“Orange is the New Black” recap (4.5): Corrections and Cons

Overcrowding is starting to effect the inmates of Litchfield in an awfully intimate way. The prison has run out of maxi-pads, and commissary tampons are unaffordable, especially for all the new inmates with no jobs. This episode comes on the heels of New York’s groundbreaking new law that requires free menstrual products for schools, shelters, and correctional facilities, a no-brainer of an idea that republicans will surely bitch about for years to come. Sure enough, a fight breaks out in line.

or1LOLOLOL Let’s profit off people’s pain!

Caputo and Linda are in Baltimore for CorrectiCon, a large scale convention catering to the prison industrial complex. There are mini-jail cells for candy, off-brand Diva cups, and a “prison-themed” ice cream vendor. The message is abundantly clear: prisons are corporations. Taystee calls Caputo with questions, but he tells her to hold down the fort in his absence. She hangs up, and goes back to her copy of US Weekly, where she sees a photo of Judy King taken at the prison.

While Caputo is away, Piscatella is running Litchfield, where he has to contend with angry inmates and graffiti of boobs. Piper desperately scrambles to maintain control over the panty trade, but Hapakuka tells her she’s going down a dangerous path.

Speaking of dangerous, Marita drives a group of guards back to their cabins after the night shift, and has to deal with their gross comments. She sasses them back, and Coates is impressed with her moxie. Maritza can hold her own. Which leads to our first FLASHBACK: finally, a Maritza episode!

or2If only I had some Benjamins to dry my tears!

We’re at a trendy night club where Maritza is working as a bottle service girl with a pretty sweet con. She gets the bartender to fill a vodka bottle with tap water, and then she breaks it in front of a group of Wall Street douchebags and pretends to cry. Invariably, the bros take pity on her and give her the $300 for the bottle, which she pockets. Later, she is approached by a guy named Tavi, who tells her that she’ll make more money if she leads with her sexuality instead of playing the pity card. He offers her a larger con with more money at stake.

or3If Drakkar Noir were a person, it would be this dummy