.

World and/or Toronto now saved, it’s time for everyone to celebrate by coming out as totally gay. Mark and Vex share a quiet moment on the disco RV bumper. Mark tells Vex he is going to be unoriginal and copy Bo in the not choosing a side thing. But then he says he has made an important choice and takes Vex’s hand. What? No kiss? Come on, Showcase. This is a show all about the sexytimes, and you can’t spare a smooch at the end?

But what the Showcase can show us is one last Major Character Death before everyone else drives off into the glowing sunset. It’s our poor Tam-Tam, who after a season where she was raped by Hades and forced to carry his Hell baby to term, must now die with as much dignity as the show will allow her to muster. I can’t say I agree with the writers’ decision; Rachel Skarsten sure sold the hell out of the pathos. Shut up; you have something in your eye.

Bo has made a deathbed promise to look after Tamsin’s little one, named Dagny, for her. So of course the first thing she does is ship her off with Auntie Kenzi to live happily among the humans. I won’t say goodbye to our K-Star. I’ll only say see you later, Lil Mama.

Next, it’s the goodbye we’ve all dreaded. The one we feared from the first “My God, you’re beautiful.” The goodbye that will never come because this right here is endgame, baby. There’s the requisite talk about the whole human, fae lifespan imbalance. But who cares because what matters is at this, the end of the road, they are together and in love and committing to be that way until death do them part.

Our happy endings matter, they always have. So a show that finally lets us see them, well, that is pretty damn special.

So now it is up to the next generation of Lost Girl to take up the torch. And, as if on cue, teenage Dagny is making out with a girl in the backseat of a car. Officer Mark interrupts her and brings her to the Dal where barkeep Dyson asks her to sign into the Colony ledger. Then Auntie Lauren comes up and jabs her with a needle. Never change, honey, never change. Finally, other Auntie Bo walks up and tells her evil is coming for her. But don’t worry, kid, because this delightful band of heroic weirdos totally has your back. Gosh, am I going to miss them all so much.

BONUS BOOBS O’CLOCK:

One last time.

CAPTION THIS:

More by Ms. Snarker: @dorothysnarker or dorothysurrenders.com.

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