“The Fosters” recap (4.4): Time Goes By So Slowly

Inside things are equally shitty because Jesus clogged the toilet, and Brandon can’t afford to call a plumber (genius, you’re renting). Brandon walks out into a conversation about his premature ejaculation and says “thanks for coming.” His siblings all laugh and then try to cover it by thanking him for inviting them.

Mariana asks him what it’s like being a dad, and Brandon gets defensive and says, “Yeah, that little snot bucket is not my kid.” Cortney walks in to hear that and then goes back to get more plastered. Shockingly, another Fosters party is terrible, and we haven’t even mentioned Stef lurking in the bushes (not a euphemism). Lena is so fed up with Stef she opens the swan from dinner and starts snacking. Her face is all, “I thought I would be eating pussy, not this stupid bird.”


Brandon apologizes to Mariana for being a dick about her and Nick. Callie is telling AJ about how Kyle got screwed by the system, and Cortney continues her quest for an epic hangover.


Mariana tells Mat that she wants to go see Nick. She needs to tell him that she’s not his girlfriend. Mat is worried (totally reasonable). As long as he thinks Mariana wants to be with him, Nick is going to try to get to her. Mariana thinks she saw Stef out the window. When the there’s knock it isn’t Stef it’s a process server for Cortney. He serves her with divorce papers.


When Jesus and Mariana get home Mariana wants to know all about what the moms did after dinner, you know like stopping by to spy on them. Jesus shuts his sister up by handing the moms a card and flowers. It’s very sweet that they got the moms a gift for their “first anniversary.” I’m assuming that they count lesbian marriage years like the opposite of dog years—it’s really been seven years, but we only count it as one.