“Orange is the New Black” recap (4.5): Corrections and Cons

Caputo watches as Linda takes part in a CorrectiCon seminar, when the panel is interrupted by Danny, who heckles her about MCC’s treatment of inmates (Sophia in particular) and causes a scene. Looks like someone stopped drinking his dad’s kool-aid. When security tries to remove Danny, Caputo goes to defend him, and accidently starts a fight. Both men get kicked out of the seminar.

Tovah sells tampons to a desperate Alison, who is pissed at her for charging interest. Alison goes to the bathroom, where we see her take a cell phone out of her hijab and text with her daughter. I wonder if that phone has a camera.

Piscatella tells Piper that her intel on the Latinxs was good, and tells her to assemble a task force of snitches to root out other gangs. Piper sets about recruiting “community carers” who want to fix the problem elements of Litchfield. I’m sure this will end well.

or6Hey girl hey: do you ever wonder why there isn’t a White History month?

Flaca and Maritza try to sneak the panties into the van, but the guard is watching them. Maritza flirts with the guard, requesting a frisky frisking, which distracts him long enough for Flaca to stash the panties in the wheel well. We FLASHBACK to her at the Maserati dealership, using the same tricks to seduce a guy into taking her for a test drive. All it takes is a pretty girl with a knowledge of cars, and the guys are unable to resist. Unfortunately, just when they are about to drive off, the dealership employee hops in the backseat. Now, Maritza is forced to think fast: she must convince the rich guy that she works for Maserati while simultaneously pretending to be a trophy wife to fool the employee.

Back at the cabins, she manages to convince McCollough, the female guard, to loan her a tampon. When she leaves, Maritza is able to pass the panties to Alonso. The guards see Alonso and are about to bust him, but Maritza quickly assures them that he’s the prison’s gardener. Unfortunately, it’s not that easy for her to get out of the Maserati situation. She pretends to be sick and makes them pull over the car, then runs out and pretends to puke. As the guys check on her, she quickly runs around the car, hops into the driver’s seat, and speeds off.

Poussey and Soso are cuddling in the library reading to each other when they see Aleida studying for the GED. Aleida struggles with the math, and Soso offers to help her. The racial stereotyping isn’t lost on anyone, but Soso asserts that she may be good at math, but she hates Hello Kitty and boba tea. Poussey watches her girl, impressed by Soso’s enthusiasm for trigonometry. These two are too cute to function.

or7Psssst…are you done with “A Dance with Dragons” yet?

Caputo and Danny are being held by security, and Danny asks him if he’s banging Linda. Caputo assures him he isn’t and Danny calls her Satan. Linda walks in, dismisses Danny, and gets all up on Caputo. She was turned on by his chivalry, and together they make (gross) use of the novelty handcuffs.

Piper kicks off her Community Carers meeting, where she invites the ladies to help her get rid of the scourge sweeping Litchfield. Everyone agrees with her: the scourge is the Latinx inmates. Piper looks around the room and realizes something: everyone is white. She’s leading a white power meeting. Before she can stop it, the inmates are chanting “white lives matter” and episode cuts to “Tomorrow Belongs to Me” aka the Nazi song from Cabaret. Good job, Piper…you’ve just founded Litchfield’s Aryan nation.

or8I guess Piper did Nazi this coming ZING!