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“Call the Midwife” recap (5.3): The Case of the Missing Lesbians

Last night on Twitter, a fan told me that the PBS airings of Call the Midwife had cut some Patsy/Delia scenes. I later confirmed this online when I watched an original BBC version of the episode. So were these Patsy/Delia scenes cut for time or cut for lesbian content? I think we all know the answer to that question, don’t we?

What the fuck, PBS? Are you seriously cutting Pupcake scenes to make room for Fred gardening? Or a prayer montage? Or yet another church parade about bonnets and the like? This is especially disappointing, as 5.3 was a really strong Patsy episode, which we don’t get very many of. I guess the only queer scenes PBS will let us see are of these two homos:

From now on, I’ll be recapping the unedited, original versions of the series. Is this the first time that PBS has censored queer content? This only lends credence to my theory that Lady Mary and Anna were secret lovers on Downton Abbey. Jesus tap-dancing Christ, it’s 2016. Show us some goddamn happy lesbians!

Anyhoo, we open in the Poplar, in a row of tenement flats where kids play, and families converse, and babies are passed through windows to outdoor toilets. The matriarch of the tenement, Nana Meg, makes toast for the neighborhood kids, checks in on the elderly gent next door, and watches proudly as her granddaughter Jeanette gives birth to her first great-grandchild. Jeanette and her husband Bennie are thrilled with their healthy baby girl, named Marina.

Barb runs into Tom, who has won a dinner for two at an Indian restaurant in a raffle. He invites her to come with him, and she readily agrees before running into Trixie. Barb immediately wonders how to break the news to Trixie that she’s dining with her ex-fiancee. Come on, girl. Ovaries before brovaries.

Across town, Sister Winifred visits a classroom of adorable school children and gives them some bandages to play with. Sister Winnie was a teacher before she took her vows, and tells the current teacher Miss Whitmore that she misses it sometimes. Miss Whitmore promptly passes out, and Winnie rushes to her aid.

She wakes up only to puke her guts out, and Winnie correctly surmises that Whitmore is pregnant. Unfortunately, Miss Whitmore is not married, nor engaged; the father is a married man. Winnie tries to withhold her judgment, but it’s clear she disapproves of Miss Whitmore’s life choices.

Back at Nonnatus house, Sister Monica Joan is eating strawberry jam straight out of the jar while complaining that the jam keeps disappearing. I do the exact same thing with Nutella, so I don’t judge. In gayer news, Delia is moving into the house, and Patsy is there to help her unpack. And by unpack, I mean share meaningful glances in front of an oblivious Sister Cynthia. In a CUT SCENE, we see Patsy and Delia finish unpacking, and Patsy telling Delia that she’s waited ages for them to be living under the same roof. Sure, it’s with a boatload of nurses and nuns, but they’re together at last.

The next day, Patsy checks on Jeanette and finds her feverish and incoherent. She sees some pink spots on her chest and immediately recognizes it as a case of Typhoid. This brings up trauma for poor Pats, as she watched her mother and sister die of typhoid when they were interned at a Japanese POW camp during the war. Later on, in another CUT SCENE, we see Patsy snapping at Delia when she brings up typhoid and brushing her off when she tries to hold her hand. Poor Patsy wants Delia to comfort her, but she doesn’t know how to let her do so in front of the rest of Nonnatus house.

Miss Whitmore aka Dorothy meets up with Jeremy, her married man. He’s hopeful that maybe she’ll miscarry (ugh) and suggests she get an abortion, but neither of them has the money for the procedure. We see that she is hopelessly in love with him, but he doesn’t seem to care about her predicament. #CalltheMidwifeMenSuck

Later that night, Patsy apologizes to Delia for her outburst, and Delia offers to move out if it makes her uncomfortable. Patsy demands that she stay, and refuses to lose her again. They hold each other close, and I really hope that Patsy took a serious Silkwood shower so Delia doesn’t get typhoid.

In short order, Dorothy is promptly kicked out of her boarding house, fired from her teaching job, and left with nowhere to go. She shows up at Nonnatus house, where Sister Julienne helps her find a room at a local women’s hostel. Winifred tries to be sympathetic, but can’t help but judge poor Dorothy.

Dr. Turner confirms that Jeanette has typhoid, and takes Patsy off her rounds for fear of contamination. They work together to try and find the carrier of the disease in an effort to stave off an outbreak. Stan, the old man in the tenement, dies of undiagnosed typhoid.

Barbara tells Phyllis about her upcoming dinner with Tom and worries over what to tell Trixie. Phyllis advises her to be upfront and honest, and also gives her some fashion advice on what to wear on her date. Since Barbara is a vicar’s daughter, she’s never really dated, so it’s a whole new world for her.

Now that Dorothy is in the hostel, Winifred suggests to Julienne that they take her off of their rounds. Julienne digs deeper and finds out that Winifred is offended by Dorothy’s “cavalier” actions and risk to her career as a teacher. Julienne reminds her that people make mistakes, and maybe to get off her high horse.

Patsy and Dr. Turner meet with the tenement families and tell them about the typhoid outbreak. They advise them to keep washing their hands and minding their hygiene, and one of the local mums blames the outbreak on Bennie because he is Asian. Meg quickly jumps to his defense and makes the mean mum apologize. Dr. Turner takes blood samples from the neighborhood folks to determine who may be the carrier. In the meantime, Jeanette is receiving treatment in the hospital, where she may or may not make it out alive.

Dorothy sits alone in her hostel room, reading a letter from Jeremy, in which he gives her a wad of money and breaks up with her. Broke, unemployed, and alone, a devastated Dorothy grabs a coat hanger and tries to give herself an abortion. This storyline is heartbreaking, especially considering the recent run of anti-abortion laws that are sweeping the nation. How can so little have changed since 1961? It’s appalling that this story is still unfolding all over the world in 2016.

Thank goodness we get a break from the bleakness via Patsy’s delightfully gay flannel pajamas.

The typhoid tests come in, and it turns out that Meg has been the carrier all along. She is wracked with guilt over making Jeanette sick and refuses to hold the baby or touch anyone she loves. Patsy tries to talk some sense into her, but Meg becomes obsessed with washing her hands until they bleed. Shelagh registers Meg in the database of typhoid carriers, and she and Patsy suggest she move into one of the new high-rise buildings that are easier to keep clean. However, Meg doesn’t want to leave her family and the only home she’s ever known.

Dorothy passes out at a bus station in front of her former student and is rushed to the hospital. She failed to abort the fetus, but the internal damage she did caused a miscarriage. She also destroyed any chance she had of ever being able to have children. To add further insult to injury, Sgt. Noakes shows up to question her. Dorothy could potentially be arrested for self-inducing her abortion.

Winifred is devastated by the news, and weeps while she prays. Sister Julienne comforts her, but Winnie feels like she abandoned Dorothy when she needed her the most. Julienne suggests she go support Dorothy, and Winifred visits her at the clinic. She cries and apologizes for ditching Dorothy, and promises to stay by her side. She also begs Sgt. Noakes to drop the charges and leave her be.

Meanwhile, Bennie visits Jeanette to find that she’s making a full recovery, and Patsy gives Meg a tour of the clean new flat she could live in. Barbara rushes home to get ready for her date, but worries because she hasn’t had the chance to talk to Trixie. Also, Phyllis laid out an outfit for her, and it’s very cute. She meets Tom for their date, and they have a good time together. At the end of the evening, Tom holds her hand, which on this show is basically third base. Trixie watches them from the shadows, because of course she does.

Sister Monica Joan takes a break from eating all the jam to plant some yellow flowery weeds in Fred’s garden. She remains a delightful scamp of a nun. Besides, weeds are just flowers in the wrong place, right? The local school asks Winifred to take over Dorothy’s class until the end of term.

Meg moves into her clean new flat, and hosts a party where her family and neighbors come to visit. Everyone missed her, and she is happily reunited with Jeanette and her great-granddaughter. The police drop their charges against Dorothy, who leaves Poplar to start fresh somewhere new.

What did you think of last night’s episode? Tweet me your feels @ChelseaProcrast and tweet @PBS that you want your Pupcake scenes back! #LGBTFansdeservebetter

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