Dr. Phil attempts to recruit “fake bisexual” teens

AfterEllen.com reader Emily M. tipped us off to a casting call for an upcoming show on Dr. Phil: "Teen Pretending To Be Bisexual?":

Is your teenager rebelling by pretending to be bisexual? Has your teen pretended to be bisexual because he/she thinks it’s cool? Or has your teenage daughter pretended to be bisexual to attract boys?

I know I am going to sound like an old bat, but after reading some of the other upcoming show topics for Dr. Phil, I find myself hankering for the old days, when teenagers used to rebel by sneaking out to smoke cigarettes and drink beer.

Take, for example, "Teen Getting Drunk from Hand Sanitizer?" Kids are wasting the first line of protection against the hamthrax by drinking the nation’s supply of hand sanitizer? This activity must be stopped. After all, this is humanity’s gravest hour. We should be guarding our supplies of Purell with assault rifles to protect us from the marauding sickly pigs, for crying out loud!

But seriously — what ever happened to paying someone over 21 to buy alcohol?

Then there’s this: "Is Your Teen Using Deodorant to Start Fires?" Wow, in my day we just sort of struck matches and lit stuff on fire. Now, deodorant. Why didn’t I think of that? Lighter fluid just seemed more obvious. (All right, kids. Don’t play with matches or deodorant, mmmkay? Remember, arson is a crime.)

Finally, there is this topic: "Is Your Teen Snorting Smarties?" Listen, I got nothin’.

So perhaps fake bisexual teens isn’t the most outlandish parenting-related topic on this program, but really, what is the litmus test to determine whether a teen is pretending to be bisexual or is simply figuring out his or her sexuality? Perhaps he or she has already figured out his or her sexuality and is simply expressing it. Behaving outside of what society considers the norm may be perceived as an act of rebellion by (some) parents, and I can see some parents filling out that casting form in an effort to de-queer their teenaged children.

What do you think of the upcoming show on bisexuality?