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“Orange is the New Black” recap (4.2): If the Suit Fits

Regina Spektor’s been singing the same song for four seasons now, but the lyrics “trapped trapped trapped ’til the cage is full” has never resonated so clearly. In this season of OITNB, the villain is overcrowding, courtesy of the corporate overlords at MCC. Litchfield is already a tense place, and the influx of new inmates can only aggravate and intensify everything in it. This season is not going to be pretty.

We open with Maria Ruiz vying for a sink in the bathroom, before giving up and brushing her teeth in the kitchen sink. Gloria scolds her, while Aleida is assuring Daya that Cesar will weasel his way out of his arrest. Daya is pissed because her baby is in the foster care system now when it could be living it up in luxury with Delia, Pornstache’s mom.

My baby would be enjoying cold pressed juices right now if it weren’t for you!

No grandchild of mine will be spending 11 bucks for juice!

Back in the dorms, Red can’t sleep over the epic noise of her bunkie’s snoring. White feels awful about it, but it’s hardly something she can control. Piper continues to harangue Hapakuka for minor infractions, like hanging her towel over the bunk to let it dry. I really love how Hapakuka is handling Piper’s bullying by calmly cutting her down with logic. Way to keep a level head, kid. Speaking of bunkie disputes, Tovah gets into it with Alison, her Muslim cellmate. Jews and Muslims not getting along? SHOCKING.

Caputo calls a prison-wide meeting in the chapel, where he tries to assuage the overcrowding complaints by passing out free ear plugs and installing port-a-potties in the yard to control the bathroom overflow. These feeble attempts fail, and Sister Ingalls demands to know where Sophia is, as do we all. Piscatella tries to lead the inmates in a deep breathing exercise, but who can breathe with so much bullshit in the air?

Blanca turns to Maria and points out the new world order: with the influx of new inmates, the Latinas are now in the majority, specifically the Dominicans. With that, we get into our first flashback of the season: Maria’s story. We meet Maria’s father, El Leon, a Dominican nationalist who is speaking in front of large group of compatriots. He attacks the Mexicans for creeping into the Dominican drug trade, before raising a glass to celebrate Maria’s birthday. We see baby Maria in her father’s arms as he gladhands members of the community; making deals, giving out money, and taking care of his people.

Who knew baby Maria was such a huge Claire Danes fan?

Back at Litchfield, Healy complains to Caputo about Judy King’s special treatment, and Caputo tasks him with finding a nice, non-threatening roommate. Caputo is under orders to treat Judy King well, despite King’s request that she be treated like everyone else. This treatment includes a private room and Yoga Jones as an unwilling recipient of a room upgrade. Healy also assumes that King wants a white roommate, because he thinks she’s as racist as he is.

I’m a straight shooter that says what he thinks, just like Donald Trump!

Then you can call me Elizabeth Warren, cuz I’m about to show everyone what a moron you are!

Over in the TV room, the Dominicans are watching the soccer finals while the white inmates complain that soccer is boring. Sorry soccer fans, but they’ve got a point. Unless you’re talking about women’s soccer, of course. Then it’s magical. But I digress. The argument devolves into racist insults, while Maria is unimpressed with Blanca’s newfound Dominican pride.

We FLASHBACK to Maria, now in high school, bringing a friend home to study. Her father starts creeping on her friend, and Maria is grossed out. When she looks at him, she doesn’t see a nationalist hero; she sees a gross drug dealer who drinks too much and complains about Mexicans who are doing the exact same job as he is. The disillusionment is strong with this one. Maria goes to her room, where she sees a young Yadriel running from the cops. He tosses a bag of drugs into the bushes, and she sneaks out to reclaim it before the cops can grab it. She tosses the drugs into her window without the cops seeing her, but she is still stopped and frisked because racism.

Back in the present, Red, Norma, and Piper play cards together, while Piper marvels over how far she’s come. She came to Litchfield a nervous little bunny, but now she’s sitting at the big table with the boss bitches. Red quickly points out that Piper is a sitting duck, and her insecurity rises. Piper wonders if she should get a shiv, but Red tells her to get a body guard instead. Piper needs the illusion of power because she has none. Red, though? She’s made of power.

Damn, it doesn’t feel good to be a gangsta

Back in the dorms, Alison and Tovah continue to argue over cube space and religious differences. They debate each inch of the East Bunk vs. the West Bunk, carving out territory and threatening violence. It’s the Israeli-Palestinian conflict in a 6×6 square. Only instead of bombs and mortars, Alison leaves a shaken up diet coke that explodes when Tovah opens it. Because METAPHORS, Y’ALL. Sidebar: If diet coke were a weapon, I would be a one woman army.

Yoga Jones continues to feel guilty about sharing a private suite with Judy, but Judy is too busy learning Italian and planning her epic post-prison Eat Pray Bang tour. She didn’t ask for special treatment, but as Yoga points out, she’s certainly not turning down. Judy tells her that she’s not going to campaign for her own discomfort and that when something nice is offered, you shut up and take it. And that’s privilege in a nutshell, what Peggy McIntosh would call the “invisible knapsack,” because what Judy gladly accepts is something never offered to the other inmates.

Yoga Jones hasn’t felt this frazzled since she stuck that paper clip in the electrical outlet

This brings out an angry side to Yoga Jones, but Judy counters that what she’s angry about is her own guilt at enjoying what she thinks she doesn’t deserve. The room is an affront to everything Yoga Jones holds dear…but damn does that herbal tea smell good. It’s White Liberal Guilt 101, and it’s putting poor Yoga in an unwinnable situation with her own values.

Red continues to suffer from White’s snoring, despite rigging breathing strips out of bras and taping canned goods to her back. Eventually, the situation resolves itself when White rolls off the top bunk and busts her face, which sends her to the infirmary. Meanwhile, Piper realizes Hapakuka is packing some serious muscle, so she bribes her to be her bodyguard. She also tells Hapakuka that she’s a big deal in Litchfield, so Piper is basically Ron Burgundy at this point.

I own many leather bound books and my cube smells of rich mahogany-scented air freshener

During lunch, Big Boo and Pennsatucky spy on Maritza and try to figure out if she’s been raped by Coates yet. One the other side of the caf, Morello is still mooning over marriage…until Alex points out that she barely knows her soul mate. This marriage fantasy is so going to blow up in Morello’s face, and I just hope that when the time comes, Nicky Nichols will ride in on a white horse made of prison-issued tampons and save the day.

In the kitchen, things are getting heated between Blanca and Daya, who is Puerto Rican and blames the Dominicans for the overcrowding. There’s a lot of inter-minority racism going on that we rarely get to see play out in mainstream pop culture, and it’s clearly going to be major issue throughout the season. (Latinx readers, I would love to hear your thoughts on this on Twitter/in the comments. I will also be sharing this season’s recaps with Veronica so we can discuss OITNB from multiple perspectives. Tune in for her episode three recap tomorrow).

I’ve seen “Girlfight” 20 times and I came to play!

In the next flashback, we see Maria swing by Yadriel’s boxing gym to return the drugs he tossed. They instantly click, despite Maria accidently punching him in the face. After hours, they talk about their hopes and dreams: Maria wants to be a dental hygienist, and Yadriel wants to run a convenience store. They make out. Later on, Maria’s father finds out about the romance and is furious that his daughter is dating a Mexican. Maria calls out his hypocrisy and tells him she doesn’t care about being Dominican. He kicks her out of the house, and she packs a bag and heads to Yadriel’s place.

Caputo is walking to his car when he is approached by Crystal, Sophia’s wife. She demands that he get Sophia out of SHU before she brings Lambda and the ACLU into Litchfield, but Caputo claims that Sophia instigated things by fighting. Crystal rightly calls him out on his bullshit, but all he can offer her is a mealy-mouthed apology.

Time to call Gloria Allred

Caputo attends a board meeting at MCC, where the other members are gloating over the increase in profits that the new inmates have brought in. Caputo angles for more experienced guards and Linda (the delightful Beth Dover) suggests hiring veterans for the tax incentive. Caputo also offers up the lakeside cabins as guard housing, and it’s approved. Caputo and Linda flirt, and it’s gross. Still high off the meeting, Caputo goes shopping and treats himself to a $1,100 suit.

Back at Litchfield, Blanca runs into the white inmates on the stairs, who start giving her shit. They push her down the stairs, and Maria watches as the new Dominican inmates help her up. Blanca is pissed that Maria didn’t have her back, but Maria convinces her to wait and plan a proper attack. Later, they jump the white girls and beat them up in the empty salon. The final shot of the episode is Maria joining the Dominican inmates at the dominoes table, ready to be dealt in.

Tranque, bitches!

What did you think of episode 2? Tweet me your feels @ChelseaProcrast. Also, please keep the comments section spoiler-free and focused only on the events of this episode. Thanks!

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