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“Orange is the New Black” recap (4.4): Not All Men

What sets OITNB apart from so many shows is its unwavering focus on the plight of women. The hallways of Litchfield are crammed full of women, featuring possibly the most diverse female cast in television history. We’ve watched four seasons of stories about the women of Litchfield…but why do I get so angry when they do a guard-centered episode? Quite frankly, because I’m not here for that. If I wanted to watch the story of a frustrated white male anti-hero, I would watch LITERALLY ANYTHING ELSE ON TELEVISION EVER. Also, it’s been firmly established that the men who work at Litchfield prison are at best grossly incompetent, and at worst rapists and murderers. I don’t care about their stories. I don’t need another tale of white male redemption.

But here we are, nonetheless.

HE DOESN’T EVEN GO HERE.

We open in SHU, where the inmates have devised a series of kites and strings used to pass messages and contraband. We finally see Sophia, who is looking haggard and beaten down from her time in solitary. When the guard brings her Nutriloaf, the repugnant prison brick meal, she demands to see Caputo. The guard ignores her pleas, so in true Sophia fashion she shoves the loaf down the toilet and floods her cell.

Frida and Alex discuss the Lolly situation, with Frida firmly in favor of murdering her with the white oleander. Alex goes to Red for help, as she is the only person Frida will listen to. Red agrees to mediate, but is pissed to be implicated in the murder. Plus, now her tomatoes are going to taste like death. But seeing Alex’s fragile state, she takes pity on her and comforts her.

Way to fuck up my borscht, Slim!

Aleida has a meeting with a prison official who tells her that she’s getting released early on good behavior. This is as shocking to Aleida as it is to me, because she’s not the first person I think of when I hear the words “good behavior.” Aleida must get ready for the outside world, but she’s not sure if she’ll be able to survive outside of Litchfield.

Judy King and Luschek play flip cup with coffee creamers and talk about their shared love of Wonder Woman. King tells him about William Moulton Marston, the creator of Wonder Woman, who was poly and very into bondage and kink, which is why WW was always tying folks up and wrestling them to the ground. Healy overhears them and immediately tries to insert himself into the conversation. Never mind that none of the new inmates have jobs, and therefore can’t afford basic hygiene items: Healy wants to sit with the cool kids. After getting rejected from their conversation, he overhears them calling him Dr. Psycho, the woman-hating supervillain of Wonder Woman.

That’s right folks, buckle your fucking seatbelts because we’re getting more Healy flashbacks. We FLASHBACK to Baby Healy and his dad in the car, waiting for his mom to be released from the psych ward. We only spend a few moments with Healy Sr., but we find out that A) he thinks lesbianism is a disease and B) mom’s mental illness is just an overactive imagination. That’s psychiatry of the ’60s for you. Mom gets rolled out in a wheelchair, and it from the frazzled loom it’s pretty clear she’s endured electroshock therapy.

Mental illness just a myth, like Bigfoot or the Loch Ness monster or the female orgasm!

Back in Litchfield, Piper confronts Maria and Blanca about the new girl, Ouija, stealing panty scraps and starting her own business. She refuses to believe that Maria’s crew can run their own panty operation, but Maria assures her that they’ll run her out of business. Piper tails Ouija and follows her to the port-a-potties, where she sticks her hand in the toilet looking for panty scraps. Instead, she gets covered in shit. Pretty good metaphor for her time in prison.

Meanwhile, Taystee is taking to her new gig as Caputo’s assistant: printing labels, wearing a blazer and making Healy bribe her with candy to get an appointment. It’s shockingly similar to my day job. Healy is still butthurt over the Luschek/King bromance and pitches a culinary skills class to Caputo that Judy could teach. Did he run this by Judy beforehand? Of course not.

Healy tells Judy King about her cooking class, and she politely declines. She’s looking at prison as a break from her daily work, and when Healy tries to push the charity angle, she assures him that she donates plenty to a variety of causes. Healy bristles at her unwillingness to teach and tells her that she doesn’t have a choice. If only all these women would just do what he tells them to!

This HB2 bill will protect women’s health; we’re looking out for you!

If only I could abort a full grown man

We flashback to younger Healy, rocking a soul patch and leaving a movie with a lady. He’s her social worker, but he’s also trying to hit on her. She’s just another woman he has authority over, who he tries to bend to his will. She leaves creeped out. I have to mention that the movie they saw was Welcome to the Dollhouse, possibly the worst date movie of all time. The girl jumps into a cab, and Healy stares at a homeless woman across the street. He walks up to her and calls her mom.

Poussey and Soso cuddle and talk about lucid dreaming. They kiss, cuddle, and fool around, having found a brief respite in their blanket fort. These two are ridiculously adorable together, which only makes me concerned for whatever fresh hell the show is going to rain down on them.

Tiny hands: NOT an impediment to good sex

Caputo finally gets off his ass and visits Sophia in the SHU. She wants to see her wife, and Caputo lies to her and tells her that Crystal wants to wait. Sophia immediately sees through his bullshit and demands a response. She takes off her top and shoves it down the toilet, as more water floods into the cell. She promises Caputo she’ll drown herself, but Caputo just shakes his head and moves her to a dry cell.

Alex wakes Piper up for a booty call in the middle of the night. Piper knows something is wrong with her and asks for the truth, but Alex just leaves her alone. Ugh, these two.

The next morning, everyone is eagerly anticipating Judy’s cooking class. Tovah wonders if she is Southern or racist, or both. The cafeteria is overcrowded, and the guards dismiss the first shift of prisoners, despite some ladies not getting their breakfast. Litchfield isn’t built for this capacity of inmates, and it’s starting to show.

For the last time guys, Ruby Rose isn’t here anymore!

Gloria and Aleida discuss her upcoming release. Without Cesar there to take care of her, Aleida feels totally fucked: no money, no home, and no way to get a job and regain custody of her kids. Gloria gives her some tough love and tells her to ovary up and make something happen.

Judy’s class is packed with inmates who are eager to learn from the celebrity chef. Judy starts cooking a coconut cornbread made with a lack of ingredients and no knives, which can’t be easy. She grabs Poussey to be her sous-chef, and Poussey smiles so wide she might split in half. Healy watches the lesson unfold, pleased with himself.

Today we’re making dental dams out of expired jello!

We FLASHBACK to Healy with his homeless mom sitting in a diner. Her teeth hurt, so she can only eat soft food. He promises her that he’s not angry, and he’s going to help her back on her feet until he sees a hospital bracelet on her wrist and realizes she’s not his mom-she’s a stranger. Healy is so lonely he begs her to stay, but she runs off into the night. She would rather take her chances on the streets than spend any more time in his presence. I feel bad for Healy in these moments, but I know that all the rejection and frustration he feels will be channeled into the inmates. This is the same man who locked Piper in the SHU for dancing with Alex. The same man who walked away as Piper was about to be stabbed by Pennsatucky. Fuck this guy.

Speaking of white guys who deserve no sympathy, Coates and Pennsatucky finally have it out. She tells him that he raped her, and he looks dumbstruck. He assumed it wasn’t rape because he told her he loved her. Apparently, that makes things different. Tucky assures him it didn’t feel any different to her, and walks away.

So now we have two men that Orange is trying to redeem. Prison is supposed to be a place of rehabilitation and redemption, where the inmates are supposed to reflect on their past transgressions. But in reality, it is punishment and cruelty. This show wants us to feel for the guards as well as the prisoners, to see them as morally ambiguous as the women they are guarding. It’s like the show is saying, “It’s not these men! These men are a symptom of a systemic problem! They’re people too!” I’m sorry, but I’m not feeling it. These characters can have nuance. They are more well rounded and developed for it. But I just can’t get on board. This feels like the television equivalent of #NotAllMen, and I am not here for it. I simply don’t have the bandwidth for pity or understanding for abusers and rapists.

#NotAllSoulPatches

Red sits down with Alex, Frida, and Lolly for a family counseling session. They tell Lolly that they don’t trust her, but Lolly is more concerned about conspiracy theories than the reality of their cover-up. Lolly runs off to investigate drones, and Frida’s mind remains unchanged. Lolly has a panic attack in the garden and the guards watch and laugh, except for Piscatella, who rightly realizes that she’s having a psychotic episode. He tells them to take her to Psych.

Caputo tells Healy that Judy King has requested his removal as her counselor because his power issues make her uncomfortable. The class was a success, but Healy will not be able to witness it. Just another woman who doesn’t want his brand of “help.”

Sophia breaks the light bulb in her new cell and sets her mattress on fire. The fire alarm goes off, and She is evacuated from her cell. As she is dragged off, we see Nicky Nichols in a line-up, watching as Sophia is lead away and wondering what the fuck is happening. THANK GOD Nicky is back. This show needs her.

Sophia is burning this fucker down, Cersei Lannister style

Healy catches the guards dragging Lolly to psych, and sends them away. He brings Lolly into his office and listens to her delusions and her murder confession. He assumes everything she says is a delusion and promises to help her get better. He’s found a new project, a new woman to fix. But as always, he’s way out of his depth. So he replays the savior role, trying to save the mother he never could. Trying to be a good little boy. But by convincing her she’s delusional, he inadvertently helps her. Lolly is no longer a threat to Frida and Alex. Even a broken clock is right twice a day I guess.

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