“Empire” recap (2.11): Half-Lesbian Bitch

Empire returned last night, Season 2 picking up where it left off with Camilla and Mimi taking over the company, as Hakeem let his dick do the talking. Somehow, Mimi has no idea her wife is a lying, scheming, user, and Hakeem doesn’t mind that Camilla is married at all. The episode kicks off with Camilla forcing Lucious out of his office.

Screen Shot 2016-03-31 at 11.41.05 AM“Evil bisexual, reporting for duty.”

Cookie confronts Hakeem, furious her son “gave away our company to a half-lesbian bitch.” Don’t worry: her disappointing biphobia continues later in the episode.

Camilla has started a new clothing line, complete with ready-made fashions the day after she’s acquired newfound power care of her rich wife. But Camilla has no interest in Mimi, who doesn’t appear in this episode despite having just been reunited with her “love” during the mid-season finale. This can be explained by the same excuse that is used for anything and everything on this show: IT’S A SOAP! IT DOESN’T HAVE TO MAKE SENSE.

Screen Shot 2016-03-31 at 11.48.23 AM“I hate animals, too!”

Speaking of non-sensical storylines, Jameson, the creepy promoter who is always trying to talk about Jamal’s being gay like it’s the only thing he’s got going for him, confronts Jamal about his having slept with Alicia Keys

“You’re going to give fuel to every politician who thinks gay is being a choice!” he says, rattling off the 10 countries in the world where being gay will get you executed. Instead of schooling this guy on how bisexuality is a part of the whole “LGBT” thing, he defends himself: “I’m still gay, so…” 

And then Jamal has to have a similar conversation with his mom, who you would think would be more progressive but, alas, Empire‘s writers have decided she can be as simple-minded as Lucious when they need her to be. Cookie wants Jamal to “pick a damn team,” and asks if she’s “one of those wishy washy confused bisexuals now.” At least now Jamal explains “sexuality is fluid” and challenges his mom: “You ain’t never had sex with no woman?” Cookie deflects: “Boy nobody having that conversation with you.” The unofficial answer to this question is yes, she has, at least if you read between the lines whenever I ask Ilene Chaiken or Danny Strong about this possibility. Their responses always reference her having spent 17 years in prison, like that’s an obvious “OF COURSE SHE HAS.” All women are gay for the stay on Empire (off-camera).

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